Never Mine
by RynStar15
Summary: I knew that night on the battlefield would change us forever. A sudden hesitation, a hasty decision, and our lives as we knew it were irrevocably altered. What I didn't know was that night was the beginning of the end of everything. Because before I knew it, he was everything. And how can you have everything when you have nothing at all?
1. The Choice

**Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Harry Potter nor do I make money by using the characters here.**

 **Tags: Abuse, Angst, Death, Fingering, H/C, HJ, Language, M/F, Oral, Torture, Violence**

This story is set after HBP and the hunt for the Horcrux has commenced. Lots of angst, violence, and smut later on. This is NOT a WAFF, it is DARK and full of mature themes. You have been warned.

That being said, if you're a little twisted like me, enjoy the story ;)

...

He was never mine.

I knew this. I told myself time after time. I had steeled myself for this very moment. But watching the back of his robes whip around the corner and out of sight ripped my soul from my body and I crashed to the floor, my heart shattering into pieces around me.

But I never made a sound. Because you can't lose something that was never yours to begin with.

...

 _Three months earlier..._

The scene was laid out before me, but I didn't see it. I couldn't see anything but blurred shapes and muted colors that ran together as if in water. Except for the red. That was vivid, harsh, blinding; standing out like a beacon against the horrific things that did not deserve color. The blood that spilled, oozed between blades of grass and lips. The veins in the dead, blood-shot eyes of the people around me. Those glowing orbs that stood out against the pale face of the creature who stole Harry in his clutches not moments before. But I turned, I turned away from the vacant patch of earth where my best friend had vanished from view because there was nothing I could do, not right then, not for him. He was on his own.

And so I moved on to the next victim, the next heartless soul to fall before my wand. I struck one to the ground. His back was turned to me, but I knew it was a man, the lithe way he moved, predatory. He hit the ground, pale hands darting out to catch himself on the ice speckled grass. I flipped him with a flick of my wand, ignoring the pounding of my heart which was so loud as to block out sound altogether. I knew this man, had seen him several times, on several hunts and battles and massacres. I looked him straight in the eyes so that he knew he wouldn't be joining the next.

By the time I turned to the sound of a gruff cry, the Death Eater was dead. I had killed before, and I would kill again. Every time I did, a piece of me was lost forever in a sea of slaughter and terror and havoc. It was lost in a war that should have ended long ago.

My attention was jerked back to the screaming man. He flew through the air, landing with a thud on the hard ground. Friend or foe was not apparent as I rushed forward, my numb legs moving of their own accord. I stumbled to the ground, tripping over my own feet and sliding in blood and piss and other bodily fluids that were smeared around, mixing in with the dying grass. A freezing wind whipped at my body, tugging me back, tearing at my hair and robes and courage.

The figure rolled over just as I reached them and the first thing I noticed was the mask. Death Eater. For some reason I'll never know the urge to rip off the silver shield overcame me. I wanted to see the face of the man at my mercy.

I should have known by the eyes, by the strikingly bright hair. Draco Malfoy.

Friend or foe?

The mask falling silently to the grass beside us, I trained my wand on him and he did not flinch, nor cower, nor plea for his life. He just stared up at me with grey eyes, haunted with a past I could never know.

I knew he had come here with his father, with Voldemort. I knew he wasn't to be trusted. He hadn't even come back to Hogwarts this year. He had followed the footsteps of his sire. Had become a Death Eater, joined the ranks of the enemy, attempted to murder Dumbledore. But looking down at him, I saw not a traitor nor a killer. I saw the blood covering the side of his pale face, the hair that clung to his sweaty head though it was below freezing outside. I saw my classmate, a real human who had hopes and dreams and ambitions. It was not something I thought of often when looking upon a Death Eater. It was something Moody had trained us not to do. We didn't think, we just acted before they could. We did what we had to do to survive. But as a war raged around me and a sworn enemy lie at my feet, I couldn't move, I couldn't think, I couldn't react.

In a pulseless instant I had moved and grabbed the front of his robes with a new-born strength, hoisting him to his feet and bringing his face close to mine, my right hand letting go of his front and pressing the tip of my wand into the tender flesh of his blood-covered neck, searing the skin.

"Us or them," I heard myself growl. Who was this person who had taken over my body? For I certainly hadn't thought these words before they crossed my lips.

"What?" he croaked, stunned, his voice lower than I remembered, his angular face twisted in confusion.

"Us," I repeated, staring hard into those silver eyes which I had to look up to meet. "Or them. Choose. Now."

I expected him to joke, to laugh in my face, call me a Mudblood and taunt me that I couldn't do it, would never kill him. But he didn't. He just stared back, his breath puffing against my cheek, harsh, fast. The battle raged around us, screams renting the air, a harsh wind whipping at our robes.

"Now, Malfoy. Choose." I dug my wand a little harder against his skin to emphasize my point. Over his left shoulder I watched as Ernie MacMillan succumbed to Bellatrix Lestrange. She laughed, a high-pitched, evil sound, and a lump of fire and pain caught in my throat, choking me. I clenched my teeth at the loss of a good friend and turned back to Malfoy who was watching me completely nonplussed.

"Hermione, let's go! We don't have time for bargaining!"

Tonks. The woman sprinted past me, taking up the fight with her aunt that Ernie had lost. My grip tightened.

"Time's up," I said. His blood-slicked hands gripped my forearms and slid against my cold skin.

"You," he croaked. I stared into his eyes and as that vice-like grip squeezed, his face shifted. For an infinite moment, we looked into one another; we saw what no other person right at that moment could see. We saw two humans, two wizards, two people locked in a battle that was theirs to fight, theirs to lose. I saw the strength in the choice he made, could feel the fear that consumed him but which he never let show. I saw all the years of torment mending themselves with his instantaneous decision.

What I failed to see was the boy who had tortured Harry, and Ron, and all my friends for years, the boy who had wished me dead since the day he'd met me, the boy who had chosen to kill innocent people simply because they had a different bloodline. I failed to see the hard, cold soul of a heartless man honed by the people who should have protected him from this.

All I saw was what I wanted to see.

I nodded once and with a grunt, threw him to the ground, Disarming him and putting him in a Full Body-Bind. His wild eyes stared up at me but I refused to meet them. Glancing around the field to ensure safety, I Banished him back to Headquarters and threw myself into the fray, two wands blazing.

...

Endless hours later found me on my back in the mud, the night sky spread out before me, a pale tint to the east told of a coming morning. The weak stars twinkled above, emitting a lonely light to the darkness of the world around me. I rolled my head to my right, my frizzy hair and the ice crusted grass crunched beneath it. I peered at the havoc the night had wreaked; the bodies, the blood, the black spots of earth that were singed by fire. I closed my eyes for the first time in a long time and breathed in that sickly scent of death and sulfur.

I heard someone approaching but did not stir. I wasn't afraid, the Death Eaters had been rounded up an hour ago, sent back to Azkaban where they would break out in a few days and the whole thing would start over again. But until then, all I had to worry about was Charms homework. Professor Flitwick had decided to award the N.E.W.T students with a three-foot essay about the dangers of turning inanimate objects into animals. I had only just started to discuss the dietary issues the tapdancing mice I had produced were having when we'd gotten another call. And away we went.

"Hermione?"

I didn't move, didn't turn to look at the owner of the voice, simply closed my eyes. Ron sat down next to me anyway and started picking at the grass.

"I know you're not asleep."

Very observant. I rolled my head toward him and stared at his robe covered knee. It had grass stains. He must have fallen at some point.

"We should get back, you know."

I was quiet for a moment, chewing over the words, wondering whether I really wanted to move or not. My body was exhausted and just then, as I held my breath, I felt like the dead around me that we had yet to get around to identifying and sending to the morgue.

"Is he-?"

"Not yet."

We were silent. This was the first time Harry had been gone for more than an hour or so. The worry ate at my gut and the familiar burning sensation returned. I felt the fear and the pain brimming up and swallowed quickly, holding it back.

"He'll be really tired when he gets back," I said, my own fingers weaving between the frozen strands of grass, plucking them from their hold on the ground.

"Yeah."

"You can sleep in my room tonight."

It was something that had happened several times now. After every attack Mrs. Weasley would make us all stay at the Burrow for a few nights, our homework being owled to us there. Harry was usually voluntarily taken by one of the leading Death Eaters and he had always gotten away shortly after being delivered to their master. This was the first time Voldemort had come himself. On these nights, Ron would stay in the room Ginny and I shared on the second floor and Ginny would stay in Ron's room with Harry. We had a feeling Mrs. Weasley knew about this arrangement and just chose not to comment. It's not like Angelina Johnson hadn't been caught once or twice in the twin's room while George slept on the couch.

"Come on, I'll make you some tea," Ron said as he threw the grass he had gathered in his hand back to their resting place.

 _"You?"_ I grinned as I turned to him and raised myself up on my elbow so as to see his face. _"You're_ going to make me tea? Ron, do you even know _how_?"

"Yes! I bloody well know how to make tea, Miss Know-It-All. It's just- mum makes it better, that's all." He resumed plucking at the grass on his lap as his lips twitched. I couldn't contain my laughter and let it bubble forth, a soothing balm. His lips spread, his cheeks crinkling with laugh lines, the freckles crowding into one another. In one smooth move, far too graceful for someone as tall as he, he gathered himself to his feet and reached down to help me to mine. I let him and looked around. A few straggling Aurors and Order members who had not been injured were scattered across the field bent over, running their wands over bodies and tagging them.

"Ron, go on ahead. I'm just going to help out here a while longer," I said. I couldn't just leave these people to do this alone. Besides, it wasn't as if I was going to sleep anyway.

"Hermione, don't do this to yourself."

"Someone needs to be there when Harry gets back. Ginny will still be in the hospital now. Go on. I'll catch up."

He knew I was lying just as I knew. But he wrapped his long arms around me anyway and Apparated out, going back to headquarters to calm his mother who would be distraught over Ginny and Bill's minor injuries.

I struck out, reaching the first body and kneeling on the ground. It was a Death Eater. The boy's face was young, hardly older than myself. Green eyes were open to the world that he had wasted. I closed them before running my wand over his chest as Mad-Eye had taught us. Gold letters scrawled from the tip of my vine wood wa-

Wait. This wasn't vine wood. And it most certainly wasn't my wand. It was noticeably shorter, by at least five inches and, if I wasn't mistaken, hawthorn. Why would I have-?

Malfoy. This was Malfoy's wand from when I had taken it from him. I hadn't wanted to send him to headquarters with it or the power to cause any harm, but I had also intended to get to him first. But in the midst of all the hustle and bustle, I'd forgotten. My stomach leaped as I worried over the welcome he had received. Who had gotten to him first? Would they have killed him? No, certainly not...

But the harsh fact was that I didn't know. And I wouldn't, not now. I shook myself and pocketed his wand, pulling out my own and repeating the spell. The gold letters spelled out: _Wood, Carter._ Wood? As in Oliver Wood? Did he have a brother? But no, this boy was too young, he would have been at Hogwarts with us... I pushed back this thought as well and tagged him, banishing him to the mortuary we had set up for the Death Eaters. Once catalogued, they would be sent to the Malfoy Manor. What those bastards did with the bodies afterward was none of our accord. We had other things to think about.

I moved on to the next one. _Languini, Rachel_. An Order member. Mother of two. I thought of the two blonde boys she had showed me pictures of after the last attack. It had been less than a month before...

 _Kessler, Marsha_. Order member. A Muggle-born.

 _Scott, Kyle_. Auror. His wife, Tara, would be devastated.

 _Scott, Tara_. At least they were together.

 _Lydie, Franklin._ Good old Frank. He'd lived a long life.

The next one I rolled over made my breath catch. Shaking myself, I tagged _Patil, Parvati_ and sent her away.

I didn't even know she'd come. She and Padma were never allowed, their parents forbade it. And for good reason.

The names floated over and above me as I moved from person to person. I hadn't seen this many dead yet. It had been a devastating loss for both sides.

I stood from my last body, a Death Eater so old he could have been my grandpappy, and popped my back. I reached my hands up to the soft pink sky and soaked in the beautiful colors. Life.

"Hermione, go get some sleep. We can finish up here."

I turned at the familiar voice and smiled a wearily at Tonks. "How's Remus?"

"Better, I think. He woke up for a few minutes a bit ago. I had to get out, do something-"

I nodded. I understood.

"Go on. Harry will be home soon."

I looked at the older woman whose hair was black and straight now and took the hand she held out. We squeezed and held for a moment and then Tonks went back to siphoning the blood from the grounds. I looked around at the hilly field we'd tracked the Death Eaters to and knew that in a few hours time, it would look just as it had when the sun had begun to fall all those hours ago. I closed my eyes, thought of the Burrow where I knew the others would be, and turned on the spot. The sucking sensation of Apparition stole over me and I landed on my feet in the kitchen where Molly was nursing a cup of tea which, I figured, was probably amply doused with Ogden's. She stood immediately with a strangled sound and embraced me tightly. I held her for a minute before pressing her back into her chair. I quickly conjured a handkerchief and handed it to her so she could blow her nose and wipe her eyes.

"Oh, Hermione, you should be in bed, dear. If I had known you were still out-"

 _She really must be in a state,_ I thought. For her not to know where each of her children were, blood or not, meant she was completely off her rocker.

"Mrs. Weasley, why don't you go to bed too?"

"No, no, I'll stay up and wait for Harry," she brushed me off. I stepped forward and put my hand on her shoulder.

"He'll come back," I told her, more conviction in my voice than I felt. I had to believe it. There was no other choice.

Mrs. Weasley said nothing but placed her chubby hand on top of mine and dug in, tears streaming silently down her face. I looked away.

I stood there a long time and the two of us watched the sun rise weakly in the late November sky. It hung there, bobbing in the mist, burning my eyes, but I never looked away. When the sound of Apparition sounded in the living room we both jumped and I turned to look, my vision obscured by a large black spot created by the destruction of my corneas. I tore through the kitchen door and barreled into him. I didn't have to look, didn;t have to see to know it was him. I could feel it.

When he hugged me back I heaved a sigh of relief.

"Are you alright? Should we take you to St. Mungo's?" I asked, stepping back and wishing that darned spot would go away so I could look at him properly.

"No, I'm alright." His voice was barely above a whisper.

"Harry?" Mrs. Weasley choked out as she ran in behind me. I moved aside to allow her to greet him. She fussed and she cried and she patted him down, checking for bruises. I wondered if she could see that dang black spot that followed my vision everywhere. As it shrank I could see the wariness in Harry's gaunt features and did us both a favor by Stunning Mrs. Weasley and Levitating her to the couch.

Harry opened his mouth to thank me but I waved him off. I didn't need it. I couldn't stop looking at him. Even though I always keep hope, a part of me dies every time my best friend is in peril and every time I wonder if he'll come back, if he'll make it through. Or if one day it will be too much and I'll have to live a life without him. It was too much to think about, which was why I didn't. I couldn't.

"Ginny is at St. Mungo's, but she's fine. I'm sure she can come now, if you'd like."

But Harry shook his head and my brows constricted in confusion at the look he was giving me.

"Not now, Hermione. I just need you tonight. And Ron. I just need us to be together. Is that alright?"

I nodded, my heart twisting. "Of course it's alright. Come on, come to bed."

I held out my hand, which he took, and started forward, but Harry stood still rooted to the spot, clutching my appendage. I turned to him to see the tears threatening to escape behind broken glasses, his dirty, jet black hair all over. My heart ached quietly as he broke down, wailing right there in the middle of the Weasley's living room. He grabbed me hard and held me tight, like I was some sort of rag doll a scared young girl might cling to in the middle of the night when the monsters would creep out from under her bed.

But Harry's monsters were real, and they were more than I would ever understand. So I let him lean on me, his full weight pressing me into the ground until my knees buckled. I nearly brought the both of us to the floor but hands came out and took Harry's weight from me. Ron transferred our sobbing friend to his arms and held him close, fat tears rolling down his own face. It was the most sentimental I could ever remember seeing him. His eyes were closed and he was saying something to Harry, something I couldn't hear. I gave them their time, two best friends who needed each other without the judgment of others. Finally, Ron got Harry to calm down enough to lug him up the steep stairs and I tucked a throw blanket around Mrs. Weasley's sleeping form and followed them. The three of us lay down, unashamed to be sleeping side by side, and Harry drifted off quickly, Ron following suit not long after. But as I raked my fingers through Harry's oily hair, my mind could only think back to that blonde haired boy who I'd left to the mercy of our side.

...

XOXO

RynStar15


	2. The Aftermath

I got shakily to my feet before anyone came. No one could know the pain I felt, no one would understand. I clutched the cold stone wall and started forward on boneless legs. I knew I had to find Harry, to tell him, to warn him, but my aching heart was making it difficult for me to grasp the situation. A Ravenclaw girl hurried around the corner, her eyes down at a piece of parchment. She glanced up at me with a quick smile in greeting, but it fell from her face, the parchment forgotten at her side.

"Are you alright?"

Her voice echoed dimly in the hall and I nodded automatically, swallowing the bile that threatened. I hadn't even realized that I'd moved before the girl was rushing forth, her long, shiny black hair fanning behind her as my shoulder slammed into the wall. I turned my body so my back was pressing against the stone and the girl's hands gripped my shoulders. I opened my eyes and saw her lips dancing before me. She was saying something, but all I could hear was Draco's voice reverberating in my head:

"The Order doesn't need another hero, Granger."

...

 _Two months, three weeks, and six days earlier..._

When I opened my eyes the sun was streaming into the room. It provided no warmth.

It was early and the boys were still asleep beside me. Ron had an arm flung over his eyes to block out a patch of sun that was slatted across his face. Harry's glasses were askew so I reached over and gently removed them. He rolled onto his back at the disturbance, nearly knocking me off the twin sized mattress which offered little room to three teenagers. I slipped off the edge of the bed and plopped to the floor where I sat looking at the boys. How did I get so lucky? What did I do to deserve having them as friends?

Instead of contemplating further and growing sentimental, I stood up and closed the binds so the sun wouldn't bother them. Then I grabbed a change of clothes and hurried out to the bathroom where I took a long, hot shower and assessed my minor injuries. My right knee was purple and blue; my left elbow had the skin rubbed off. I had little cuts all down my leg from who-knew-what and sore ribs. _That_ I knew what was from. George Weasley had been hurtled through the air and crashed into me, sending us both to the ground. We had laid there helplessly as he was in a Full Body Bind and too heavy for me to lift until Kingsley hefted him from me while battling an old Death Eater whose mask had fallen off. George had barely had time to apologize before he was throwing me back onto the ground to dodge a Killing Curse. I lost him after that.

I didn't look in the foggy mirror as I dressed. I didn't want to see if I looked like hell; if my eyes were swollen form exhaustion or if there was a bruise where Marcus Flint had punched me in the face. I didn't want to see the changes that had occurred in so few months.

When I entered the kitchen Mrs. Weasley was watching bacon flip itself on the stove while Tonks chatted happily as she buttered toast.

"Good morning, Hermione!" Tonks greeted, overly cheerful. Mrs. Weasley gave me a wan smile and nodded to the table where I supposed I was wanted. I sat and Mrs. Weasley hurried over with a steaming mug of tea and told me to drink it. I could taste the pain potion Mrs. Weasley had doused it with and smiled at her.

"Thank you. I feel much better, now." And indeed I did. A warm, soft feeling floated over my skin and into my sore muscles, soothing away the toil from the night before. "How long did I sleep?"

"Only a few hours, dear. I want you to go straight back upstairs after you get some breakfast in you," Mrs. Weasley proclaimed, bustling back into the kitchen to fill me a plate. Rather than argue, I decided to change the subject.

"How are Bill and Ginny?"

"They're doing just fine now. Of course Fleur is acting like Bill is moments from death, no matter what the Healer's say. Can't blame the poor dear, though, not in her state."

I nodded in understanding. The two had been married in July and announced the conception of their first child three weeks later. Ever since, Fleur had been extremely reluctant to allow Bill out of her sight and as she was no longer allowed on the battle field, she spent most of her time writing to Ginny at Hogwarts and knitting everything she possibly could. I had now received two scarves, a pair of mittens, four hats, and socks. Although I had no need for these items, I had to admit that her skills had far exceeded my own pitiful attempts. Thank goodness I had given it up. I was obviously not cut out to be a homemaker.

"And Remus?"

"Better," Tonks replied as she sliced the toast diagonally and dropped two pieces on the plate Mrs. Weasley held out. "He was able to get some broth down this morning and even said hello."

I didn't ask what had happened. I didn't want to know. I could piece enough together on my own by the brutality of his injuries. It seemed he had met his sire on the field.

They spoke of lighter things and I asked if we would be returning to Hogwarts on Monday and was given the affirmative. Neville wouldn't be returning until Thursday, however. I didn't ask why. The important thing was that he would be.

"And what about Malfoy? Draco? What will happen with him?"

The older women passed a look amongst themselves. "I figured it was you," Tonks said, looking back down at the eggs she was whipping. I wondered vaguely why she wasn't using magic. "He's at headquarters for the moment. We're not really sure what we want to do with him yet. Why did you send him?"

"He chose us," I said simply, skewering some scrambled eggs and popping them into my mouth. I chewed slowly. Swallowed. "I'll go see him. Talk to him."

"Hermione dear, do you really think that is the best idea?" Mrs. Weasley asked, her voice tight, her hands gripping the counter. "After all you children have said about him, after everything he's done, what he did to Ron, what he did to Dumbledore-"

"Mrs. Weasley, you know as well as I that he didn't do anything to Dumbledore. Snape did."

Silence filled the room until my fork clattered to the plate. "Thank you for breakfast. I'll be back in time to help with lunch."

Without another word, I walked forward to the fireplace and took the Floo to headquarters. Arthur and Kingsley had insured that this and Hogwarts were the only fireplaces that could make it into headquarters. When I landed, I found Mundungus Fletcher and Mad-Eye Moody sitting at the scrubbed wooden table, a mug of Ogden's Old Firewhiskey in the latter's hands.

"'Ere's my girl!" Mundungus slurred, slumped low in his seat. "How are ye, 'Ermione?"

"Shut your inebriated mouth, Dung," Moody growled. Apparently, his name fit him today. "What are you doing here, girl?"

"I came to speak to Malfoy- Draco." I kept forgetting that when speaking to Order members"Malfoy" usually meant "Lucius" not "sniveling 17-year-old."

"So, Nymphadora was right," Moody said, his fingers tapping the flask at his hip absentmindedly. "I'll be hearing about that for a while. Alright. Go on up. But he ain't spoke since he got here. Got your wand, then?"

I pulled it out from the holster at my hip and showed it to him. He nodded, Dung swayed, and I started forward.

"Constant vigilance. Don't say I didn't warn you."

With a quick nod I was finally able to escape. Moody hadn't said what room I would find Malfoy in so I started on the first floor and worked my way up. I finally found a locked door at the top, Regulus' old room. I unlocked it quietly and slipped inside.

He was sitting on the window sill, one knee propped up, an arm resting against it. The other leg dangled off the edge revealing a large gash down his thigh. When he turned to me the air caught in my chest and suddenly I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move. He was achingly beautiful, the now grey morning making his bright blonde hair stand out in awesome contrast to the bruises and blood on his pale face and dark robes. He said nothing. I said nothing. We just stared at each other across the room until I realized that my mouth was hanging slightly open and I closed it, embarrassed. I had to clear my throat before I could speak.

"I came to see how you were."

"Well, now you did. Feel free to tell all your friends that you did your humanitarian deed for the day."

He turned back to the window as if dismissing me, but I was unfazed. He had always been a condescending prat. It wasn't as though I expected him to be warm and fuzzy and grateful that I'd saved his pitiful life. He was still Malfoy, after all.

I stepped further into the room letting the door close behind me, but still he did not move. I ventured forward.

"Do you want me to look at that cut on your leg? It looks fairly deep."

He glanced at me then, a disgusted look on his face, before turning back to the miserable street scene before him, leaning against the dirty pane as if wishing he could simply melt through it in order to get away from me.

Ignoring his abysmal demeanor, I stepped forward and knelt by his leg, pulling out my wand in the process. I reached out my hand to move the material of his pants away when he snatched my wrist painfully.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing, Granger?" he snarled, his face contorted with fury. "Do you really think I'd let your dirty hands touch me? Do you honestly believe I want you anywhere _near_ me? Get the fuck out!"

He shoved me back and I hit the floor hard, hissing in pain when my elbow met the brunt of my weight.

"What the hell, Malfoy?" I snapped. "I come to help you and this is how you thank me?"

"I don't need your help, Granger! I am _not_ one of your charity cases! I don't need you to coo all over me and pretend like we're bosom buddies all of the sudden! You've done enough as it is."

I took a deep breath and reminded myself that he had been through a lot; he'd just left his parents (such as they were), his friends, the only life he knew, and come to a foreign place in the company of people who hated him, who fought against him. His decision couldn't have been an easy one and it would likely haunt him for the rest of his life, regardless of the fact that it was the correct one.

"Just let me look at your injuries and then I'll leave you be."

He was on his feet and pulling me up by the front of my shirt before I had time to gasp in fear. He lifted me until his face was barely a breath from mine, my feet dangling uselessly.

"Get this through your bushy head now, Granger," he growled through gritted teeth, his eyes blazing with ire. "I do not want, nor _need,_ your help. Now get. The fuck. Away from me."

He released me and my feet hit the ground, jarring my bones. I brushed off the front of my shirt and turned to the door as if I hadn't a care in the world, as if he hadn't just threatened me. I took a few measured steps before turning on my heel.

" _Petrificus Totalis!"_

The spell hit him full in the chest, his brows raised in shock, and he went down with enough force to rattle the door in its frame. I sauntered over with an accomplished smile on my lips and crouched beside him, my face hovering above his.

"Now, while you're listening like a good little ferret, I'm going to tell you this once and only once. You are here under the hospitality of my side which, by _your_ choice, is now your side. So, I suggest you learn to watch your fucking mouth and show a little gratitude or your ass will be so full of Death Eaters you'll be vomiting the Dark Mark. Got it? Good."

With that said I went forth healing his wounds deftly. I wouldn't put myself with Madame Pomfrey's ability, but I hadn't had anyone complain thus far. The gash on his leg knitted itself together and the bruising and swelling on his face and ribs went down. I had to hold my breath the entire time I worked on his ribs because his smooth, ripped chest made my belly do flip-flops. Goodness, the boys didn't look like this...

My eyes fell to the long, thin scar that ran from under his left nipple to the top of his right hip, evidence of Harry's misjudgement. My jaw tightened and my eyes met the silver ones below me, his gaze, though frozen, was deafening. I looked away quickly with the realization that he had as many reasons to hate and distrust us as we did him.

When I'd accomplished all I could, I siphoned the crusted blood and cleaned the wounds, his hair, and his clothing, mending the tears. I looked into the grey depths and could feel the palpable hate pouring out of them and through my body. I tapped his cheek as one would a good child and stood. When I got to the door I flicked my wand and lifted the spell. Malfoy roared instantly and dove towards me. I ducked from the room and slammed the door with a grin as he screamed in rage. I jogged down the stairs and passed the two men sitting at the table without a word. Moody chuckled and I knew he had seen what had happened. I tossed the green powder into the flames and stepped in and I heard him rumble "Atta girl" as I was whisked away.

I kept myself busy the rest of the day, helping Mrs. Weasley feed the Order and family members, soothing Fleur, and the worst part:

Alerting the families of the dead.

I asked to go to the Patil house alone. I spoke to Parvati's stricken parents and explained that we had yet to find Padma. It was all I could do not to cry, but I swallowed it back and told the grieving couple where they could go for help and support and that we wouldn't stop looking until we had found Padma and the others that had been stolen away from the field of battle. I didn't tell them that it was likely she had been taken by the Death Eater's as a plaything. She was beautiful, Pureblood, young. Chances were we'd never see Padma again.

I was back in time for dinner and the boys finally came down, Harry taking me into a long embrace. I led them both into the kitchen, where we filled our plates and took them up to the drawing room, seeking solitude. I informed Harry quietly about Parvati and Ernie while Ron sat silent, picking at his food. Harry took every death hard and most of the Order wished I wouldn't divulge such information. But I told them that Harry, Ron, and I didn't keep secrets. We could confide anything to each other and we trusted each other to be there when others wouldn't.

Then I told them about Malfoy.

 _"WHAT!?"_

My ears were ringing from this dual exclamation and I stuffed my fingers in them and rubbed. "Was that completely necessary?"

"Hermione, are you DAFT?" Ron shouted from where he sat half a meter from me on the couch, mashed potato spraying from his mouth.

"Not the last time I checked," I responded calmly, wiping bits of gravy from my shirt with a napkin.

"Hermione, what were you thinking?" Harry snapped, his spoonful of peas hovering halfway off the plate. "You know we can't trust Malfoy!"

"No, in fact we _don't_ know that, and if he chooses to come to us, who are we to say no? He chose to leave behind his family, possibly putting them into danger by his actions. The least we can do is give him the benefit of the doubt."

 _"Benefit of the doubt?"_ Ron roared. "He nearly bloody killed me last year!"

"You know very well that poison was not meant for you," I replied coolly. "I understand that he has made many mistakes, but shouldn't we take this as an olive branch?"

"He can't stay at headquarters," Ron stated matter-of-factly, completely ignoring my words. "He'll betray us all!"

"Oh, Ronald, honestly!" I sighed, tossing my napkin onto my untouched meal. "He can't leave his room let alone the house! Besides, even if he _did_ manage to escape, he can't tell them where we are anyway, he's not a Secret Keeper. He _wanted_ to come to our side, he _wanted_ to defect. Have you two ever thought for one moment that he _didn't_ want to be a Death Eater?"

"No," they responded simultaneously. I rolled my eyes.

"Try to put yourself in his shoes, would you? Harry, what happened to you being sympathetic to his plight when you saw him on that tower? Did he seem like a cold-blooded killer then?"

"He may not have killed Dumbledore," Harry muttered. "But he didn't stop it either. He could have come to our side then, Dumbledore gave him the choice, but he didn't. He chose to be a Death Eater instead. He lost his chance."

"And people only ever get one, do they?" I snapped, my anger mounting. I couldn't _believe_ these two. Then again, I should be used to this by now. They never changed, always bullheaded. But how could they be so thick _all_ the time?

"Some people," Harry mumbled, not meeting my eye.

Tired of the constant barrage of immaturity, I excused myself and headed to my room. Sinking onto my bed, I thought about Malfoy's predicament. _Had_ he changed? Had he finally realized the consequences of his actions and was willing to help us to amend for them? What had happened to him since that fateful night on that tower that had led him to choosing our side?

Then again, why was I so worried about it? Was he what Malfoy had claimed? A charity case? And why couldn't anyone else recognize the horror he must have been through? Could no one imagine how hard it must have been for him to leave his family behind? The turmoil he'd gone through last year when appointed his abhorrent task?

Maybe that was why I was able to connect with him. Straight after Dumbledore's funeral, I had gone out and seen my parents for the last time. A quick _Obliviate!_ and I was suddenly an orphan. I would probably never see them again, but at least this way I knew they were safe. I made their new house in Australia Unplottable and put defensive wards up, just in case. No one was going to touch them.

Not as though I credited _that_ as anywhere nearly as wrenching as Malfoy's situation. What had he been through? How must he have been brought up? I shuddered imagining being raised by psychotic Death Eaters. If anyone needed a helping hand, it was him. Despite the cruel words, the hard exterior, I couldn't hate him. When Harry had told everyone about Malfoy being forced to kill Dumbledore, my heart had melted and all the awful things he'd done seemed to come into focus. He was simply lashing out, as any person in his station would do.

Deciding I could brew no more on the situation, I started in on Charms homework. Battle or no, it was still due on Monday. I hadn't gotten far before the boys shuffled in looking significantly repentant so I smiled and ushered over. They were, after all, just boys.

As we settled into the three-foot essay, I realized Harry had been still for several minutes with his quill to the paper, doing no more than creating a giant ink splotch.

"Harry?" I asked quietly. He looked up, his eyes haunted. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Ron looked up from his book, glanced at me, then at harry, his pink lips slightly parted. Harry stared at us for a moment, dropped his quill, and rubbed his hands on his jeans.

"It's true, Hermione. It's just like I said."

I couldn't move, I was frozen. The look on his face...

"We can't kill him, _I_ can't kill him. We haven't done enough."

"Harry, mate," Ron said, his voice low. "We've done everything-"

"It's not enough. I can't kill him. I tried. I used the Killing Curse over and over and _nothing!"_ Harry smashed his fists down on the parchment before him, the sound causing me to jump in my wound-up state. "He just won't die! We did what Dumbledore told us to do, we got the fucking Horcruxes! We did _everything!"_

I wanted to go to him but I couldn't. All I could do was stare at him and wonder why he had to take this burden, though the answer was obvious. Because he was the only one who could.

"All those missions, all this time, all those people and still, it will never end!" he cried, his voice cracking in defeat.

"Harry," I whispered into the stale air of the room. "It's only been a few months, we can't give up hope. We'll figure this out."

"Figure out _what_ , Hermione?" Harry thundered, his cheeks pink with emotion. "There's nothing more to figure out! He's invincible!"

"He's not invincible," I said soothingly. "He's not immortal. If you remember correctly, you are the one who made sure of that. We can beat him, Harry. We just need to figure out what it is that we need. We won't stop, not until it's over."

"I just," he sighed deeply, his shoulders sagging against the weight of his burden. "I just want this to end. I want my life back. I don't want to wake each morning wondering if we'll be called to another battle, if I'll lose more people I care about before the day is over. I don't want to have to wonder during Potions if I have to be kidnapped by Death Eaters so they can take me to Voldemort so I can see if he'll die this time. I don't want to have to face him down again until we know for sure that I can take him. Because if he kills me, then what? Where will that leave all of you?"

"He won't kill you." I stated earnestly. How did I sound so calm? "I know you're tired. We all are. But we're all in this with you. We'll do what we have to do for however long it takes us. We'll make it through this because we have to win. There is no other choice, Harry. We have to win."

He looked at me then, finally, his eyes almost pleading. At the resolute look on my face he sighed, nodded.

"Yeah. Yeah, we do."

I reached out my hand and he took it. I gave it a small squeeze and smiled when he pushed my thick hair out of my face. I broke the contact before I allowed emotion to take hold. "Now get started on that paper. I'm not doing it for you again."

The night wore on like so many others. When Ron asked me for the third time how to spell the name of "that guy who poisoned a lamp post" (Vlamir Hornezcheskley, was it really that hard?) I kicked them both out and crawled into bed. But still, I didn't sleep. Ginny had ended up staying at St. Mungo's another night because Mrs. Weasley thought she needed more "rest" and the room was so quiet and empty and lonely. I wondered what Malfoy was doing, what he was thinking, if he had as much trouble setting aside the horrible images of war as I did.

As the night pressed around me and curiosity tore at the fibers of my mind, I swung my legs out of bed and slipped down the stairs before I could consider the intelligence of my split-second decision. Questions heaped upon each other until I felt like a dam ready to burst and I would never get any rest until they were answered.

That being said, it made all the sense in the world to pay Malfoy a quick visit.

...

XOXO

RynStar15


	3. The Midnight Escapade

The dark haired Ravenclaw skittered around the corner, running for help, and I closed my eyes to the anguish searing through my soul. Why was this so hard? Why did he have to be like this? Why did he have to be so stubborn? There had to be another way, anything else, but he wouldn't even _try._

Why couldn't I be enough?

Harry had once told me to always do what is right, to follow your heart, even if it kills you. I lived by those words like a pledge and I sure as hell wasn't going to allow this blow to stop me now. But how could I possibly stand by those words now? How could I save the world and my heart when to save one would destroy the other?

…

 _Two months, three weeks, and four days earlier…_

I hadn't considered the impropriety of walking into an all but strange man's room in the middle of the night wearing nothing but a nightgown, but as I stared at the plain wood panel of Draco Malfoy's door, I sincerely began to doubt my impulsive decision. Tonks hadn't reacted when I'd passed her in the kitchen. She was on night watch and she'd done nothing more than raise her mug in greeting, her mousy hair falling over her shoulder as she gazed into her tea, deep in thought. I was more than a little relieved she didn't have a roving eye like Moody.

I debated about the knocking issue. What did it matter, really? He would probably just slam the door in my face the moment he realized who was behind it. I therefor decided to forgo etiquette and let myself inside.

The room was pitch black, the curtains drawn. Using the dim light from the hallway I started towards the bed in the left corner of the room, intending to see if he was awake. When the door snapped shut behind me I jumped and twisted around, but the darkness of the room swallowed my vision.

"Malfoy? It's me, Granger..."

He didn't speak, didn't make a single noise, so I started to reach for my wand to light it but a hand shot out of the black and grabbed my wrist, yanking me painfully back against a hard chest, my wand clattering to the floor in a yelp of pain. Fear snapped through me; not because I'd been so easily overpowered, but because Malfoy should have been in front of me, next to the door, not behind me.

"What are you doing here?" he snarled into my left ear, sending a delicious and wholly unwelcome shiver down my spine. He held my wand arm tightly above my head, forcing me back against his unyielding body to prevent my shoulder being from its socket, his other hand a vise around my upper arm.

"I came to see if you were awake," I answered lamely, cursing myself at how breathy I sounded. His lithe muscles thrummed with energy and I could feel the heat emanating into my own. It was quite unsettling, the reactions I had to him.

"I'm awake," he growled, his grip tightening ever so slightly, my body pressed firmly against his.

"I see." I told myself I wasn't afraid of him. In a battle, I could easily take him, I _had_ easily taken him. In this position, however, he had the advantage. I was wandless and he was much larger than me, his hard muscles evidence to his strength. Would he really hurt me? The fact that I could not confidently answer that question made for no small amount of unease, but I refused to let him know.

"Mystery solved. Now, why don't you scurry on back to that little hole from whence you came and leave me the hell alone?"

"There's no reason to be angry, Malfoy," I said, attempting civility. "I only thought you might like some company."

"Are you truly so daft as to think I would want the company of a _Mudblood?"_ he asked derisively.

"This _Mudblood_ is the only person in this sodding world who is trying to help you, Malfoy! You should at least attempt to sound grateful!" I snapped, squirming in his hold in an attempt to extricate myself, but his hands only tightened.

"Grateful? For what, exactly? For not murdering me? For forcing me to spend hours in a Full-Body Bind on a dirty kitchen floor? For locking me up like a dirty rat? What exactly should I be grateful for, Granger?"

"Gee, Malfoy, I don't know, possibly for saving your _life?"_

He was quiet for a moment, the only sound in the room his shallow breaths floating against the shell of my ear.

"You can't save me, Granger."

The silence that followed these damning words was palpable. Icy fingers of trepidation clawed at the base of my skull. I clambered for something to say, but his cold voice shattered the intense moment.

"Now get the fuck out of my sight, Granger. If I ever see your dirty little face again I swear I will kill you where you stand!"

"No, you won't."

The grasp he had on my wrist tightened painfully and he yanked me about, slamming my chest into his. He towered over me, much taller than I had originally realized.

"What did you say?" His hot breath cascaded over my cheek, the sour smell of unwashed teeth filling my nostrils. I cocked my chin, refusing to be intimidated.

"You wouldn't dare."

"Wouldn't I?"

I felt the hot tip of my wand (wait, hadn't it been on the floor just a moment ago?) dig into the soft skin beneath my chin. It was too dark to see his face but I could feel the fury radiating off of him. For some insane reason, I did not worry. I didn't move to retaliate or even to protect myself, leaving my fate securely in his hands.

"No, you wouldn't. That's not what you want, that's not who you are. You don't want to hurt me any more than you want to be a Death Eater."

"Don't you _dare_ presume to know what I want, Granger!" Malfoy roared, though I heard the quaver in his voice before he masked it with fury. "You don't know anything about me!"

"Maybe I don't, Malfoy," I challenged. "Or maybe I know a lot more than you think."

Without warning I was being shoved violently backwards until I crashed against the wall with a cry, Malfoy pressing himself roughly against me, yanking my hands above my head, easily overpowering my pathetic attempts to escape.

"You have no idea the things I've seen, the things I've done. I could render you so much pain you would do _anything_ to make it stop." His face lowered to mine, our cheeks nearly touching as his lips came to my ear, his next word husky and full of dark promise. "Anything."

The tip of his nose caressed my jaw, his lips lightly brushing the sensitive skin of my neck making me shiver once more. My breath caught as he transferred both wrists into one hand, the other sliding languidly down my body, igniting it, his warm palm cupping my hip, clutching there. "Is that what you want?"

I couldn't think. My mind was whirling so fast it was impossible to cling onto one thought for more than a brief second. What did he think he was doing, pawing me like this? I bucked against him.

"Get your hands off me, Malfoy. You're despicable!"

"Is that what you really think?" he asked, his voice taking on a taunting manner and his hand moving further north up my side. I tried to wrench away but he held fast. We struggled for a moment and it was then that my heart started beating at an accelerated rate. When he suddenly tossed me roughly to the floor I scooted away, terrified, not only of him, but of my reaction to him. I jumped when something clattered to the floor next to me and I reached out, finding my wand lying inches from my hand. I grabbed it up and lit it to see Malfoy bearing down on me, his shadowed face a mask of hatred and fury.

"Get out of here, Granger, and don't come back. I don't want to see you _ever_ again. Is that understood?"

"Why? Why are you pushing me away?" I ventured courageously. I cringed slightly when he dropped to his hands and knees over me, our noses nearly touching, his body trapping mine beneath it.

"Listen up, Mudblood, because I'm only going to say this once," he rumbled, mimicking my earlier words. "I didn't come here to be inducted into your little club so _no,_ we are not going to be friends and _no,_ I am not going to help you out, and fuck no am I ever, _ever_ , going to allow these little midnight escapades to continue. Just leave. Me. Alone."

He stood quickly and walked back towards his bed and out of the little circle of light my wand cast. I sat up and wiped the dust off my palms before looking up in his general direction.

"So why did you come here, then?" I asked calmly, though I felt anything but.

"You know, Granger, I don't think that's really any of your business."

"I think it is. See, it is because of me that you are even here and with one word I can have you out on your arse. You're not exactly popular around here, I hardly think the decision would be met with much resistance. So, what's it going to be?"

"Honestly, Granger, I don't give a fuck _what_ you do!" He strode forward just far enough so I could see his drawn features. He looked so much older than I remembered him. "Just get the fuck _out."_

I stood, pointing my wand into his face making him squint those smoldering eyes. "Make me."

His face contorted and he took two very swift steps until he had once again grabbed my arm and began dragging me towards the door. I twisted quickly in his gasp and pushed back, succeeding in making him stop.

"Do not _manhandle_ me!" I snapped, slapping his arm. The light of my wand bounced around the room at my movements, creating eerie shadows that loomed from corners, though none were as menacing as the man before me. My words only seemed to incite him more and he gripped both of my shoulders, yanking me up so that only the tips of my big toes were on the floor and my face nearly collided with his. Stunned, my wand slipped once more to the floor and we were thrown into harsh contrast by the light from the ground. His features looked even more terrifying now.

"You think that's manhandling, Granger?" he sneered, his face twisting in demented glee. "I'll show you manhandling." He tossed me ruthlessly onto his bed and though I tried to fight him off, my efforts were less than useless. I knew I should be more worried, but something told me that I wasn't in any danger, although his actions might state otherwise.

His hands roamed my body roughly, grabbing, clasping, tearing. My body ignited under his touch and every nerve ending screamed to be touched just that way- again and again. It was the most erotic sensation I'd ever felt. I couldn't lift my boneless hands to stop him as confusion and shock and lust twisted my senses. Our panting breaths mingled and when he started tearing at my robes, I finally snapped out of the thrall he'd put me under and I smacked his hand away.

Then he slapped me hard, hard enough to yank me back to reality.

"You think that's manhandling? You know _nothing,_ Mudblood! If it were any other Death Eater in this room you would have been on your back with your little cunt on display the second you walked in here!"

"But I didn't bring any other Death Eater here, did I?" I gasped, shoving at him, pushing him away from my treacherous body, kicking out at his chest and making him stumble back enough that I leapt to my feet. Malfoy went to grab for my wrists again to take control but I swung around his hands and shoved him again, his eyes darkening at my actions.

"You better watch yourself," he ground out.

"Or what?" I sneered condescendingly.

"Do you really think you want to find out, Granger?"

"What? Are you going to grab my breasts again? Go on, grab them! You think that scares me? You think you can intimidate me through sexual harassment? Thank again!" Then, for a reason outside my mental capacity, I hurled myself at him, jumped on him so suddenly it took us both to the ground with a loud _bang_ and we wrestled for dominance which he won easily. I saw my glowing wand lying feet away as he pinned my wrists against the hard ground once again. His eyes bore down on me, so full of emotion it shocked me as nothing else from our encounter had.

"Why are you doing this?" he gasped, straddling my undulating hips as I tried to buck him off.

"Because, you arrogant prat, you think that you're the only one who's had it rough, the only one who knows what growing up in this war feels like, but you're not! You're no different from the rest of us other than the fact that you decided to join the other side! This is your last chance and if you're not careful, you're going to blow it, and then where would you be?"

"What the fuck do you care?"

"I care because I'm Hermione-bloody-Granger!" I screamed, accenting each word with another thrust to attempt to dislodge him, but to no avail. "Don't screw this up because you want to brood and be a testosterone driven arsehole! It's not worth it, Malfoy. Do you understand what would happen if you went back now?"

"Yes, I bloody well understand!"

"Then shape the fuck up before you screw up everything you've worked so hard for. You gave everything to be here, don't throw it away now!"

He rose swiftly at my words and lifted me by the front of my shirt, shoving me towards the door, his face hard, his jaw twitching.

"Get out."

I opened my mouth to say something, anything, but he roared above me.

"GET OUT!"

I Summoned my wand from the floor and ran for the door, heeding him for once. I opened it and looked back, meeting his eye from where he stood fuming in the center of the room.

"You're not alone."

The look he gave me had me tearing down the staircase, taking the steps two at a time. I ran passed a questioning Tonks and straight into the fire. I didn't want the questions, the accusations. I only knew one place that would give me peace.

I went home.

…

When I woke, I reveled in the silence of the morning. The birds had flown south so their chirping did not disturb me; there were no sounds of Mrs. Weasley cooking, no snores from Ginny or Ron or even the soft breathing of my roommates. It was completely silent.

As soon as I realized this, I hated it.

It was the reason I chose not to sleep in the Head Dorm provided for me. The silence brought the nightmares to life. Even the quiet breathing or gentle rustle of blankets from my dorm mates was enough to yank me back to reality when my overly active mind tore through every brutal memory I owned. Now the empty room taunted me.

I sat up and drew back the curtains of my four-poster, grabbed my uniform from the trunk at the foot of my bed and hurried to the bathroom to shower. I refused to acknowledge the fact that there were now only two beds in the small room. I wondered, as the spray pounded down on me, when Lavender would return. Or if. Many students had left the school, unable to stand the absence of deceased companions or for the simple fact that their parents would not allow them to return. It seemed nearly every week another child was dragged from the Great Hall by an enraged parent. Last week it had been Seamus. Dean was quiet now.

When I'd finished readying for the day, I made my way down to the Great Hall where the small amount of people already up stared at me but said nothing. They would have all heard of the battle by now and of Parvati and Ernie and, yes, there their portraits hung next to other fallen comrades behind the teachers. Colin Creevey, Morag McDougal, Susan Bones, Hannah Abbot, Millicent Bulstrode, Harold Dingle and Stephen Fawcett. All had fallen in the last three months. Their pictures, smiling and happy, hung heavy as the black drapes behind them on my heart. I averted my eyes and smiled meekly at the few companions at the Gryffindor table. I had just begun to pick at my breakfast when the doors to the Great Hall burst open drawing every gaze in the room to the two men who had made such a commotion. Two pairs of eyes targeted my table and finally fell upon me. Two terrified faces melted to relief as Harry and Ron hurried forward to lean menacingly over the table in front of me.

"Where have you been?" Ron snapped, his full weight on the table as if to get a better look at me.

"Here, obviously," I answered, snatching a blueberry smoothly off my fork with my front teeth. "Why don't you two sit down and eat some breakfast?"

They sat begrudgingly and I offered them a tray of biscuits. Harry took one and set it on the gold plate in front of him while Ron took three and immediately reached for the marmalade, ignoring the fact that he had to practically lay in a first year's lap to get at it.

"Hermione, you shouldn't have left without telling anyone. We were all worried sick," Harry said, trying to catch my eye, but I refused to meet it. I knew I shouldn't have disappeared without telling anyone at the Weasley's, but after my interaction with Draco I had felt so raw that I couldn't stomach returning.

"I didn't mean to alarm anyone."

"Why would you leave in the middle of the night like that?" Harry drilled, his face full of hurt and confusion.

"I couldn't sleep," I stated simply.

"And you couldn't come to me and Ron?"

"Yeah," Ron said, stuffing four slices of bacon into his mouth at once. "Thince wen arwee no' goonuff 'oo elp yoo backoo eep?"

"Why don't you swallow that half-masticated swine and speak like the evolved being you are supposed to be?" I snapped disgustedly, dipping my knife into the butter dish in front of me before handing it to Dennis with a smile and smearing it on my toast.

"Since when are we not good enough to help you back to sleep?" Ron said around a much smaller bite. I supposed if I could understand him and not see his food, it was good enough. "I mean, it's not like you've never had trouble sleeping before. You always come to us."

"Well, last night I didn't want company," I explained rather lamely. It was partly true. _After_ my little rendezvous with Malfoy all I had wanted was a little peace and quiet. I had gotten it in my Gryffindor sanctuary.

"Then what were you doing with Malfoy last night?"

I paled and looked up into Harry's accusing stare. I sighed. "Curiosity. I thought I might be able to bring him around, you know? There has to be a reason he joined our side."

"Hermione, you had a wand to his throat. I don't think there is much he wouldn't agree to in that situation," Harry said exasperatedly.

"It's true. You can get pretty scary," Ron agreed.

I was about to say something but Harry cut me off before the words got to my mouth. "Hermione, you're trying to find something good where there is none. I love that about you, that you can see the good in everything. But there is none in Malfoy. He's a bad egg, inside and out. It doesn't matter anymore that his parents brought him up that way. He is a grown man capable of making his own decisions. He made the wrong ones. Now, he has to face the consequences."

"And what makes him any better than any other Death Eater out there? I don't see you bringing home every one you encounter on the field," Ron accused before shoving an entire pancake into the black hole of his face. I gently laid down my fork, folded my hands and looked up at them.

"Because I know he can be better than that."

They both sneered and I continued eating. "Now, if you please, I'd like to change the subject."

It was silent for a moment while Ron slathered ketchup on hash browns and Harry drummed his fingers on the wooden table. Finally, he spoke up.

"Hermione, are you alright?"

I looked up into their concerned faces and smiled. "Yes, I'm fine. Why do you ask?"

"Tonks said you saw Ernie go down. And we know you spoke to the Patils."

I clenched my jaw and suddenly the food before me made me want to gag. I had to swallow several times before I could trust my voice.

"Hermione?"

"It's nothing new. Don't treat this like it's anything different."

"Why would you talk to the Patils yourself? You know we're not supposed to-"

"I just felt like I owed it to them, alright? I've only lived in the same dorm with her for nearly seven years. It was the least I could do for them."

I set down my fork gently and willed my stomach to calm. I remembered her stony face, pale against the dewy grass. I remembered the horror in Ernie's eyes as he realized a split-second before the spell hit him that he was going to die. I thought of what I would think in that last moment, knowing that the inevitable was going to take me in its grasp.

"I'll see you in Charms," I said and grabbed my book bag. I swung the heavy satchel onto my left shoulder and hurried out of the Great Hall without glancing back at Harry or Ron. I had to tell myself several times to slow down, to not look so horrified. I had to force my lips into a tight semi-smile as I remembered the Head Girl badge gleaming above my right breast. I had to show a good example. If I worried, then the younger ones would as well. I was supposed to keep up morale, pretend that nothing was happening. So what if the Head Girl and The Chosen One and the Gryffindor Keeper disappeared for a few days every couple of weeks? What did it matter when everything here was safe and warm and pleasant? It was the only sanctuary these kids had and I'd be damned if I ruined it for them.

So, instead of going straight to the library, I slipped into the prefect's bathroom which was blessedly empty. After placing locking and silencing charms on the door, I dropped my bag and fell to my knees on the cold tile. I hugged myself and rocked, my breath coming in pants. I felt the tears that wanted to fall but I knew they wouldn't. It's not that I didn't have reason or a want to, it's that I simply _couldn't_. I'd tried, really, I had. But it never worked. Once the Battle of Hogwarts had ceased and Dumbledore's funeral was over, I found that there was nothing worth crying about anymore. This war was here, it was real, and it would take us all if we couldn't keep our feet on the ground. So, although I was scared nearly every second of every day and death was a constant worry in my mind, although I'd had to make some of the hardest decisions of my life and changed in ways I could never comprehend, I knew that someday, from our sacrifice, I would be able to cry again like that hurt little girl had when she'd seen Ron kiss Lavender for the first time.

I sat for a few more minutes and worked on my breathing which Mrs. Weasley had been stressing for Fleur. I found it really helped sometimes. Once I had my act together again, my frayed nerves patched, I splashed cold water on my face, sneered at the giggling mermaid in a portrait over the massive tub, and made my way to the library. I only had ten minutes before class started, but I knew the boys would be there to collect me. I hurriedly threw some papers about on a table and shoved my nose into an Ancient Runes book seconds before I heard their low tones. I didn't look up until Harry lowered my book.

"C'mon," he crooned, taking the book from me, marking my spot and shutting it. "We're going to be late. Don't need Flitwick deducting points."

I nodded and we made our way to the tiny professor's classroom. We arrived just in time to hand in our papers and settle down before the bell struck.

My hand wrote the notes, but my mind wandered as it was prone to do these days. When the lecture finished, we practiced producing wine, my eyes rolling at the few students who snuck sips, my hand coming up to knock the goblet out of Ron's hand when he tried as well making Harry roar with laughter.

When the class ended, we went to Transfiguration where McGonagall droned on about the importance of remembering tails when transfiguring animals. Then we practiced that. Then we had a break in which we started on McGonagall's essay about transfiguring moving objects. Then we went to lunch. Then I went alone to Ancient Runes where we translated an ancient Arabic text and met the boys for a quick study break before dinner. Then I studied while they went to Quidditch practice and I dried their robes when they came in wet. Then we worked some more on McGonagall's essay until I tired of their complaining and went to bed where I tossed and turned for hours before giving up and drinking a Sleeping Draught I'd mixed in the prefect bathroom two weeks ago.

And so it went for the next week. Just like the others. The classes changed, the lessons progressed, but I hardly noticed. I lived for the moment the owls would swoop in in the mornings and I could skim the Daily Prophet for news. I had started to take the Evening Prophet as well so I would wait anxiously for that every night. Any note we received made our hearts drop until we could see Mrs. Weasley's loopy writing or Hagrid's choppy scrawl. We knew if we saw Lupin's neat and precise letters that something was wrong.

And every day we waited. And every day it didn't come was another weight added to our shoulder. It was only a matter of time.

The weekend approached slowly. When the fumes from the Numbing Draughts subsided and the last stragglers ambled out of the potions classroom on Friday afternoon, I took a deep breath and bathed in the relief that I had a whole weekend to catch up on sleep and homework.

"You coming?" I heard Ron call from the doorway. Harry was out in the hallway already, looking back at me. I nodded and grabbed my textbook off the scarred table before following the two down the cold corridor.

"You think they'd put up some Warming Charms or something," Ron complained. There was a smear of soot on his cheek from when he'd accidently exploded his potion by putting in the Puffer quills too early. I licked my thumb and reached up to wipe it off. His cheek turned pink where I'd rubbed and soon his ears followed suit.

"Thanks," he mumbled. Harry gave me an odd look but I just shrugged. It was only a bit of dirt, after all.

"Hermione, you've been awful quiet this week," Harry said as he ladled gravy onto his potatoes five minutes later.

"I've been busy," I replied somewhat truthfully.

"Hermione, I think we know you a little better than that," Harry said, a small frown on the corner of his lips. I should have known they would notice my odd behavior, but I couldn't help it. I couldn't concentrate on my work, I didn't have the energy or the will to play chess with them in the evening or talk about mundane things such as Professor Slughorn's next club meeting. All I could think about was the war, what was happening, who was dying and why I was stuck in this school where I was of no help to anyone. I truly did believe that the more I learned, the more useful I could be, but it just seemed so meaningless to go through the motions day after day.

And Malfoy. He'd been on my mind far more than was tolerable. What was he doing? Was he alright? Was he alive? We he being treated well? Was he scared? Was he ill? Certainly when I'd seen him on the field, past all the injuries, he'd looked horrid. Pale, gaunt, tormented. The hard muscles that had rippled against my back the night I snuck into his room told me he had probably been training hard. And I could only imagine what for.

I realized the boys were staring at me, waiting for an answer, waiting for me break down, to finally snap about what had happened all those months ago, the thing we never spoke of, the one thing I refused to acknowledge. I scrambled for anything to tear our minds away.

"I'm just preoccupied. N.E.W.T.s will be here before you know it and-"

"Hermione, they're ages away!" Ron cried, for once with an empty mouth. "It's not even December yet!"

"It will be soon enough! And then after break we will be on the near-side of the end of term and we won't have properly studied and then they'll be handing out the exams and then where will we be?" Why did they never worry about these things? They were very important! Even if I _was_ just using this as an excuse not to talk about my mental wanderings, I was still very passionate about my academics. They were the key to our future, after all!

"You worry too much," Ron snorted with an eye roll, forking a boiled potato and eating half of it in one go. I turned away, disgusted.

"Ron, mate, we need to get going. I scheduled and early practice tonight, remember?" Harry reminded a few tense minutes later, wiping his hands on his napkin.

Ron grumbled. "If Romilda could make a goal once in a while we wouldn't need to have an extra-long practice every week."

"She's gotten loads better," Harry defended as the two of them stood. They started out before Harry stopped and turned to me.

"Go get some rest, will you? You have all weekend to do your homework." The look in his eye had me smiling.

"Alright. I could use the extra sleep. You two have a good practice, try to keep warm. And Ron, lay off Romilda. I know last year was embarrassing for you but it's no reason to spurn her for it."

Ron turned beet red and Harry grinned at me. I subdued my laughter and watched their crimson robes sweep out of view. Once I was sure they had left the building, I grabbed my things and ran up to Professor McGonagall's office with no intention whatsoever of keeping my word to Harry. I whispered the password "Lemon Drops" in honor of the former headmaster and scurried up the steps. I knocked quietly and was greeted by the stern face of my mentor.

"Miss Granger? Is something the matter?"

"No, nothing, professor, I just wanted to use the fireplace, if I may."

"What in the world for?" she asked, stepping aside to let me into the warm office.

"I-er…left a book at headquarters and was hoping to retrieve it," I lied lamely, not even sure why I felt the need for the ridiculous falsehood.

"And you couldn't ask Remus or Molly to send it to you?" she inquired, a thin eyebrow rising as she pursed her lips.

"Oh, alright," I sighed. The woman never did believe any of my ridiculous fibs. "I was hoping I could talk to Mal-er-Draco."

She stared at me a long moment and it looked as if she were chewing her tongue. "Mr. Malfoy has not as yet been cooperative. It might be in his best interest if you were to persuade him otherwise."

I nodded understandingly and at the wave of her hand, threw the green powder that was situated in an ornate box on top of the mantle into the flames. I stepped in and endured the spinning to land in the kitchen of headquarters. Brushing off soot, I looked up to see Lupin and Kingsley in much the same fashion as I had found Dung and Moody, though less inebriated and less, well, _moody_.

"Hermione, what are you doing here?" Lupin questioned concernedly, rising to his feet, his chair legs scratching against the ground. "Is everything alright? Is Harry-?"

"Harry is just fine. Off to Quidditch practice," I answered with a bolstering smile. Poor Lupin worried over his godson far too much. He had taken Sirius' request to heart.

"Then why-?"

"I, er, came to see Draco."

Kingsley leaned back in his chair but his calm expression never changed but for a slight rise of the eyebrows. Lupin, however, did not hide his shock.

"Hermione, are you sure? Tonks told me when you were here last time the two of you fought and you ran out rather quickly…"

"We had a small row, I'll admit," I understated, barely suppressing my wince at the memory. "But I believe I can be of help to him. Remus, you of all people know what it's like to be judged by those who have branded you. He just needs some understanding."

Whatever argument he'd been about to broach wilted away beneath my words. His face softened. "You always were able to see into the true heart of people. If you see something in him, then something there must be." He sighed defeatedly. "Alright, go on. But if I don't hear from you in twenty minutes I'm coming up. If he hurts you-"

"He won't. I'll see you in twenty, then." I nodded to Kingsley, who had silently watched the exchange with a bemused expression on his dark face, and started up the stairs. I stood outside Draco's door and recalled being in a similar situation not a week ago. Wondering if I was finally truly and completely mental, I took a deep breath and knocked.

…

XOXO

RynStar15


	4. The Soap War

The cold tiles felt alien against my skin as I rubbed them on the ground, over and over. I knew that girl would have grabbed the nearest teacher or prefect and was likely even now dragging them to me. I was thankful that he had wanted to meet on the Astronomy Tower since no one would be there this time of day. Everyone was down in the Great Hall finishing dinner. I should have asked the girl what she was doing up here at such an hour…

 _What to do, what to do? Think, Hermione!_

I couldn't. My mind just whirled in fear and anger and pain. How could he do this to me?

 _Stop being so selfish! What is wrong with you? He's trying to do what's best, isn't that what you always told him to do in the first place?_

I listened as footsteps and worried voices hurried towards me and rose to my feet. My wallowing was over. It was time for action. It was time to end this.

…

 _Two months, three weeks earlier…_

Maybe the knocking thing was a bad idea.

A sound like a Hippogriff charging accompanied the door swinging inward and a nearly two-metered madman charged out. His mouth opened as if to thunder out some angry retort but upon focusing on me his eyes glazed over with unbridled fury and his lips thinned.

"What the _hell_ are you doing here?" he gritted out through his barely suppressed ire.

I realized I didn't really have an answer to that. So, I ignored it. "May I come in? I'd really rather not yell through a door."

He sneered in a look of revulsion. The door slammed shut before me and I cringed at the acrid smell from the burst of air that hit me. Apparently, he had not taken to the shower. Lovely.

"Well, I suppose this will work just fine," I said, undeterred, and sat on the ground criss-cross, leaning against the door. I dug my wand out of the inside pocket of my robes and cast a Silencing Charm on the hall in case Remus decided to eavesdrop.

"So," I began loud enough for him to hear whether he wanted to or not. If he wasn't going to talk, I would. He was going to rejoin the land of the living either by choice or by me dragging him kicking and screaming. "Smells pretty bad in there. You do know that there are showers available here?"

Pause. Pause. Nothing. "One right across the hall, in fact. With a sinks and toothbrushes and everything."

Pause. "Do you honestly plan on spending the rest of your life in there? Become the woebegone Pureblood hermit of Headquarters?"

Still nothing. Well, the one wonderful thing about Hermione Granger is that I can talk to a brick wall for an hour. This would be no different. "Pretty gloomy life, if you ask me. Hardly worth saving at all."

I could almost feel the anger radiating from the room, but he didn't make a sound. I grinned when I thought of how annoyed he would be right this moment, likely prone on the bed with his ragged pillow over his ears. Though I knew I was doing this for his… _eventual_ benefit, I couldn't deny that after years of mockery and bullying that it felt good to turn the tables for just a moment. "I've heard that you haven't been especially cooperative. They'll send you back if you don't shape up," I lied. The Order had dealt with their fair share of brooding teenage boys. Unless he posed a threat, I knew they would never endanger him.

"Besides, don't you want to finish your schooling? I mean, you can't go back to Hogwarts, of course, it wouldn't be safe for you there anymore, but maybe we could set up some kind of owl program? You can still get your N.E.W.T's, I hear you did well on the O.W.L's. I know last year was hard, but you can still pass. I could help you out, get you passing grades…"

Pause. Silence. "It would be tough, but don't you think it would be worth it? I mean, after this is all over, don't you want to get a job? Have a career? Have a _life?"_

The silence, at this point, was growing mildly irritating. Not because I was being ignored, I was more than used to that, but because of how desperately I realized I wanted to be the one to finally pull the impenetrable Draco Malfoy out of his shell. "Or are you going to waste all that potential? You know you made the right choice, even though it was a hard one, probably harder than I can imagine. We all realize that, we all see it, we know what it took for you to come to our side. You can be forgiven if you want to be."

Then I said the one thing I had never told anyone since that night in the hospital wing all those months ago when Harry had told us about Dumbledore, my voice low with emotion. "I don't blame you for what you did last year, for trying to follow through with your task. I don't know what I would have done in your place. I can't imagine having to choose between my parents and Dumbledore. All those failed attempts…they weren't mistakes, were they? You _wanted_ to get caught, you wanted someone to stop you, to look up and help you. But no one did. You must have felt so alone."

I felt a shift in the air, as if he were standing right on the other side of the door. Emboldened, I surged forward. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry, Draco. I'm sorry for what they put you through, I'm sorry no one saw you. I'm sorry because I did and I did nothing to help. I stood by and watched you suffer. We all did, for months and months everyone stood by while you were drowning and no one reached out a hand. And then that night of the tower…we all stood by and let them take you, we _let_ the Death Eaters steal you away, a _child._ If it had been Harry or Ron or me…the Order would have revolted. But because it was you, because of your name, they allowed you to be taken by those monsters…" I shuddered, scoffed. "Hell, _we_ were the monsters. We failed you, _I_ failed you. I'm so sorry."

There was the slightest weight against the door, the softest sound of fabric against wood as he slid down to sit opposite me. My heart fluttered in triumph as I continued on, spilling the burdens on my soul which had been piling up for so long. "It must have been a nightmare to choose between the lesser of two evils that night on the battlefield, but I'm glad you did. We can't take back what we did, but we can try to make it right now, same as you. We've both made bad choices, but we can fix them if we'd just let each other in…"

The silence was deafening, but I knew he'd heard me. I wanted to bang the back of my head against his door in frustration, but I refused to show weakness. I could be just as stubborn as he was.

I began again, talking about classes and the Astronomy test we'd had Wednesday night. I talked about the weight Slughorn was gaining and all the students who were gone now. I told him how the N.E.W.T Herbology students had spent four grueling hours dressing the Mandrake saplings for the winter. I was just starting in on what a better teacher Hagrid was than Professor Grubbly-Plank when the door opened so fast I fell back with it, my head smacking on the floor.

"Do you _ever_ shut up?" Malfoy thundered before reaching down and grabbing my hair, pulling me up by it. I had never really thought of how painful it would be to be dragged to a standing position by your hair, but as I screeched out in pain, I decided it was quite a lot. My head and neck felt like they were going to vacate my body, but Malfoy ignored my distress and threw me against the door jam.

"What do you still not understand, Granger?" he snapped, his red rimmed eyes boring into me. He looked a wreck, hair unkempt, a golden beard forming, gaunt as I'd ever seen him. "I. Don't. Care. I don't care about school or our damn classmates, I don't care what you think about my life or hygienic habits or manners! It doesn't matter whether you lot decide to hand me back over to the Dark Lord because honestly, I don't give a fuck whether I live or die!"

"Why?"

His face contorted and I was worried for a moment that he might hit me, just whale into me and take out all of his frustration. How long had it been since I'd come up? Surely close to twenty minutes? Would Lupin intervene before I was smashed into a pulp? But all thoughts fled from my mind when he threw me from him and back into the hallway, stumbling and crashing to the ground.

"Get out of it, Granger. You're not welcome here."

I stood slowly, brushing the imaginary dust from my clothes and trying not to show that my hip hurt from where I'd hit the floor. He stood in the doorway huffing with indignation. We stared each other down, neither giving an inch.

Fast as lightning I drew my wand but he leapt at the same time, sensing my strategy. One hand came to my right wrist, the other to my left shoulder as his force sent the both of us into the wall, knocking the wind out of me. He started yelling something, but I couldn't hear over the roar of blood in my ears as the fight kicked in and I writhed against him, attempting to dislodge him. We fought for the wand, my fingers gripping that slender piece of wood for dear life while he tugged, pulling up until I was on my tip-toes, flush against him.

I knew I was going to lose, felt my fingers slipping as he tried to pry my wand from my grasp, so I broke out in a rush of force and elbowed him in the ribs. He grunted, his grip slackened, but not enough so that when I pulled, he came too. Our feet were in a twisted dance and my tug threw us off balance so that we both ended up on the floor on our sides. I kicked out, reaching for my wand with my left hand as well while his right hand, not holding the wand, gripped at the front of my shirt in an attempt to tug me down. We continued to grapple until I had practically crawled up his body and pinned him to the floor in a maneuver a senior Auror had taught Ginny and me in order to take control from larger opponents.

"Let go of my wand, Malfoy!" I grunted, still attempting to pry his fingers from mine.

"What, so you can curse me again? Not a chance!"

Our positions reversed and I was now the one on the dusty floor, both his hands holding both of mine which were holding my wand above my head. I was amazed I still had control of it.

"I can't breathe!" I squeaked, hoping for reprieve. Instead, as I should have figured in the first place, he only bore more of his weight onto my screaming lungs.

"Better get used to it because I'm not letting you up until you swear you'll leave me the fuck alone!"

I let out a strangled cry of frustration and tried to buck him off, but he was so much heavier and stronger. He held me down with the weight of his body easily, making my pathetic attempts to heave him off seem foolish. He grinned wolfishly down at me.

"No sense in fighting it, Granger. You know I'll win. Now, give up and leave me be."

His low voice made the hairs on the back of my neck stand and, even though his breath smelled horrid, the feel of it brushing against my sensitive skin there made my own breath hitch. I realized then the incredibly provocative position we were in and thought, for one fleeting moment, what it would be like to be in this position under entirely different circumstances. What would it be like to have a man lust after you, to want you in such a primal, urgent way?

"I'm going to count to three, Granger," Malfoy grunted as he fought to restrain me. "And if you don't swear that you'll leave me alone I will be forced to make you."

"You won't hurt me," I sneered, rivaling his own signature.

"Won't I?" I had never been this close to Malfoy before in my life and I was terrified to realize that he was excruciatingly beautiful even through his thick mask of hate. His fingers tightened painfully on my wrists and I felt my fingers losing their grip. "I was lenient last time, but only because I owed you a debt. That debt has been paid and I'll not be so merciful a second time around."

I had to swallow as my mouth had run dry. What would he do if I didn't make my promise? And how would he keep me to it anyway?

"One-"

What was the smart decision? Keep my mouth shut and show him I have a backbone?

"Two-"

Or should I just tell him I will and lie?

"Three!"

Maybe I should just leave him alone for real.

Whatever I might have chosen no longer mattered because he was hauling me up to my feet and ripping my wand from my hands, ascertaining the fact that he'd merely been toying with me before. He pointed it at me in a dueling pose.

"I suggest you get going, Mudblood."

I snorted. Did he really thing he could take me in a fight? _"Accio wand!_ "

My wand flew straight into my hand and I hit him with another Full Body-Bind before he could even blink. I didn't attempt to cushion his fall, but watched with some amusement as he hit the ground. His eyes rolled around wildly and I twirled my wand between my fingers, grinning like a fool. I did love magic.

"Don't you _ever_ try to use my own wand on me again," I snarled, my tone deadly. "Have you never paid attention in McGonagall's class? Trying to duel someone with their own wand is incredibly foolish! Now, as long as you're just lying there, _again,_ you might as well listen. If you don't knock off this 'woe is me' act you are going to find yourself in this position quite a lot. I'm going to get very tired of this charade very fast and you should know by now what happens when Hermione Granger gets ticked off!"

 _She starts talking about herself in third-person?_

I jumped about a meter when Malfoy's voice reverberated inside my head. I looked down at him in horror for a moment, ensuring he was still in the throes of the curse. Even if he hadn't been, the voice had obviously come from _inside_ my head, and not from his lips. Was this how Harry always felt?

 _"What in Merlin's name do you think you're doing?"_ The words came out a little more breathlessly than I'd hoped.

 _Dangerous for you to keep your mind so open, Granger. Anyone could come waltzing right in and see anything they wanted._

"Well, I'm not typically in the company of those who want to! Now, stop it right this instant!"

 _Don't think I will. Let's see, what does the Mudblood have in here?_

I felt sick and my head pounded as images ran through the fore of my mind, images I most certainly did not want him to see. Starting from only minutes ago when I'd sat in this very hallway, bearing my heart about his situation. I could feel the familiar guilt and pity assail me before we were zooming back to two nights ago when I'd laid wide-eyed in bed staring at Lavender's empty bed and the space where Parvati's used to be, grief tearing at my heart. Next was the last battle as I struck down man after man heartlessly, filled with the rage of war as my friends fell around me. The portraits of the fallen in the Great Hall, Ron turning around in Potions class and winking at me, holding Harry as he sobbed after another battle, a dungeon, dark, cold, pain, _agony,_ and fear, so much fear as the sound of heels approached…

I didn't realize what I was doing until the sensation of having a rubber band around my skull released and I noted that I was straddling Draco Malfoy and that he had a bloody nose and I had incredibly sore knuckles.

Gasping, we locked wide eyes. I couldn't move, couldn't think…the things he'd seen, what he'd almost seen, what no one had ever seen, what no one knew…

I saw my wand lying on the floor where I had dropped it in my fit of rage. I jammed it up against his temple, breathing hard, my hand quaking in fury.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't _Obliviate_ you right now," I snarled. He just looked up at me, his breath wheezing through a probably broken nose, his jaw still locked. "I swear I will!"

He didn't blink. For endless moments, he looked me dead in the eye, never wavering, never glancing away, his eyes wide. I expected him to enter my mind again and beg me not to, but he didn't. He simply laid there, frozen under the spell, those haunted eyes staring up at me.

A terrifying thought dawned on me. "Do you _want_ me to?" I asked.

He blinked once and suddenly, the fight left me. My arms turned to jelly, my whole body slumped and I pulled back my wand.

"You're serious? You actually want me to erase your memory? Merlin, Malfoy, what the hell have you seen?

His eyes slanted to the side and refused to meet mine, closing again the weight of his trials.

"Hermione? Is everything alright up there?" Remus called from the floor below, making me jump at the sudden intrusion to our suddenly morbid interaction.

Malfoy looked at me again and I just stared into those grey depths which seemed to plead with me, begging me to do something so detesting that my soul ached.

I lifted the Silencing Charm as I worked to find my voice. "We're fine, Remus. I'll be down in a bit."

I knew Remus would hesitate, but I sat completely still until he left to the kitchen and I looked back to Draco. I took several deep breaths to center myself and, in doing so, realized that he reeked. Bad.

I smirked in an attempt to lift the dour mood. "Alright, Malfoy. Looks like it's time for your bath!"

 _Don't you fucking dare-_

"Oh, I do."

I stood with an evil glint in my eye and lifted his stiff body with my wand, floating him into the bathroom next across the hall and settling him in the porcelain tub. I smirked as he continued to scream at me through Legilimency and turned on the tap. He cursed as the freezing water hit him and I laughed out loud at his reaction. Did I enjoy this a little too much? Maybe. But I cut the guy a break and turned on the hot water.

I could feel him trying to invade my memories over and over again in an attempt to throw me, but I thought of a brick wall and pushed it to the front of my mind as Moody had been teaching us.

"If you don't cut that out I'll leave that nose broken. Wouldn't want to scar that pretty face, now, would we?" I threatened. He glared at me as if he had no greater wish than to cause me pain, a _lot_ of pain, but slowly the pressure on the front of my head lessened until I could think clearly again.

"There's a good ferret. Now, can you wash yourself or will I have to do that for you as well?" I asked scathingly, conjuring soap and a wash cloth. With a flick of my wand the spell was lifted and he scrambled up to a sitting position, shoving his sopping bangs from his eyes. The look that he sent me could have burned me to the ground.

"Bitch," was all he got out before he was tackling me to the floor. I barely had time to let out a terrified squeak before a very wet and very angry Slytherin was pinning me to the slick tile. His hands came to my wrists and I cried out in pain as he gripped them roughly and thrust them above my head, banging one against the counter. His face hovered inches above mine and I reveled in the fact that we had been in this position several times now and it was becoming increasingly harder to stem the pleasure I got from it. I wanted to scold myself, but I was too busy enjoying the utter fury on his face to care.

"Who the fuck do you think you are!?" he roared, droplets of water and blood splashing onto my face, my clothes seeping with his bath water until I could feel his curves in an incredibly wanton way.

"I don't think I'm anybody, but I suppose it's your opinion that matters here," I panted, his weight making it somewhat difficult to draw in a breath. "Who am I, Malfoy?"

He huffed above me, just staring at me until I felt slightly uneasy.

"Go on, Malfoy," I goaded. "Who am I?"

"A Mudblood!" he spat, shoving off of me. The second his hands left my wrists I shouted

 _"Impedimenta!"_ and he flew back into the tub. My whole body quaked with hurt from his words but I showed none of it as I shoved him back down into the water while he struggled and yelled. Strength I didn't know I had held him down long enough to dunk his head before he lashed out, releasing my grip on him. I stumbled back and, before he could get footing to hoist himself back up, I hurled " _Incarcerous!"_ at him and his arms and legs snapped together, tied by thick ropes. He splashed back into the bath and I leaned over him, pulling him up by the front of his shirt so that he didn't drown.

"You-"

"Shut up!" I snapped. "I don't especially care to listen to you! You smell and you're going to get a bath, so you might as well give it up!"

"Are you going to give it to me, Granger?" he snarled, looking even more dangerous as blood continued to pour down him chin.

"Looks that way, doesn't it?"

His eyes grew wide. "You wouldn't?"

"I would. Now quit fighting me, you ungrateful, prejudiced arsehole!"

He flailed and I reached behind me for the soap and wash cloth which I had dropped when he'd tackled me. Dunking both in the water I lathered up the washcloth and set it aside. Gripping his shirt with two hands I ripped it down the front, the buttons flying every which way. He grinned cheekily.

"Well, Granger, if you wanted me naked you should have just said something."

"You're disgusting," I retorted, although it was far from true. He was sculpted like Adonis, on this side of skinny, as if he hadn't eaten much in the last few months. His skin was flawless ivory except where one long, deep scar ran from under his left pectoral and across his stomach to his right side. He said nothing about it as I pulled the shirt down his arms where it bunched at his bound wrists. I left it there and started to scrub harshly while he glared at me.

"You're going to get it, Mudblood," he growled. "When I get my hands on you-"

"I'm sure I'll be very terrified and surrender to your every wish. Bottoms up!" I shoved him down to rinse away the soap on his torso and he spluttered, his legs flailing like a fin.

"Granger!"

I simply grinned and pulled him back up into a sitting position. When I reached for his belt buckle he yanked up his legs to cover himself. I raised my eyebrows and folded my arms. "What, do you intend to bathe yourself now?"

He glared at me for a moment. "Give me the fucking soap and untie me."

I smirked with triumph and threw the wash cloth and soap into the tub. I undid the spell and he rubbed his wrists where bright angry red marks had bloomed from his struggles.

"Well?" he snapped up at me. "Are you just going to stand there and ogle me?"

I turned around and bit my lip to keep from laughing out when he growled.

"Get the fuck out!"

"I don't think so. This may come as a shock to you, Malfoy, but I don't exactly trust you. Do what you have to do and be quick about it. I don't have all night."

He muttered profanity but I could hear the water sloshing about so I knew he was doing as he was told. When it became clear he was actually washing, I stepped outside of the bathroom and stood to the right of the door. I heard the shower running and allowed myself a few moments to get myself back under control, wiping the blood off my face. I hated that the words he still spat so easily could affect me even now, but I didn't delve into it. It wasn't a big deal. The things that he said to me didn't matter, his opinion about me didn't matter. All that mattered was what my friends thought about me, what _I_ thought about me. That's what counted.

By the time he came out, bare chested and fuming, I was able to smile up at him. He just turned away and slammed into his bedroom. I knew as angry as he was I'd never get a word in edgewise, so I decided to leave him be. For now.

Lupin stood when I entered the kitchen and looked me over. "Why are you wet? What was all that noise about?"

"He resisted the bath but I couldn't take the smell anymore," I answered nonchalantly as if it was an everyday thing to be bathing Death Eaters. "I'm tired; I think I'll head in. Goodnight."

"Goodnight," he replied warily, Kingsley muttering the same. When I landed in McGonagall's office she just raised her pencil thin eyebrows and told me to hurry to bed. I bade her goodnight and hurried through the freezing corridors. When I entered the Gryffindor common room I let out the breath I'd been holding when I didn't see any of the Quidditch team milling about. That meant they were still at practice and I was free from the questions. I had to keep from sprinting up the girl's staircase in my haste to avoid inquiries about why the Head Girl was soaking wet. I knew I should go back down to the common room after changing to attend to my duties of assisting the younger students on homework or making sure none of the Weasley twin's merchandise had somehow made it past post inspection, but all I wanted now was a bit of peace and quiet.

My breath caught in my throat when I noticed that there was now only one bed in the dormitory. Apparently, Lavender had decided not to return to school after all. Closing my eyes, I stripped as quickly as possible and grabbed the bottle sitting on my bedside table containing my Sleeping Draught. I downed enough to knock me out for a solid eight hours and fell onto my bed, my head whirling with everything that had happened.

 _Sweet dreams, Granger._

I sat up so fast I gave myself vertigo. Malfoy! That prick!

 _Get out of my head!_ I screamed at him mentally. I heard his chuckle, then silence. I sat in worry for long moments, staring into the dark of my room, but the potion was working its way through my system. My thoughts became groggy and I settled myself back down, deciding I would deal with Malfoy in the morning.

…

XOXO

RynStar15


	5. The Accused

My lungs seared from holding my breath. I closed my eyes and willed myself to shrink further back between the statue of Gregory the Smarmy and the wall, the small alcove shadowing me from view. The well-meaning Ravenclaw was chirruping about how I had collapsed as she led a worried looking Professor Sprout around the corner. Every muscle in my body was taut as they hurried past, not even glancing in my direction.

I didn't have much time, they would realize I was missing and come looking for me, possibly alert others. Sneaking out from behind the stone figure, I slithered silently down the hall and ducked through the nearest tapestry; a shortcut that would lead me down two floors right outside the Prefects bathroom.

For the first in my life I hated the grand scale of Hogwarts castle. There was so much space between me and my destination. My heart pounded as I thought of the possibility of not getting there on time.

What if he was gone before I could stop him?

…

 _Two months, two weeks, and four days earlier…_

"Hermione?"

My head snapped up so fast my neck cricked. I rubbed at the sore spot and glared at Harry.

"Did you hear me?"

"Sorry, Harry, I wasn't listening," I apologized, wiping the irritated glare from my face. It wasn't his fault I was daydreaming. Again. "What did you say?"

"I asked if you knew what the seventh ingredient to Veritaserum was."

"Hellibore," I answered offhandedly, returning to my own essay. I had finished it hours ago having worked on it all night, but the boys needn't know that. I snuck a glance at them; Harry was hastily scribbling down what I had told him and Ron was chewing on the tip of his quill, his brows furrowed.

"Ron, get that out of your mouth, you'll be pulling feathers out of your teeth at breakfast tomorrow," I sighed. He did so without even looking my way and leaned over the coffee table the two were using for a writing surface, adding something to his parchment. I looked down at my completed essay and for the life of me could not remember what I had written. Sighing, I rolled up the parchment and sealed it with a tap of my wand. Harry and Ron looked up.

"Are you done already?" Ron asked, astonished. I gave him a look as if to say, _do you really need to ask?_ He grumbled and returned to the three measly paragraphs he had so far produced. Stuffing the scroll in my bag, I opened the book I had used to write my own essay on (or at least pretended to) and tried to look engrossed, but my mind wouldn't cooperate. It kept floating back to Malfoy where he was locked away in a tiny room at Headquarters like a dog. I found it hard to think of anything _but,_ and the fact that I knew he could enter my mind at any given moment disturbed me to no end. I'd spent all of yesterday buried inside books; poring over old tomes about Occlumency and they all said the same thing: you had to have eye contact. Then how the bloody hell had Malfoy managed it from hundreds of miles away?

Voldemort had done it with Harry, yes, alright, but that was a _completely_ different situation! Not only was he much more powerful than Draco Malfoy, but they had that uncanny connection he had unwillingly forged when he'd tried to kill Harry as a baby.

So how was _Malfoy_ doing it?

"Hermione!"

 _"What?"_

"What do you do after you stew the Scurry Grass?" Ron asked exasperatedly.

"Honestly, don't you two pay attention at all? Where are your books?"

"Slughorn took them, remember?" Ron said slowly, and he and Harry looked at me oddly. I nearly winced at my mistake. Of course he had, the assignment was to see how much they could remember without the book so he had confiscated every copy in the castle and locked them in his office.

I sighed. "Cut the Hemloch into four centimeter bits and stir counter-clockwise for seven minutes."

"You're the greatest friend a bloke could have," he grinned and I rolled my eyes.

Fifteen minutes later I couldn't stand it anymore. I was so restless I couldn't sit still and the boys were starting to notice. I darted out of my seat and was about to make a beeline for the library for some more research when Tamara Hadley, a sweet second year, hurried up to me.

"Professor McGonagall asked me to give you this," she gasped, obviously having just run the entire way to the common room to deliver the message.

"Thank you, Tammy," I said brightly, watching the young girl light up with pride. "How did that History of Magic exam go?"

"Great! I remembered all about Ulric the Oddball and didn't even mix him up with Emeric the Ugly! Thank you so much for helping me!"

"Any time. I'm glad it came out well," I replied, suppressing the urge to correct the girl in her mistake. "Did you need more help with your Transfiguration homework?"

"No, it's pretty straightforward. Everyone seems to think McGonagall is really hard, but I think she makes a lot of sense."

I smiled at this. "I do too. Now, go get started on that homework, I don't want you up all night like last week."

"I won't!"

She scurried off and I felt a warm glow. The girl was smart; she simply had trouble staying on task, much like my two friends. I laughed softly when I noticed Tamara's gang gathering around her and listening in awe while sneaking glances my way. They all had a dream to be Head Girl and I had fallen in as their role model.

Ron snorted behind me. I glared at him. He was just jealous that these girls looked up to me instead of ogling him for being the Gryffindor Keeper hero.

Turning away from my immature friend, I slit open the red Hogwarts seal and quickly scanned the letter. My heart went into palpitations and I had to read it several times to believe what I was seeing. A small, triumphant smile crossed my face and I hurried toward the portrait hole.

"Oi, where are you going?" Ron yelled as I skittered around the table at a dead run for the exit.

"McGonagall wants to see me," I explained briefly and dove past the Fat Lady.

Professor Flitwick reminded me to slow down as befitting my station when I nearly bowled him over flying around a corner. I apologized profusely and slowed to a brisk walk until I had rounded the next corner, then broke into a run again. I slid to a halt outside the familiar gargoyles and took a moment to catch my breath, a smile still plastered stupidly on my face. Closing my eyes, I took a few deep breaths and reminded myself why I was called to this situation.

 _I am mature, I am in control of my emotions. I am the brightest witch of the age.  
_

 _And I am goddamn right._

At the top of the staircase my face was a mask of calm inquisitiveness. When the headmistress opened the door at my soft knock I bid her good evening as she summoned me into the room.

"You wished to see me, Professor?" I asked innocently as McGonagall sank onto her chair behind the large mahogany desk, gesturing for me to do the same.

"Yes, I have a proposition for you."

"Concerning Draco Malfoy?"

She eyed me warily over her spectacles which I knew would take the exact markings around her eyes when she transformed into her Animagus.

"Yes, Miss Granger. We were hoping you could tutor young Malfoy."

I waited patiently for her to finish. She sighed.

"I can see you are somewhat skeptical."

"Forgive me." Yes, alright, I had _mentioned_ going back to school to Malfoy the other day, but I hadn't actually been serious, and I'd never dreamed I would be _tasked_ with the damn thing.

"No, this was why we picked you."

"We-?"

"The Order," she explained. The Order. The _Order_ wanted me to tutor Malfoy. I struggled not to huff in annoyance. After all the missions, the battles, the hunts and raids, and now they want me to teach Malfoy Ancient Runes?

When I still looked confused, McGonagall removed her glasses and rubbed her temples in an exhausted gesture I had never before seen her do. It seemed the weight of being a teacher and Headmistress as well as a vital member of the Order was finally starting to wear on the aging woman.

"We have recently come across some information which gives us no small amount of unease," she began, bringing the spectacles up for inspection, then snatching her wand and tapping them, clearing away gathered dust and debris before replacing them. She turned her sharp eyes to me once more. "The Death Eaters appear to be very interested in retrieving young Master Malfoy. Inexplicably so."

My brows crinkled with this information. I had figured Malfoy's parents would be concerned and Voldemort likely livid at his defection but, by the tightness of McGonagall's lips, it seemed the Dark Lord was overly concerned with the whereabouts of one rebellious teenager.

"Aren't there other things they should be worrying about instead?" I asked. _Perhaps the fact that with help of the Order, Harry, Ron and I had hunted up the remaining Horcruxes and disposed of them?_

"That's what we believed and had expected the initial search would wane. However, it seems to only have strengthened. The Death Eaters are keeping posts outside Headquarters at all times, not to mention the ones stationed in Hogsmeade and several other safe houses. Dementors are scouring Great Britain for a scent of him, and the entire wizarding world is draped with pictures of the boy."

She reached for something beneath the parchment she'd been writing on and dropped a copy of the _Evening Prophet_ in front of me. I had yet to receive mine and a glance at the clock behind the headmistress told me she got hers early. I pulled it to me, my brows rising in horror.

Malfoy's face stared out at me with an expression I had never seen; a terrifying, hideous contortion of rage. His wand was griped tightly in his fist as the picture-Malfoy raised it, a shower of white falling around him and what seemed to be a shock wave boomed from him. The headline read _Dangerous Criminal Wanted for Crimes Against Humanity_. A ball of horror and dread gathered in my throat, threatening to choke me as I read the article that followed.

"This can't be true," I whispered, my shaky hand dropping the paper on the desk before me. "Professor?"

I wouldn't believe it, _couldn't_ believe that he had killed these people, that he had committed these atrocities. No, it wasn't possible…

"We do not know for sure, but we believe that it is a cleanly devised plan for the Death Eaters to obtain him."

"Why? What could they possibly want with him? Do we even know if he's actually a Death Eater?"

"We do not. Even if he is, it is now our duty to keep him safe."

"Then shouldn't he moved? If they're guarding Headquarters?"

"At the moment, they do not seem to be aware of which safehouse he's staying in, or even if he is. It would be precarious to attempt to move him now while we are under such scrutiny and we simply do not have the resources to mount such a feat."

My mind whirled with possibilities. "But…he can't be that important, he's barely of age! Why would they go to so much trouble for one lowly follower?"

McGonagall leaned across the desk, her blue eyes shining. "Why, indeed. That is why we require you, Miss Granger."

"Me?" I asked incredulously. I had figured she'd asked me here to discuss "Mr. Malfoy's current predicament" because he was finally breaking out of his shell and ready to come back to Hogwarts. The exhausted look on my mentor's face told me differently.

"You will go to Headquarters three times a week and tutor Mr. Malfoy. In doing so, we need you to gather any information about him that you can."

I could see the strain lines etching McGonagall's tired face. It was obvious she did not ask this of me lightly. If Malfoy had truly done even _one_ of the horrible things mentioned in that paper, I could likely be placed in an incredibly dangerous situation. Apparently, I had severely underestimated my former classmate.

"What information do you need?" I would never let her down. If the Order needed me to do something, I would. It wasn't even a question.

"See if you can determine whether he has taken the Mark, what information he has about their operations. We need to find out why the Death Eaters have been so desperate to get to the poor boy. Dumbledore wanted to help him; he must have known something we do not. I trust Dumbledore even now. Mr. Malfoy is hiding something and I have a feeling this something could be essential to our victory. We need that information, Miss Granger. Do you understand?"

"Yes, of course, Professor."

"Good. Then I suppose you should get to it, we won't get away with hiding him for much longer. I have taken the liberty of collecting all the books you will need. Do not give him an option in this."

McGonagall waved her hand to a heavy satchel on the floor. I swallowed thickly and picked it up, turning for the fireplace.

"We're counting on you, Hermione."

It was the first time in all my years at Hogwarts that I could remember her addressing me by my given name. Pride surged through me and I gave her a reassuring smile.

"Don't worry about anything, Professor. I'll get you what you need."

Tossing the green powder into the grate, I stepped in and called for Headquarters. Upon landing, Tonks looked up from the steaming kettle Levitating before her at the counter and smiled.

"Been waiting. Tea?"

"No, thank you," I replied. It seemed I was the last to know about this whole ordeal. "Has he-?"

"Not a peep," she answered, carrying the mug to a thick book lying open at the kitchen table. "But that's what you're here for, isn't it?"

"It appears so," I said, the heavy bag weighing me down so that I was forced to hike it further up on my shoulder.

"Here, bring an ice breaker," Tonks suggested, rounding the counter again, her left elbow knocking over the still hot tea kettle. I hurried forward to help when Tonks hissed in pain but the kettle was airborne and two Butterbeers were being thrust in my hands before I could even lift my wand.

"Take these and go before I burn down the kitchen," the clumsy Auror chuckled. I shook my head and gave my thanks, making my way up the stairs and out of sight of the bouncy young woman. By the time I reached Malfoy's floor, my lungs, back, and legs were screaming from the effort it took to carry an entire seventh year's N.E.W.T materials and two full drinks up a hundred or more stairs. I had to catch my breath at the top-floor landing and shifted both drinks to one hand so I could open the door.

It was locked.

Grunting in frustration, I dug out my wand from the inside pocket of my robes and whispered _"Alohamora!"_

It didn't budge.

"Malfoy, open the door," I commanded. Not a sound answered. Curious, I muttered a Revealing Charm and noticed the light blue sheen that declared a Silencing Spell had been used as well as a block on the handle. It had seemed along with long-range Legilimency, Malfoy had been taught wandless magic. Rolling my eyes, I tried a few more unlocking spells and finally stumbled upon the correct one, the door swinging in of its own accord.

"Evening, Malfoy," I greeted, noticing that, for the first time, a lamp was lit and the room was not its usual dark, dank hole. The smell of body odor had gone and the air was simply a bit musty. A cleanly-shaven Malfoy looked up from the bed where an old Daily Prophet was open in his lap. His lips curled in an unpleasant snarl as he glared up at me.

"How did you get in here, Granger? Haven't I told you you're not welcome?"

"A simple counter to the Enemy Deterrence Charm did the trick, and you have indeed told me several times that I am not welcome. Butterbeer?"

Before he could say anything, I shoved the drink into his hands and dropped the heavy bag at the foot of his bed. He eyed it wearily and I began digging out the large books, tumbling them one by one onto the bedclothes.

"What the bloody hell is all this, Granger?"

"Your textbooks, of course."

 _"My_ textbooks? I was not under the impression that I attended Hogwarts any longer."

"Well, like I said the other day, under the circumstances, you cannot _attend_ Hogwarts, but it is the Order's wish that you continue your studies anyway. Tonight will be the first of our tutoring sessions, so I suggest you pick a subject and we shall begin as it's been a very long day and I would like to get some rest."

"Then go."

"Not a chance, Malfoy. You're not getting out of this."

"Granger, there is no way in hell-"

"You really don't have an option, Malfoy," I snapped. "If you wish to stay here under our protection you will follow our rules. Or do you want to return to dear old dad?"

His face paled from its unusually sickly grey and his body sunk a fraction of an inch. It seemed he was not nearly so blithe when it came to returning him to the Death Eaters as he would have me believe. "Then find someone else because I refuse to be stuck seeing your bushy head every day."

"It is only three times a week and I was who they chose. We shall have to suffer through this together, I'm afraid."

"This is complete bullshite!" he thundered. I was a bit startled by his violent outburst of anger, an image of him screaming in rage surrounded by lightening flickering across my vision, but I quickly composed myself.

"Look, Malfoy, neither of us have a choice in this so you might as well get used to it."

"Why _you_? Out of every fucking seventh year there is, why did they have to choose _you_? _"_

I would never admit that the barb stung. "Gee, I don't know, Malfoy. Maybe because I'm the only seventh year besides Harry and Ron who knows you're _here?_ Or possibly because I'm the head of our class? It couldn't _possibly_ be because I am the only person in the _entire_ Order who has enough patience to deal with you for more than five minutes?"

He was silent for a moment while I fumed. I closed my eyes and breathed in. Out. Calm.

"Look, we don't have to fight all the time. See this as an opportunity. We'll get you caught up and you'll be able to take your N.E.W.T's in June. With any luck, you'll be able to secure a stable job once this damnable war is over."

He shook his head, a sneer on his lips. "Don't you understand, Granger? When this war is over there will be nothing left. Do you really think Potter can defeat the greatest wizard there ever was?"

I straightened my back. "I never suggested he was to take on Dumbledore. I do, however, have every faith that Harry can rid us of Tom Riddle once and for all."

He laughed; a cruel sound that rang around the sparse room. "So naive, Granger. You'll never understand."

"Oh, really? Because I've _never_ been in battle! I have _never_ fought against Voldemort-"

 _"Don't say his name!"_ he hissed.

"Or what? He'll send his little cronies after me? News flash, Malfoy! He's already done that!"

"You really think you're so invincible, don't you?" he snarled, getting to his feet and staring me down. "You think if he _really_ wanted you he wouldn't have you?"

"He's tried before and look where I'm standing."

"As I recall you weren't exactly fast enough on the upswing now were you, Granger?"

My jaw clenched and I fought against the memories. Most days I was able to push it to the back of my mind. Now, at his thoughtless reminder, the images crashed over me until they threatened to steal the very breath from my lungs. I swallowed several times, pushing back the stone walls and the screams and the pain and the terror. _Breathe…_

"And yet I'm still here, aren't I?" I grated out, as much for his sake as mine. I was here, safe, away from that terrible place. It couldn't touch me anymore, _they_ couldn't touch me anymore.

He stared at me for an embarrassing amount of time in which I fought not to squirm beneath his scrutinizing gaze. He gave a slight nod. "I suppose you are."

Turning away from his burning contemplation, I spread out the book selection and cleared my throat. "So, what would you like to work on tonight?"

I felt his eyes on me for an endless moment longer before he started forward and reached for a book, his arm brushing against mine unnecessarily.

"Arithmancy it is," I said all too cheerily to cover up the fact that just a slight touch from him had me reeling and, damn him, the bastard knew it, a smirk curling on his lips.

When I conjured another chair so we could sit together at the desk, he snorted.

"Honestly, Granger? You don't have to babysit me. I have the books, now go on back to the cave from whence you crawled," he said scathingly.

"Oh, shove it, Malfoy!" I snapped, plopping down in an irritated huff. In an instant, my chair was tipped back dangerously low and he was leaning over me, his hands holding the back of the seat, the only reason I hadn't yet crashed to the floor. His face was inches from mine and his spearmint breath seared my cheek.

"You just don't get it, do you?" he growled. "What do I have to do to get it through that thick head of yours? If you know what's good for you, you'll leave now and never come back."

"You don't intimidate me, Malfoy, and I don't take advice about what is or is not good for me from someone who couldn't even bathe without my intervention," I replied, my voice strong and unwavering, though I was slightly nervous that he would drop the chair.

"Hygienic habits aside, you are correct in assuming that you have no reason to trust me," he said, and I sensed a strain in his words, a shiver running through me as his eyes narrowed, a look I'd never seen washing over him. "But for just this once, use that supposedly brilliant brain of yours and heed my advice. Stay away from me, Granger."

"Did you just say I was brilliant?" I grinned, goading him.

"Dammit, Granger! This isn't a joke! Mind a bit of self-preservation and _stay away!"_

"Why are you so damn adamant about pushing me out?" I snapped. "Why can't you see that I'm trying to help you?"

A dark look ghosted his pewter eyes. "I don't need help."

"Everyone needs help, Malfoy," I said softly, holding his gaze. "Let me be yours."

He was shocked into silence by my sincerity, his eyes searching mine and reading the truth there. He cursed lowly, looking away, his hands gripping the sides of the chair tighter on either side of me. I could feel the muscles cording in his forearms, see the tension in his stance. "You don't want to get involved with me."

"I hardly think tutoring-"

His lips were on mine, it was the first thing I registered. I gasped in absolute shock at this realization, warranting him to press tighter against my lips, to deepen the kiss, urging me into responding.

The second thought that hit me in quick succession was the strength and passion pouring between that small amount of contact; an overpowering sensation which barreled over me, immersing me in its intensity.

The third, and most terrifying, was that I wanted this, so much.

So I took and took and didn't think as his lips bruised mine and my senses lurched. My hands had left the arms of the chair and wrapped around his neck before I had any recollection of doing so. He groaned when my nails scraped against his tender flesh and I shuddered, a reaction which only spurred him into action, his tongue pressing into my mouth, twining with mine, rubbing against it possessively. For a few moments, all I knew was bliss and the heart stuttering excitement he wrought from me.

Then it all came crashing down, quite literally.

The legs of the chair hit the floor so hard all the bones in my body protested and I had to grip the sides so as not to fly off. Malfoy stumbled back against the desk, gaping at me with a look to equal the one which had likely crossed my face the first time I'd ran into Fluffy. We were both panting, confusion clawing its way into our rational as we both wondered what the fuck had just happened and why the _fuck_ it had felt so good.

"Go," he finally croaked, his whole body trembling. "Go, now. Out, just get out."

I upset the chair in my haste as I ran for the door. The stairs flew up at me and I wondered wildly how sprinting from his room had become something of a hobby of mine.

"Hermione, what-"

I said nothing to Tonks who shot to her feet at my harried arrival but jumped into the flames and tumbled into Professor McGonagall's office, very nearly crashing to the floor in my haste to put as much distance between myself and what had just occurred as possible.

"I didn't expect you so early," McGonagall said, her eyebrows drawn as she eyed my disheveled appearance.

"Yes, well, I explained things and he seemed insistent on doing it on his own," I babbled, brushing myself off and straightening my uniform as if that could wipe away my glazed look and freshly-kissed lips. "I thought I'd give him a little room you know, a little space before I try again…"

She stared at me with hawk-like eyes for a brief moment before returning to the long parchment before her.

"We need that information, Miss Granger."

Guilt burned in my chest. "I understand, professor. I won't let you down."

I slipped into the nearest empty classroom I could find and leaned heavily against as desk. Eyes closed, I focused on my breathing and tried to push from my mind the only thing that seemed to exist anymore. Lips and tongue and heat and _want…_

 _Why?  
_

The word raced through my brain over and over but no solution came to me. Was he just trying to shock me? Scare me into leaving him alone? Was it a spur of the moment thing, or premeditated?

And why, _why_ in Merlin's name did I kiss him back? Did I feel something for him? _No!_ Then why? Curiosity? Loneliness? Simple reaction?

The longer I paced there in the dark room, the chill of the evening seeping into my bones, the more anxious I became. Realizing the moon outside had risen considerably since my arrival in the deserted classroom; I started my trek back up to Gryffindor tower, trying to drive away the image that was seemingly burned onto my psyche.

Harry and Ron were lounged before the fire and a couple of third year boys were sitting in the corner leaning over something, but the common room was otherwise deserted. The young boys in the corner looked up with wide eyes and, as soon as they saw me, ran for their dormitories, their robes bulging with items they did not want me to see. I caught a glimpse of a bright purple box and shook my head. I was not in the mood to chase after them.

I turned back to my friends and my face fell. Upon further inspection, my two boys looked incredibly haggard.

"What's going on? What happened?" I asked, panic rising. Ron met my eyes and confirmed my fear. Something was wrong and his glance to the parchment on the table said all.

It was a letter from Lupin, ones we all feared. I took a quick second to look at Harry, whose head was in his hands, before picking it up with a shaky hand.

The words blurred together, horror gripping me as I read. There had been another raid, a bad one. The Death Eaters had killed a Muggle family of four in Brighton, not anything out of the ordinary, but when the Aurors showed up to investigate, they were ambushed. Every single one was killed. Order members eventually arrived and the disaster was incredible, but wasn't all. During the raid about a dozen Death Eaters tried to get into headquarters unsuccessfully. The list of casualties followed, among them Dedalus Diggle and Hestia Jones. My stomach twisted at the thought of the bouncy man and pink cheeked woman lying in a tomb somewhere, still. Their deaths weighed heavily on us all and I knew Harry would be taking it even harder than I.

"Harry-"

"This is your fault."

My heart might have actually stopped. _"What?"_

"Harry-" Ron started but he was cut off. Harry threw my copy of the _Evening Prophet_ at me and I scrambled to catch hold of it as random sections scattered and fluttered to the floor. The wind was knocked out of me, not because of the strength with which the paper hit my chest, but because of the stinging accusation.

"You brought him to headquarters! None of this would have happened if you had just killed him like you were supposed to!" Harry thundered, gaining his feet and staring me down, his green eyes flashing with rage.

"Harry, I-"

"You are bang out of order, mate!" Ron yelled, shooting up and grabbing Harry by the bicep. Harry wrenched himself from the redhead's grip and rounded on me.

"You didn't give a second thought to any of the others you've killed, why _him?"_ Harry cried.

"You know I would never-"

"Except that you _did,_ Hermione! You brought this down on all of us! Hestia and Dedalus are dead, _dead!_ And so are countless others! And why?"

"Harry-"

"Because you think you can fix everybody! You think you can turn everyone into perfect little clones of yourself!" he raged, his cheeks flaming. Ron tried to pull him back as he advanced on me and I backed away in utter, utter terror. "Not everyone is good, Hermione! How many times have I said it? How many people have to die before you realize that this is real life, not some silly story you read before bedtime where the good guys always win and the bad guys realize the wrong they've done?"

"Harry, please-"

My entire body shook as he loud out a howl of frustration. Ron dove between us and Harry bowed around his lanky form to continue through gritted teeth. "Some people are just bad, Hermione! What the hell don't you understand? This is a fucking _war!_ "

"Harry, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean-"

"What _did_ you mean, Hermione?" Harry roared, still struggling with a red-faced Ronald. "What did you _possibly_ think could come of this?"

"That is enough!" Ron yelled, shoving our raven-haired friend backwards as I wrapped my arms around my body, the _Evening Prophet_ strewn around me, drowning me with its painful allegations. Tears threatened and my heart ached with a betrayal I could never have imagined.

"Do you see that fucking article? _Do you?_ He's murdered hundreds, _hundreds!_ He is _evil,_ Hermione, and he's fooled you! If you can't take care of him then I will!"

Harry shoved Ron so hard he crashed to the ground. Without looking at me, he stepped over his groaning friend and flew for the door. I couldn't move, my entire body was shaking so hard. A loud _bang!_ sounded throughout the room and I nearly jumped out of my skin. Harry hit the floor and Ron was standing, his wand drawn, breath puffing between his lips. He stared at his hand as if shocked for a moment before hurrying forward, taking my upper arms in his long fingers as my knees gave out.

"Hermione, don't listen to him, you know how he gets," Ron huffed as he sank with me, lowering me gently to the ground. A hard ball was lodged in my chest, making it hard to breathe. How could he accuse me of something like that? Surely, he knew that everything I did was for the Order, for _him?_ Ever since I'd met the misfit pair on the train, my entire life had been revolved around them. Harry had always come to me for help and I could always give him a solution. He had leaned on me in our battle for the Philosopher's Stone, during the Triwizard Tournament, when we searched for the Horcruxes. He came to _me_ to destroy them when he couldn't bear to do it. After everything we had been through together, everything I had endured to keep him safe, he was ready to doubt my intentions?

"I didn't mean for any of this to happen," I said weakly. "How could he believe I would ever do anything to put the Order in danger?"

"He doesn't, you know that!" Ron cajoled, brushing my hair back from my face with a sweaty hand. "He was just upset when he read the letter, that's all. I'll take him upstairs and put him to bed, he'll come 'round in the morning."

I nodded; it was all I could do. I vaguely heard Ron offer me assistance to stand but I declined it. I didn't think my feet would hold me yet. I watched in a haze as Ron Levitated Harry's limp body up the staircase leading to the boy's dormitory. Once he was out of view, I gathered the offending papers, chucked them into the dying fire, and dragged myself up the girl's staircase. Disgusted with myself, I burrowed beneath my covers without undressing and shook until my tired muscles finally eased me to sleep.

…

XOXO

RynStar15


	6. The Acquiescence

I burst out of the tapestry grabbing at the stitch in my side and ran headlong into something very warm and solid which squealed as we toppled to the floor. Disoriented, as my mind was consumed with Draco, it took me a few moments to realize it was Ginny whom I was extricating myself from.

"Hermione, are you alright?" she asked, her brown eyes so much like her mother's boring into me. How could I admit to her that I'd failed? For a minute, I thought about lying. There wasn't time to explain…

"I-"

"What happened?"

…

 _Two months, two weeks, and three days earlier…_

When I woke the next morning, it was still dark. I rolled over and stared at the weak moon streaming through the dormitory window and onto the floor. The geometric shapes sliced into the ground by the window panes held my attention for a few brief moments before memories of the night before assailed me, starting with Malfoy and ending with Harry. I forcefully shoved all thoughts of what had occurred between me and Draco aside, guilt burning harshly at the scene which had met me on my return to Gryffindor tower.

The pain behind Harry's betrayal ate at me even as I tried to remind myself that he didn't mean it. He was just upset, that was all. Who wouldn't be in his situation? I had gone against orders and as a result, dozens of our people were dead. He was right to be angry, right to hate me.

Furious at myself, I could not bear to see him at breakfast. I hurriedly readied for the day and trekked to the library where I stayed until five minutes before my Arithmancy class. There, at least, I didn't have to worry about seeing him or Ron and could study in peace. After the class, however, we had Transfiguration and the three of us normally sat at a table together. I sat at the far edge of the table and didn't look up when the boys came in. I waited for Ron to drop his heavy bag onto the table next to me but their footsteps retreated to the back and I spent the period taking endless notes with by spine ramrod straight while their gazes burned holes into the back of my head.

Lunch was much the same. I sat next to Ginny and Neville who had obviously heard about the fight and were happy enough to talk about nonsense while Harry sat at the opposite end of the Gryffindor table and pretended I didn't exist and Ron snuck worried glances between the two of us.

Out of this whole debacle, the thing that hurt the most his lack of trust. Harry was repeatedly telling me that I was the only person he could really confide in. The only other time I had been at the receiving end of Harry's scorn was in the third year when he blamed me for having his Firebolt taken away (which, well, I _had_ ) and wouldn't listen to my concerns about Sirius. Usually it was Ron whom he butted heads with and _I_ took the brunt of his anger. His cold accusations and resentment towards me was almost more than I could stand.

The boys had the afternoon off while I went to a double Ancient Runes so at least I had peace until dinner. I expected to sit at the end of the table alone again but I didn't even make it to the double doors of the Great Hall before someone caught my elbow and dragged me backwards, nearly throwing me into Firenze's empty classroom despite my protests. Long arms wrapped around me and I was crushed against a bony chest.

"I'm so sorry, Hermione," Harry choked in a strangled whisper. "I don't know what came over me. Of course this wasn't your fault, not at all. I was a prat, I was-"

"Upset, Harry," I finished for him, drawing back, my heart soaring. I _knew_ he couldn't stay mad at me for long! "You were upset. I was too when I found out. But this wasn't Draco's fault either, you know that…"

His hands clenched into fists and his jaw grew hard. "Hermione, he can't stay. How many others have to die for him? A _Death Eater?"_

"Harry, we don't know that he's a-"

"I do! I saw his arm!?

"Can you be so sure what you saw?" I asked warily for the hundredth time.

"Yes! Hermione, it was there! I'm not daft!"

"I never implied you were," I stated calmly. I had been through enough of his episodes to know it was no use to fight with him while he was like this.

"Hermione, he's dangerous. The sooner you and the rest of the Order realize that the safer we'll all be." He began pacing the room, his tight fist banging against his hip with every step.

"Harry, be reasonable, we can't just throw him back to them, they'll kill him!"

"Better him than us!"

I jerked harshly at his words, unable to believe my ears. "Harry, you can't mean that?"

"Why not?" he shouted and I glanced around. People walking by might hear his heated outbursts. I quickly dug out my wand and threw up a Silencing Charm while snapping at him.

"Harry, listen to what you're saying! You would condemn our _classmate_ to _death_ over a ridiculous childhood grudge? You know the kind of life he grew up with, the kind of tasks he was put to, the decisions he had to make-"

"Yeah, and he made all the wrong ones, didn't he?" Harry said darkly. "No one forced him-"

"You know that's not true."

Air expelled from Harry's flared nostrils in his attempt to keep his cool. "It doesn't matter."

"It does."

"Why are you defending him?"

"Why are you so quick to accuse him of crimes we have no proof he has committed?" I retorted. "You know the _Prophet_ has been taken over! Did you ever once wonder _why_ the Death Eaters are so intent on having him back? Even if he _is_ one of them, he's one of hundreds, and barely of age at that! What would they care if he deserted? Don't you think they have bigger problems to worry about?"

"Voldemort doesn't allow desertion," Harry stated lamely.

"That may be so, but he's not stupid enough to waste all his time and energy finding one lone boy who's run off. I think he'd be a little more worried about those missing Horcruxes at the moment."

"He might not know yet," Harry said. "There has to be another one out there, anyway."

"We got them all," I countered, listing them off in my head. "Nagini was the last one and we were able to make it look like an accident during that battle in September."

"Hermione, I _told_ you, I used the Killing Curse on him just a couple weeks ago, it didn't work! There has to be another!"

"Dumbledore said six, we found six!"

"He must have been wrong."

"He hasn't been up until now." I wasn't going to give up faith. There must have been something else we'd forgotten…

Harry shook his head sadly. "Hermione, whether we got them all or not doesn't change anything. 16 people are dead because of Malfoy. He has to go."

"No, Harry." I stood my ground, lifting my chin to meet his gaze and told myself with was for the greater good and not for the smoldering moment we'd shared the night previous. "No. He's staying at Headquarters where he's safe."

Harry let out a frustrated yell. "Are you even listening to yourself? You're protecting the enemy!"

"He's _not_ the enemy!"

"Sure as hell seems that way!"

I sighed, praying for patience. "Harry, listen, the Order and I think he knows something, something Voldemort doesn't want us to know…" I said quietly, desperate for anything that might make him see reason. Harry eyed me.

"What are you on about?"

I worried my hands under his hard gaze. "He had to have a reason for wanting to stay with us, there has to be a reason they want him so bad... Maybe he just hasn't gotten up the courage to tell us."

"If he knows something he better start fucking talking," Harry snarled, his hand going to his wand in his right pocket.

"Harry, we don't know what he's been through. He won't talk to anyone but me and he's pushing me away pretty hard. But we've come up with an idea we think will work."

"You've spoken to him?" Harry snapped, completely ignoring what I had just said. I winced as he caught on to my deception.

"Yes, Harry. A couple of times. He doesn't look good. In fact he looks really sick…"

"Good, the git deserves it."

I glared up at my friend. "Try to have a shred of maturity for once?"

Harry chewed his tongue and I went on. "The Order has asked me to tutor him three times a week to see if we can get him to open up. Maybe we can figure out why the Death Eaters are so anxious to get him back."

"No, absolutely not!" Harry thundered, rounding on me, his face a mask of fury.

 _"Excuse me?"_

"There is no way I'm letting you _tutor_ that maniac! What if he turns on you? Attacks you?"

I didn't divulge the fact that he had, indeed, attacked me several times and thought it best to tread carefully. "Harry, it's just a bit of schoolwork…"

"What if he snaps? He's dangerous!"

"I think I can handle him," I said coolly, my voice deathly hard. Harry's gaze turned stony.

"I know you can," he sighed and I could see the familiar pain that crossed his features anytime we spoke of the thing we never spoke of. "But that doesn't mean we need to be throwing you into risky situations again. We all know what happened last time."

"Yes, we do. And I'm fine, aren't I?"

"We almost lost you-"

 _"Almost_ being the key word. Harry, that was four months ago. You have to forgive yourself sometime. There was nothing you could have done to stop me. I knew it was a risk, one I was willing to take. It all worked out the way it was supposed to. You got the Horcrux and I'm safe."

"But not untouched."

"No," I submitted. "Not untouched. But stronger because of it."

Harry attempted to flatten his messy hair and relented by shoving his hands into his pockets. He fidgeted for several more moments until he was calm enough to speak. "I'm not okay with this."

"You don't have to be. It's my choice, the decision has already been made."

"The Order told you to do it, didn't they? Was Lupin a part of this?"

"I imagine he was involved in the process, but this had nothing to do with the Order and everything to do with me. If I didn't want to do this I could have said no. I was given a choice, Harry."

I didn't tell him that it wasn't really a choice at all, but I let him believe what he wanted. It would make it easier on him if he thought I really wanted to do this. Which I did, sort of. I wanted to help the Order in any way I could. Babysitting and interrogating Malfoy wasn't at the top of my "favorite things to do" list, but if it was what they needed, then it was my duty to assist.

"Harry, please do not worry about me or Malfoy. You have much more important things to think about. Malfoy is not evil, just misdirected. He obviously has some sense of right and wrong if he was able to choose to come to our side. He's not dangerous, he won't hurt me. I'm just getting him through his N.E.W.T's and seeing what information I can dig out of him. That's all. A few hours a week."

He nodded even though I could tell by the look on his face that he wasn't about to let this go. So, I did what I did best and re-directed the Incredibly-Impulsive-and-Exceedingly-Stubborn-Boy.

"Come on, you need dinner before Quidditch practice," I urged. Relenting, Harry followed me into the Great Hall where the din of hungry children swallowed up our unspoken words and we settled onto the bench in front of Ron and Ginny. They both eyed us wearily but heaved a simultaneous sigh of relief when I smiled. Ginny immediately launched into an idea for a new Chaser formation she had found in an old Quidditch book in the library and I automatically tuned the three out, smiling when necessary, my face trained into mild fascination while my mind worked elsewhere.

What could the Death Eaters possibly want with Malfoy? I knew I had gone over it again and again, but nothing seemed to fit. I was stuck in a puzzle full of missing pieces feeling more lost than ever. Harry could be right, maybe there _was_ another Horcrux. Did Malfoy know where it was? Was that why the Death Eaters wanted to get a hold of him, so he didn't dispatch the information to us? Though it didn't make any sense for someone as low on the totem pole as Malfoy surely was to know something so vital. Even if he did, they were sure to move the potential Horcrux just in case, so questioning him would be futile. Was it possibly something else, something bigger than any of us had imagined? Something stopping Voldemort from death?

"You alright, Hermione?" Ron asked, nudging my elbow. I looked around at my three friends' apprehensive faces and scolded myself for not keeping my dark thoughts away from them. They had enough to agonize over and if they thought they had to worry over me it would just add to their burdens.

"Yes, of course. I'm just so worried about my Arithmancy exam tomorrow!" I crooned in my old school-obsessive voice that they knew me by. "We weren't given nearly enough time to study and we were just starting the chapter about the Nurogi Method and-"

"Hermione, _relax!"_ Ginny chortled and I was glad to see all their faces ease with my feigned anxiety. "You know you'll do fine!"

"But I really haven't learned enough about Japanese methods and I just know they'll be on the test!" I bemoaned. "I have to get to the library! Have a good practice!" I said hurriedly, grabbing my heavy bag and racing out of the hall as if the hounds of Hades were at my feet. When I heard their laughter mingle with the drone of the rest of the school, I breathed freely. I _had_ to keep myself under control.

Having successfully escaped and not having an Arithmancy test to study for, I contemplated how I should spend the evening. The library seemed unappealing. It would be full of students at this hour getting help from Madam Pince and the Gobstones Club would be meeting in ten minutes. I sought solace for my morose thoughts and ended up heading to the Room of Requirement which opened to a vast library with a roaring fire and a lone, squishy armchair. Sighing in pleasure I scanned the shelves of Dark Magic and grabbed several books which looked like they might point me in the right direction of Tom Riddle's mind. For hours I poured over the sickening spells and the ghastly crimes committed by wizards of old. It wasn't until a cool voice alerted me that I would be late for my Potions class that I realized I had once again lost a night of rest. Tidying myself in a provided mirror, I ran to the dungeons and stilled the boys' questions by telling them I had gone to the library before dawn.

My lack of sleep made itself known halfway through the double lesson when I was forced to pinch myself repeatedly to stay awake. I retrieved every needed ingredient from the store room just to keep my body moving. Ron and Harry seemed not to notice, intent as they were on making up for last class when their Wolfsbane Potion had congealed to a tar-like substance, much to the dismay of Slughorn. I worked quietly next to them as they seemed more than happy to fill in my silence with their own beliefs as to the demise of the Ministry, which seemed to be crumpling a little more every day.

When the bell finally rang and we were dismissed for lunch I begged off saying I needed some last-minute studying. Once again seeking the Room of Requirement, I choked down a Pepper-Up Potion in hopes it would give me a much needed boost for Arithmancy and spent my lunch hour pouring through more books, ignoring my roaring stomach and steaming ears.

By dinnertime I had already had my third Pepper-Up Potion; my ears were burning and my hands shook from caffeine and hunger and nerves. I forced myself to bolt down half a sandwich and tried to involve myself in the conversation (something about Neville's grandmother's irritable bowels) but my mind was stuck at Headquarters where I would be in a quarter of an hour trapped in a room with Malfoy and an ocean of unanswered questions between us. I could still feel his lips on mine; still feel my stomach as it flopped over knowing that a part of me wished it would happen again.

I slipped away before the pudding and rushed up the staircase to McGonagall's office.

"Good evening, Miss Granger," she bade as I neared the door. I eased it open and stood before the aging woman who was up to her thin neck in Howlers and _Daily Prophets_ and letters taller than myself. "Go on through. Hurry now, I think this one is about to explode any minute," she said, cocking her head at a Howler which was steaming, much as my ears had been doing for the better part of the day.

"Professor, who-"

"Go on, now. You don't want to be up all night again."

I ached to ask her how she had known I had indeed been up last night, but her frazzled state appealed to my empathetic side and I slipped into the fire after throwing the Floo Powder into the grate. Just as I shouted for Headquarters, the Howler exploded and shrill screams filled the room as the portraits around the room stuffed their fingers into their ears, all except Dumbledore who merely looked on with an interested air. The only words I caught before I was swept away were "careless," "child," and "maniac."

"Hermione, dear!" Mrs. Weasley wiped her hands furiously on a tea towel as she bustled over to give me a tight hug. "It's good to see you. You look peaky, would you like some tea?"

"No, thank you, Mrs. Weasley, I just finished dinner," I explained, eager to be upstairs.

"Well then would you mind taking some up to Draco? He hasn't been eating and I fear he may be ill, but he just slams the door in my face whenever I try to talk to him!" she tsked, irritated. "Temperament of a dragon, that one."

"Yes," I answered distractedly, taking the mug of steaming tea from Mrs. Weasley and hurrying up the stairs before she could engage me in any more talk. My stomach clenched in worry. Was Malfoy really sick?

Deciding to attempt for a civil relationship, I knocked before entering. The room was pitch black and the moment I walked into the room the Silence Charm was lifted and heart-rending screams filled the air. I hurriedly lit the lamp and as the room came into view I gasped and dropped the mug which shattered at my feet. I hurried towards Malfoy who was on all fours in the middle of the room, bellowing at the top of his lungs.

"Malfoy! Are you-?"

"Get-out!" he panted. Ignoring him, I knelt at his side and put my hand on his shoulder but he shrieked at the touch and shied away, his eyes rolling into the back of his head. Terrified, I stood to call for Mrs. Weasley but he grasped my wrist tightly.

"Don't," he croaked, his red-rimmed eyes meeting mine. "Please-don't-tell-anyone, _argh!"_

His fingers tightened painfully and my eyes watered as I watched him helplessly, my gaze shifting towards the door.

"Malfoy, you need help!" I pled, starting to rise.

"No one-can help me," he ground out through clenched teeth. His grunts slowly lessened and his grip loosened on me. I sank back down beside him as he worked to get himself back under control, his entire body shuddering harshly. As his breath evened out he looked up at me, malice glinting in his eyes, covering the pain.

"If you breathe a word of this to _anyone_ -"

"I won't," I said hurriedly, realizing this could be the key to gaining his confidence. If I kept quiet about this, no matter how much it pained the both of us to, maybe he would grow to trust me. "Let me get you a pain potion, at least-"

"No need, better already," he grunted, gaining his feet and limping to the desk, leaning against it.

"Why-"

"Don't start. I'm not in the mood for the Granger Inquisition."

I bit my tongue and swallowed the questions I was dying to ask. What curse had he endured to put him through this much pain weeks afterward?

"You should at least try to eat…" I said quietly. He laughed sardonically.

"Why, so I can keep going through this?"

"We can help you. Let us take you to St. Mungo's, maybe they-"

"No one can help me now," he said, so quietly I almost didn't hear him. That was the second time he had said that, and the pain in his voice made me ache.

"I'm sure there's something-"

"Am I wrong in believing that you are here to tutor me, not offer me your sage words of advice?"

Clamping my mouth shut with some difficulty, I stood. If he wanted his privacy for now, he would have it. I had leverage; I knew something was ailing him, something he didn't think anyone could cure. McGonagall might understand what this was about, but could I break my promise to Malfoy? What if it got back to him? I would lose any ground gained. Then again, I was supposed to tell the Order anything I learned. And if it helped him, wouldn't it be for the better anyways?

Shoving these thoughts from my mind for the moment, I joined him at the desk and saw he had an Ancient Runes book laying open.

"Did you want to start on this today?" I asked bracingly, hoping to calm him. He waved a hand as if to say it didn't matter but sank into the chair nearest him. Struggling to hide my satisfied smile, I sat in the other and started in.

We spent the next hour in what I could loosely call companionable study, my gaze occasionally shifting to check on Draco's state when my explanations strayed from the text before me. He still seemed very pale, his bangs sticking to his sweaty forehead, but he quipped with all the usual spite so I figured he would live.

After Ancient Runes, we moved on to Charms and I debated giving him my wand so he could practice. Wondering what Moody would say, I reluctantly handed over my wand so he could try turning the desk into a pig. I watched him more than a little cautiously, wondering if he would turn on me, but he concentrated only on the complicated spell. When he'd done it successfully for the third time he tossed it back.

"Are we done yet? Haven't I been tortured enough tonight?" he asked scathingly. Chewing the retort I yearned to throw at him I nodded.

"Yes, we can be done. You did a good job tonight."

"Oh, _thank you,_ Professor Granger!" he trilled sarcastically. "Just what I've always wanted, praise from a Mudblood."

Before I knew what I was doing, I had struck him across the face. He caught my hand on the downswing, a murderous look in his eye.

"Watch yourself, Granger, or you may find yourself less one appendage," he growled. "You may have gotten away with that kind of shite when we were thirteen, but you're treading in dangerous water."

 _"You_ watch your tongue, Malfoy!" I seethed, twisting my arm in his iron grip. "I'm not going to put up with your insolent behavior!" Yanking my hand from his grip I backed away. "I think I've earned a little bit of your respect!"

 _"Respect?"_ he snapped, bearing down on me. "I should respect you threatening me, bullying me into living my life shut up like a common house elf? Less! I am confined to a dank room the size of a broom closet, living in constant agony, but I should _respect_ the pathetic excuse for a witch who put me here? I don't think so."

"I saved your goddamn life!" I screamed, losing the war with my temper which had never recovered from those four stone walls. "I could have killed you out there but instead I brought you here to safety, for what? So you can slander me and abuse me? So that you can throw me around and take our protection for granted? Do you know how many people have _died_ at your expense, trying to keep you safe?"

He paled. "I didn't ask for that. I didn't ask for anyone to die for me."

"But they did," I breathed, glaring at him. "People, _good_ people, are giving their lives every day to keep you safe. Maybe you can respect that."

I turned on my heel and stormed out, letting the door slam in my haste to depart.

…

XOXO

RynStar15


	7. The Dark Exposed

I opened my mouth to explain to Ginny, but the words wouldn't come. How could I sit here talking when even now Draco may be dead?

"Is it about Malfoy? Did you find him?" she asked perceptively, her eyes darting between mine as if she could read the pain behind them. I nodded, my head swimming at the motion.

"I have to get to him," I said, swallowing the bile in my throat.

Ginny nodded. "Alright, let's go."

…

 _Two months, two weeks, and two days earlier…_

"Any luck?" Mrs. Weasley asked, looking up from the sock she was darning. I smiled wanly.

"Some. Have a good night, Mrs. Weasley."

"You too, dear. And please tell the boys to go to bed at a decent hour."

McGonagall looked up from a letter she had been writing when I stepped out of the fire, her eyes tired, wisps of graying hair escaping her usually tight bun. "Any news, Miss Granger?"

I hesitated. "Nothing new, just did some Runes and Charms."

She nodded curtly. "You may go."

Telling myself I was doing the right thing by not telling her of Malfoy's malady, I hurried from her office and took my time walking back to the common room, chiding myself.

I _had_ to stop losing my temper. How was I ever going to win Malfoy over if I was slapping him every other session? I needed to get back to that endlessly patient Hermione Granger I'd been before this stupid war. Granted, it would be infinitely easier if he didn't always have to be such an impossibly egotistical _prick._

I shook myself. It didn't matter how he chose to act, I was better than my actions earlier. This was nothing compared to what Ron and I had put up with all of fifth year with Harry's endless mood swings. Maybe a touch more _violent,_ but it was nothing I couldn't handle. All I had to do was earn his trust, get him to spill his secrets to me. And who hadn't? _Everyone_ came to me with their problems. I carried everyone's weight on my shoulders because I was the only one who could handle it. I was sympathetic and understanding, hell, I'd even gotten _Moody_ to talk to me about his day. Malfoy didn't stand a chance.

Feeling much more centered, I entered the Gryffindor common room hoping Ron and Harry would still be down at the pitch, but they were both sitting by the fire building a house of cards with Ron's Exploding Snap deck.

"C'mon, Harry, we haven't got all night," Ron egged his friend on. Tongue between his teeth, the two held their breath as Harry gently leaned his card against another at the top of the deck creating a shelf for Ron to add to. They both sighed in relief and I chuckled, going to their sides.

"Oi, where've you been?" Ron asked, rolling his card between his fingers as he decided on his next move. I eyed Harry who looked back at me unsympathetically and shrugged. I had been hoping he would tell Ron and spare me our friend's wrath. Evidently, he felt it was my duty as I had started this all in the first place.

I waited for Ron to add his card before I began in a low voice so only they could hear me. Harry had just placed his card in position when Ron screamed _"WHAT?"_ and jumped up, his knees colliding with the table and sending the cards plummeting where they exploded and shot around the room like missiles. I ducked, pulling my bag over my head which had been in my hands in case this happened while shrieks sounded around the room.

Sighing, I looked up once the danger had passed, several Gryffindors now bellowing at Ron after being hit by stray cards. He responded with a very rude hand gesture and Harry retrieved the cards with a quick Summoning Charm, not looking at me. Ron, however, towered over me, fuming.

"Hermione, are you _MAD?_ _"_

"Ron, will you _please_ keep your voice down?" I implored, glancing around us. "No one can know!"

 _"This. Is._ _In. Sane!_ _"_ Ron hissed, his ears going red though his voice thankfully lowered several decibels. "You really think Malfoy is going to spill his guts to you about dear old dad?"

"We aren't talking about just what Lucius Malfoy is up to," I attempted to explain. "I told you, Malfoy knows something, something big. If we can just get him comfortable enough-"

 _"Comfortable?_ Hermione, are you listening to yourself? He is a _Death Eater!"_

 _"Ron!"_ I snapped warningly and he conceded, wedging himself between Harry and me so that he could continue to berate me in whispers while Harry cast a quick _Muffliato!_ around us in case he blew up again.

"He's dangerous!" he continued, his face inches from mine. "I bet he's right in with You-Know-Who's inner circle! You honestly think he's going to, what, cozy up to you and tell you everything they've been doing?"

"Well, yes, that's the plan, essentially."

He looked at me disgustedly. "The whole Order's gone daft, I'm telling you. Why not just pour a bottle of Veritaserum down his throat?"

"That won't work against him," I reminded impatiently. "Don't you remember when we captured Dolohov and tried to question him? Voldemort's made sure that none of his followers can spill his secrets by magical methods anymore, not after Barty Crouch Jr. No, Malfoy has to tell us of his own accord."

"So, what are you going to do?" he asked scathingly. Then his eyes narrowed. "You're not going to shag it out of him, are you?"

 _"What?"_ I sputtered.

"Ron, come off it!" Harry snapped, smacking him on the back of the head. "I realize you're angry, but you have no right to insult Hermione like that! Do you really think she would sink to that level?"

I didn't say anything. I was offended that Ron would think so low of me, but a part of me knew I had no reason to be. Hadn't I already kissed him?

Cowering beneath our glares, he looked away and muttered, "I was just asking…"

With all the patience I could muster, I explained the rest of the situation and listened to their warnings and moanings until that patience had run thin. Bidding them goodnight, I entered my empty dormitory, my chest squeezing as it did every time I saw the hollow room. With a flick of my wand I extinguished the fire down to embers and conjured two candles, lit them, and set one where each of their beds had been. Even though Lavender wasn't dead, I knew it was likely I would never see her again. She would have gone into hiding with the rest of her family as she'd threatened to do so many times. Kneeling on the floor I said my goodnights as per usual and with a heavy heart I dragged myself to bed where nightmares beckoned.

The next day was hellish. The _Prophet_ reported another mass breakout from Azkaban. It was a wonder they had stayed in so long, the Death Eaters had taken control of the prison for all intents and purposes months ago, the actual Ministry members were merely there as a formality and likely to leak information from.

Lessons dragged, mealtimes were torture with the loud children and bright lights. I staggered through as much homework as I could before patrol and when I finally entered the empty common room, I did some more.

And always, always, I thought about Malfoy.

Could his injuries have anything to do with the reason the Death Eaters wanted him back? Though it seemed unlikely, it was definitely something I needed to consider. It wasn't exactly a secret that they tortured their fellow followers for mistakes, but what if Malfoy's mistake had led him to fleeing? What if that mistake was big enough to warrant direct attention from Voldemort? Was that the reason he had agreed to join us, for protection? Merlin knew he didn't do it for the medical care…

Lack of sleep and constant wallowing compounded into a migraine that dogged me through the rest of the next day. Knowing it was Friday was the only thing that kept me going. I would see Malfoy tonight, hopefully get something more out of him, and then have the whole weekend for homework. And patrol, of course.

Not that it made Double Potions any easier under the hot fumes and tantalizing scents of the Lust Potion we were brewing. Slughorn clapped his hands jovially as he bounced around the room commenting on our work.

"Yes, yes, as you will see now, each of your potions will have turned a different color according to the pheromone content of the maker. See Mr. Potter's here? See this hunter green? Yes, yes very good, my boy! Very good indeed, you'll have one lucky lady!" Slughorn chuckled, making Harry cough embarrassedly and look away. He sauntered over to my potion and I blushed a deep crimson when he sniffed my concoction and grinned in a wholly unsettling way. "Intoxicating, Miss Granger, absolutely extraordinary! And the color, oh, my dear!" He said no more but settled himself behind his desk, his fingers thrumming on his over-large stomach, a knowing smile on his face. The rest of the class leaned over and stood on tip-toes to see what he had been on about, grumbling. Ron even stuck his head in my cauldron.

"I don't see what all the fuss is about," he muttered, turning back to his congealed mess. Harry, however, looked most interested in my shimmering gold creation. He frowned.

"What's wrong, Harry?" I asked, reaching for a flask.

"I was just wondering…" he murmured, barely audible as he poured his own potion into a flask.

"Wondering…?" I prompted.

He shook his shaggy head viciously. "No, I shouldn't-it's nothing," he said, blushing suddenly and looking around desperately for a quill. I handed him mine, smiling at how flustered he was.

"What is it, Harry?"

He looked at me almost apologetically, gazing around the room to make sure everyone was busy and we wouldn't be overheard. "Well, you know…I was thinking…it was stupid, no I shouldn't say anything. Forget it."

"Harry, just spit it out!"

"Alright, alright!" He glanced around once more then leaned in close to me. "You know what Ron said the other night? About, well, you and Malfoy, of course not necessarily- but maybe just a little, er, _persuasion…"_

I nearly dropped my flask. "Harry James Potter, what are you suggesting?" I snapped, getting the gist of exactly what he was trying to say.

"Well, just, a little of this potion might, er, soften him up…"

My eyes bulging, I stared at him. "You are seriously suggesting this right now?"

"Don't get upset, I just thought-"

"You want me to drug Malfoy with a _Lust Potion?_ " I whispered, my voice dangerous and he winced. "Excuse me, but I do not need to resort to such crass measures as that! I'll thank you I'll get his confessions on my own merit!"

"Alright, _alright!"_ he said, his hands up as if to push me back as my face was nearly pressed against his in rage. "I wasn't insinuating that you would, you know, do _that_ , but maybe if he just _thought_ he wanted you, he might, you know, open up-or, or something," he finished lamely, his eyes not meeting mine as I puffed up with indignation.

"Oh, because I am incapable of getting a man to want me _without_ a potion? Is that it?" I snarled, throwing my bag onto the table next to my cauldron rather harder than necessary. "Thanks, Harry! I'm glad to know I'm so abhorrent!"

I knew I was taking the whole thing harsher than I should, but my emotions were as high strung as ever and I just couldn't believe what I was hearing. Ron, yes, I would certainly expect this kind of behavior. But Harry?

"Listen, you know I'm not saying anything like that! I'm just trying to help. The quicker we get that confession, the better. Just, just think about it, alright?" With an imploring look back at me, Harry took his flask up to Slughorn, who was dipping his hand into a box of crystalized pineapple, and left behind a sour looking Ron who was engrossed with scraping his potion off the bottom of his cauldron and had missed the entire argument.

Glaring after Harry I wondered if maybe he wasn't wrong. Just because Malfoy _took_ the lust potion didn't mean we had to _act_ on it… What if Harry was right? Would Malfoy loosen his tongue if he thought that he wanted me? After all, a Lust Potion certainly wouldn't be considered an interrogation tactic, so Voldemort likely wouldn't have thought to shield his followers against it. There were no long-term side effects if given proper doses, and I wouldn't need a full one, I didn't want him going Ron-over-Romilda on me…

Making a decision, I filled another flask while Slughorn was turned away and slipped it into my bag before Vanishing the rest of my potion and handing in my sample for grading. Slughorn gave me one last lecherous smile as I backed out, not wanting to turn my back on him for some reason.

I skipped dinner, not wanting to waste my time pretending to eat with the rest of them. My stomach roiled at the smell of food. Knowing McGonagall would still be eating, I snuck into her office where the former headmasters scolded me for entering her office without her being present. I purposefully avoided eye-contact with Dumbledore's portrait, though I knew he would be feigning sleep as he typically did when students were present.

"Insolence!" Armando Dippit spat.

"Insubordination!" Phineas Nigellus scolded. I ignored him, he'd never liked me anyway. Without saying a word to any of them I threw a pinch of Floo Power into the grate and sped off for headquarters.

"You're rather early," Arthur Weasley frowned, looking up from a stack of paperwork. He removed his glasses, rubbed his eyes, and checked the clock. "Still dinnertime, isn't it?"

"Well, I was hoping to take some up to Draco," I answered with the first excuse that came to mind, making a beeline for the pantry. As I pulled out ingredients for a quick stew, Mr. Weasley continued to watch me.

"How are you, Hermione?" he asked seriously.

"I'm doing well, thank you," was my hasty reply as I tapped the bag of potatoes with my wand and they washed themselves in the sink before soaring to the cutting board where I sent a couple of knives to begin chopping them. Mr. Weasley watched in silence, a small smile on his lips as I hurriedly threw together the stew.

"You've got my Molly's knack in the kitchen, I see," he said adoringly. I smiled.

"I've spent many hours preparing food with her. She told me the best way to relieve stress is to take it out on vegetables. They never talk back."

Mr. Weasley chuckled. We were quiet for a few minutes but when he spoke again his voice was somber. "Hermione, I hope you've not been over-burdened. You are an incredibly bright witch and we all hold you to the greatest esteem." I blushed deeply at this. "I just hope that we are not asking too much of you."

"Oh, no, Mr. Weasley, of course not!" I assured him, Levitating sliced carrots into the steaming cauldron. "I'm more than happy to do my part for the Order-"

"But that's just it, Hermione," he said standing and walking to the counter. "You're _not_ part of the Order. You, Ron, Harry, Ginny. You're still in school, just barely of age. I know, I know-" he stalled me with his hands up as I began to protest. "You've been through more than most adults and have proven yourselves equal to the might of the greatest. You four are incredible wizards, each one of you. But I fear, and Molly too, that we ask too much. We forget sometimes that we are supposed to be the adults."

Moved, I rounded the counter to give him a quick hug. "Mr. Weasley, you've always done so much for us. You've raised seven _wonderful_ children and have taken Harry and me in as your own. We are the luckiest kids I know. I am more than happy to do anything I can for you. Any weight I can take off of the Order or Harry's shoulders is one I carry with honor."

He beamed at me and placed his hand on my cheek lovingly. "You're a true gem. The stars were shining upon us the day you came into our lives."

I beamed. "Thank you, Mr. Weasley."

"Now, what can I do to help?"

Chatting amiably, we finished the stew and even found some bread to go with it. I threw together a quick tray for two, sat Mr. Weasley down with a steaming bowl, and made my way upstairs, my small bubble of happiness carrying me all the way to the top floor where I stopped at the door.

There, my stomach twisted.

It was just a Lust Potion, nothing serious. I could just put in a couple drops, nothing too intense. Just to lighten the mood, bring him around to liking me, possibly even trusting me. Would it really be so bad for a man to want me, even if just for a few moments?

The potion seemed even heavier in my bag than it should as I weighed the possibility. Was it worth it?

"Good evening, Malfoy," I said two minutes later as I strode into the room. He was reading another old _Daily Prophet_ on his bed again and barely glanced up when I walked in and said nothing back. "I brought you dinner."

"You really think I'd eat that?" he drawled, turning a page. "Trying to poison me, are you?"

"It isn't poisoned," I rolled my eyes. "You might as well eat it; you'll have nothing else for the rest of the night."

I shoved a bowl into his hands and settled on the lone chair at his desk to start in on mine even though I was not remotely hungry. When he continued to stare at his as if something was going to jump out at him, I wiped my spoon on a napkin and dipped it into his, making a great show of chewing and swallowing it. "See? No poison. Now stop being so petulant and just eat it."

He scowled at me but reluctantly began to eat, sniffing every bite as if to test for poison. I snorted in a very un-ladylike fashion at his actions. His hunger seemed to get the better of him, however, and he discontinued his ministrations after a few test runs and drained the bowl in a manner recognizant of Ron. With a wave of my wand I refilled it and he cleaned the second bowl before I'd finished my first. He wiped out the dish with the bread and drained his pumpkin juice in one. When he noticed me staring he had the decency to look shamed at his behavior.

"Try eating what they bring you, you might find it staves off that gnawing feeling in your stomach called hunger," I told him derisively.

"Does your mouth ever stop?" he asked exasperatedly.

"Only when something's in it," I replied nonchalantly, taking another bite. I didn't understand why he was looking at me the way he was until I thought about what I'd just said. Going quickly scarlet, my eyes widened, horrified. "I-I-I mean-"

"Would you like me to fix that for you?" he drawled, leering at me with dark eyes.

"No!" I snapped quickly, mortified. "No, you know I didn't, I mean, I wouldn't, that's not what I meant!"

He grinned at my obvious embarrassment. "What, you're telling me you've never sucked on Weasel King's prick?"

"You're disgusting!" I yelled, standing so quickly my bowl clattered to the floor.

"Oh, come off it, Granger. You don't think the whole school didn't see you weeping through your panties running around after him last year, do you?"

"You're sick," I said, trying to remember the mantra I was always quoting to the boys. _Ignore him, ignore him, ignore him._

"I'm not the one pining after the be-speckled blood traitor," Malfoy sneered. He stood, towering over me, so close I could smell him, my mouth going dray at his proximity. "In fact, I don't know why you waste your time on him at all. Why not set your sights on a real man?"

His hands caressed up my arms making me shiver. "Malfoy-"

"Would you like me to assist you in shutting that pretty little mouth of yours?" he murmured, the deep timbre of his voice shooting straight through me. I nearly whimpered when his fingers locked around my skin, his touch like fire against me.

When I opened my mouth to insult him again he drew me up, his face inches from mine, his lips a breath away. I could count his eyelashes if I wanted to. I tried to read his expression, but it was impossible. He was as guarded as Hogwarts, perhaps more so. He had surely been trained to never let forth any emotion.

All these crazy thoughts fell from my mind, however, as his lips brushed against mine, feather light, simply floating there against mine, not providing any pressure. Warning bells went off inside my head and I vaguely wondered why as my eyes fluttered when his body pressed closer to mine…

Suddenly, his expression changed; it hardened, his features twisting. His fingers tightened around my upper arms into a vise-like hold. I hissed in pain and was about to tell him off when I caught his eyes.

The pupils elongated into almost cat-like slits. His jaw clenched and his body grew rigid, his fingers digging into my arms until I gasped, raising my hands to try and push him away but he was like granite.

"Malfoy stop, you're hurting me!" I cried, tears urging at the back of my eyes. "Malfoy, please!"

As quickly as it began, it stopped. He released me as if scalded and I fell to the floor, shocked. I hadn't realized he'd actually raised me from the ground, and I watched from the floor as comprehension dawned on him. It was like he came out of a trance. He stepped back from me as if horrified, his face now a mask of horror. He looked at his hands as if he couldn't believe they were his. His chin trembled several times before he was finally able to speak.

"You shouldn't be here," he said hollowly.

"What happened to you?" I asked, rubbing my sore arms.

"You shouldn't be here," he repeated as if he hadn't heard me, his palms pressing at his temples as if he had a raging headache. "Get out."

"Malfoy, what's going on? What are you not telling me?"

 _"Do you have a death wish?"_ he bellowed. "Get out! Get out of here! What is wrong with you?"

"I'm not scared of you," I said softly, getting to my feet slowly, making a show of not reaching for my wand.

"You should be," he whispered. "Now get out. While you still can."

I opened my mouth to speak but he raised his arm and it was as if some invisible lasso had snagged around my waist and tossed me sideways. I flew out the door which flung open of its own accord, smashing into the wall in the hallway and crumpling to the floor with a grunt. I looked up in time to catch my school bag as it hurtled toward me and saw one last glimpse of a dismayed blonde before the door slammed shut.

Shaking, I shoved to my feet and flew down the stairs, not slowing until I was in the kitchen where Mr. Weasley had been joined by Tonks. They looked up when I crashed into the table, panting.

"Hermione! What happened?" Tonks cried, rounding the table to me.

"D-Draco," I gasped, trying to catch my breath and wrap my head around what had just happened. "There's, there's something wrong with him."

"Is he sick?" she asked.

"Yes! Maybe, I don't know," I answered truthfully. "He won't tell me."

"Well what happened? Did he say anything to you?" Mr. Weasley questioned, pulling out a chair and gesturing for me to sit. I ignored the chair and looked up at their worried faces, belatedly remembering Malfoy's plea for me not to tell anyone about the pain he had endured two days ago. Could this new terrifying display be a part of it? Was it something the Order needed to know? Or would I ruin everything I had done to earn his trust by telling them?

"No, he didn't say anything," I finally said, hoping I was making the right choice. "It-it was nothing. I'm just overreacting." I tried to give them a bolstering smile but failed, apparently.

"Hermione, what happened up there?" Mr. Weasley pressed.

"Nothing, really, he just got upset and it scared me," I stated, knowing I needed to account for my wild behavior, cursing myself for my reaction. "I said some things I shouldn't have, I lost my temper and he got a little rough. It was my fault."

"Rough?" Mr. Weasley gaped, looking between me and the staircase as if expecting Malfoy to come down and tell him exactly what had happened. "How rough?"

"He just grabbed me, that's all, honestly. He didn't mean to and he let me go as soon as he realized."

Mr. Weasley grimaced. "Still, I don't like this. Maybe you shouldn't be up there with him alone…"

"Really, Mr. Weasley, it was nothing. I was having a bad day and I took it out on him. We all know he's a little disturbed; we have no idea what he's been through. Just give him some slack. He didn't hurt me, just startled me. It's nothing I can't handle."

He and Tonks seemed to speak with their eyes.

"If you're sure-"

"I'm sure," I said, nearly sighing in relief that I hadn't completely ruined my mission. "Although I think I'll leave it be for the night. Let us both clear our heads."

"That's a good idea," Mr. Weasley agreed, still looking unsure. "Go on back to school, get some sleep."

"I will. Goodnight."

They bid me goodnight and I went through the fire, cursing myself for saying anything. If I hadn't made such a deal of it they wouldn't be worrying so.

"Miss Granger. You seem to have upset some of my portraits," Professor McGonagall greeted, not looking up from her paperwork as I brushed soot off the sleeves of my robes.

"I'm sorry, I should have waited for you, but I thought I could get Draco to eat something if I joined him," I lied.

"And?"

"It worked."

"Anything else?"

"Nothing of import, I'm afraid," I sighed, feeling ashamed. "He's got a lot of anger, Professor. A lot of guilt. This isn't going to be easy."

"No, I didn't figure it would. Why else would I have called on you?"

Hours later as I tossed and turned in bed I felt guilt overwhelm me as McGonagall's trusting words consumed me.

…

A/N: Shout-out to all my followers and favorites- so glad to have you along for their tale! Hope you continue to enjoy the story!

Andromeda2050: Very dark and depressing indeed, and yeah, it would have been quite the disaster if Harry had known what they were up to only minutes before his little blow up! O.O Lol, thank you for your reviews, can't wait to see what you think of their developments!

sillygenie: Thank you SO much for your reviews! It's very touching to hear about my writing in those words. I am glad you're liking this tale and hope you enjoy the ups and downs, definitely more to come!

Guest: Thank you so much, more will be revealed piece by piece, so hang on tight as our favorite characters are in for quite the ride!

Hope everyone is enjoying, please drop a line to let me know what you think or if there is anything you want clarified or if you find any typos as I beta myself! Love to you all!

XOXO

RynStar15


	8. The Full Moon

Ginny pulled me to my feet, my legs quaking beneath me. I tried to explain what was happening as she led me down a back staircase, hoping we wouldn't be intercepted. My heart hammered against my chest as I thought back on everything that had happened, on what I could have done to stop him. But what could I do? What were the choices? It wasn't as if I could simply will this away-

I stopped mid-step, grasping the banister as I swayed. Maybe there _was_ something else he could do, maybe he _didn't_ have to die. Dear Merlin, why hadn't I thought about this before?

"Ginny, I need your help."

…

 _Two months, one week earlier…_

The week flew by in a flash; I could hardly keep up with it at all. The boys succeeded in beating Hufflepuff over the weekend and I put a rowdy couple in detention for defiling Flitwick's classroom. Teachers piled on more homework in light of the Christmas holidays coming on fast. Patrolling duties were doubled due to the most recent breakout from Azkaban, meaning I was hurrying from tutoring Malfoy at night to relieve exhausted prefects. The first snow of the year dropped overnight, icing the grounds and forcing the N.E.W.T Herbology students to place Warming Charms on the Venomous Tentacula's soil, resulting in several nasty bites.

It was Friday again before I knew it, and I joined in the boys' earnest appreciation of the upcoming weekend. After dinner, I bid goodbye to the them at the portrait hole and traipsed blearily to the headmistress's office.

"Evening, Miss Granger," McGonagall said, looking over the top of her glasses. "You look about as spry as I feel."

"It's been a long week, professor," I confessed with a wan smile.

"Yes, it has indeed. I wouldn't let Mr. Malfoy see you weary, however. Be something of an open opportunity to strike, wouldn't it?" she said, signing the end of a letter with a flourish. I could see the corner of her mouth twitch.

"Yes, Professor," I replied, turning into the grate. "Number twelve, Grimmauld place!"

At first I thought the kitchen was empty but then I heard a loud snore and saw Mundungus passed out on the floor, having obviously toppled out of his chair. Grimacing, I stepped over his prone form and marched upstairs.

I was actually looking forward to spending a few hours with an intellectual rival. I'd found that when we weren't sniping at each other we had relatively decent conversation. He was smart and quick-witted; it was nice to converse about complex principles and have someone who could give me thoughtful opinions and challenge my views. The last two sessions had gone off without any major hitches; no screaming fits of pain or near-kisses.

I'd agonized over that night ever since. I could still feel his soft lips ghosting against mine, still feel my heart-stuttering reaction, and the full potion bottle now tucked away in my trunk in my dorm room taunted me. He hadn't been persuaded by magic, his reaction had been his own. I couldn't decide whether I was more or less troubled by this realization.

Shaking these thoughts aside, I walked right into Malfoy's room, realizing that it was unlocked for the first time. He looked up from the desk then turned right back around, scribbling on a piece of parchment.

"Finish that Astronomy practice test yet?" I asked, setting my bag on the foot of his bed. He grunted and turned a page in the book before him rather harsher than was necessary. "Are you having trouble?"

"Of course I'm having bloody trouble!" he growled, flipping a few more pages as if they had personally offended him. "It's a mite difficult to do this without being able to see the actual sky, you know."

I sighed sympathetically. "Well, what about the diagram I gave you?"

"In case you hadn't noticed, the sky is somewhat vast. A piece of parchment hardly does it justice."

"All you have to do is convert the dimensions," I explained, furrowing my brow. "I'm sure I got them right, I checked them four times…"

"The dimensions aren't the problem," he explained, pushing around a few papers to reveal the diagram I had spent hours on making. "I just can't seem to wrap my head around this conversion table. For instance, what in the world does _this_ even mean?"

I sat next to him and for the next half hour we worked on mapping constellations and their geometric relationships to each other. Whenever Malfoy got frustrated I helped him work out the problems, marveling in the fact that most children who grew up in the wizarding world had never gone beyond the simplest of mathematics. It was no wonder he didn't understand the complex algebra.

"That's it!" I said proudly as he answered the equation correctly. He actually grinned.

"This feels more like Arithmancy than Astronomy," he complained, stretching and cracking his back.

"Well, it wouldn't be so bad if you didn't have to do the conversions," I confessed. "But you're doing really well. Professor Sinistra hinted these constellations would be on the test next week and I don't think you'll have any- Malfoy, what's wrong?"

He had doubled over clutching his stomach, clenching his teeth against the scream I knew he would have emitted had I not been sitting next to him.

"Malfoy, this is ridiculous, let me get someone-"

 _"NO!"_ he bellowed, grabbing my wrist before I could stand. His grip was so tight I knew there would be more bruises to add to the fading ones on my upper arms. "No, it'll- _argh!_ -be over soon!"

Teetering on whether I should stay or get help, I watched his face contort as he struggled to gain control and couldn't bear to leave him. Placing my hand on top of his, which was still digging painfully into my arm, I offered him the only comfort I could. I wished more than anything that I knew some spell to ease him of his obvious agony, but nothing I'd learned over the summer seemed to fit with something like this.

When his fingers loosened and his breathing eased I regained my arm and rubbed where it was now bright red.

"Malfoy, tell me what's wrong," I implored. "Maybe I can help-"

"I've already told you," he gritted through clenched teeth. "You can't help me. This isn't something you can fix with a simple wave of your wand."

"How do you know? The Healers-"

"Those so called 'Healers' know little of what the Dark Lord is capable of."

I eyed him. "So Voldemort did this to you?"

 _"Don't say his name!_ " he hissed angrily, his twisted face looking up at me from where he was still doubled over in his chair, grasping his stomach.

I snorted. "Oh, come on, Malfoy. It's just a name."

"Just a name to you, but a thousand nightmares to me."

I swallowed my retort. "Alright. I won't say it."

He nodded, a single incline of his head, but I knew it was as much appreciation as I would get.

"So, so _You-Know-Who_ did this to you?"

He said nothing but I took this as a yes. "Alright, fine. You won't tell me. Do, er, do you want me to go?"

"Best idea you've had all night, Granger."

Biting back my disappointment I took my leave, not saying a word to anyone as I made my way straight to my empty dormitory and began to pace. None of the books in Hogwarts would help me, not with a Dark Magic like this… Where in the world could I find an answer? I ripped off my robes as if they had seriously affronted me and pulled on a sleeveless dressing gown and continued my pacing. I could order them, I supposed, but that would be a dead giveaway as all the mail was being searched now. Besides, it wasn't as if Flourish and Blotts carried _An Encyclopedia of Lord Voldemort's Darkest Curses_. Then again, who would?

When the answer hit me, I smacked my forehead with frustration. Who better to ask than the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher?

I sprinted back out of the portrait hole, ignoring the queries of the boys, and didn't stop until I'd reached Lupin's office. I banged on the door and he emerged, rubbing his eyes, looking pale and tired and I remembered that it was almost the full moon.

"To what do I owe this late call, Hermione?" he asked, stepping aside to allow me into the room.

"I'm sorry, I didn't think about the time," I apologized hurriedly, rubbing at a stitch on my side. "I just need some help and seeing as you're the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher I thought-"

"Hermione, what is this?" Lupin snapped in a steely voice, grabbing my arm gently. I was about to ask what he was on about until I saw where he was looking and winced. The bruises from when Draco had grabbed me a week ago had not quite faded away. I cursed myself for forgetting to wear long sleeves, but I woke in cold sweats almost every night and had stopped wearing long pajamas to bed months ago.

"Look, it's not what you think-"

"Is this what you meant about him being 'rough' with you?" he asked, his voice hard.

"Really, it's nothing I can't handle-"

"No, Hermione, this is not something you can just brush off," he said, grabbing my other arm and looking at the new ones from tonight before dropping them and stepping back to look down at me like an angry parent. "This has to stop. I'm going to McGonagall-"

"No! Remus, please-"

 _"Professor Lupin_. In this school, you are to address me as your professor." The hard glint in his eyes told me to tread carefully, so I stamped down the urge to snap at him.

"Yes, sir, I'm sorry. But please, don't say anything, it really isn't what you think it is!"

"Then what is it, Hermione? Are you telling me someone _other_ than Draco put those marks on you?"

"No," I conceded, watching his jaw set. "No, it was him. But he didn't do it on purpose. No, _listen!_ " I pled when he looked about to argue. "I can't tell you why because I don't understand myself. He wasn't himself when he did it, it wasn't his fault. He felt terrible, honestly he was distraught over it." This was laying it on a bit thick, but I needed him to see reason. "He wouldn't hurt me, not really. And I think I'm starting to get to the reason you had me do this in the first place. That's why I came to you, I need your help."

He looked like he wanted to say more but I headed him off. "Please, Professor. Trust me on this. I think we have a real lead."

He glared at me. "And that would be…?"

"I don't know yet," I answered honestly. "I was hoping to get some books for research, see if anything jumps out at me, but Hogwarts doesn't hold anything like what I need."

"And what do you need?" He actually seemed interested now.

"I-I can't tell you," I said apologetically. His eyebrows disappeared into his graying hair.

"Excuse me?"

"I'm sorry, Professor, but I promised I wouldn't say anything and if I can't gain his trust I'll never get what we need."

He once again looked as though he was holding back what he wanted to say before sighing heavily. "You're right. You need his trust. Is there anything you can tell me that _wouldn't_ break it? Anything that will put my mind at ease that we are doing the right thing by sending you in there three times a week when _this_ is the result?"

I thought on this for only a moment. "Yes, professor, there is." I swallowed. "Malfoy came to us for a reason. He turned his back on his family, on everything he knows. I trust him."

The older man sighed again and shook his head. "You continue to surprise me, Hermione. Alright. Let me see what I can do. But Hermione, please be careful. You may trust him, but he hasn't earned that trust from the rest of us and I would never forgive myself if he hurt you again. I hope you know what you're doing."

"Since when do I not, Professor?" I grinned cheekily. He let out a very wolf-like bark.

"You're right. Now get on to bed, and if I were you I wouldn't let the boys see those marks."

"Of course not, sir. Thank you. Goodnight."

I entered the common room with my hands over the marks Draco had placed upon me by making it look like I was cold. I bid them goodnight and their bewildered looks made me smile. When I looked back at the top of the staircase Ron was shaking his head and Harry was laughing at something he had said.

…

It wasn't until Monday morning at breakfast that I received a note from Lupin to meet him in his office after dinner that night before going to see Malfoy. This would make my visit short as I had patrolling duty at nine that night, but I couldn't pass up the chance that he had found something, so I sent back a hasty affirmative and left with the boys for Herbology.

The day dragged on as it was oft to do when you're looking forward to something. I couldn't wait to get my hands on those books and possibly an answer to the mysterious Malfoy. So when dinner came along, I scarfed down my steak and kidney pie as fast as I could without making myself sick and made my way to Lupin's office where I knew he was spending mealtimes as the full moon was tonight.

As soon as I knocked he bid me entrance, and I waited patiently as he finished drinking his Wolfsbane Potion.

"You know, I do believe yours was the only acceptable batch to come out of the N.E.W.T class. Slughorn seemed quite impressed and rather glad to not have to make it himself this month. I thank you," he said, tipping his now empty goblet towards me in a salute.

"You are most welcome," I replied. "So, did you find anything?"

"Right to the point then," he chuckled. "As a matter of fact, I did. Dumbledore seemed to have nicked a rather large supply of books from the Restricted Section. I thought I might find them in the Room of Requirement, but it turns out Dumbledore had his own personal collections elsewhere, so as not to have the wandering student stumble upon them. A quick chat with his old portrait revealed a positive cove." He waved to a table stacked so deeply with books it bowed under the weight. I gasped in surprised delight and ran over, grabbing the first ancient tome and glancing at the cover: _Magick Moste Evile_.

"Take what you can carry, I suppose. Come on over when you need to swap them out. But for now, I'm going to have to ask you to hurry as the sun will set any moment and I'd really rather you weren't present to see me transform for a second time."

"Of course, professor," I said breathlessly, yanking my bag open and shoving in _Magick Moste Evile_ along with _Curses for the Cursed_ and _The Omnibus of Wicked Witchery_. "Have a good night, professor, thanks again!"

"I'll see you in class on Tuesday. Please look over Ron's essay on identifying an Imperioised wizard. As he was snoring through most of the lesson I have a feeling he may have missed some of the key points."

"I will. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

The added weight in my bag made me hunch all the way to McGonagall's office, but she merely raised her eyebrows as I passed through. When I entered the kitchen I once again thought it was empty, but Tonks stood weakly up from where she had been bent over the trashcan behind the counter. Her face was wan, her hair mousy.

"Wotcher," she choked out before diving back over the bin. I hurried over as sounds of sick hit the bottom. The smell was nauseating but I rubbed her back encouragingly until she was able to stumble to a chair and I cleaned out the bile and hurried for a glass of water which I pressed into her hand. "Thanks."

"Morning sickness?" I ventured, having seen Fleur in similar circumstances several times.

"Morning, noon, night," Tonks moaned. "This child is determined to clean out my insides for good."

I squealed with delight and Tonks snapped her head up, groaning at her slip.

"Don't you dare breathe a word," she grunted. "Remus'll have my head. He wanted to tell Harry in person as he'll be godfather and all-"

"Harry will be the godfather?" I asked excitedly and the poor woman cringed.

"Don't mention that either or that mane of yours will give you a whole new meaning to Gryffindor's mascot."

"I won't say a word," I said, grinning madly. "I'm so happy for you both!"

"Yeah, well, you go ahead and take that as I'm not so sure anymore…"

"Well, you're not the only one having a bad night. It's the full moon."

She nodded and knocked over the glass which I cleaned up and refilled with a quick _"Aguamenti!"_

"How far along are you?" I asked.

"Er, three months?" Tonks said, rolling the glass against her forehead. "I can't believe I have six more months of this! Can't I just punch out the little bugger and be done with it?"

I laughed. "I'm sure every woman before you has wished that."

She gave me a small smile. "Thanks for the water and the support. You better get on upstairs."

"Oh, right!" I replied, having completely forgotten why I was here. I hurried up as fast as I could under the added weight of the Dark books and burst into Draco's room.

"Sorry I'm late, what would you like to start on tonight? I'm afraid we're rather short on-Malfoy?" My eyes raked the bedroom when I realized that I was talking to myself but a quick assessment told me he was nowhere to be found. My heart stopped beating in my chest. Had he escaped? Had he been taken? Surely Tonks would have heard something? But she had been sick, what if he had gone right under her nose. "Malfoy? MALFOY!"

I ran back out of the room, my heart now racing in my chest in my desperation to find him. Doors banged open as I peered hastily into each room, knowing in my heart he wouldn't be there. How could this have happened? Why would he leave?

I called his name all the way down the staircase and into the entrance hall where Mrs. Black began screaming and Tonks hurried into the hall, wand drawn.

"Draco's gone!" I cried over the screech of _"Mudbloods! Filth! Blood traitors soiling the honorable house of Black!"_

 _"What?_ He's gone?" Tonks called over the wailing, her hands over her ears. She took off up the stairs as I Stunned Mrs. Black and yanked the curtains back over her, my ears still ringing from the insults and the blood coursing through my veins. I threw open the front door and looked around in the darkness as if hoping he'd appear. A quick assessment told me no Death Eaters were skulking around, so I strode down into the yard, a thick layer of white muffling my footsteps, disappointment seeping through my bones at the lack of tracks, stating no one had charged the house and stolen him away.

I had thought we had been making a connection…why would he run? Why now? Or had he? Had he left by choice?

"Waiting for carolers?"

I nearly jumped out of my skin as I looked around for the source of the voice, relief spreading through me.

"Malfoy?" I called, confused when I saw no sign of him.

"Up here."

I looked up and sure enough, that white-haired ferret was sitting on the roof, a long piece of parchment strewn over his legs.

"Malfoy!" I cried in shock. "What the hell are you-?"

"Would you mind not hollering my name out for the world to hear? Only I'm sort of wanted, see."

"When I get up there-"

"Yes, yes, I'm sure you'll throw your best curses at me," he drawled, looking back down at his parchment with indifference to my bounding heart.

"What in the name of Merlin are you _doing_ up there?" I cried exasperatedly, torn between relief and anger.

"Full moon," he replied pointing up with his quill. "I thought I'd take advantage of- _Granger, DUCK!_ "

I whirled around just as a red light flashed by my head and I saw three black figures sprinting towards me. My feet slid on the ice as I skidded around for the door but an Impediment Jinx hit me square in the back and I crashed to the ground with a cry. I cursed as my body was useless and I could hear them cackling behind me, Malfoy bellowing from above. I fought through the stiffness in my limbs, knowing I needed to move.

Rolling jerkily to my back, I saw Malfoy leaping to his feet on the roof and my heart caught in my throat as he scurried towards the edge, evidently intending on leaping to the balcony below, but I knew it was too far, he'd never make it.

"No, stay!" I screamed at him as I lifted myself off the frozen cement with my left hand while turning to the Death Eaters who were nearing me.

 _"Petrificus Totalis!_ " I cried and the front man's limbs snapped together and he fell back, knocking another over, the third having to jump over the pair. I took this momentary confusion to turn and scramble to my feet, sprinting towards the house.

The door was only meters away, but it seemed so far as I had to dive from the barrage of spells coming at me from my right. I was forced to roll as a curse blasted away the walkway beside me. By the time I looked up, Malfoy had disappeared and I could hear Tonks screaming my name from inside the house. Slipping in the snow, I scurried to my feet and lunged for the front step, but a curse caught my foot and yanked me back, dragging me across the ground. I shrieked as I tried to maintain grip on the frozen, snow covered ground, my nails breaking as I was pulled mercilessly along. Twisting around, I aimed my wand at my foot. _"Relashio!"_

Tonks had appeared at the door and began shooting Stunners at the Death Eaters while simultaneously trying to hold back a struggling Malfoy. I gained my feet and flew for the steps, another Impediment Jinx catching me, flinging my body forwards where my head smacked into the bottom step and I collapsed, temporarily dazed. I could hear Malfoy screaming my name as Tonks slashed her wand at my pursuers. I groaned, my head swimming, my body heavy as I fought off the curse once more.

"-dammit Granger, _MOVE!"_ Malfoy screamed, the strain in his voice spurring me into action. Limbs still leaden, I scrambled up, falling against the railing as an explosion threw me off balance, pieces of wood slicing into me. With one last curse over my shoulder, I raced up the broken steps and dove over the barrier, barreling the other two into the hallway and slamming the door shut with my foot.

The three of us lay panting on the floor in a tangled heap for a moment until we caught our breath and looked at each other and the shouting commenced. I reprimanded Malfoy for making us worry, Malfoy yelled at me for stepping out of the barrier, Tonks told off both of us for the same things, and Mrs. Black screamed at us for defiling her house.

"Alright, that's enough!" Tonks hollered over the din, gaining her feet and looking out the window into the street. "They're gone. Hermione, are you all right?"

Before I could say anything, Malfoy was yanking my chin up, his eyes on my throbbing forehead.

"She's bleeding, she needs a Healer-"

"I'm fine," I argued, wrenching myself from his grip, knowing I would be sore in the morning but that there were no serious injuries.

Tonks made her own quick assessment of my forehead and the other gashes made by the exploding steps. "They don't appear to be deep. It didn't seem as though they were actually attempting to kill you, thank goodness for that at least."

"They were likely wanting to keep her alive and oriented so she could get them past the wards," Malfoy explained and my stomach plummeted at the thought.

"I thought the same thing. Alright, you two _stay here!_ I need to notify the rest of the Order about this." With a _bang!_ Mrs. Black was silenced again and Tonks lowered her voice. "Hermione, did you call out for Draco while you were outside?"

I lowered my head ashamedly. "Yes. I'm sorry, I didn't think-"

"We'll deal with it. It's not as though they didn't figure we had him in the first place. I have to go at once, wait for me to come back. Draco, could you please see to her injuries? And please, _please,_ try not to kill each other while I'm gone."

She marched out of the room and Malfoy and I were left fuming where we had fallen on the floor.

"What were you thinking, calling out my name like that?" he snapped in hushed tones, not wishing to disturb Mrs. Black's portrait again. He rose to his feet and reached down to help me up, but I smacked his hand away and stood toe-to-toe with him, seething.

"What were _you_ thinking leaving the house like that? You scared us to bits!" I whispered angrily. How could he blame _me_ for this?

"Oh, I apologize for trying to get a bit of homework done which you have so kindly bestowed upon me! At least I stayed within the barrier!"

"I was looking for _you!"_ I hissed. "If you hadn't gone gallivanting to the roof-"

"Oh, so now it's _my_ fault you practically threw yourself at the Death Eaters?" he shouted, his face twisted with fury, his fists clenching.

"Well if you hadn't-!"

 _"Scum of the earth! Unworthy, dirty-blooded brats-!"_

"SHUT UP!" we both screamed, throwing ourselves at the painting and tugging the drapes closed. Snarling, we thundered up to Malfoy's floor to continue our fight. He dragged me into the bathroom and shoved me down on the toilet seat, rummaging in the medicine cabinet for a salve.

"What a stupid thing to do, Granger," he barked as he slammed the door so hard the glass cracked, grabbing my chin again and holding fast when I tried to pull away.

 _"Me?"_ I raged as he began to administer the ointment to my laceration which instantly numbed even as my blood boiled. "You want to talk about stupid, let's talk about you trying to get out the door! Do you realize what we are risking by keeping you here? Do you realize the danger you would have been in if you had taken one toe off that front stoop? You aren't a Secret Keeper; you can't just come and go as you please! What if I had been killed and Tonks couldn't get to you? They would have grabbed you up easy as that; you haven't got a wand, in case you hadn't noticed!"

"I had noticed, thanks, and I wouldn't have needed one, nor would I have tried to leave the house, if you hadn't gone mad and decided to storm the streets of London screaming my name!" he yelled, chucking the bottle and rag he'd used to clean my wound into the sink.

I let out a howl of rage and shot to my feet, rounding on him. "And I never would have _left_ if I hadn't been looking for _you!_ What did you think would happen, leaving like that? No note, no nothing! I was terrified!"

"Of what? Of me finally being out of your bushy hair?"

"Of course not, you must know your safety is the most important thing-"

"And what about yours?" he snarled, advancing on me, his eyes dark with an emotion I'd never seen. "Do you realize what it's like standing on a fucking roof watching Death Eaters swarm on you and being able to do _nothing?"_

Touched, I found myself at a loss for words. "I-I wouldn't have guessed you'd care."

He swore and was on me in less than a second, yanking me against his chest and kissing me brutally. Stunned, it took me several moments to respond but when I did, I found I couldn't get close enough. I grasped at his hair, tugging at him while he groaned and pulled my hips flush with his. I gasped at this intimate venture and he made a sound low in his throat, gripping my thighs and wrapping them around his hips as he turned and crushed me against the wall, his wild behavior making me moan and dive hungrily into his mouth, suddenly starving for the man before me.

His fingers dug into my skin through my robes, clutching at me as he pressed me harder against the wall. He wrapped his arm around my waist and I used this leverage to hold him closer while his other hand grabbed at any part of me he could. I whimpered against him as his teeth sank into my lower lip and a jolt of electricity shot straight to my core. He growled at the noise and ground his hips into me, pressing his erection against my throbbing center, the sensation unlike any I'd ever felt before, unlike anything I'd ever imagined in my wildest wonderings about what happened between lovers. I moaned and pressed back, needing the contact, the friction.

We continued in this fashion for far too long, his hands finding my skin, ripping my sweater and Oxford out from the band of my skirt. The feel of his hot, calloused fingers on my torso felt so delicious that I gasped and jerked, urging him on until he was shoving up my bra to claim those small, sensitive mounds. His mouth worked mine diligently as I clutched at him, my mind reeling. The skin at the base of his neck was far too hot under my touch, the muscles in his shoulder bunching beneath my hold. Everything about him was too much, the sensations too intense.

My eyes rolled to the back of my head as he devoured my neck and his hands moved down, creeping under my skirt, cupping my bottom, his fingers brushing my aching center through my panties making me lurch. A part of my brain started shouting warnings, but he had completely consumed my senses and I could no longer heed rationality, only the driving need to be touched, just like that, again and again.

"So wet," he groaned huskily, making me shiver at his tone. Suddenly desperate for something out of my realm of understanding, I pressed against his fingers, needing the pressure, needing _more_. He let out a string of swears and his deft digits stole beneath the fabric and found my core. I knew I had to be positively dripping by the ease with which those fingers- _oh, those fingers!_ \- glided over me, discovering my folds in ways even I never had before. I had never been so turned on in my life.

I pulled his mouth back to mine to ground myself and he swallowed my moans and whimpers as he continued to explore, taunting me with his obvious expertise. I grabbed at him roughly, my fingernails carving trenches into his back as I attempted to tell him without words to just get on with the business and stop torturing me for Merlin's sake because I didn't know how much more I could take and oh, _gods_ he was pressing a finger into me and, _oh!_ he was pumping me with a drawn out, smooth rhythm while his hips pressed against me as if begging for attention. So I brought a hand to his front and rubbed him as he groaned like a dying man and pressed another finger into me, stretching me, and I gasped, bucking against him, my whole world spinning out of control with sensations I'd never felt before him.

"Bloody hell, Granger," he ground out against my lips, his sweaty forehead pressed against mine. In one deft move, he swung me around and whipped me across the hallway, banging into his room while I clung to his shoulders and he threw me onto the bed, his fingers miraculously never stopping. I arched up against his hand as he straddled me, kneeling above me for better leverage, a devilish grin crooking the corners of his mouth as he watched me writhing beneath his ministrations, obviously enjoying my reactions. He leaned down and took up my mouth again, kissing me as if it was the end of the world as we knew it while sounds tore from my throat unabashedly as waves of heat cascaded over me.

He ground his erection against my hip and when I moved to reach for it he snatched my wrist with his free hand, yanking it above my head and pinning it there, biting my lip again as if to scold me for pushing him too far. This possessive gesture nearly undid me and I strained against his hand, searching for release, crying out when his thumb met that sensitive bud and bolts of pleasure shot through me with every gentle caress. Then he was angling his fingers and my world was turning upside-down, my body winding up so tight it would surely explode-

"Hermione, Draco! Get down here!"

It was as if a bucket of ice water had been thrown on us. We launched away from each other and I leapt off the bed so fast I staggered into the desk and Draco was looking at me, eyes wide, as if I'd just hexed him. He cursed and it made me jump, my nerves stretched to the breaking point. I tugged at my clothes, trying to remember how to put them right and he swore again and came over to me.

"Pull yourself together, Granger," he growled, yanking my clothes into place and smoothing out my robes. Then he put his hand to my back and pushed me out of the room and I tottered down the stairs, my throbbing center trying to remember why we had stopped and my confused mind wondering why we had begun in the first place.

My weak knees threatened to buckle several times, but we finally made it downstairs, though now I wished more than anything that the Death Eaters had caught me so I wouldn't be in this ridiculous mess.

I stared around the kitchen at the small group which had gathered there, slightly awed. Malfoy prodded me discreetly in the back and I took a chair beside Mr. Weasley, nearly whimpering in mortification when I spotted Mad-Eye Moody in the small assembly, the scarred man directly avoiding my gaze. He shook his head a fraction of an inch from one side to the other, informing me that he hadn't divulged their intimate nature to the group and I felt my cheeks burning with the knowledge of what he'd seen.

"Alright, Hermione, we need to know everything that happened tonight," Mr. Weasley said, yanking my attention away from the ex-Auror as Malfoy leaned against the wall behind me, separated from the group. I was suddenly cold, empty after the heat I'd only moments before been consumed in. I wondered hysterically if the others could all tell by my flushed cheeks and glazed eyes what had been occurring above their heads as everyone stared at me. Bill leaned his forearms on the table and Tonks was hovering near the bin again, tapping her wand against her thigh. Kingsley stood sentinel by the fireplace and Mrs. Weasley bustled out of the kitchen, Butterbeers flying to each person in the room before crying out at my disheveled appearance and torn and bloody robes, taking a chair next to me and tending to the wounds Malfoy hadn't gotten to as I spoke.

They all listened with rapt attention as I explained everything I could remember, beginning with not seeing Malfoy in the room and ending with my narrow escape from the Death Eaters.

"Did you recognize any of them?" Bill asked.

"No, they had their masks on," I replied.

"I know who they were," Draco said from his position against the wall. Every eye trained on him. "It was Dolohov, Mulciber, and Travers. And Granger, I'd keep a distance from Dolohov, he's got it in for you for some reason."

I gulped. I knew why. He must still be angry about the Ministry fiasco in which he'd attempted to curse me but the Silencing Charm I'd placed upon him minutes before had rendered it weak. I could still feel the ache in my ribs once in a while and was thankful upon each twinge that he had not been able to perform the full curse.

"Well, we would really prefer to keep a distance from all of them," Mr. Weasley sighed, rubbing his tired eyes beneath his horn-rimmed glasses. "Alright, do we know if they actually _heard_ you say 'Malfoy?'"

I winced in shame. "I can't be sure, though I'm fairly certain. They definitely weren't visible when I stepped out as I had been looking for Draco and scanned the area thoroughly, but that doesn't mean they weren't there and invisible or within hearing range."

"That's true," Mr. Weasley said. "But I still feel if they knew Draco was here they would have kept a contingent here."

"It's what I would do," an Auror I didn't know agreed.

"But even so, shouldn't we be on the safe side and move him?" Mrs. Weasley worried, looking around the group at large. "At least until we hear something?"

"It would be more dangerous to move him now," Kingsley replied crossing his arms over his broad chest. "Whether we moved him from here or Hogwarts there's no way our movements wouldn't be tracked and we don't have the man-power for a full contingent since the break-out. It's better we keep him here until we know more. It's our most fortified safehouse; if tonight was proof of anything it's that they are as of yet unable to breach our barriers."

"Then we'll need more guard," Mrs. Weasley conceded, her concerned expression turning to the blonde behind me. "Arthur and I can stay here for the time being and we'll increase the patrol-"

"Thank you, Mrs. Weasley," Malfoy interrupted in a strained voice. "But I won't endanger any of you further. If it turns out my position has been compromised I am prepared to vacate."

A chorus of protests rang around the room and I turned in my seat to glare at him, but he stared stubbornly at the wall in front of him.

"Nothing is more important than your safety, Draco," Mr. Weasley said soothingly. I eyed him with my typical _"I told you so"_ expression.

"I will not be a continued burden upon you," he said solemnly. His face had hardened to the look I recognized accompanied the stomach pains he suffered from. He excused himself quickly and left the room. I had to fight not to rise and follow him but I didn't want to draw attention to his sudden departure. The kitchen fell quiet for a minute before Mrs. Weasley spoke up:

"Of course he can't leave!"

"No, it's best he remain here," Mad-Eye agreed. "We'll increase patrol, no less than two stationed at all times from here on out."

"I'll get a schedule started," Bill offered. "Though I don't think you need to move in just yet. Let's keep an eye on their movements. If things pick up around here, we'll start coming up with an alternative. Hermione, I believe it would be in everyone's best interests if we were to wrap up this whole situation with utmost haste…"

I nodded, swallowing hard, the room suddenly hot. Spend less time getting my brains snogged out and more time interrogating the probable Death Eater who had very nearly given me my first orgasm not thirty minutes ago. Got it.

They all agreed upon the new scheduling and Mrs. Weasley shimmied me back up the stairs to continue our lesson. I knew we only had about fifteen minutes before I had to relieve Terry Boot from patrol, which was fine by me because I didn't know how I was supposed to confront him anyways. But there was no backing out as I had left my bag in his room. Resigned, I dragged my feet up the worn staircase and stopped in the open doorway. My heart hammered again when I didn't immediately see him and I jumped when he leapt through the open window I hadn't noticed. Shaking snow out of his hair, he handed me a slightly damp roll of parchment. I took it, and tried to ask what it was but my mouth seemed clamped shut.

"The Astronomy test," he answered my unasked question, a quirk to his lips as if sensing my uneasiness. I nodded and continued to stand there stupidly, not knowing what to do next. He just stared at me, his grey eyes boring into my soul. I could see this pain behind them, not yet diminished from the latest episode. I knew he knew I knew.

I cleared my throat. "I-er-have patrol, so…" I pointed behind me to the door, indicating I had to leave. He smirked at my obvious discomfort and I flushed crimson. He grabbed my bag from the floor, dipping a little after picking it up as if he hadn't anticipated the weight.

"Good gods, Granger, did you bring the whole library with you?" he asked, handing me the bag. I swung it onto my shoulder, the added weight forcing me to lean extra hard the other direction to stay level.

"Just some research," I replied, my gaze shifting to the floor. "So, er, I'll s-see you Wednesday. Goodnight." I had barely turned toward the door when his long arms wrapped around my body, dragging me against his strong chest.

"Goodnight, Granger," he whispered huskily, drawing my earlobe into his hot mouth, my body melting beneath his touch even as my skin erupted with goosebumps. My knees buckled as I whimpered and he hummed knowingly, his fingers twitching in kind.

Then he released me and I scampered from the room to his infuriating chuckles, pointedly not looking at Mad-Eye as I hurried for the fireplace.

It wasn't until the wee hours of the morning that I allowed myself to think about what had happened and realized I had no idea what the fuck I was doing.

…

A/N:

sillygenie: Ahh, the mystery of Draco begins! And gold lust potion, sounds delicious ;)

Guest: Hope the turns in this chapter were to your liking as well ;)

SecureGalaxy885: THANK YOU! I'm so glad you love it, hope this next chapter was to your liking as well!

As ever, thank you for reading and please continue to drop a line, I'd love your input!

XOXO

RynStar15


	9. The Breakthrough

A/N: Apologies for the wait, here is a nice long one for your patience!

...

"Hermione, what are we doing?" Ginny panted behind me as we tore back towards where we had come from. "I thought we were going to find Malfoy?"

"I think I have the answer, I just have to check, to make sure, it all makes _sense!"_

 _"What_ makes sense?" she cried as the portrait hole came into view. We were nearly there, meters away, when the world exploded. I heard Ginny scream as we were tossed like rag dolls, the walls of the castle shuddering, dirt and debris falling around us, the shaking never ending.

"Ginny!" I cried from beneath my arms which I'd thrown over my head in reaction, looking around for the younger girl. She looked up from the floor, her brown eyes wide with fear as terrified screams rent the air. We met each other's gazes, dread filling the dust-filled air between us as the reality of our situation was thrust upon us.

Time was up.

…

 _Two months and three days earlier…_

I groaned at the sound of the alarm clock, knowing I'd only had a handful of hours of sleep and I was going to have to explain last night's debacle to the boys and listen to their griping about it for the rest of the day. Then there was the new tablet in Ancient Runes we were working on, the Arithmancy essay I hadn't even started on, and patrol again after dinner…

With a deep sigh, I rolled out of bed and hit the showers.

As predicted, Ron and Harry were nightmares about what had happened the night before and I was only able to shake them off at the door of my classroom and knew it was only because the full moon had been last night that they weren't running to Lupin to complain about Malfoy to him.

At lunch, I found out I had double patrol tonight as Derrick Drager was sick in the hospital wing for the third time in the past month and I still somehow had to squeeze in looking over Ron's D.A.D.A essay as I wouldn't have anytime tomorrow what with Draco's tutoring lesson and my midnight patrol duty, and then the Astronomy test on Thursday which I still hadn't studied for…

Needless to say, by the time I was sprinting toward McGonagall's office on Wednesday my head was everywhere but attached to my shoulders and I didn't hear the headmistress until she called my name for the third time.

"Miss Granger!"

"Oh, sorry, Professor," I apologized, whipping around from where I'd been about to step into the fireplace, juggling the homework assignments I had just picked up from Professor Vector for Draco. "What did you say?"

"I wanted to ask you about the progress you've made with Mr. Malfoy."

I finally lost the battle and dropped the papers and had to dive to gather them all in order again, using this as an excuse to hide my flaming face. "Er, well…"

The truth was the only "progress" I'd made with Draco was _not_ something I was about to talk about with Professor McGonagall, or anyone else for that matter. "I-I think I'm starting to get through to him…"

He lips thinned. "And do you have any information you would like to tell me?"

"Er, well, not exactly…"

"What do you mean, 'not exactly?'"

"Well, nothing I can, can tell you…"

Her cold gaze froze my insides. "Nothing you can _tell me?_ Miss Granger, I was under the impression you were doing all this to, in fact, _tell me_ about why Mr. Malfoy is currently taking residence in the most dangerous place for the son of a notorious Death Eater to be. I had thought I made myself clear when I explained how important this mission is."

My head fell, I couldn't look her in the eye. I had never felt so ashamed. What was I doing worrying about an Astronomy test when the fate of the wizarding world may very well rest on these "sessions" with Malfoy? And what in the hell was I playing at _kissing_ him when I was supposed to be interrogating him?

"I'm sorry, Professor. I promise I will try harder."

She said nothing else and I made my leave, hardly stopping to look at Kingsley who was buried under a mountain of paperwork. It humbled me to remember that everyone in the Order was giving everything they had to this cause on top of their regular lives. And here I was fretting about classes and neglecting my duties to the Order. Add to that the fact that I had spent more time snogging the damnable man than I had questioning him, and the Order might as well ship me off to Lord Voldemort for all the use I was to them.

Squaring my shoulders, I climbed the stairs with a newfound determination.

I walked in on Malfoy bent over tonight's _Evening Prophet_ , his expression grim.

"What?" I asked wearily, almost not wanting to know simply by the look on his face. He pushed the paper to me and my stomach twisted at the headline:

 _NINE MUGGLES DEAD IN RAID_

"Do you know who did this?" I asked breathlessly after I'd skimmed the article, sickened at the details the _Prophet_ provided. _"Heinously tortured…buildings decimated…their bodies hung grotesquely from 'telephone' wire…three under the age of six.._. _their remains unidentifiable…"_

He nodded, his expression grim.

"Who?"

He stared at me for a long moment, as if sizing me up.

"Please," I implored, taking a step towards him so he could see the pain on my face. "These were innocent people, they didn't do anything…"

After a long moment, he crossed his arms and sighed. "Band of thugs, go by the name of 'Snatchers.' Heard of them?"

I shook my head and he scoffed.

"No reason you would. Bunch of miscreants. Headed by a man named Scabior. Special friend of my aunt's."

I shuddered harshly at the implication behind his words. If they were run by Bellatrix, then the article in the paper had hardly given what those poor people had suffered justice. I steeled myself.

"Have…have you ever done something like this?" I asked softly. My gaze never wavered from his as he continued to stare at me, debating whether or not he should answer me. Slowly, he nodded again.

I felt ill. I had been so sure, so absolutely sure, that he had been innocent. A prick, maybe, but not really a part of this.

"Have you…have you killed anyone? An innocent?"

"What do you think?" His tone was flat, cold, foreboding.

"Yes," I whispered, seeing the horrors in his eyes.

"Then there you are."

I had to swallow several times to keep the bile from rising up. "Why?"

The laugh that was forced from his lips was hollow and echoed around the suddenly tense room. "That's the question, isn't it?"

I said nothing and dropped the paper onto the bed, my hands shaking.

"Rethinking your decision to tutor me?" he drawled.

"No," I said, forcing myself to meet his stare so that he could see the sincerity behind my words. "No, Malfoy. My decision today is the same as it was that day on the battlefield, the same it was when I wanted to help you with your studies. My reasoning is the same. I know you aren't like them. I just thought, _hoped…"_

"Did the perfect little Know-It-All really think a Death Eater could get through without killing?"

"So, you are-?"

"Of course I am," he sneered, leaning back against the wall. "Dear old daddy was ever so proud. Youngest since Regulus Black. What an honor."

His voice was scathing, eating into my skin like a disease.

"Sure makes you wish the other night had never happened, doesn't it? Makes you feel dirty to know those lips you were so hungry for have uttered the words to end an innocent's life."

"Stop it," I breathed, the air seeming to have left my lungs, my stomach lurching at the vivid memory.

"What would poor Potty think, knowing you've been spending your evenings rolling around with the enemy?"

"Stop," I begged, my voice stronger this time. I couldn't think straight, images of myself wrapped in his arms blurring with that picture I'd seen in the _Prophet,_ this time with those poor, mutilated children at his feet…

"Little Miss Mudblood, beloved by all, working _ever_ so hard to help the Order when behind all of their backs she's snogging a murderer, wishing he'd take her, getting wet just thinking about him at night…"

"Stop! Stop it!" I covered my ears; unable to stand another word, but he just launched to his feet and tore my hands away, forcing me to look up at him, his hard, dead eyes stealing the breath from my lungs.

"How does it feel to know these hands have tortured, murdered, _ruined_ the lives of countless others? These hands are the reason Dumbledore is dead and you let them touch you, you let them fill you-"

 _"Shut up!"_ I screamed, trying to pull away, but he held me still his face a mask of hatred.

"And you'd let them touch you again, because you know you want me. You wish just as much as I do that no one had come back the other night, that we had finished what we began-"

"Let go of me!" I screeched, my head throbbing with the weight of the accusations he thrust at me. And he was right, every single word. I wanted him with an intensity I'd never felt before, an intensity that frightened me as much as it thrilled me. If he were to kiss me now I knew I would succumb, no matter what he'd done. He had a hold on me, had, ever since I'd torn off that damnable mask as he lay at my mercy in a field of cracked ice and steaming blood. Ever since I'd seen in him the very same desperation I felt, that desperation for all this to be over, one way or another, for everything to just be done and for life to go back to _life_ instead of war and murder and fear, all-consuming _fear…_

The thought of that man I'd seen the other night- the one who had snapped at the thought of me in danger, taking it out on my lips and my body- raising his wand to take the life of an innocent, rolled my stomach and I wrenched away and fell to my knees, fearing I might be sick.

The images tortured me, one after another, as my nails dug into the ancient hardwood, breaking as I fought for purchase in my completely up-ended world. He's given me a glimpse the other night, just a moment of such pure, unadulterated bliss, only to rip it to pieces, to throw it back in my face, reminding me that my life was not one meant for joy, but only for the soul-breaking anguish this world had to offer.

"Why?" I ground out through clenched teeth. If he was going to take this from me I damn well deserved a reason.

"Why?" he scoffed. "Why do we do anything, Granger? We are given the lives we are meant to lead and some…some do it better than others." His voice sounded empty, distant.

I pushed myself back to sit on my heels heavily and looked up at him. "I have to see it. I have to know."

He said nothing but folded back the sleeve of the button up shirt on his left arm, revealing the shadow of a skull, a snake protruding grotesquely from its mouth. The damning evidence shot through me like a lance but I forced myself to look at it, that mark that put him against me, that proved he hated everything about me-no matter what his body might say otherwise.

Harry had been right. It was why he'd snapped at Madam Malkin in the robe shop, what he had shown Borgin to scare him into keeping the Vanishing Cabinet safe. The image, rather than upsetting me further, only steeled my resolve that I'd felt coming up here tonight. He was who he was. The fact that I desired him changed nothing. He was a Death Eater. And I was a member of the Order of the Phoenix. We were from different sides of the war and yet here we were, shoved into a tiny room with nothing between us but the past.

I stood, ashamed of my behavior. I finally had information for the Order, but it was only the beginning.

"Why did you leave?"

To say he looked shocked at my words would be an understatement. You'd have thought I'd smacked him across the face with a two-by-four. His face suddenly went blank and he straightened. I could see he was about to disappear to a place where I'd never reach him, but I wouldn't allow it, not this time.

"That night on the field, you chose the Order. You _chose_ us. Why? What has changed?"

"What makes you so sure anything has changed, Granger? How do you know I wasn't just trying to keep you from killing me?"

"You didn't fear death, I saw it in your eyes. You were just as exhausted as I was that night. It would have been a relief, you were thinking it, I know you were. Until I gave you a choice. Then you felt it again, that spark of hope. You've had plenty of chances to leave since that night, more than enough information to take back to them, more than enough chances to kill me, others, torture us, interrogate us, steal our secrets. And yet you stay, you study, you kiss me. Why?"

He shook his head, and I knew I was getting to him.

"You don't have to be afraid anymore, Draco." The sound of his given name from my lips snapped him to attention. "We're going to take care of you, no matter what you've done. It's what you do from now on that matters. You chose to desert, to join us. Tell me why."

He looked suddenly frightened, like a cornered animal and I worried that I'd pushed him too far. "Why, so you can run off and tell your Order friends? So they can get what they want out of me and use me as another pawn in your sick games and then kill me when they're through? So you can justify the reason you took pity and brought me here? To make you feel better about wanting me? Why, Granger, why the _fuck_ should I tell you?"

I stepped forward slowly, the anger and fear radiating from him telling me I should proceed with caution. "I can help you, Draco."

"I don't need your help," he snarled.

"You don't have to do this alone."

"You don't know anything-"

"You're right, I don't. But if you tell me-"

"What part do you _still_ not get, Granger? You-will- _never_ -understand! This shit is so beyond your pretty little world-"

"You think I don't understand?" I snapped, my own anger threatening to boil forth, but I kept it in check, knowing that if I tread carefully, if I used it carefully, I might learn the reason, finally, for his desertion. "My _pretty little world_ at one point consisted of your sick aunt using me as her own personal plaything! Oh, she sure loved her Mudblood, didn't she? But you know all about that, don't you? If I recall correctly, wasn't it _you_ who she brought down for one of her little shows? Yes, I seem to remember _begging_ you to help me, to get me out of there!" I saw the pain cross his face at the memory and knew I had him right where I needed him, disgusted at his role, disgusted at this life, willing to do anything to change it. Now it was time to put everything on the line and I prayed I didn't damn us all in the process.

 _"My_ pretty little world is full of nights sleeping on the ground, eating roots and rotten berries for months to survive while battling _your_ friends every other day as we searched for those precious bits of _your_ master!"

He jerked at that, his face registering the unexpected blow. His jaw dropped infinitesimally, his fists loosening at the shock of my words.

"You-you know?" he whispered as if hardly daring to believe.

"About the Horcruxes?" _Please don't be making a huge mistake, Hermione. Please don't be a spy for them Malfoy, please…_ "Of course we do! Who do you think destroyed them? Who do you think-"

"Enough."

My heart dropped as he hardened once more, turning into that terrifying statue of a man, closing himself. No…

 _What have you done?_

"Malfoy…"

"Get out."

His jaw was tight, revealing nothing, but his eyes were suddenly bright and I could see beads of sweat gathering at his bangs. He wiped a shaky hand over his mouth suddenly, a crack in the exterior. "Go, please, just get out-"

"Malfoy, what is going on? What are you hiding?" I was losing him quickly, I'd just given him everything he needed to bring us down, I had to cling on with anything I could, I had to fix this.

"Get out of it, Granger. This isn't to do with you."

"It has _everything_ to do with me! With everyone! Please, just let me help you." I reached for his hands, trying to draw on the connection we'd had the other night, but he stepped back as if I'd brandished a sword at him.

"Don't come back," he warned. "If you know what's good for you, you'll stay away. Now go."

He grabbed me roughly and yanked me out the door despite my useless protests and struggles. I rounded at him but ended up with arms full of my bag and a door slammed in my face before I could make a noise edgewise. I knew there was no use banging on the door and forcing my presence upon him. He'd never tell me anything now and I had other things to deal with right this moment; his pain would have to wait.

Wrenching myself away from the haunted man just beyond my reach, I thundered down the stairs, hoping I wasn't making a huge mistake.

I skid to a stop in front of Kingsley who glanced at me with raised brows.

"Problem, Miss Granger?"

"I don't know yet," I admitted. "Could you please just keep a closer eye on Draco for now? Especially the window. I'm scared he might…" I chewed on my lip as my words failed me. How could I tell the Minister of Magic that I was worried Draco Malfoy might run back to the Death Eaters and tell them about the Horcruxes which I'd leaked to him in hopes he would tell me something in turn but had instead tossed me out on my ass again and told me to never return?

"I'll make sure everyone is aware of your concerns. I'll ask Alastor to come in tonight."

"Thank you," I said, relieved. Mad-Eye could keep a wandering eye on him.

When I stepped into the circular office, Lupin was sitting on a chair before McGonagall looking exhausted. Their conversation ended abruptly.

"Yes, Miss Granger?" McGonagall asked, all sternness from earlier having vanished, replaced with a drained acceptance.

"I have some information."

She looked surprised, but pleased, and I reminded myself that this was why I was here. As Malfoy had said, we were given the lives we were meant to have. This was mine.

"Then by all means, please take a seat."

I sat in a chair next to Lupin and sucked in a deep breath. I started with the information about the Snatchers, the two of them pleased with my detective skills as they had yet to put names or faces to the senseless murders.

"I'll get that information to the Aurors immediately," McGonagall said. "Hopefully we can see an end to their reign. Was there something else you wished to discuss?" she questioned, eyeing me.

"Draco is a Death Eater."

"You are certain?" McGonagall asked anxiously.

"He showed me his Mark. I'm thinking since at least the summer before our sixth year. I have a feeling killing Dumbledore would have been something like his initiation. But there's more." Both the older adults seemed to lean forward so as not to miss a word. "He's killed. He admitted to it. But I have reason to believe he wasn't doing all this of his own accord. He seemed sickened when he told me. Besides, look at how he was acting all last year; the fact that he couldn't murder Dumbledore and the attempts…you can't pretend that they weren't pleas to be caught."

"Yes, Dumbledore always said Mr. Malfoy's heart was not in it," McGonagall nodded, looking up into his snoozing portrait, the wizened man refusing to look up though he was obviously listening.

"And I know he's hiding something, something big… I think it has to do with the Horcruxes." I looked at them nervously, knowing I couldn't hide this from them though it killed me to admit my enormous err of hoping my admission might lead to his. I'd been a fool, as I always was when it came to him it seemed.

"The Horcruxes?" Lupin asked apprehensively. "But we found them all, we have them, what could he possibly know that's important?"

"I think he knows something more, something we must have missed. I don't know what it is, but when I mentioned them he snapped." I felt ill, knowing that I'd betrayed the Order by telling him about the Horcruxes. But if something happened, if he escaped, if he sold us out, they needed to know the danger we now faced and my stomach twisted with dread at the horrified expressions on their faces.

"You _told_ him we had the Horcruxes?" McGonagall choked, grabbing at her throat while Lupin looked at me as if I'd grown two heads.

"I know what you're thinking and I know it was really risky, but in order for him to trust me he needs to know I'm willing to share information with him, too. He's upset right now, but I'm sure he'll come around-"

"Hermione, this was an extremely risky route to take," Lupin said sternly, his eyes dark with his reprimand. "If he escapes, if he tells them, it will compromise everything we have been working for!"

"He won't, trust me!" I exclaimed, even though I didn't trust myself. "I know it sounds mad, but I have every reason to believe he's on our side, however reserved he seems. Put more people on him if you need to, but he won't leave, not now. Give him time to process, I know he wants to help, he'll come around."

I knew I sounded mental, but there was nothing more I could do to get them to realize, not until Malfoy opened up to me. I knew that whatever he was hiding could turn the tide of this war and I was determined to get to the bottom of it.

And I pretended it was simply for the cause.

…

I didn't get a foot into Draco's room on Friday, no matter how much I pleaded, and I couldn't help but feel that we were right back exactly where we started. I could magic my way in, but I knew better. I had just scared him with my declaration and he needed time to process, to sort through his emotions. Why, I didn't know, but I was hot on the trail.

Every moment that wasn't devoted to the boys, homework, or patrolling, I was reading the books Lupin had found for me, growing more and more frustrated with every page I turned. Nothing seemed to explain why Malfoy would be having these recurring pains. Most of the books were about how to perform sickening spells, few of which had counter-curses. I kept my eye out for anything that had to do with ongoing stomach cramps and, meanwhile, I re-read the Horcrux books I had taken from Dumbledore's office at the beginning of our search, not really believing it would help me, but I had to feel like I was doing something.

Monday was the same. He refused to allow me entrance and while I knew I could blast down his door it wouldn't lead to anything but another row. He needed to come to me. So I simply slipped his work under the door and returned dejectedly to the castle.

I still hadn't told Ron and Harry about what I'd learned; they were too busy trying to finish all their work before the Christmas holidays. So, as the school swarmed the Great Hall on Tuesday morning I convinced them to join me on a trek down to the lake during our free period in an effort to clear my mind.

Their talk was on Oliver Wood who hadn't shown up for his last match against Ireland and was reported to be missing.

"I just wish I knew _why_ he didn't die!" Harry moaned again. It was a usual discussion amongst us.

"I really don't know, Harry," I replied, bracing myself, knowing I couldn't keep this from them forever. "But I think Malfoy might…"

As expected, they rounded on me while we trudged around the frozen lake, the giant squid frolicking beneath the ice, following us like a faithful pet. I explained about the reaction he had when I told him about the Horcruxes (and of course we went on a total free-fall of what a mad idea it was to tell him about them). I even hesitantly told them about his pains (after making them swear to secrecy), although their ideas were much like mine; a brutal curse which continued to trouble him. The three of us were quiet for a while, the snow crunching beneath our feet. I looked up into the grey sky and wondered if Malfoy was on the roof looking up, too.

"Reckon he was cursed after finding out something Voldemort didn't want him to know?" Harry suggested.

I sighed. "It's the only thing that makes sense. Why else would he have been cursed so brutally? Surely a simple mistake wouldn't warrant such a punishment…"

"I dunno, You-Know-Who must have been pretty mad when Malfoy didn't off Dumbledore," Ron said.

"Ture, but it seems like a recent curse," I replied, chewing over my words as I spoke. "He wasn't experiencing these symptoms when he first came, it's almost like it's compounding, worsening each day…"

"So a new curse which made Malfoy run…" Harry mused. "What if he found out where another Horcrux is? Voldemort caught on and tried to kill him but didn't get a chance for some reason?"

"D'you think there _could_ be another one?" Ron asked, beginning our never-ending conversation once more.

"I don't know, but it would fit," Harry fretted. "Though Dumbledore said he didn't think Voldemort would be able to do it more than he already had…"

"Yes, well, no one thought a person could split their soul more than once, but here we are," I stated, rubbing my freezing hands together to bring feeling back into them.

"Dumbledore _did_ also say that Voldemort had gone _beyond the normal evil,"_ Harry agreed. "Maybe he knew about this?"

"Yeah, maybe that's why he was trying to get Malfoy to join our side last year!" Ron exclaimed.

"You're right," Harry agreed. "And he was going to. Up on the tower." We knew how hard it was for Harry to talk about that night. I myself felt my throat clogging up when I remembered Harry's hollow words as we all stood in the dark hospital wing. "Malfoy would never have killed him. He was going to come over. He had lowered his wand." Harry stopped walking, his hands buried deep in his pockets. "I never said anything, I was too angry at the time. But he didn't want to go."

"What, Dumbledore-?" Ron asked.

"No, no, Dumbledore was ready to go. You saw the memory Snape left us. No, Malfoy. He didn't want to go with the Death Eaters. He looked…terrified when they joined him on the tower. I actually felt sorry for him. Snape had to drag him away. And when Dumbledore fell...he looked like I felt. Like his every chance was gone. That must have been why he went with them. He thought there was nothing left for him."

My heart constricted in my chest at the thought. How scared must he have been? Voldemort threatening him with his family, his life, only to be given another chance and have it taken away just as fast. The dark hopelessness that he exuded suddenly made sense. The only person from our side who had ever given him a chance was gone.

Not anymore. More than ever, I was determined to show him that I was here, that _we_ were here, that he could trust us, the only family he had now.

"I-I have to go," I stuttered, leaving the boys calling for me by the lake. I slipped and slid up to the castle, fourth-years with a free period throwing snowballs, making forts. It was all so…ordinary. I felt isolated, like I was intruding on a world in which I didn't belong.

It was hard not to feel that way, not when an entire group of people were trying to erase my kind from their society. I remembered how I struggled before Hogwarts. I had always been different. I knew I was ugly; kids never liked me because I was too brainy and I tended to make things…happen. Of course _then_ I had no idea what it was, but when Dumbledore showed up on my doorstep and told me and my parents about Hogwarts, I had been so happy. Finally, there was a place I could belong. And then on the train ride I ran into Malfoy as I was looking for Neville's toad and he'd sneered at me for being a "Mudblood" and explained that I wasn't a _real_ witch. It had shaken me to my core, wondering if maybe that Dumbledore man had been wrong about me after all…

As the weeks dragged on I tried so hard to fit in, to prove that I _was_ a witch, to learn more than those who had been born into wizarding families. I read every book I could get my hands on, excelled in my classes, but I only succeeded in pushing my classmates further from me instead of impressing them.

That Halloween with the troll had been the best night of my life. It had brought me Ron and Harry. The rest of the school could mock me (and most still did) as long as I had them by my side. I had often felt Harry and I were similar, with the exception being that he was burdened by an impossible destiny, one we learned about together. There was nothing I wouldn't do to get him through this. Nothing. And no one would stand in the way.

But Draco, how could I have known? He'd been trapped for so long in a world he despised but he had never known anything else, just as growing up with Muggles had never taught me about a different world until it was presented. His actions as a child made so much more sense now.

" _We are given the lives we are meant to lead and some-some do it better than others."_ It seemed he wasn't happy with his conduct in the life he was handed. Obviously, he was looking for a new way.

And I was damn well going to give him one.

"Miss Granger, is there something you needed?" McGonagall asked when I entered her office, setting aside a heap of papers she was busy grading.

"I just need to talk to Draco," I admitted.

"It can't wait until your session tomorrow evening?" she asked, her eyebrows raised.

"No, it can't. Is it alright if I-?"

"If you believe it will help, then by all means. We need that information, Miss Granger."

"I understand."

"If you could give this to Alastor for me?" She handed me a sealed scroll.

"Of course, Professor. Thank you." I stepped into the grate and landed in the kitchen of headquarters where Moody was clunking back to the table twisting the cap on his ever-present flask.

"Miss Granger," he said for a greeting.

"Good morning. I have this from Professor McGonagall," I said, handing him the note.

"Ah, yes, much thanks."

He slumped into a chair with a groan, stretching out his wooden leg, and began to read. I hovered nervously, twisting my gloved hands before yanking them and my hat off. "Is he...how has he been?"

Mad-Eye gazed at me for a moment, measuring me up, and my stomach twisted in humiliation when I remembered the scene he'd caught us in, but I stood my ground as if I hadn't the faintest idea.

When he spoke, his voice was low, his wild blue eye fixed on the floors above us where Draco must be prowling around. "Restless. Seems to be in a good amount of pain. Don't worry; I haven't said anything to the rest. If you haven't deemed it prudent to tell the others, I'm assuming there's a good reason for it, Miss Granger."

"There is," I promised. "And he hasn't tried to-to leave?"

He grunted. "No. He spends enough time on that roof, though. Can't say I blame him, cooped up in this place too long. Reminds me of Sirius."

It felt as though a heavy stone was dropped into my stomach. Yes, he was a lot like Sirius. A man meant for action hidden away like an animal. It was enough to drive anyone mad.

"Thank you, Mad-Eye," I said sincerely.

"Speaking of which, I'll keep that trained down here. Merlin knows I've seen more than my share with the damn thing."

I blushed crimson. "It's not like that-we're not-"

"I'm not sayin' whether you are or not and I certainly don't want to know. Just keep yourself to yourself and I'll do mine."

I didn't know what to say about this, mortification temporarily wiping my mind blank. I stammered something about going upstairs and he chortled.

"He's in the drawing room, reading like always. Constant vigilance, Miss Granger."

I managed a jerky nod and made my way to the first floor. I peered in the door which hadn't been fully shut but merely left to sit against the frame. He was leaning against the window sill, a heavy book in his hands, not one I had given him for classes, but one that nobody had been able to remove from the bookshelf against the far wall.

"How did you get that off the shelf?" I asked as curiosity got the better of me, pushing the door open and stepping into the room. There was an air of neglect, a musty smell of dust and decaying wood. Malfoy looked up at me and simply stared as if he didn't believe I was actually standing before him.

"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in class?"

"I need to talk to you," I said, bravely taking a few steps closer. "Look, I didn't mean to upset you the other night."

"You didn't upset me." He snapped the book shut and replaced it haphazardly on the bookshelf and made to stride past me. I longed to know how he'd managed to remove one of the dark books which had, until now, been glued stubbornly to their shelves, but shook the thought from my head.

"Then why are you avoiding me?" I asked, grabbing his arm as he passed, but he simply shook me off and continued up the stairs. "Malfoy, please, just talk to me!" I begged, following him up the stairs.

"There's nothing to talk about, Granger, and even if I there was, what makes you think I'd talk to _you?"_ he hissed contemptuously.

"Like there is anyone else on this planet who would listen to you anyway, you arrogant, selfish, infuriating-"

"Yes, Granger, you seem to know just the way to get a person to open up," he chided, charging up the next set of stairs while I puffed along behind him.

"You won't listen any other way, I might as vent while I have your ear," I panted, having to jog to match his strides which took him up two steps at a time.

"Out of shape much?" he sneered as he finally reached his landing.

"A bit," I admitted. "Malfoy, please just-"

 _BANG!_

I stumbled back as the door slammed in my face once again.

 _Breathe, he's just upset, scared, alone,_ I reminded myself when the urge to curse him into the Dark Ages threatened to overwhelm me.

"Will you just give me a _chance?_ Please, have I ever given you a reason to not trust me?" I knew the Silencing Charm he'd somehow placed was preventing me from hearing anything within the room so it was hard to judge what he was doing. I just hoped he was standing on the other side of the door, listening to my words, because I wasn't going to break down his door, not this time. This time he was coming to me.

"Why do you think I saved your neck out there? I could have killed you, I killed the Death Eater I fought right before you. But I didn't, I _couldn't._ Haven't you ever wondered why? Why I've never questioned my decision, why I kept coming back to you even when you pushed me away? It was because…because I saw in you what I felt in me. You didn't want to be on that battlefield any more than I did and if I _had_ killed you it would have been…a relief." I sighed. "Trust me, I've thought the same thing dozens of times."

I leaned my weary head against the door, closing my eyes, envisioning him standing inside, wishing I could reach him. "Tell me what I can do to help you. You don't have to suffer this world alone. You and Harry have that in common. Both of you seem to disregard my assistance, both of you have some sick idea that you're the only ones in the world who hurt, who have been through hard times. Maybe you've had it harder than us all, maybe you've been through more than I will ever understand, but you don't have to keep it inside where it will eat you up. I know about that, trust me. I know what it's like to be in such a dark place that you don't think you'll ever feel happy again. But you can, Draco. You can be happy, you _deserve_ to be happy. It doesn't have to be like this."

I recalled my own struggle back to sanity, the darkness I'd nearly let consume me. But Harry had been there, and Ron and Ginny and Mrs. Weasley and Neville and…the list went on and on. I'd had so many people to root for me, a reason to return. A reason to keep fighting. Malfoy had no one anymore, no reason to come back from the brink. Except for me.

"I'm so sorry for everything you've been through," I said lowly, determined to show him, one last time, that if he reached his hand out, it would be met with another's. "I can't imagine what it's like. You're so far from home, from everything you've known. Right or wrong, they were your family and now you may never see them again. No one should have to suffer that, no one should be without family. Let me be yours, let _us_ be yours. We'll stand by your side, we'll help you through this, _I_ will help you through this. But I can't unless you let me in. Tell me how to help you and maybe…maybe I can make it better."

The silence was deafening. What more could I do? How could I make him see that he could trust me? And how could I beg him to trust me when I was essentially selling him out to the Order? Even if it was for his own good, _our_ own good, the good of the world, it was his trust to give and one I was loathe to break.

I waited what seemed like ages before letting out a defeated sigh and backing away from the door, staring at it as if willing it to open before turning to leave.

The slick sound of metal on metal as he turned the handle was enough to make my eyes well up. Finally, there he stood, silhouetted in the frame, the room lit from a solitary lamp, the curtains drawn against the grey sky outside. He looked so lost, so abandoned, that it made my heart ache.

"Why are you doing this?" he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. All his anguish, so long tampered down, was threatening to burst forth.

"Because I can't let you carry this burden alone," I murmured, his pain my own. "I care about you, Draco. Surely you know that?"

His face screwed up, holding back tears that needed to fall. On a burst of courage, I eased through the door and wrapped my arms around him, holding him while he stood stiffly, knuckles white where he was clenching the door and frame, fighting for control. I only held him tighter when I felt him tremble, burying my face against his chest, my fingers fisting in the fabric of his shirt.

And then he was holding me back, so hard it seemed he was trying to meld us together, his face in my hair, his body shaking with suppressed sobs. I hung on to him, saying nothing, letting my comfort pull him from the depths. His body seemed to fold within itself and we sank slowly to the floor where I held him all the harder, his face pressed into my neck, his tears slipping down my shirt where I swallowed his pain. My own tears threatened, my throat burning.

"I'm here, Draco," I breathed. Who was the last person to hold him like this? To comfort him when life was too much to bear? I somehow couldn't imagine Crabbe or Goyle reassuring him and his mother had never quite seemed the maternal type to me. Had anyone…ever? With that morbid thought my grip tightened and I rocked him gently.

The moment was shattered when he cried out in agony as another one of his pains ripped through him, his body seizing as he screamed and I tried to keep hold of him. He twisted in my arms, his head whipping back as he strained against the anguish. I pulled him closer to me, his back against my chest, murmuring comforting words into his ears. His hands clenched my wrists, grounding himself, until he was gasping, slumping onto my legs, spent. I dropped my forehead onto his shoulder, similarly exhausted from trying to still him.

"Granger," he croaked, his voice like nails as residual tremors wracked through his body. "You don't know what you're getting yourself into. You have no idea…the things I've done…this is my penance, and it will never be enough..."

"Don't tell yourself you deserve this, don't you dare," I said firmly. "You are not a bad person, Draco, and whatever atonement you feel you need, this is not it."

"You don't understand…"

"Then help me to," I urged, brushing back his sweaty bangs. His eyes closed on a shudder.

"I can't bring you into this. I can't…"

"I can handle it, I'm a big witch," I smiled. He just hung his head more, trying to get his breath back. "How often does this happen?" I asked. Maybe if I got him on a related subject we would circle back to the reason.

"Few times a day," he grunted. "Maybe more."

My stomach twisted, imagining him going through this several times a day. "How bad is it? The pain?"

He was quiet so long I thought he had fallen asleep, but when he finally spoke, his voice was so agonizing it sliced through me like a dagger to the heart.

"Unbearable."

I slid my head into the crook of his neck where it was hot, slick with sweat, and just breathed him in. He disentangled an arm and brought his hand to the back of my head, holding me there, his fingers twisting into my hair. I could feel the unspoken gratitude and held him tighter.

I don't know how long we sat there. Minutes. Hours. It seemed an eternity in which everything between us, six years of loathing, of fighting, a lifetime of differences, seemed to simply melt away through the cracks in the floorboard and we were left with only each other, broken and complicated as we were.

Another seizure overtook him and as he writhed and screamed I broke, grabbing my wand and Summoning a Pain Potion, catching it with my wand hand as the other arm continued to hold the anguished man against me in solidarity. I unstoppered it clumsily and brought it to his lips, urging him to drink, some of it dribbling to the floor through his clenched teeth. As soon as the first few drops kicked in, he calmed enough to swallow more, drinking greedily until I'd given him easily double the usual dose.

His gasping slowed, his body growing limp as the pain ebbed and he let out a tired laugh.

"Bloody fucking hell, Granger," he said, his voice gruff from yelling. "I could kiss you for that."

I blushed furiously as images of being thoroughly snogged against the bathroom wall flashed across my mind. "That's not necessary…"

He grinned, turning his head slightly to look up at me. "You like kissing me, Granger. Admit it."

Mortified, I turned away from his burning gaze and he let out an amused bark, making me blush even harder.

"Oh, my sweet little innocent Gryffindor, what have I done to you?"

I prayed for the ground beneath me to just swallow me up as Draco continued to laugh at my prudish behavior. He twisted in my lap, one arm whipping up to grab the back of my head, and yanked me down to his lips. I gasped through my nose, wondering vaguely if I could ever get used to Draco Malfoy kissing me, before sighing in bliss as he soothed me into pliancy.

The kiss was tender, his lips warm and salty from his tears and sweat. The emotion woven through every caress tugged at my heartstrings and I moaned softly against him, both of us pulling each other closer at the sound.

When I felt him tremble I pulled away reluctantly, knowing he was weak and altered by the medication. I didn't want him to kiss me just because he was drugged and exhausted. He looked up at me beseechingly, wondering why I'd ended the most mind-altering kiss I'd ever had, his glazed eyes solidifying my decision.

"You, er, you should get some rest," I said lamely, not able to meet his gaze. He snorted.

"I can rest any old time, it's not every day a little Granger comes strolling into my room trying to save my soul and happens to kiss like the goddess Aphrodite herself. I intend to savor every moment."

I swear my face was about to catch fire with embarrassment but he seemed either not to notice or care as he took my lips once more, this time with an eager desperation which stole my breath away, a shocked sound echoing from the back of my throat as he sat up, cupping my face and angling me so that he could probe deeper, groaning as he plundered my mouth, my entire body igniting beneath his touch.

With every single fiber of my being fighting me, I tugged him back once more, shaking my head. "Really, that was quite a lot of Pain Potion, you're not thinking straight-"

He laughed so hard he fell forward and I was forced to catch his shoulders to prevent us from crashing to the ground, my eyes wide with shock at his behavior. He was still framing my face and his eyes glowed with amusement as he looked me over as if completely bewildered by what he saw.

"Bloody fucking hell, Granger," he grinned. "You're worried about taking advantage of me in my vulnerable state, aren't you?"

Was it possible to blush harder, or would my cheeks simply smolder into the ether? "Well, er, I _did_ give you quite a lot…"

He chuckled, bending forward to peck me sweetly before leaning his forehead against mine. "Oh, you innocent little dear. You would die of mortification if you saw the things I've imagined doing to you."

I sputtered with indignation but he held fast when I attempted to pull away, looking into my eyes intensely. "Trust me, Hermione-something-Granger, you could not possibly do anything to me that I would object to. In fact, I'm in such a good mood, I give you full permission to taste or touch anything you'd like. I know you're shite at riding brooms, but I could show you how to ride-"

 _"Alright,_ I think it's time for bed!" I interjected quickly, shooting to my feet and having to catch him as he swayed from my sudden departure, giggling drunkenly.

"Whoops, scared the prude little bunny!" he trilled as I attempted to pull him to his feet.

"I am _not-!"_

"Oh, yes you are!" he chortled as he stumbled. "Prude little bookworm who writhes so sweetly beneath the sexy charm of the snake!"

"Oh, for Merlin's sake," I snapped, sending him into another peel of delight as I tugged him towards the bed while he wove in a manner that would make Mundungus proud. He continued to chuckle as I dumped him onto the bed uncermoniously, seriously doubting my decision to drug him even as I tamped down my amusement at his carefree joy. I had never seen him so happy and it took years off his face, reminding me of the young boy at Hogwarts who hadn't had any worries or cares and floated at the top of the world.

Rolling my eyes as he clutched at his sides, I pulled off his shoes, ignoring his weak jibes at me "trying to get his clothes off."

A smile tugged at my lips when he whooped about being ticklish and I threatened him with _Rictusempra!_ if he didn't behave which made him press his lips together, still giggling quietly.

"Merlin, if I'd known all it took was a strong dose of Pain Potion to get you to lighten up I'd have done this ages ago," I muttered, assisting him in tugging off his robes.

"I give you an 'Outstanding' in pain management, Granger," he mumbled, his eyes closing under the sedative effects of the potion. "And one for that pretty mouth of yours, who knew-"

"Single dose next time."

"Tits, too. Those things are marvelous."

"Half dose."

"And that cunt, _Merlin,_ Granger!"

"Malfoy!" I squeaked. "For goodness sake!"

"What? You can't blame a bloke for admiring," he ginned even with his eyes closed. "So _tight-"_

"ALRIGHT, that is _quite_ enough!"

"No need to be embarrassed, Granger."

"I'm not embarrassed, I just…"

He snuck a peek at me. "Yes?"

I swore, mortified, and yanked his blanket up to his chin to hide the erection which was now straining against his trousers. "Just go to sleep!"

He chuckled, pulling back the covers invitingly. "What not going to crawl in?"

 _"No."_

"Come on, I promise I'll let you finish this time, I'll _Avada_ anyone who tries to interfere-"

"As chivalrous as your offer is, I'm afraid I am still going to decline," I said, chewing on the side of my cheek to hold back the grin that threatened at this new and completely adorable side of Malfoy. I turned, intending to hang up his discarded robes but his hand shot out and held me fast, a desperate look wiping away the mirth.

"Stay," he said, his voice tight. "Please, just for a bit, I swear I won't come onto you anymore just…stay."

My face fell at his suddenly fearful gaze. Broken, I sat beside him on the bed and covered his hand with my other, squeezing it reassuringly.

"Of course I'll stay. As long as you like."

Relief washed over him and he settled back against the pillow, closing his eyes, and allowed the potion to take hold. The extra dose quickly dragged him under and his breaths grew slow and deep, his posture relaxing as he sank into slumber.

I sat there watching him for a long time, unable to get myself to leave him. Only the knowledge that Harry and Ron were waiting for me, probably frantic by now, had me rising nearly an hour later. Conjuring several vials, I measured out single doses of the remainder of the potion, leaving them with instructions of how often he was allowed to take them, suggesting that it would be of his best interest if he did not double up again, however amusing the effects were.

With a promise of bringing more the next day, I signed the note with a flourish and made to leave, turning back for one last look.

I sighed, leaning against the jam, my heart stuttering as I gazed at Malfoy's sleeping figure.

I cursed myself violently, knowing that I'd gotten in too deep, that my existence had been thoroughly shattered, that I would never survive falling for Draco-something-Malfoy.

…

A/N:

Sillygenie: Aren't I the worst? It was physically painful not to let her finish! But it had to be done, I'm afraid…

SecureGalaxy885: Thank you! I hope this one was just as good :)

XOXO

RynStar15


	10. The Rescue

"Ginny, go back to the Great Hall!" I yelled, helping her to her feet. "Find Ron and Harry, McGonagall, tell them Draco is in the castle-"

"No, I'm staying with you!" she said stubbornly and we clung to each other as the ground lurched beneath us again. 

"We're out of time, the Death Eaters are here!" I screamed. "Go, get everyone you can, we have to find Draco!"

"But-"

"Please, Ginny! You get to Draco and stop him before it's too late! I'll meet you down there, but there's something I have to do first. Find him, please!"

I saw the understanding in her eyes, knew her heart broke for me. She gave me a fast hug and I watched as her red hair whipped around the corner and wondered if I'd ever see her again.

…

 _One month, three weeks earlier…_

When the final bell rang signaling the end of classes I sighed in utter relief. Harry and Ron groaned in defeat beside me, looking down at their partially finished potions and I shook my head in consternation.

"I told you to prep those quills last night."

"Oh, shove off," Ron muttered, his ears going red. "If practice hadn't gone so long-"

"If you had caught the quaffle once in a while-"

"It was a right blizzard out there, how the hell was I supposed to-"

"Romilda didn't seem to have any trouble-"

"Alright you two, enough," I scolded, cleaning my mess. "I have to deal with Malfoy in an hour, I don't need the extra bickering."

"How's that going, by the way?" Harry asked, siphoning his lumpy potion into a vial.

"Oh, er, fine…"

I turned away on the pretense of picking up my bag, not able to meet my best friend's gaze. Truth be told, it was going _more_ than fine. After a rather awkward greeting on Wednesday following his drugged propositioning, I suggested we both forget it ever happened and handed him a week's supply of potions, each individually metered out. He had smirked at this and I hadn't been able to resist my own at the memory of his words. We'd gone on to study in companionable silence, only interjecting with questions or comments on the material.

When I'd stood to leave he'd grabbed my elbow and tugged me around, pulling me against his body. My heart had skipped a beat at the intimate contact as he looked down at me with smoldering eyes.

"Thank you," he'd murmured, his thumb rubbing my upper arm where he still had hold of me.

"You're welcome…" I'd replied slowly, wondering why he was so grateful for doing practically nothing other than reading next to him.

"No, Granger." He shook his head, his other hand coming up to cup my cheek, a touch which had my heart stuttering in my chest. "Thank you."

It dawned on me that he wasn't thanking me for the tutor session, but for what had happened the night previous. I'd had to swallow before I could answer again.

"You're welcome."

When he kissed me that time it wasn't out of desperation or a drugged haze. He did so very purposefully and very methodically, his lips playing over mine so sweetly I thought I might simply melt at the contact. My body went boneless; I could do nothing but move my lips against his, my hands limp at my sides. When he'd released me, I'd worried my legs might not hold me, but he'd eased me back slowly, my senses kick-starting at his amused grin.

"Don't want to be late for patrol, Head Girl."

"Oh." I shook my head and glanced at the clock on the wall. _"Oh!"_

He'd chuckled as I grappled for my bag, nearly dropping it in my haste. I'd turned back at the door, my heart stopping at the vision of him standing with his hands in his pockets, the whisper of a smirk on his lips, the lamp behind him making his white-blonde hair catch fire. I wanted to smile back, to say something, _anything,_ but I was completely speechless.

Even now I wanted to smack myself in the head at the memory of my spectacularly embarrassing retreat as I'd simply turned and stumbled down the stairs, completely ignoring Bill when he'd bid me goodnight.

 _"Fine?"_ Ron scoffed, yanking me back to the present. "You have to spend three days a week with that git and it's _fine?"_

"Yes, well, at least I don't have to put out his sleeve because he leaned against his fire while watching Abbot bend over to get something out of her bag," I retaliated and Harry burst out laughing while Ron went red.

"I was _not-"_

"Oh, come off it, mate, the giant squid noticed you ogling her," Harry chortled while Ron violently shoved the rest of his ingredients into his bag.

"Bugger off, Harry," he rumbled and we both laughed and I squeezed Ron's arm as he turned to storm off.

"Oh, come on, we're just teasing," I crooned as we started down the hall. "Why don't you ask her out?"

"Er, well, she's nice and all but…"

 _"But?"_

He slowly turned mauve. "Nothing. I just don't fancy her that way, is all."

"Why not?" Harry asked. "She's pretty, smart, nice arse-"

"You're dating my sister, Potter," Ron growled.

"Hers is damn fine as well…"

"Oi! I do _not_ want to hear you talking about my baby sister like that!"

"You didn't want me talking about Abbot's arse, I can't talk about your sister's arse, whose arse _do_ you want me to talk about?"

"No one's! Just drop it, alright?"

I'd rarely seen Ron so flustered and I tugged him to a stop in the middle of the hall, eyeing him.

"There's someone else you like, isn't there?" I said and he scowled, turning from me.

"Leave it, for Merlin's sake, will you both just leave it?" He looked so distressed that Harry and I shared a look and dropped it, but I didn't fail to notice Ron's gaze flicker to the Ravenclaw table and a certain blonde who was chatting animatedly with a younger boy who looked rather confused with their conversation. I made a note to ask Luna to join us for breakfast the next morning and sat down between my friends, filling Ron's plate with boiled potatoes.

An hour later I was about to knock on the headmistress' door when I heard a low voice just beyond, one so familiar that it made me ache. Though I was loathe to interrupt their conversation, I knew the owner would rat me out for eavesdropping, portrait or not, so I knocked gently and was summoned inside.

McGonagall was just easing down into her chair when I entered and I looked up at Dumbledore who gave me one brief nod before striding out of his portrait.

"Does it…is it difficult to talk to him like that?" I asked the melancholy woman. Her lips thinned and I thought she was about to tell me off for asking such a personal question but she merely sighed.

"I cannot allow my emotions to interfere. We need him now as much as ever. But yes, Miss Granger, it is difficult. He was my closest friend and advisor."

"I'm sorry," I murmured. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to lose Ron or Harry and be forced to talk to their portrait in order to win a war. It would destroy me to be constantly reminded of their corporeal absence.

"This is war, Miss Granger," McGonagall said lowly. "We shall all lose much more before it is over."

With my heart heavy from that harsh truth, it took me several moments of collecting myself before I could open Malfoy's door, attempting to shake the dark cloud that hung over me. It didn't seem to have made any difference, however, as Malfoy furrowed his brow upon my entrance.

"Problem, Granger?"

I shook my head. "No, everything's fine."

"You're a terrible liar."

"Yes, I am," I admitted with a sigh, dropping my bag on the floor and sagging against the desk where he was busy writing a Charms essay. "It's just something McGonagall said that got to me. I'm just…tired."

"Well, if you would fit some time into your schedule for sleep that might solve your predicament."

"No, not physically," I said, lowering my head so he wouldn't see the emotion I knew would be in my eyes. "I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of all the death and grief and fear. I'm tired of going to bed every night wondering if one of my friends might die the next day or what will happen to me if You-Know-Who wins. I just…I just want to be a normal 18-year-old girl who doesn't have to worry if she'll become a slave or prisoner if by some slight chance I make it through this damn war alive."

"You'll make it out alive, Granger," Malfoy growled harshly. I scoffed.

"Chances aren't great, Malfoy. I'm a Mudblood, Harry Potter's friend, a member of the Order-"

"You'll make it," he said again, his words hard, and I looked up at his intensity. His eyes were like molten steel, burning through me. "This world needs you to help pick up the pieces after Potter wins."

"And if he doesn't?" I whispered, voicing the fear which kept me up at night.

"He will," Malfoy snapped. "He has to."

I was momentarily speechless as he spoke the very same words I'd told Harry weeks ago after the last battle. I was once again floored by the similarities between two such different people as he and I.

Then his face hardened and the quill in his hand snapped, his other coming to the arm of his chair, his knuckles white where he clenched it. I cursed.

"Draco, where did you put the Pain Potions?" I asked, looking around desperately as if they'd suddenly fly to me.

"Can't," he groaned through clenched teeth. "Too-soon."

"For Merlin's sake, I don't care! Where are the damn vials?" I cried. He grunted in pain and doubled over, dropping the mangled quill, his hand moving to the drawer to his right but I beat him to it, yanking it open and snatching a vial out and unstoppering it. I tugged him back up by his shoulders and pressed it to his lips, my left hand cupping his jaw to tilt him back far enough to swallow. He shuddered violently at the effort to sit up but drank the potion readily, clutching my hand to help guide.

When he'd finished, I chucked the vial aside where it shattered against the hardwood and gripped Malfoy's shoulders, easing him back as the potion kicked in. His hand continued to hold mine as his panting slowed, his head falling against the back of the chair, throwing the purple bags under his eyes into sharp contrast.

"Come on, let's get you into bed," I cajoled, putting my arm around his shoulders to help him stand but he shook me off.

"No need, it's over," he said gruffly, pushing himself up in the chair and looking up at me. "Thank you. Again."

"You're welcome," I murmured, tamping down the urge to force him into bed, to cover him up and make him stay there until I could figure out whatever damn curse had caused this. "Might I point out that if you would just tell me what's wrong I might be able to-"

"Mind going over my Arithmancy homework?" he asked, pulling out a scroll from the mound of papers on the desk.

My eyes narrowed. "You're eluding."

"Very astute."

"Malfoy seriously, why won't you tell me-"

"Why won't you drop it?"

"Because you're in pain every bleeding day!"

"I can handle it."

"Who knows what kind of damage it's causing-"

"It doesn't matter-"

"Of course it matters!"

"Dammit, Granger-"

"Just let me help you!"

"Have you ever considered the fact that I don't _want_ your fucking help?" Malfoy thundered, rising to his feet so fast his chair fell back and I flinched as he rounded on me. "I didn't come here so we could be bosom buddies, I didn't ask for your help, and I certainly don't need it! Just leave it. The fuck. _Alone."_

I opened my mouth several times but no words came out. I had none. I could feel myself trembling and clutched the desk behind me tighter to still it, my eyes falling to the floor. I nodded since my throat had constricted. He cursed and turned, grabbing the chair and chucking it across the room where it shattered against the far wall. I jumped at his sudden display of anger and knew I had pushed too far.

Damn my big fat mouth. Of course nothing had changed. What we'd shared had been a moment of desperation and pain blurring into a drug induced haze, nothing more.

 _For him._

I stuttered out an apology and grabbed my bag, my hands shaking so bad I could barely hang onto it. Avoiding his gaze, I hurried for the door. He cursed again.

"Granger…"

I didn't look back but made my way into the hall, shutting the door quietly behind me, my hand lingering on the handle. I stared at that contact, my chest tight, wishing things were different, wishing I could change him, make him understand…but it was a useless hope. He didn't want me, he didn't want to join our side. Whatever his reasoning for being here was locked tightly within him, an impenetrable fortress forged by the Dark Lord himself. What was one stupid Mudblood compared to that?

I watched my fingers fall away from the brass knob and made my way to the stairwell, my entire body jerking when I heard the door open behind me. I could see him in my peripheral leaning heavily against the jam. Neither of us moved, neither of us spoke. It was several long, tense moments before my dignity gave me a rough shove and I was scurrying down the stairs without a backward glance. I flinched when I heard the door slam harshly but didn't slow, making my way to the drawing room where I curled into a ball in the corner to wait out the next two hours so I didn't have to see the disappointment in my mentor's gaze as she realized that she had chosen the wrong person for this task.

…

The weekend passed uneventfully. I holed myself up in my bedroom pouring over the dark books Lupin had procured for me, getting more and more frustrated with every useless page. I brewed another Pain Potion to stock Malfoy up for the next week, altering it slightly to make the effects last longer.

Though my mind concocted myriad excuses as to why I should beg McGonagall to spare me the humiliation of having to face Malfoy again, I knew that anything I asked her would be met with questions I certainly did not want to answer. So Monday evening had me reluctantly stumbling out of the fireplace at headquarters to a strange scene. I started, my mouth hanging open as I saw Malfoy at the table, a cup of untouched tea in front of him. Mrs. Weasley was sitting directly across from him and looked up at my arrival.

"Hermione, dear!" she greeted happily and rose to hug me. "Won't you come join us at the table? We were just sharing a spot of tea! I'll make you a cup, go on and sit, you look ready to drop!"

I had to smother a grin at the dismayed look on Malfoy's face. "I would love to, Mrs. Weasley," I replied and Malfoy scowled at me. He sat stiff as a board, his hands grasped tightly in his lap. It seemed he hadn't much say in his current predicament as Mrs. Weasley bustled about, exclaiming that she had "dragged the poor dear out tooth and nail" because he "simply couldn't live his whole life in that room."

I took a seat next to the chair Mrs. Weasley had just vacated and Malfoy attempted to murder me with his eyes. I felt a thrill of vengeance in his discomfort.

"Shouldn't we get started on homework?" he asked pointedly and I couldn't hold back my malicious smile.

"Oh, that can wait a few minutes," I said and he snarled, knowing I was just doing this to torture him. I thanked Mrs. Weasley for the tea she sat in front of me and allowed her to steer the conversation, enjoying watching Malfoy writhe in irritation under her attempts to get to know him. He answered with grunts and single-word sentences but I filled in where I could, smothering my chuckles with my fist as he continued to glare daggers at me.

In an instant, all amusement was stolen from the room as a hyena Patronus burst through the wall and Mrs. Weasley screeched, shattering her mug as she shot to her feet in terror, hands clapped over her mouth. We all listened with bated breath as the Patronus began to speak, Fred Weasley's voice echoing around the kitchen.

 _"If you are receiving this Patronus it is because PotterWatch has been compromised. George and I created this fail-safe in case we were abducted. Do not attempt to rescue us, we've known from the beginning what our role in this may lead to. There is a secret room hidden beneath the shop, it must not fall into the wrong hands. The only way to access the room is by a hidden key, the whereabouts of which are entrusted only to Verity. She must be taken into hiding immediately. She can obtain all the information you need. Get to the shop, the room must survive. Keep Verity safe. Know that we love you and are at peace. Do not come for us."_

Mrs. Weasley screamed, a sound of anguish that should not be a part of this world. I grabbed her as she started to fall, crumpling in my arms and sending us both to the floor, our progress only slowed when Malfoy shot forward and grabbed us, easing us down with strong arms. I looked up into his steel eyes as Mrs. Weasley cried out in denial, clutching at me tightly.

"Go to McGonagall, through the Floo," I instructed Malfoy over the screams. "She can alert the Order-"

"Why can't you-?"

"Mrs. Weasley, you need to listen to me," I ignored him, turning the woman in my arms and forcing her to face me, her ruddy face streaked with tears. "We're going to get them back, alright? We're going to get Fred and George back, but I have to go, I have to find Verity. You need to stay strong, your boys need you."

She started to speak but I wrenched her grip from me and shoved her at Malfoy.

"Granger-"

"Get to McGonagall, have her send backup to the shop!" I called as I ran for the door.

 _"Granger!_ Goddammit-!"

I flew up the stairs and threw myself into the frigid night. As soon as my feet hit the snowy lawn I was turning, my whole body squeezing as if through a tube.

The scene I arrived on stole my breath. The shop was on fire, shoppers in Diagon Alley screaming behind a blue line someone had magicked onto the ground. Aurors on the scene were dousing the flames with their wands, though their efforts seemed fruitless. I ran up to Kingsley who was leading the manic situation. 

"Have you found the twins?" I asked, though I knew the chances were slim.

"The shop was open, no one has come out," he replied then started when he realized who was standing next to him. "Miss Granger, what are you-?"

"Verity, have you seen Verity?" I interrupted, the pyre before me mocking.

"Verity? I'm not sure who-"

"Short blonde hair, petite, she works at the shop," I spewed, eyeing the inferno before me.

"No, I haven't seen- Miss Granger!" 

I didn't think, didn't take a moment to contemplate or plan, all I knew was to act, to make sure Fred and George Weasley did not die in vain. I didn't listen to Kingsley or the Aurors as they screamed for me to stop, to come back. The smoldering door of the shop swung open with a wave of my wand and I plunged myself into the billowing black smoke, covering my mouth and nose as I looked around wildly. 

The heat engulfed me, so intense I could hardly stand it. The entire right side of the shop had fallen in, the back a wall of flame. Coughing, I Levitated a mound of boxes out of my way, thankful that I could do spells silently. 

"Fred? George?" I called into the smoke as I choked on more ash. I heard a cry from behind the counter and leapt over fallen merchandise toward the sound. The counter had been smashed on one side by a fallen beam, the cry coming from a blonde girl trapped beneath. 

"Verity!" I shouted, hoisting myself onto the broken counter, a sharp piece of wood slicing into my right arm when I tried to steady myself. I lowered carefully down next to her and threw myself over her as something fell overhead causing a deluge of ash, wood, and bright purple boxes which bit into my back. Verity screamed. 

"It's alright; I'm going to get you out of here!" I yelled over the roar of the fire drawing ever closer. "Where are Fred and George, what happened?"

"They-took-them!" she coughed, confirming the horrible truth, her spasms causing more hot ash to fall upon us, burning through my robes. I saw then that her legs were trapped beneath the beam which had demolished the right side of the counter and the wall behind it. It was leaning precariously on a bit of wall, the ceiling above it being licked by flames. 

"Where is the key?" I asked, trying to find a way to move the beam without sending the ceiling collapsing on us, worried about attempting Apparition with Verity trapped as she was. 

"It's the galleon on my necklace," she said, coughing again. "Argh, my legs! I don't know where my wand is!" 

"Don't worry about that now," I said, swallowing a bunch of ash. I coughed and looked around. "Where's the entrance to the room?" I continued, trying to keep her talking so she didn't panic as my mind raced, trying to figure out the best way to extricate her.

"It's beneath the counter," Verity choked out. "I was trying to get to it, it's blast proof, we need to get into it, quick-"

"Why-?"

My question was answered as what sounded like a bomb detonated, loud screeches and bright colors renting the air and my heart stopped as I realized exactly why Verity chose to aim for the safe room instead of the door.

The fire had found the twin's fireworks display.

Verity screamed as the explosion caused the beam to fall further, increasing the pressure on her legs and I covered the rest of her as the wall crumpled, flames and wood smashing down on me. I shrieked with Verity as pain seared my back, my flesh melting, pure agony impaling me. Belatedly, I tossed up a silent Shield Charm, protecting us from the bolts of colored light which shot around us like some sick festival of horror.

I heard people outside yelling, calling my name, but I couldn't respond, I couldn't breathe, my lungs felt as though they had been popped like a balloon. I could hear Verity sobbing beneath me but I couldn't draw breath to comfort her, every fiber of my being centered on holding the shield up, the only thing preventing us from being swallowed in flame and bright streaks of hell.

My mind was swirling in a haze of pain and I fought for consciousness. I needed air, I couldn't breathe…

The sound of crying jerked me back to reality. I had to get us out of here, the entire building would collapse at any minute. Lowering the shield, I turned to the short wall which had fallen upon the beam and had me pinned. My arm could only move a few inches, a tearing sensation ripping through my back with every small movement. Grunting with the effort, I Levitated the wall and nearly fainted in agony. 

As the weight lifted, the pain multiplied. I tried to cry out but no sound came. The movement caused more debris to fall around us, Verity shrieking below me. My eyes stung from the ash and the smoke and I slammed them closed as the world burned around me. The heat- I couldn't bear it… _unbearable…_ he'd said the pain was unbearable…and I'd held him, held him like he'd held Mrs. Weasley…Weasley-Fred, George, gone, taken…

"Hermione, please!" Verity sobbed and I shook my head, trying to clear it, sucking in the tiniest breath and repairing the wall so that it held the structure, giving us time to escape. I turned to the beam that held Verity trapped and did the same, her screams of pain searing through me as I shoved my own to the back of my mind, though the world was quickly darkening around me from lack of oxygen and agony.

Verity grabbed for me and I gripped her tightly. Now that she was unpinned my fear of splinching her lessened, though I knew I couldn't go far in my weakened state. Thinking of the snow-covered ground just outside of the shop, I concentrated to the center of my being and turned. 

The cold air hit me and I tried to suck it in but the pain had me crying out and my lungs wouldn't work properly. People were talking, screaming, there was so much screaming… 

"I need some help over here!"

Help…Fred…George…

"Help…" 

"We are, we're helping you, Hermione," a soothing voice said above me as the heat pressed from all sides and Verity cried harshly beside me. "Just hang on." 

"No-Fred-George-help…" It was so hard to talk, my back, my chest, my throat, the pain was agonizing, but they had to know, had to get to the twins…

There was more yelling, more movement. The black was trying to swallow me. I needed air, I couldn't think…the pain…I couldn't breathe…

I was being Levitated, the familiar voice shaking as she argued with someone about taking me to St. Mungo's.

"It's too dangerous-"

"Look at the state of her!"

"Madame Pomfrey-"

"She'll die before she gets there!" 

I shook my head, I couldn't die, not yet, I had to save Verity, had to get the key…

"Verity…" 

"She's right beside us, she's safe. Hold on, Hermione, just hold on-"

And then it was blackness.

…

A/N:

Guest: So many mysteries to be revealed! Glad to have you along for the ride :)

XOXO

RynStar15


	11. The Voice Inside

"Unity!" I shouted at the Fat Lady who was clutching her best friend, Vi, in terror. The portrait swung open and I stumbled across the empty common room while the school shuddered under outside attack. A glance out the window showed a sea of Death Eaters at the entrance to the school, fighting to get in. Hagrid was running towards the Forbidden Forest and several teachers were standing guard with their wands raised, holding up the protective shields.

Cursing my own protective charms, I flew towards my dormitory and ripped open the trunk at the foot of my bed, throwing out objects in my haste to find the book I needed. Upon securing it, I flipped through the pages, my hands shaking so hard that several pages ripped in my rush. I cried out as I found the right page, yanking the book up nearly to my nose. I read a passage three times and threw the book from me, my body thrumming with newfound hope and determination. Clutching my wand tightly, I ran faster than I ever had in my life.

And fervently prayed that Ginny had found Draco in time.

…

 _One month, two weeks, and four days earlier…_

I hovered somewhere between the dark and the pain, not really awake but not quite dead. No, not dead yet.

The pain was everywhere, surrounding me, swaddling me like an infant of perdition. I must have been moaning or screaming because someone was shushing me, soothing me. I choked on the liquid in my mouth, my throat struggling with the simple task. It burned like fire.

Fire...so much fire…

"She needs a Healer." The voice was strained but strong, soothing in its presence. Mrs. Weasley. She was the one comforting me. "I don't know enough-"

"The minister will only allow Madam Pomfrey. We can send Draco-" a voice suggested, the one who had stolen me from the fire. Tonks…the baby…was the baby alright?

"No, the children can't see him; they can't know we have him. Will you-?"

"Of course, I'll send him in to help."

"Quickly-"

The black took over.

...

I screamed. Surely, I was dying. The pain was more than I could bear. No one could live through this.

"Hold her down!"

Hands were pushing me down, my face pressed against a soft but firm surface. A bed. I was on a bed. I wondered vaguely why-and then the pain was ripping through me, tearing at my soul, pulling me down until death was a comforting mirage waiting just beyond the horizon…

And then someone else was speaking to me, slow, deep, familiar. This voice was different than the one above me, shouting instructions; it was inside my head, comforting. It spoke words I didn't understand but it calmed me even as it beckoned me from that illusion towards reality which was worse than I could have ever imagined it.

"Can't we give her anything for the pain?" the voice said, louder, angry, above me.

"Soon-hold her now. Miss Granger, you have to stay awake!"

 _Stay with me, Hermione._ That voice again-a voice I knew, a voice which soothed. _Hold on to me, listen to my voice, stay with me._

Draco, I'd know that voice anywhere. But it sounded different…something I couldn't put my finger on…

The horizon loomed closer, so peaceful...

 _Don't, Hermione, listen to me!_ _I know it's hard but you have to stay with me-_

My world went white. The agony shot through me in waves, stealing my breath, shattering me as I fought for air, abandoning all sense of reason.

 _Dammit, Hermione, hang on!_ Draco was all but screaming within me, dragging me forcefully from the bliss I sought. His voice sounded panicked. Was he okay? Was he hurt too? I had to get to him…

Then he chuckled, though it held no humor, only fear. _Of course that's all you're worried about. No, I'm not hurt, I'm just fine. But I have to tell you something, you have to hold on so I can tell you…_

I was being pulled under, the pain blinding…

"Miss Granger, stay with us now, open your eyes!"

But they burned-everything burned...

 _Almost, we're almost done and then you can sleep, just hold on, hold on to my voice._

And then the screaming overtook even the voice in my head.

Agony. Indescribable, all-encompassing agony, pain of which should never be felt, that no one could survive, that no one _should_ survive…

A hand caught mine and I held on until the pain ebbed, miraculously, a small relief, enough that I could breathe, pull air into my scorching lungs.

"It's out, but there's too much blood…Molly, hold this here, Nymphadora, my potions, quickly now! Blood Replenishing-"

 _It's over, the worst is over now. A minute longer…_

The black was swirling so tantalizing before me and I was slipping, my hold tenuous. I can't…

 _Yes, you can. You're a Gryffindor, the strongest person I know. You can't give up, you can't leave me. I have to tell you…_

His hold on my hand tightened as the others spoke above me. I concentrated on that small shard of reality, one I wanted so desperately. I tried to squeeze his hand back, but I couldn't work my fingers anymore, my entire body numb…

"We're losing her-"

 _Don't you dare, don't you dare give up on me now-_

"Molly, chant with me-"

"Come on, Hermione-"

 _Dammit, Hermione, I lied, I lied before, I need you, I need you here-_

"It's sealed, the potion Nymphadora-"

 _Just hang on a moment longer, then you can sleep-_

"Help me sit her up now. Drink this, Miss Granger."

I couldn't even manage to scream as I was shifted, lifted, my upper body ripping apart even as something was pressed against my lips, slipping between them to slide down my abused throat. I choked on the liquid, gagged.

"She's in pain, dammit!"

"This will help, we need you to drink, Miss Granger."

 _You made me take it Granger, this is just payback. I know it hurts, but you have to get this down._

"Her vitals are dropping-"

"She's lost too much blood-"

"We need another-"

 _Hold on, damn you-_

...

 _Don't stop._

The burning hovered at the edge of my sanity, but something else stole my attention. Fingers woven between mine, clutching desperately. Something soft but firm pressed against my slightly parted lips and a pressure against my forehead. I couldn't open my eyes, my body too lethargic. All I could do was breathe through the fire and listen to that beautiful voice as it spoke.

 _Please, don't stop._

...

The fire raged, flames licking my back, seeping through my skin until it was inside me. I tried to pull it out but I couldn't lift my hands. I had to get to Verity, I had to save her...

Gods, I couldn't move, I was paralyzed. We were going to die, going to burn in this hell!

No, this couldn't be it, not after everything… I had to fight, but everything was pain-

 _It's alright Hermione, you're safe now._

Draco…

 _Yes, it's me, I'm here. You'_ _r_ _e safe, but you need to rest, to heal._

Something cool touched my cheek and I was brought back to the present. The flames weren't real, I was dreaming...

Voices floated over me, not Draco's, and I sank back into the black.

…

Reality was no more than a horrifying illusion. All I knew was pain and visions of stone walls and heeled boots covered in flames, the heat overpowering me and fear gripping me in its menacing claws.

 _You're safe,_ the voice said. _They can't get you here. Don't listen to the nightmares. Potter's here, and Weasley. Listen to them, you're safe._

I was being pulled up, leaned against someone. My head fell onto their shoulder. I couldn't open my eyes, they were so heavy…

"Ron, hold her head, I don't think she can-"

Harry…he was here...

"Hermione, can you hear us?" Ron asked, his voice shaky. I tried to answer, but I doubt anything came out. It was hot, so hot. Couldn't someone put out the fire?

"Hermione, you need to drink this."

I tried to swallow the liquid but my throat burned. I coughed, and the pain racked through me until I was keening.

"Hermione, you have to get this down," Harry coaxed. He was the one holding me up. Not the one who held me down.

Fire, so much fire. The shop, the shop was on fire…

"Fred…" I croaked, my throat was so raw, my lungs searing at the effort, but I had to know. "George…"

"Don't worry about them," Ron said, his voice weak. "Just drink this, alright?"

I tried. I couldn't stop choking and when I choked I coughed and when I coughed the pain consumed me.

 _Relax, just breathe._

It hurts…

 _It will be better soon, I swear._

Finally, the black devoured me, wrapping me in its silky, pain-free embrace.

…

I was forced awake to drink several more potions before I gained the strength to finally open my eyes which burned like the deepest depths of Hades. It was dark; I was lying on my stomach. I tried to push myself up but a panicked voice stilled me.

"Don't try to get up," Harry said and my tired arms eased themselves at his voice. "Are you in pain?"

"Everywhere," I groaned. Would it ever end?

"I'll get Madam Pomfrey-"

"No," I grunted, my voice unusually rough. I reached out for his hand and he took it. I looked down at the contact and saw bandages covering my arm down to my hand. I tried to remember everything that happened, but it was blurring into chopped fragments of terror. The fire inside the shop, Verity, then the world had collapsed and the fire…the fire was everywhere…

"Tell me," I croaked. The twins, I needed to know, needed to know if they were still alive, if Verity had survived. I couldn't remember anything after the wall had collapsed; they needed to know they had been taken... "Please-"

"Try not to talk," Harry replied sounding strained. "Don't worry about that now. You need to rest. I'll get your Sleeping Potion."

"No…" Was that really my voice? "Where-"

"Is she awake?" a worried voice asked from above me.

"Ron…"

"Hermione! Gods, we've been so worried." Ron knelt beside me, his face so full of concern I wanted to reassure him but I couldn't find the words. "How are you?"

"She's not supposed to be talking, Ron," Harry reprimanded. "Go get Madam Pomfrey, she needs another Pain Potion."

"No," I begged hoarsely. Couldn't they see I had to know? "The twins..."

Ron's face fell. "We don't know."

"Ron, shut it! Hermione-"

"What's the point in lying to her, Harry? She wouldn't lie to us! She'll find out sooner or later!"

"She needs to rest-"

"We haven't found them yet," Ron said shakily, looking back to me, his hand coming to mine where it was still entwined with Harry's. "But we're working on it."

My heart dropped. "I didn't…"

"Don't be thick!" Ron said. "You saved Verity's life! Mum told us about the Patronus, there was nothing you could have done…"

I remembered Mrs. Weasley falling to the floor, I'd never seen so much pain. I had to get to her…

I tried to sit up and Harry began yelling at Ron for telling me while they both tried to push me back down, resulting in someone touching my back which made me cry out in anguish.

In a cacophony of yells and movement I was being sat up by warm, gentle hands, propped against a strong chest, a potion thrust in my mouth. I choked.

 _Swallow, Granger, this will help._

"Malfoy! What are you-?"

"Shove it, you sadistic bastards! Can't you see she's in pain?"

"We were just about to-"

"Yeah who do you-?"

I lost track of the conversation and simply melted into Draco's touch as the pain lessened to a dull throb. I burrowed my forehead into his warm neck, his scent comforting as the three argued above me. Another potion was pressed to my lips and I drank obligingly, seeking the dreamless sleep that would ensue. I slumped against Draco's chest, one of his hands clutching my uninjured hip protectively, and was floating away…

...

"Hermione, dear, open your eyes," Mrs. Weasley murmured. I stirred, but my body was so tired…

"Come on now, there's a girl. It's time for your medicine."

I forced my eyes open and looked into the watery ones of my mother in every way but blood. Her words were senseless in my hazy world. Medicine?

"Mrs. Weasley," I grated out, my throat so sore…why was it sore? And why was Mrs. Weasley…? Right, she'd made us tea, Malfoy was uncomfortable…

"Yes, dear?" She turned and bustled with one of nearly a dozen potions crowded on my bedside table with gauze and bottles of salves and myriad other things. Confused, I glanced around, the small movement causing me so much pain that I stopped. I was in a room, I'd obviously been hurt...

The fire, the twins, Verity, the key, I had to tell them…

"Mrs. Weasley-the room-"

"Hush, dear, we'll go over everything in a moment, you need to take your potions."

I buried my head into my pillow as she continued to prepare my medicinal cocktail. Guilt and grief assailed me at the knowledge of my failed mission. Fred and George were gone, the shop was destroyed, the room Fred had been so desperate to save likely buried or demolished. I needed to get out there, to find it for them…

"What time is it?" I asked.

"Just after ten in the morning."

 _"What?"_ I yelled, probably rupturing a few of the blisters coating my throat. "I have to go, I have to-"

I tried to get up and was met by a wall of agony. I couldn't stop the screams that tore from me, even when they doubled the anguish. I didn't need the hands that pushed me back down, the world spinning until I was sick. Several hands heaved me to the side of the bed where a pot was shoved under me and I retched over and over, the pain tearing through me until I was left slumped, shuddering.

A dull litany of cursing wove through me while worried voices conversed above me. Strong arms eased me back onto the bed properly and I whimpered at the pain it brought. A cold cloth was pressed to my lips and the sick was cleared away.

I could hear myself moaning but it was as if I had no control over it or the rest of my body as I was sat up, my back and lungs searing. My movements were stiff and I realized both arms were bandaged all the way down to my hands as well as my back from my armpits down to my rear and I realized belatedly that the only thing covering my front side was a thin layer of bandage. I had obviously severely underestimated the damage.

A goblet was pressed to my lips and I drank greedily, trying to ignore the pain in my throat, knowing the bliss that would follow. I kept my eyes shut to slow the whirling room, sitting as still as possible to regain my equilibrium, clutching the arm of whoever had sat me up.

"What Molly has yet to inform you is that it's ten in the morning on Thursday," a drawling voice told me.

My brain felt fuzzy. It was Thursday? I had been out for-

 _"Four days?"_ I cried raggedly, wrenching my sore eyes open and taking in the scene around me. Draco was sitting behind me on the bed, one arm around my middle keeping my weak body upright. Mrs. Weasley and Tonks were hovering anxiously above me, both looking bedraggled.

"Yes, dear, you've been in and out of it the last couple of days, do you remember anything?"

"I don't…" I shook my head, trying to remember. Voices mixed with fire and pain and potion after potion.

And Draco, always Draco, in my head, comforting me, calming me. I looked up into his face for the first time. He'd tried to put up his mask of indifference, but it was cracked with worry and fatigue. I squeezed his arm where I was holding it and turned away before the women got suspicious.

"Where are Fred and George?"

Tears sprang into Mrs. Weasley's eyes and Tonks shuffled nervously.

"You need to rest, dear," Mrs. Weasley said thickly, her trembling hands nearly knocking over a potion as she grabbed for it, Tonks hurrying over to help her.

"Please, I have to know," I begged and Draco's arm tightened around me. "Verity-?"

"She's fine," Tonks said, taking the bottle from Mrs. Weasley and pressing her into one of the two chairs beside my bed. "Recuperating. Couple bottles of Skele-Gro and she'll be right as rain in a couple days."

I sighed, my anxiety eased minutely. At least she was alright.

"Have you heard anything?"

Tonks wavered.

"You might as well tell her, she'll give you no rest until she gets what she wants," Draco rumbled behind me and the corner of my lip twitched.

"I'll get Arthur."

While we waited for the two to return, I kept my gaze averted from Mrs. Weasley who was sniffling in the chair, twisting a rag in her hands. Draco's thumb rubbed my side slowly where he held me, his other hand finding my fingers which rested on the bed. My chest tightened, this time not painfully, and I twined mine with his, vaguely recalling a similar sensation, until footsteps sounded on the stairs and our hands broke apart, Draco turning away from me slightly but still keeping a gentle hold on me to keep me upright.

"Hermione, it's good to see you up," Mr. Weasley said, his smile sad, though his relief seemed genuine. "You've had us all very worried."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

Mr. Weasley cut me off by shaking his head and lowering himself on the chair next to Mrs. Weasley, taking her hand and stilling the incessant twisting. "What is the last thing you remember?"

I bit my lip as I worked through the muggy haze of my memory. I told them everything I recalled seeing, hearing, and doing, though none of them seemed surprised so I figured Verity had already told her version. Mrs. Weasley was crying silently during my tale and I felt Draco's fingers flinch against me when I spoke of the wall collapsing.

"Have you been able to get into the room?" I asked, praying my efforts hadn't been for naught.

"Yes, actually," Mr. Weasley said, his voice weak. "Verity gave us the key which is, in fact, derived from the ones you made for Dumbledore's Army."

I felt myself blush and smiled with the knowledge that I'd unknowingly contributed to their secret.

"Both the boys have matching ones and they used to use them to communicate, though as of yet they haven't sent her any messages."

I could hear how pinched his voice was and my own heart fell. If they had means of communication and they hadn't used it…

"Verity explained how to get to the trap door underneath. Press the galleon in and say this silly phrase-"

 _"_ _I solemnly swear that I am up to no good?"_ I offered with a small smile and all three adults looked at me confusedly.

"Yes, in fact, how did you know?" Mr. Weasley answered.

"Something from school," I replied, pointedly not going into detail.

"Well, yes, you say that and it opens up to this little room…we had no idea they were working on so much…"

"Weapons for the war," Tonks interjected. "They've been making all kinds of useful items. And the radio for PotterWatch is down there, and a bunch of explosives-"

"Thank Merlin they were down there and not in the shop," I replied. "The fireworks were bad enough."

"Made for quite the show," Tonks grinned and I let out a small laugh, the discomfort in my throat arguing her sentiments, though I'm sure from the outside it had looked rather wild. From the inside, however…

I shuddered and Draco's fingers tightened almost painfully, though he continued to sit ram-rod straight, gazing at the wall as if bored with our conversation.

I swallowed painfully, pushing back the images. "Any leads?"

"None yet," Mr. Weasley said sadly and Mrs. Weasley let out a muffled sob. My own eyes watered at images of the twins in that dungeon, cold and scared, waiting for the sound of heels…

 _Stop._

I started at the voice within my head, though Draco made no indication he'd said anything.

Mrs. Weasley rose suddenly, shaking off her husband's hand. "Nymphadora dear, if you could-"

"Of course Molly, why don't you go lay down?"

"Yes, yes, I think…" she trailed off, heading for the door, the cloth she'd been wringing pressed to her mouth. Mr. Weasley rose heavily, looking as though he'd aged a decade. He came over to me and placed his hand on my cheek.

"Thank you, Hermione," he murmured. "Without you we never would have known…"

"They're my family, too," I whispered back and his eyes welled. He leaned forward and pressed a fatherly kiss to my forehead before turning to Draco.

"Thank you for taking care of my girl."

Draco stirred uncomfortably. "Glorified armrest."

Tonks sniggered and Mr. Weasley left, clapping Draco on the shoulder which made him jump and bump my back which made me gasp in pain.

"Shite-"

"It's fine-"

"Here, drink this," Tonks offered, stumbling over Mr. Weasley's recently vacated chair as she handed me the vial that was still in her hand. I winced as I reached for it but Draco snatched it out of Tonks' hand roughly, flicking off the stopper and holding it to my lips. Tonks and I shared a bewildered look and the older woman's eyebrows shot into her Weasley-red hair, a knowing smirk on her face.

I drank obligingly and Tonks began to back out of the room, tripping over the chair once more.

"I'll just- _whoops!-_ er, leave you two be…"

"You don't have to-" Draco started but she was already out the door. He turned to me hesitantly, his face unreadable as he looked me over.

"Bed," he said simply and I nodded, feeling the drugging effects of the potion invade my senses and he eased me slowly back onto my stomach, bringing a cool sheet up to my shoulders and settling it softly, as if the slight weight might injure me further.

He scratched the back of his head needlessly, looking down at me. "I'll-er-let you rest then…"

My hand shot out and took his, stilling his retreat. He looked down at the contact, then back to my face. I smiled at him groggily.

"I promise not to come on to you," I muttered thickly. He let out a soft laugh and dragged the still-standing chair closer to me.

"Good luck with that, Granger."

"Jean."

"Come again?"

"My middle name is Jean."

I opened one bleary eye to see his expression. He pondered for a moment as if trying the name on.

"Jean. It suits you. Mother's?"

"Grandmother's."

I felt myself drifting off, but the sound of his voice tugged me back.

"Abraxas. Grandfather."

"Abraxas," I rolled the name on my tongue. "It suits you."

The last thing I saw was Draco's signature smirk.

…

When I woke again, Madam Pomfrey was changing my bandages. "Decided to join the living, have you?" she said kindly.

"Why are you here?" I asked, not meaning to sound so rude or unintelligent, but my mind couldn't seem to grasp more than that simple sentence.

"I'm going to assume you are wondering why I am at headquarters instead of Hogwarts?" I nodded. "Well, they couldn't very well take you to St. Mungo's dear, not when there is a hefty reward on your head. You're safe enough at Hogwarts but taking you to a place like that with your injuries?" She tsked. "No, much safer to bring you here."

"Thank you for coming," I said. "I wouldn't have made it without you."

She scoffed. "Quidditch, basilisks, falling buildings-you children get into enough trouble to turn my hair grey!"

I smiled and noted my left cheek hurt. Then again, what didn't? "So, what is my diagnosis?"

"Punctured right lung. Second and third degree burns over your back and arms, that piece of wood right over there was lodged about halfway through you right here," she touched a rather tender area with a cloth drenched in a foul-smelling liquid as my eyes widened at a large chunk of wood someone had propped against the wall, my blood still coating it. "That's what collapsed your lung. Some pretty nasty cuts up here, one on your left cheek, another on your right forearm. Left elbow was broken along with a couple ribs down here," she tapped my lower left side and I winced. "Other than that, a lot of bumps and bruises."

"Is that all?" I scoffed.

"More than I wanted to deal with on a Monday evening, I'll tell you. Lost a good amount of blood so you'll continue drinking this Blood Replenishing Potion for two more days as well as this one here to help with your skin re-growth, and this one here for your lungs, these two are for your bones and muscles, respectively, this one here for your pain, and this one _here_ to help you sleep. Molly has them all on a time sheet so don't you worry about that. All I want you to do is rest. You gave us a right scare, Miss Granger."

"I'm lucky you were here," I said genuinely.

"I've lost more than enough students this year," she said lowly. "I wasn't about to lose another. Though after that curse you took two years ago, I knew you were made of stronger stuff. I'll be back on Sunday to change these bandages again."

"Thank you, Madam Pomfrey," I said, my voice still rough and scratchy. I was never more grateful for magic as now knowing that my recovery would only take a few weeks as opposed to the months and years it would have taken as a Muggle. I closed my eyes, reveling in the quiet after the nurse left. I ached all over, but considered myself quite lucky having had a burning ceiling collapse on me.

I heard the door open and turned my head, wincing at the movement. I was somewhat surprised to see Draco enter the room.

"So, how is our heroine of the week feeling?" he asked, crossing his arms and taking a seat, his warm demeanor towards me seeming to have reverted back to our normal state now that I wasn't in imminent peril of death.

"I'm no heroine."

"I think blondie down the hall would say otherwise."

I closed my eyes, too tired to argue. "Thank you for all your help. I owe you one."

"You don't owe me anything." His voice was hard, much harder than was necessary. I chanced my eyes open and Draco was staring at me intensely. "What the fuck is your problem, Granger?"

 _"What?"_ I snapped, confused, forgetting for a moment about my injuries, and pushed myself up. My newly repaired elbow gave out and my burns blazed, my lungs seared. Before I could even cry out Draco was there, easing me back down.

"Dammit, Granger! What are you doing, trying to kill yourself again?"

"Again? Draco, what-?"

"Have you completely lost your mind? You can't find me so you throw yourself out into the street to be caught by Death Eaters? Molly starts crying over something and you're suddenly jumping into burning buildings? Do you have a death wish?"

"Of course not!"

"You could fool me!"

"Draco, what is all this about?" I asked exasperatedly. I realized belatedly that I was now referring to him by his given name and he had reverted back to my surname. Something had changed since he'd held my hand as I fell asleep.

He knelt beside me; our faces were close enough that I could see the purple bags under his eyes and the grayish pallor that had come over him. He looked as bad as I felt.

Several moments passed before he spoke, his jaw twitching as he was clenching it so hard.

"Nothing. Just get some rest."

He rose and left, ignoring when I called him back. I groaned and instantly regretted it.

It wasn't long until I realized that I had to use the loo and had no idea how I was going to do it. Grumbling inwardly as my sore throat wouldn't allow me otherwise, I eased my legs off the bed and tried to lift myself up, quickly coming to terms with the fact that my left elbow didn't want to hold any weight at all. Figuring there was nothing for it, I attempted the strange maneuver with just my right arm, succeeding in nothing more than crashing painfully to the floor.

I moaned, smacking my forehead on the hardwood at my abysmal attempt as flames licked at my back and arms. I was just wondering what my next step would be when Draco flew into the room, cursing.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he growled, dropping to my side.

"Would you please stop yelling at me?" I begged, my pounding head still trying to work out how I was going to stand without using either arm or my back when I was so weak.

"Is there a reason you threw yourself out of bed?"

"I didn't _throw_ myself," I complained, bending my knees for leverage. "I just sort of, toppled."

He swore the air blue and put an arm under my stomach, hoisting me up to my feet where I swayed ominously, the world flipping on itself. Luckily his Seeker reflexes were on their game today as he grabbed me and held me still until the world straightened itself.

"Sorry," I apologized, grasping his arm tightly. "Haven't stood up in a couple days."

"Might I ask _why_ you feel the need to go gallivanting around days after a building falls on you?" he snarled.

"I'm not _gallivanting_ I just-er-need the loo," I admitted, blushing. For once he said nothing but insisted on helping me there which (I would never admit) I actually needed. My legs were wobbly and I felt weaker than I had in my entire life from lack of proper nutrition and loss of blood. I forced him to leave me alone once inside the bathroom and I managed painfully on my own, wishing dearly that I could take a shower but contented with washing my armpits and the parts of my face, neck and chest not covered in a bright yellow goo. I tried not to think about how I had relieved myself over the last day and a half.

I looked a wreck. My hair was matted, singed, full of grey ash and blood, piled on top of my head where someone had gathered it to get it out of the way. Clean white bandages covered my entire upper body to my armpits and the paste on my cheek did not add to my appearance. I groaned again, apparently still failing to learn my lesson, and Draco banged on the door.

"If you're not out in ten seconds I'm coming in after you!" he roared and I rolled my eyes.

I stiffly pulled the bolt on the door and had to step back as Draco barged in.

"Bed," he snapped.

"What's with this sudden attitude?" I asked, completely bewildered. "Did I say something to upset you?"

He simply stood aside and I ambled past him, fuming. I was tired of his cold demeanor. I couldn't think of a thing I said to have angered him, unless I'd said something while I'd been out of it. I had thought we'd made such progress, he'd shown such concern…

However mad at him I was, I needed his help back into bed. Neither of us said a word as he lowered me onto the mattress and took his leave. I barely had time to grumble about his despicable behavior when Mrs. Weasley bustled in with a tray and began spoon feeding me broth which burned my throat but I didn't complain as she was sniffling the entire time and I knew her mind was on Fred and George. She forced more potions down me and hurried out while I drifted off, my thoughts on where the twins might be at this very moment…

…

"Shut it, Ron, you're going to wake her up!"

"Well, I didn't know it was going to sing, did I?"

"Shh!"

"Look, see, she's awake already!"

"Not before you woke her, you prat!"

"How are you, Hermione?" Harry asked, cutting into Ron and Ginny's bickering.

"Like a building fell on me," I replied and mustered a smile, a pang running through my cheek. "Help me up, would you? I hate lying here staring at your kneecaps."

"Are you sure you should get up?" Ginny worried.

"I'm fine, Gin, really. Just sore," I reassured her. The boys each took an arm, trying to only touch the front part where I hadn't been burned and slowly, painfully, I was able to get into a sitting position. I tried to still my head as the world rushed around me, attempting not to show how dizzy I was to the other three.

"Here, mum said you're supposed to drink this when you wake up," Ginny said, handing me a goblet full of steaming potion, looking thoroughly unappetizing to my burning throat. I took it without a word, grimacing at the horrid taste of the Blood Replenishing Potion. Ginny took the goblet from me and settled on the bed next to me while the boys sank into the chairs opposite.

"Any news on Fred and George?" I asked, looking at them all in turn, ignoring the pain in my neck at the movement.

"Not yet," Ron said, his voice distressed. "Lupin…Lupin reckons they just wanted them out of the way, you know? Their radio station was bringing on too much attention. Lee's gone into hiding."

"I don't care what anyone says," Ginny said. "They're smart, they would have gotten away. I've been tuning into their station every night-"

"Gin…"

"You don't know them like I do, Hermione!" she cried, her eyes bright. "They had plans in case they were caught. As soon as they find somewhere safe they'll make the next episode."

Ron nodded but Harry and I just looked at each other. Verity told me the Death Eaters had them…could they possibly have gotten away?

"Look what Verity sent you, Hermione," Harry said, breaking the tense silence. He handed me a revolting singing card which looked oddly like something Fred and George would come up with.

"How is she?" I asked, handing it back to him without opening it as my head was aching.

"Better. She's been moved to a safe house and she's starting to walk," Ginny replied. "She keeps owling about you."

"I'm glad she's alright."

Mrs. Weasley brought up ice cream for all of us, which I was very thankful for as my throat was killing me. We talked for a while longer before they were shooed back to school and I back to bed, but not before begging the boys to bring my assignments to me. More potions were pressed upon me and I lay back down stiffly, exhaustion taking over.

…

When I woke again it was dark, bright moonlight streaming through my bedroom window. Thirsty, I wondered vaguely how I was going to get up this time before there was a voice by my ear.

"Planning your next rescue mission?"

I jumped and turned my head, hissing in pain as it pulled at my raw skin. "What are you doing?" I whispered.

Draco raised an eyebrow. "I was wondering the same thing."

"I was sleeping!"

He said nothing, an odd expression on his face. "Draco, what is going on with you? What happened?"

"Nothing," he murmured. "Do you need more pain potion?"

"I'm fine," I said, not wanting him to know how much I hurt. "I could use some water, though. Would you mind-?"

He lifted me bodily by my stomach once more and helped me into a sitting position.

"I have to say, it's a lucky thing it's your back that's hurt and not your front. I rather like your front."

I smacked his arm and he grinned. I couldn't help but blush as he handed me a goblet of water, his fingers brushing mine. I could already feel my throat healing, the cool water soothing. When I'd had my fill, I set it shakily on the bedside table and turned to Draco who was watching me with a hawk-like intensity, his arms crossed over his chest.

"Why aren't you in bed?" I asked, resisting the urge to lean against the wall as I knew it would hurt more than help. He shrugged and I sighed. "I'm not on my deathbed. I don't need to be babysat."

"Didn't say you did. What makes you think I'm here to make sure you don't snuff it?"

"Then why else are you here? Are you going to yell at me again for rescuing Verity?"

His jaw clenched. "I should. But no, that's not why I'm here."

"Then what is it?"

He stared at me. "How did you know? About the Horcruxes?"

I returned his gaze, wishing I was wearing more than a bunch of bandages wrapped mummy-like around me as I suddenly felt exposed. Why now? Out of all the times I had tried to talk to him and now, when I'm at my most vulnerable, he wants to talk. It struck me that it was probably that very reason he'd chosen now.

Determined to show him that I trusted him completely, I squared my shoulders as much as I could and looked him dead in the eye.

"Dumbledore."

He nodded. "I figured. And he-he found them?"

"One. He found one. He would have found two but your uncle had already gotten to it. Regulus," I answered to his questioning look. "He had already found Slytherin's locket. Harry and Dumbledore went to get it the night...the night he died."

Draco paled. "That's where he had been?" I nodded. "And the rest?"

"Harry destroyed the diary your father gave to Ginny in our second year. You remember that? In the Chamber of Secrets?"

His eyes bugged. _"That_ was a Horcrux?"

"Yes. Dumbledore was the only one who saw it for what it was. He told Harry about it last year. While you were trying to get Death Eaters into the school, Harry was learning everything he could about Tom Riddle. There was a family ring, hidden in a shack where Voldemort's ancestors, the Gaunts, lived. Dumbledore destroyed it and, by consequence, acquired the curse that would have killed him had Snape not gotten to him first."

I stopped as Draco leaned forward, his elbows leaning against his knees. I knew that night had to be a hard memory. It seemed Snape had informed him of the curse, however, as he didn't seem thrown by the information, though his expression was weary.

"Are you sure you want to hear all of this?"

"Yes," he ground out. "I have to know."

"And you'll…keep it quiet?" I asked nervously. He looked up at me, his eyes narrowed.

"You mean will I not spill all of your secrets to the Death Eaters?" Bravely, I nodded. "I owe nothing to them. Your secrets are safe with me."

When I hesitated, he held my eyes and said seriously, "You can trust me, Granger. I know I haven't earned it and I don't expect you to, but I am never going back to them. Never." The conviction in his voice erased any doubt in my mind.

"Alright. Well, we tracked down the locket. It had been hidden in this house until Dung stole it and gave it to Umbridge."

"Wait, _Professor Umbridge?"_ he barked incredulously.

"The very same. Ron, Harry, and I had to break into the Ministry to get it. I assume you heard about that?"

"The break-in, yeah, but we were never told about the locket! Of course, most of the Death Eaters know nothing about the Horcruxes. I didn't hear about them until…well, just recently." I could tell there was more to this story, but I didn't press him, not just yet.

"Well, I'm guessing she didn't even realize it was gone until later and never connected it. She wouldn't have known what it was either, I'm sure. She thought it was from her ancestors, the Selwyn's." I let out a derisive laugh. "Horrible woman. Anyway, Snape had already snuck us the sword of Gryffindor before…"

I couldn't get myself to talk about him and all he had risked for us, everything we knew only after it was too late. I swallowed painfully and continued, my voice gravelly. "Ron destroyed the locket. When your aunt captured me at that battle back in September I heard her talking about the extra protection on her Gringotts vault. I put two and two together and when I finally broke out we got Ron's brother, Bill, to help us break into the vault and found Helga Hufflepuff's goblet. I destroyed that and we figured Ravenclaw was the only other one it could be. Harry spoke with the Ravenclaw ghost, the Grey Lady, and we found out about the diadem which Harry remembered seeing in the room where you spent all of your time last year. Harry destroyed that one."

"And Nagini?" he asked, his voice low, though he already knew the answer.

"I killed her in the last battle at your Manor. Harry was able to distract Voldemort long enough for me to get to her."

We were silent for a long time and I could almost see the wheels in Draco's head turning and I wished now, more than ever, that I knew Legilimency.

"Draco…I need to ask you something."

"You should get some rest," he said rising. "Thank you for telling me."

"Draco wait-"

"Take your potions."

"Draco!" I called as he strode from the room. I rose to follow him but the pain that radiated from my back and lungs sent me to my knees where I stayed for a long time until the world righted. Anger was hot on the heels of the pain, swelling until I almost couldn't contain it. Why wouldn't he tell me? He knew something, and after everything I'd done for him, everything I'd told him, he still wouldn't trust me…

"Hermione! Dear, what are you doing on the floor?" Mrs. Weasley cried. "Do you need the restroom again?"

"Yes," I grated out, using this excuse so as not to admit that I had once again failed to get an answer. Mrs. Weasley helped me to the bathroom and handed me a toothbrush and, when I emerged, gave me more potions and lowered me back into bed. Before I could do more than seethe at Draco's guarded nature, the potions overcame me and I was gone once more.

…

XOXO

RynStar15


	12. The Unspoken

I ran down staircase after staircase, praying that Ginny had gotten to Draco, my heart frozen in fear. Four floors above the Great Hall I could hear the screaming and yelling but I forced myself to push the terror of the children from my mind. I focused solely on my mission. I had the answer; what I didn't have was time.

 _Draco, please, please listen to me! I know how to fix this, I can save-_

 _BOOM!_

The castle shuddered harder this time and I had to grasp a banister to stay on my feet. My stomach plummeted as I looked out the closest window to see a wave of black engulf the white, making its way towards the castle.

The Death Eaters were in.

…

 _One month, two weeks earlier…_

Madam Pomfrey came in the afternoon to change my bandages and Mrs. Weasley dropped in every couple of hours to press potions or broth on me, the only thing I could swallow still. The fire had dimmed fractionally but I still felt, well, like a ton of fire and wood had been dropped on my back.

The boys brought my homework and their trunks as the Christmas holidays had begun. I was held captive to my bed for the rest of the weekend, squeezing any information I could about Fred and George's whereabouts from Ron, Harry, and Ginny when they visited. Draco, unsurprisingly, kept his distance.

By Monday I'd had enough molly-coddling and felt strong enough to get out of bed alone. My movements were slow and painful, but the fire had reduced to a smolder and the stench was more that I could stand. I wrangled Ginny into placing an Impervious Charm on my back and arms and stepped into the shower for the first time in a week. The pounding water was bliss, easing the cramps in my muscles that had built up from extended bed rest. I had to use my wand to wash my hair as my arms wouldn't reach that high but it felt wonderful to remove the bandages and not have to worry about the water hitting the raw skin.

I had just finished rinsing the last of the suds when the door to the bathroom banged open and the shower curtain was ripped back. I shrieked and covered as much as possible as Draco's seething figure materialized.

"Draco! What in the name of Merlin-"

"Are you intent on killing yourself or do you just enjoy pissing me off?" he snarled.

"What-? Draco, get out!" I shrieked, struggling to cover all of my intimate parts under his scrutinizing gaze.

"Impervious Charm?" he asked, nodding to the water bouncing off an invisible shield a few centimeters away from the skin on my back. I nodded, taken aback, and screeched when he reached into the shower and scooped me into his arms. He yanked a towel off the rack on the wall, draped it over me, and strode across the hall where he dropped me onto my bed and threw the blankets over me.

"Now bloody stay there, you insufferable, reckless, stupid girl!"

With that he stormed out, slamming my door so hard the mirror hanging above the dresser crashed to the floor and shattered. Shaking, I grabbed my wand from the bed stand and repaired the mirror and returned it to its spot on the wall.

Footsteps sounded on the steps and I acted quickly, wrapping the towel around me and throwing myself to the floor as a cover. Harry and Ron burst into the room on queue and hurried over to me.

"What happened?" Harry asked worriedly, the two of them kneeling beside me.

"I fell," I lied, trying to look sheepish.

"What was the crash? It sounded like something broke," Ron said, looking around for the object.

"The mirror, I er, hit the dresser and it fell, but I fixed it. Could you-?"

They helped me up gently but Harry didn't look convinced and he continued to eye me as Ron yanked a sheet over my barely covered frame. "I heard yelling."

"Oh, that was me," I answered lamely. "I was, er, frustrated."

"It sounded like a man," he pressed.

"Did it?" I had to get them out, before I fell apart completely. "Would you two mind stepping out so I can dress?"

They looked at each other and hesitantly started for the door. "We'll send up Ginny," Harry said, looking up to where the molding had splintered on the door frame from Draco's violent departure. I smiled and thanked him and they left me to struggle into a pair of pajama pants alone. I forwent the shirt, knowing the bandages would just have to be replaced anyway, and laid down, exhausted, on new, clean sheets that someone (presumably Mrs. Weasley) had changed while I was showering.

Ginny entered a minute later and brushed out my hair for me silently, braiding it to the side to keep it off my back.

"So, what really happened?" she asked, wrapping a band around the end of the braid. Sighing, I told her the whole story; beginning with Draco's perplexing behavior and ending with his catastrophic exit. She chewed over my words, her eyes intent on me.

"What's going on between you two?" she asked me seriously. I sputtered.

"What? Ginny, there is nothing going on between us!"

"Hmm," was her disbelieving reply.

"Ginny, honestly, there is nothing-"

"Oh, save it for someone who believes you!" Ginny snapped, rising, her arms crossing in a way resembling Mrs. Weasley. "You know, I understand you not telling my brother and Harry about this but I thought we were friends!"

"We are!" I cried, hurt and confused as to how I had made nearly everyone close to me angry at me in such a short amount of time. "Ginny, you know I think of you as my sister!"

"Then try being honest for once!" she said harshly. "I'm not dense, I've heard you talk about him, I've noticed how distant you've become since you started 'tutoring' him, which you neglected to tell me about. Besides, Ron and Harry told me about how he's been tripping all over himself to take care of you these last few days. Mum told us how he didn't leave your side at all until you woke up. Moody sees him sneaking in here every night to watch you and he never even _talks_ to the rest of us. That's not exactly your typical friendship, Hermione."

My heart suddenly felt too big for my chest. "He did all that?"

Ginny surveyed me for a moment and, evidently realizing I was being honest, nodded.

"I didn't know…"

And then I remembered: his soft voice speaking to me through the pain, talking to me while Madam Pomfrey extracted the shard of wood embedded into my charred skin, begging me to hold on, that he needed me…his words soothing me through my nightmares…him yanking me away from Harry and Ron, giving me pain potion while they bickered…waking to find him next to me, watching over me…

"Ginny, what am I supposed to do? I can't, we can't, I didn't mean for this-"

"Why don't you try remembering where your loyalties lie?" Ginny scowled, turning on her heel and heading for the door. "I'll send mum up with your lunch."

"Ginny, please, please don't be angry!" I begged, my heart, which had felt so full at the thought of Draco caring for me, shattered at the thought of all I could lose for feeling for him.

"I just hope, for all of our sakes, that you don't forget what is important. Voldemort killed the Diggorys yesterday. Why don't you keep that in mind while you're shagging his supporters?" she seethed, slamming the door almost as hard as Draco had.

More lost than I'd ever felt in my life I curled into a ball, hating that I couldn't regret falling in love with Draco Abraxas Malfoy.

…

The week dragged on monotonously. Each day it got easier and easier to move and my throat healed so that I was able to eat a soft diet which strengthened me much more rapidly than the broth. Both Ginny and Draco kept a distance: Ginny becoming stony and silent in my presence and Draco keeping to himself, locked in his room three floors above me. The Order bustled in and out, exchanging possible leads and ideas, sharing information and grabbing a quick, hot meal before taking off on more duties.

I joined the boys in their discussions about Fred and George, helped Mrs. Weasley in the kitchen with small tasks, and continued my research on Dark curses, but my heart was not in it. It was stuck in the highest room of the house with the blonde-haired boy who had stolen it and stubbornly refused to give it back. It reminded me almost comically of a child at the lunch table with an apple he didn't want, flaunting it in front of the hungry child who did, but not letting him have it.

Lupin dropped in from time to time, never staying long, his duties with the school. On one of his short visits he reminded me that as soon as I was well enough I was to proceed with Draco's "lessons."

My heart wrenched at having to encounter him after I had just learned that I was in love with him. How could I face him? But I told Lupin that of course I would and I found myself running out of excuses not to. The bandages had come off to be replaced with loose fitting tanks and t-shirts, forcing myself not to put on my own Impervious Charm as the skin needed to breathe and heal, though the fabric against my skin was irritating. I was now blister-free and now a bright, angry red that still required me to sleep on my stomach which was becoming increasingly uncomfortable.

Verity sent me an owl every single day inquiring about my health, thanking me in every letter for saving her life, though with each reminder of my risky endeavor I felt all the more foolish. It wasn't my own life that I worried about, but those of the Auror members I had put at further risk with my idiotic scheme. Though I couldn't regret saving Verity, I was finally able to corner Tonks and apologize for putting her in danger and thank her for saving my life. She'd blushed to the tips of her still red hair and murmured something intelligible, knocking over her tea and darting up for a towel.

On Christmas day, a week after I'd fully woken, I was forced to join the others for Christmas lunch. Most of the adults were working overtime at the Ministry, but Tonks, Lupin, and Mrs. Weasley were able to join Ron, Harry, Ginny, and I for the day. I tried to smile and act happy, but the fact that everyone else's cheer was as fake as my own made it difficult to be merry. The only truly enjoyable moment was when Tonks and Lupin finally broke the news about their pregnancy to the room, asking Harry to be the godfather. I'd never seen Harry so happy, tears in his eyes as he hugged them both, clutching his own godfather tightly.

Luna and Neville stopped by as pudding was served, Luna draped in tinsel with mistletoe at her ears. Their happy faces livened up the party more than anything else had and my heart lightened when I saw Ron blush as Luna sat next to him and explained the qualities of mistletoe and why they attracted Nargles so much. I slid another mug of Butterbeer to the stuttering ginger and he grabbed it without even looking away from the object of his admiration.

I was able to slip away as a last round of treacle tart was passed around when Neville dropped the dish handed to him on Ginny's lap and the room was filled with raucous laughter and screams.

I made my way up the stairs heading for the top floor, wishing vaguely that I was wearing something other than one of Harry's baggy t-shirts and jeans. A nice dress, perhaps. Then I shook myself for being stupid. Draco didn't care what I wore. All he cared about was how much information he could glean off of me without divulging any himself.

I opened his door discreetly, knocking once I had passed the Silencing barrier. A quick look around the room showed he was out on the roof, if the wide-open window had anything to say about it. Dreading the pain the climb would cause, I leaned out of the window and looked up. I was just able to reach the roof ledge and from there I would have to pull myself up using only my arms as I wasn't quite tall enough to stand on the window sill at the same time. Resigned, I yanked myself out of the window and jumped the few inches to the ledge and used my feet against the side of the house as leverage to pull myself up, holding back a grunt of discomfort as fire raged across my shoulders and into my lungs.

"Fucking hell, Granger!" Draco cried and I was suddenly being lifted bodily onto the roof by two very strong hands. He held me steady by putting his hands on either side of my head since he couldn't grab my back or arms without causing me further pain. "Are you fucking mental?"

"Maybe I am!" I yelled back, smacking his hands away. It was too much; his atrocious behavior after I had done _nothing_ to him, his cold demeanor towards me, his secrets and lies. I had finally reached the breaking point. "Maybe I _am_ mental for still trying to help you since you so _obviously_ don't want it! Maybe I _am_ mental for reaching out to you, trying to be your friend, when all you do is snub and insult me! And maybe I _am_ mental because despite all of that I lo-"

I gasped and slapped my hands over my mouth, muting the declaration, horrified of what I had almost admitted. His expression turned stony, his body went rigid.

"No."

My heart hammered, betraying me. I felt tears of mortification, of misery, welling up, knowing full well he would never feel the same. It had been fine knowing I loved him when I was the only one who knew of my weakness, but the fact that he knew, that it would be between us forever, was almost more than I could bear.

"I didn't say it!" I whispered, as if speaking these words could erase what I had almost divulged. I saw the fury rise inside him, welling over to stain his cheeks pink. His hands tightened to fists as if this was the only way he could keep them from strangling the unspoken words into non-existence.

"Don't do this, Granger," he growled. His voice was low, dangerous, but it carried, vibrating against my ribs, slamming into my treacherous heart. "Don't you turn this into something it's not."

"I didn't, I'm not-"

"Because I owe you nothing."

"Of course you don't! I never said-"

"When this is all over you will forget I ever existed."

"Draco-"

"Nothing can come if this, Granger!" he roared, the rage emanating from him enough that I took a slippery and treacherous step back towards the edge of the roof. "Do you understand? Nothing!"

"Please, I didn't mean, I just-"

"No, you don't, Granger! You don't love me!"

"I didn't-"

"But you almost did," he lowered his voice so that it resonated between the soft white flakes drifting around us.

"Tell me you weren't about to say it." He closed the distance between up and gripped my arms harshly, ignoring my yelp of pain. "Tell me honestly that you don't love me!"

And finally, after months of pain and grief, sorrow and anger, loneliness and hurt, the tears began to flow, breaking through a carefully constructed dam, spilling the anguish his words caused.

"I can't."

On a groan he yanked me up, kissing me brutally, cruelly, tearing at my emotions as the tears continued to fall. The snow swirled around us, the wind whipping at my hair, unnoticed by either of us as he gathered me to him, pressing me against the warm body I had learned to crave, to need as much as air. My arms wrapped around him, ignoring the pain it caused, for I couldn't feel anything other than his lips upon mine, telling me wordlessly everything he felt and couldn't admit. And the tears that fell against my face were not all mine and I knew, I _knew_ that this couldn't happen, I knew we weren't meant to be together, I _knew_ he wasn't mine to claim, wasn't mine to love.

But I couldn't have cared less about anything right at that moment.

For right at that moment he was in my arms, taking from me everything I had to give, giving me everything I'd ever needed, sharing something we were forbidden to have.

And then he was sliding us down the roof to the ledge, pulling us through the window, never letting go, never releasing my lips, and I just clung to him, trusting him, as he landed on the hardwood and peeled off our damp clothing, dropping it onto the floor as he pressed me backward.

The door was shut and locked, the light dimmed and I was lying on my back in bed, completely bare, staring up at the strong, beautiful body that covered me, before I was swept back up in kisses and caresses and my own explorations of the hot skin and smooth muscle supplied in abundance before me. No part of our bodies weren't touching, no part of us held back. We laid everything out right at that very moment, every reservation, every emotion, every fear and hurt and need and we healed each other, taking the strength from each other that we didn't have within ourselves. I could feel every shudder, every accelerated beat of his heart, every touch, every hot breath, every slide of his tongue against my skin. His hands covered me, exploring every inch, exciting every nerve. I plundered every ridge of lithe muscle, every valley of starvation, every scar that riddled his body and I wondered in it, loving every centimeter, knowing that each and every piece made up the man before me, the one who had stolen my heart more thoroughly than we had stolen the Horcruxes.

His lips descended upon my throat, sneaking to the valley between my breasts and finally making their way to each one, sucking, laving, celebrating. His hands continued to stroke my body, winding me up tight as a bow so that every touch was magnified, driving me wild. I couldn't catch my breath, and didn't want to, because somehow if I breathed in too much it would pop the bubble we had wrapped ourselves so lovingly in.

He meandered down to my stomach, stopping to admire along the way, smirking up at me as his big hands massaged my smooth thighs, making me laugh and then moan endlessly as his head dove between my legs and his lips, tongue, and teeth devoured me. Every new sensation slammed into the next, driving me higher, higher, until I surely must burst.

And when I did, when I cried out in utter ecstasy, he was there, never leaving, never stopping, dragging the pleasure on and on and on until it was bubbling forth again, hot on the heels of the last, threatening to take me over, but he held me just there, just on the peak, waiting for the next assault, and I grabbed his hair, dragging his lips to mine, wanting him as I'd never wanted anything before and nothing, _nothing_ , would keep him from being mine, just for this moment.

I pressed my hips into him, feeling his considerable erection, grinding against it, reveling in the friction, in the way he pressed back, groaning, _mine_. And then he was holding my hips just so, angling me, sliding against me to position himself right at my entry, rubbing, rubbing, rubbing as I writhed, begging him, _Draco._ His eyes bore into me, the molten steel melting my very heart, seeking acceptance, and I grabbed him up, bringing his mouth down on mine as he entered me, pressing, stretching, taking everything I had to give him and treasuring it. The sting came and went but he never stopped, never slowed to let it grab hold, pushing us past it, past the pain that we could worry about later, later when it was no longer just us and the world would intrude once more.

As he showed me what the present could hold I no longer cared about the future, nothing mattered so long as he never stopped right this instant, so long as there was another kiss, another thrust, another angle in which I could take him deeper, drag him tighter against me. We moved together, trusting the other to take without question, without judgment; unreserved and untainted. Our slick bodies slid against each other; our fingers grasped, held, our hips undulated, pushing each other to a bliss we'd never imagined.

And then we were riding up together; two souls entwined in a stolen moment of passion, of love and trust and need. Whispered words followed us there, empty promises we needed to hear, endearments and hidden truths riding with us into that impossible oblivion which swallowed us whole, sending us to the stars and beyond and we held and fell back to earth together, a never-ending reassurance.

"Hermione," he sighed, lips pressed against my temple. I tucked my face into his muscular shoulder, drawing from his strength. The word flowed over me, an unspoken regret. Not of this, never of this, but of a word that closed the distance on a world that wasn't ours. And as tears gathered once more, spilled forth onto his neck, he held me tighter and erased the pain that would follow us when our moment was nothing more than a memory.

…

"They'll wonder where I am," I whispered reluctantly. For a minute I didn't think he heard me, but slowly he disentangled himself and pulled out of me. When I flinched at the sharp pinch of his departure, he leaned forward and kissed me softly, soothing my ache with his tenderness.

With a flick of his wrist he cleaned the blood and fluids between us. I raised an eyebrow at his sudden display of wandless magic but he didn't even look at me and began to dress.

I tried to find something to say, anything, to break the tense silence-but there were no words. How did you discuss something like what had just happened between us? What words would be adequate? None. And so none were said.

As I pulled Harry's grey shirt over my head, I head a terrified scream from downstairs.

Ginny.

My heart in my throat, I looked to Draco whose face was white. More screaming sounded from the kitchen and I tore for the door.

"Draco, stay here!" I yelled when he started after me. I slammed the door behind me as he roared and used my own wandless magic to lock him in and dove down the stairs, leaping entire landings and tumbling into walls. The house shook and I heard the sounds of war raging from below. When I got to my bedroom landing I cried _"Accio wand!"_ and it flew into my hand as I jumped to the first-floor landing, hitting hard, my knees collapsing. I had to duck as a streak of green flew over my head from the hall below. I shot a Stunner at the nearest Death Eater and watched him fall. Sprinting down the rest of the steps, I ran into Ginny who was bleeding from the side of her head by the front door.

"They just came with Mundungus!" she cried, pointing to where the thief lay face-down on the floor. I pushed her out of the way of a wayward spell and took in the scene in a split second: Mrs. Black was screaming from her portrait as everyone battled at least a dozen Death Eaters in the hall, down the stairs and into the kitchen. I watched Luna fly across the kitchen table and disappear out of sight, Ron taking up battle with the Death Eater who hit her.

"More are probably on their way!" I glanced around, finding Harry closest to me, having undoubtedly followed Ginny up the stairs, and shouted over the din. "HARRY!"

He screamed _"Sectumsempra!"_ and his assailant fell in a pool of blood before turning to me.

"We have to get out! Take Ginny! Go!" I ran forward and threw him bodily toward the door where Ginny was leaning against the wall, still bleeding profusely. I knew he was torn between the battle and getting Ginny to safety but as Ginny collapsed his heart won out and he scooped her up and ran outside.

I dove into the fray, Stunning a Death Eater who tried to curse Mrs. Weasley from behind. I was slammed into the wall by a rogue Impediment Curse and slumped to the floor, disoriented. Neville accidently blew up the banister in his effort to avenge me which surprisingly succeeded in knocking the Death Eater out by a spinning piece of wood straight to the back of the head. I threw my hands over my face as fragments of the staircase cascaded around me and I felt several slice into my skin by the time I leapt to my feet.

"Sorry!" Neville cried, tripping over the fallen Death Eater. I caught him and pulled him out of the way of a spell.

"Never mind! Neville, can you Aparate?"

"Er-"

I looked toward the door. Why wasn't Harry back yet?

"Neville, get out of the house and wait for Harry, he'll take you someplace safe!"

"No, I'm going to fight with you! _Stupefy!"_

I didn't have time to argue as I had to duck to avoid a Killing Curse. I watched Ron hit the ground, screaming, and Mrs. Weasley tried to get to him but was hit and slumped to the floor, unconscious.

"We can't hold them much longer!" I screamed to Neville, throwing up a Shield Charm over us. "We can't let them get upstairs, do you hear me? _They can't get upstairs!"_

I met his eyes to be sure he understood and he nodded and ran forward, joining the fight, prepared to defend the stairs.

I fought for the steps down to the kitchen where the rest of the battle raged, screaming spells while trying to keep Shield Charms over the fallen.

Luna was battling valiantly but she was backed into a corner. I shot spells towards the Death Eaters who had rounded on her, moving towards Ron's prone figure. When I got close enough I shouted _"Ennervate!"_ at his still form and he stirred, but my loss of concentration cost me and I was hit with the Cruciatus Curse and my world was suddenly filled with nothing but agony.

Screams were torn from me as the spell ripped through my body and when it was let up, I had no time to think but flew back into the battle, blowing up the kitchen table, taking out the three Death Eaters who were advancing on Luna. I was able to keep them down with a spell and Luna leapt over them, Stunning a Death Eater behind me. I could hear Harry in the hall above and screamed at Luna to get to him. She nodded and shoved me away from another spell, limping toward the stairs.

I glanced toward Mrs. Weasley, still unmoving on the floor, a Death Eater advancing on her. I tried to Stun him but missed and hit the pantry which caught on fire.

I was instantly thrown back to the twin's shop, the fire pressing in from all sides, the weight pinning me down, I couldn't move…couldn't breathe…couldn't think…

"Hermione, move!" Harry screamed, one arm pushing Luna down as Tonks scrambled on the floor towards Mrs. Weasley. The world rushed back to me and I hurried to help hold off a Death Eater who was diving for Tonks as Ron ran forward to grab Luna, dragging her upstairs. A Killing Curse hit the wall above my head and I screamed, the force of the spell knocking me back into the feet of a Death Eater.

Harry was busy with two Death Eaters, Tonks protecting Mrs. Weasley while trying to hold off another, and Ron, Luna, and Neville were in the hall above fighting for their lives. No one saw as the Death Eater grabbed me by my hair and dragged me to a standing position.

 _"Where is my son?"_

My heart stopped as Lucius Malfoy pressed his wand into my neck. Harry finally felled one Death Eater but was hit by the other and crashed to the floor, writhing. I tried to pull away from Lucius to get to him but he held fast.

"The Dark Lord is on his way," Lucius snarled menacingly. "Now tell me where he is or you all will perish."

"I don't know what you're talking about!" I cried. Tonks looked up at my words and blanched.

"Harry!" I screamed, trying to get Tonks to realize that he was being tortured to death.

And then I was the one on the floor, screaming, the pain ripping through me, rendering me completely useless. It went on and on and on, tearing me to pieces and burning them. I was choking, gagging on the agony, my world going white and then twisting to black. I screamed until my voice broke, until I thought that I must surely die, and then it stopped I was completely spent, barely able to breathe.

"Hermione, run!" Harry screamed. I rolled my head up to see where he was fighting another Death Eater while trying to move towards me. My body fought me as I struggled to my hands and knees, trying to get to him. My foot was caught beneath something and I turned to see Lucius sprawled over my legs, his eyes wide, unblinking. I swallowed the bile in my throat, kicking him from me, and crawled until Harry grabbed my arm, pulling me up.

"Harry, he's coming!" I croaked, leaning on him as he dragged me toward the stairs.

"I know, _I know!_ We have to get out of here _now!"_ he cried, shoving me towards the stairs.

Tonks was helping Mrs. Weasley to her feet and she and Harry each took one of her arms to help her up the steps. Death Eaters littered the ground, knocked out or, in Lucius' case, dead.

"Ron?" I asked as we stumbled up the steps.

"He took Neville and Luna," Harry explained. "Neville's in a bad state."

When we reached the hall, I stopped at the stairs while the others darted past out the door.

"Harry, take Mrs. Weasley and Tonks, I'll meet you at the Burrow," I said, running up the first few steps before I was yanked back.

Harry looked at me like I was insane. "You're not risking your life for him, not again!"

"I'll meet you there, it's you he wants! Tonks, get him out of here!" I screamed. We met eyes and she darted back into the house as Mrs. Weasley Apparated away. Tonks grabbed Harry and dragged him bodily outside as he screamed, but I didn't wait to see if they made it out as I ran up the stairs, the sounds of dozens of Apparitions ringing in my ears.

…

A/N:

Chapou69: Wow, that must have been a long read! And I know, I love the twins, it broke my heart to do that. But hopefully this chapter will make you feel a little better!

Securegalaxy885: Thank you for all your comments! They are the fuel to this Dramione fire :)

A/N: I messed up on the timeline a little, but I've fixed it and all should be in place! If you didn't notice, GREAT! If you did, apologies! As always, I'd love some love if you love it :)

XOXO

RynStar15


	13. The Cornered

As I reached the next landing I was met with a hoard of younger students who were streaming up the staircase toward me, screaming and clinging to each other, prefects directing with their wands out. Before anyone could notice that their Head Girl was standing there uselessly and began bombarding me with questions, I threw myself into a side staircase through a portrait of a lost witch being led into a swamp by a Hinkypunk, and made my way down, trying not to think about the terrified students who looked up to me for leadership as I abandoned them in their time of need.

By the time I reached the entrance hall, a full-on battle plan was being assumed as Order members, teachers, and older students tried to block the front doors from being penetrated while more gathered in the Great Hall making plans. I weaved my way through the throng looking for Draco.

Someone yelled my name but as soon as I turned to see who it was the doors burst open, those closest to it thrown backward into the rest of the crowd, including me. I hit the ground, the back of my head smacking the stone floor, someone smashing into me as spells rained above us and my world went black.

...

 _One month, one week, and one day earlier…_

I had to slow my steps as Death Eaters swarmed into the entrance hall, where Mrs. Black was still screaming, so as not to be heard. Their shouts followed me up to the second floor where I crept as fast and as silently as I could up the stairs, listening hard. 

"Mulciber, Dolohov, Crabbe, downstairs!" came the cold, cruel voice of Lord Voldemort. My heart turned to ice. "The rest of you, follow me! If you see Potter or the boy, bring them to me! Kill the rest!"

With a quick charm I wished I had thought of earlier, I muffled my footsteps and ran full-out, using the banister to pull myself up faster.

"There's someone here, my lord!"

My stomach dropped. I was one staircase down from Draco's room, their voices so close. I scrambled up the last steps when I chanced looking down and straight into Voldemort's maniacal face. A scream tore from my throat unbidden as fear lanced through me like a shard of ice. I flung myself at Draco's door, which swung open with a wave of my wand, and straight into his arms. He clung to me, questioning frantically, but I just dragged him backward, slamming the door shut while casting more protective shields.

"The roof!" I cried, never stopping, pushing Draco bodily across the room as I battled to keep the shields up. He threw himself onto the sill, launched himself to his feet, and pulled himself onto the roof. I cried out as Voldemort broke through my magic in a burst of fury and the door crashed open, spells flying around me I tugged myself out the window, adrenaline moving me as I scrambled to grab the ledge but Draco's hands were there, hefting me bodily up and onto my feet where we ran flat out up the slight incline to the other side which faced out toward Grimmauld Place.

And then Voldemort was there, red light whizzing past us as I shrieked and ducked, slipping on the ice, grabbing Draco and pulling him down with me and we were sliding, the tiles exploding around us from misplaced spells. With a strength I never knew I had I pulled Draco to the edge and jumped with him in my arms, twisting as we left the barrier, Apparating into thin air as Voldemort's screams rent the air.

We landed with a _crash!_ onto snow covered grass, Draco letting out a grunt of pain and I moaned, every part of my body aching, my back on fire. Cursing, Draco pulled me into his arms and held me, crushing me against his chest. I dug my face into his warm shoulder, a hysterical laugh bubbling forth in utter relief.

We were safe.

He pulled me back, shoving my hair from my sweaty face and cupping it, his frantic eyes finding mine. "How did you do that? How did you-?"

He seemed at a loss for words, his face full of admiration. I just shook my head and flung myself back into his arms because in all honesty I had no idea. I didn't even remember thinking, just doing, knowing that if I didn't act right at that instant, the man I loved would die. I finally understood what Harry had said in our fifth year about never having a plan with Voldemort. He was right. When those red eyes bored right into you there was no room for anything but fear and instinct. 

"Hermione, thank Merlin! Quick! Get inside!" Tonks was yelling from the gate that surrounded the Burrow's garden. Draco dragged me to my feet and practically carried me through the garden and into the open kitchen door as Tonks replaced the barriers. He pushed me into a chair where I slumped, panting, every muscle throbbing. A cry went out upon my entrance and I looked up wearily again to see Ron who had a black eye and was limping, Harry who was clutching his side, Ginny who was still bleeding, and Luna whose ankle was obviously broken, her right arm hanging uselessly at her side. We congregated to the living room where Neville was laying on the couch, unconscious, Mrs. Weasley bending over him.

"Mundungus is dead," Tonks stated, following us into the room and collapsing onto an armchair Ginny hurriedly vacated for her. Ron stilled in the process of lowering Luna into a straight-backed chair by the fire, Harry's neck snapped up so fast he got a crick, and I paled. All of us were quiet, Ginny laying her head on Harry's shoulder while pressing a towel against her temple, Ron holding Luna's good hand whose eyes were squeezed tight against her obvious pain. Tonks rubbed the small bump on her belly and behind her, Draco stood sentinel at the doorway directly across from me, his eyes never leaving me. Mrs. Weasley ran her wand over and over Neville finally turning to Tonks.

"He's not waking, I don't know what's wrong," she ran a shaky hand over her eyes. "I've tried everything-"

"Mrs. Weasley, why don't you take a break," I said, hurrying over to her and pulling her away, pressing her into a loveseat. I looked to Ron who jumped up and ran to the kitchen, hurrying back with a steaming mug of tea doused heavily with a Calming Draught.

Taking Mrs. Weasley's place, I began murmuring different spells, ones I was sure she had already tried but I needed to know for myself. Neville was breathing shallowly, but steady, his pulse strong beneath my fingers. There was no outward signs of damage and I didn't know enough about diagnostic healing to learn anything of value.

Discouraged, I turned to Tonks.

"He needs Madam Pomfrey. Can you Floo to her?"

"This fireplace isn't connected to Hogwarts, the only one that is-is-"

"No…"

We all looked to each other, terrified.

"They can't know," Ginny squeaked, as if speaking the words would make it true. "They've probably already burned the place down."

Draco shook his head. "They know you'll have some kind of connection set up and that will be at the top of their list. We need to shut the connection as soon as possible."

Everyone looked up at him silently, their gazes questioning, all asking the same thing: could we trust him? 

"On it," Tonks finally said, conjuring her Patronus and walking to the window, whispering the entire time. 

"You'll need to get one to the rest of the Order so they don't try going to Headquarters," I said and she agreed, sending out even more Patronuses as Mrs. Weasley sent her own off to her husband. 

"Now what?" Ron asked. 

"We wait, I suppose," Tonks sighed. "I don't want to chance anyone leaving in case they're watching the place. They know this is one of our safe houses and they probably figured we'd come here first." 

"I would suggest setting up a new one," Draco said, looking into the shocked faces around him but made no indication that he noticed. "They'll be coming after the safe houses next. Are there any more Mundungus knew about?"

"All of them," Mrs. Weasley said, wide eyed.

"Well it's a possibility that he was killed before he was able to tell them about anything more than headquarters," Draco soothed, though the look on his face said he didn't really believe it. I glanced around at the terrified faces around me, taking in their injuries, Luna gasping in pain. I looked back up to Draco.

"Could you grab me some potions, please? In the pantry off the kitchen." He nodded and strode off.

I walked over to Luna and took her good hand.

"I'm going to heal your ankle now, alright?" She nodded, taking the potion Draco handed to her with a shaky hand and swallowing it as Draco turned to the others, distributing to those who needed it.

"Squeeze my hand tight, it will hurt before it gets better. Ready?" She nodded again. _"Episkey!"_ A small moan escaped her tightly pressed lips before she exhaled.

"Better."

"Good. Now your shoulder is going to be a little harder as it's dislocated." She nodded again, apparently in too much pain to speak. "Alright, same thing. Squeeze tight, now." Her scream drowned out my spell but a second later she gasped, smiling. 

"You know, for being so exceptionally narrow-minded, you are a very brilliant witch, Hermione," Luna stated and I let out a small laugh. "That feels much better now. Can I help?" 

"Just rest for now," I instructed. I rose and kneeled in front of Ginny where she was seated on the floor leaning against Harry.

"Ginny, can you lower the towel, please?" She glared at me, but finally moved it aside when Harry stared at her questioningly. An ugly gash ran from the corner of her left eye, up her temple and into her hair. I ran my wand over it several times, the skin knitting together while Ginny breathed hard, Harry holding her hand. The bleeding stopped, the wound closed, and I siphoned the dried blood from her hair and face. 

"Draco, can you hand me a-?"

He was already at my shoulder stuffing a Blood Replenishing Potion into Ginny's hand who looked at him distrustfully. I smiled up at Draco who looked pointedly away, returning to his position by the door, looking antsy.

"Harry, your ribs?" 

"They're fine," he grunted.

"Oh, don't play the hero and let her look at them," Ginny scolded and he reluctantly pulled up his shirt where the entire left side of his chest was already bruising. Giving him an apologetic look, I felt for breaks while he grunted and groaned as he'd refused a Pain Potion. I finally found two, fixed them quickly, and had Luna run upstairs into Fred and George's old room to find the bruising cream they had once given me for a black eye one of their inventions had caused.

"Tonks?" I asked but she shook her head.

"We're alright," she replied, rubbing her stomach. I glanced to Harry, but he was too preoccupied with Ginny to hear her slip

"Mrs. Weasley?"

"I'm fine, dear," she said with a small smile. "Just tired." Her worried eyes travelled to the huge family clock sitting on a basket of folded laundry where every single hand still pointed to "mortal peril." I smiled, seeing the three extra hands she had added. "Fluer," "Harry," and "Hermione" were nestled in amongst the crowd.

Shaking myself from my musings, I turned to Ron.

"My knee," he stated, anticipating my question. "But it's alright; it's not broken or anything." I walked over to him and made a splint down his entire leg and told him to stay seated. I didn't know how to heal muscles or ligaments, so he would have to suffer until we could get to Madam Pomfrey.

Luna returned with the cream and daubed some on Ron's eye then handed it to Ginny who worked on Harry's ribs. I looked up at Draco who was watching me work, his jaw tight. He strode across the room and handed me a vial.

 _Rest, Hermione, before you faint._

Indeed, I felt shaky and lightheaded so I acquiesced and slumped against the couch on the floor, shakily lifting the familiar potion to my lips as Draco re-took his spot. I wanted to go to him but couldn't in front of everyone. So instead sat back as the potion kicked in, looking up when Ginny spoke.

"Does anyone know who killed him?" 

"They did," Ron replied. "One of them, that big one, started shooting off Killing Curses every which way and Dung started running and he-" 

Suddenly, Mrs. Weasley squealed. "Arthur is on his way!" 

And sure enough, a knock sounded at the back door. Mrs. Weasley ran to let him in, answering their security questions, before Mr. Weasley rushed in looking frantic. Ginny and Ron ran up to him and he enfolded them in a tight embrace. 

"Is everyone alright?" he asked, looking around the room, his expression horrified.

"Neville was hit by something, but we don't know what," I complained. "He needs Madam Pomfrey but the fireplace-" 

"We're already working on closing it, Kingsley saw straight to it. Don't worry, we'll know in a moment, although I'm sure everything is fine," Mr. Weasley assured them. "I'll send word to McGonagall about Neville." 

Not long after Mr. Weasley's arrival a silver cat slinked into the room and Professor McGonagall's voice rang through the silence: 

"Floo Network blocked, all is well. Sending Remus for Neville."

A sigh of relief ran around the room and Mrs. Weasley bustled into the kitchen to make sandwiches and tea. Lupin, who had evidently been summoned back to work before the attack, arrived a few minutes later swiping snow from his graying hair. He ran immediately for Tonks who flew into his arms and everyone looked away, Quidditch the topic of conversation, to give them a moment of privacy.

Draco had eased down onto the arm of the couch during the commotion and I leaned surreptitiously against his leg, sighing at the small contact. No one seemed to notice as they were all enwrapped in an argument about some new Seeker who was supposedly better than Krum, so Draco stroked the back of my hair slowly, his movements minimal so as not to draw attention.

I fumed silently as I gazed around the room, jealous of Luna who was holding hands with Ron, her head on his shoulder, and of Ginny whose head was in Harry's lap while he idly played with her hair. Remus was still clutching Tonks, his lips at her ear, speaking words of comfort, and Mr. Wealsey had sneaked into the kitchen and had his arms around his wife while she smeared mayonnaise onto bread.

What would it be like if Draco could hold me without worrying about the others seeing? What would it feel like to hold his hand in unity, to feel his lips against my temple without anyone batting an eye? I bit back the hurt and turned my burning eyes away from the painful displays of a love I would never know. Jealousy slammed through me until I wanted to scream.

"I can't stay long," Lupin finally said over Tonks' shoulder, shaking me from my ire as Draco created space between us. "Minerva wants all hand on deck. So, you said Dung sold us out?"

Discussion broke out and the general conclusion was that he had been placed under the Imperious Curse. An Auror scout would be sent out to headquarters to see what the Death Eaters planned to do with it and the hunt was on for a new safe house and meanwhile, Order members were being sent out to reinforce the dozen they already had.

Lupin finally took his leave, leading Neville out on a stretcher, and Mr. Weasley took off for the Ministry to get more information. Mrs. Weasley called the rest of us into the kitchen to eat and I only did so reluctantly to keep up appearances. Draco sat at the far end of the table, meeting no one's eyes and only poking at his food. The conversation was forced and tense, gazes occasionally flicking toward Draco. I couldn't get myself to look at him so kept my eyes on my plate of uneaten turkey sandwich.

Kingsley ran in halfway through the meal and, at Harry's approval, set out to demolish Grimmauld Place before the Death Eaters could get any more information on us. As it had been Sirius' old house I knew how much it would pain Harry to see this last bit of him go, but he shook it off knowing that this was the safest thing for everyone. Not to mention the loss of most of our worldly possessions; we had a small stockpile here and at Hogwarts, but most of our clothes and anything not in Harry's pouch hanging around his neck would be gone. It was a small price to pay for our lives, however. And hopefully, we could fell a few Death Eaters at the same time. 

Mrs. Weasley made arrangements for Luna to stay until it was safe to get her back to Hogwarts and Tonks elected to stay as extra protection. She was given Ginny's room on the first floor as it was the closest to the entryways and Ginny and Luna were given Bill and Charlie's rooms, while I was put into the twin's on the second floor with Draco who got Percy's old room, and Ron and Harry were sent up to the top.

We trudged up the stairs and I said goodnight to everyone and took to my room with a brief glance to Draco who was already shutting his door. On a sigh, I moved between the boxes, each one making my heart twinge, and yanked open the curtains to the nearly cloudless night. The snow had stopped and the moon shone brightly on the scene below. I sat in the dark, staring out the window, my forehead against the cold pane. 

I could see Order members patrolling the perimeter, the snow falling steadily, bouncing off an invisible bubble around them. The white-covered hills went on for miles, swallowed by the black. I had never seen such a lonesome landscape and my heart squeezed, even more so when I heard footsteps sneaking around quietly upstairs. It seemed the couples were switching up their sleeping arrangements.

A single pain-filled tear slid down my cheek. This crying thing was already starting to get on my nerves. Who would have thought that being in love with Draco Malfoy would finally reduce me to tears? Stupidly, I hoped that Draco would stride through my door, take me into his arms, and wipe away my loneliness and hurt, but I waited in vain, shivering against the cold window, the night as dark and quiet as ever.

Sick of my longing, I stripped off my dirty clothes and slid into the cold sheets of the nearest bed, gazing at the scorch marks on the ceiling. Hours later the howling wind finally eased me to sleep.

…

The next day was a flurry of people and plans, Order members rushing in and out frantically as the Burrow was temporarily the new headquarters. It had seemed the destruction of Grimmauld Place and the slaying of one of their strongest followers had spurred the Death Eaters into action.

On top of everything, the Ministry was in an upheaval: the Edgecombe family had been found slain in their beds and one of their top Aurors, Artie Hammock, had tried to murder Kingsley while operating under the Imperious Curse. Mr. Weasley was summoned out before daybreak as a vendor in Diagon Alley had been handing out talismans which put the owner under a powerful Confundus Charm and a dozen wizards were subsequently running around setting the place ablaze.

Tonks ran in white-faced as Order members had found her parent's house empty and several more safe houses ransacked. Bill and Fleur sent word to Mrs. Weasley that they were leaving Shell Cottage and would get in touch with them as soon as they were settled. The search for a new safe house was heightened. 

Everyone spent the day at the kitchen table trying to get everything under control while thinking of what other Horcrux Voldemort might have and how they were going to find it. The continuous conversation was giving me a headache so I excused myself and made my way to my room. When I reached the third floor Draco was coming out of the bathroom, steam rolling out from behind him. In a perfect world, he would have been dripping wet with a thin towel slung over his hips, but alas, the world was not perfect and he was fully dressed but sadly just as gorgeous. He looked me up and down as if assessing my welfare and nodded to me before striding to his own room. 

"Draco?" I called to him hesitantly. He stopped at his doorway but didn't turn around so I walked up to him. "Er, could we talk?"

It was a moment I had dreaded, but knew it was time. I couldn't keep the truth from him any longer. He walked into Percy's old room and held the door open for me to follow. The room was tidy: a Gryffindor banner tacked over the old but spotless desk, an empty wardrobe, and a bed with rumpled sheets, the only thing that was messy. It was as different as possible from the twin's room which was filled with boxes of unknown items and random trick objects poking out of every cranny. Draco strode to the window and turned to me when I shut the door. I twisted my hands, not sure where to begin. 

"Yes?" he asked after several moments of tense silence. I opened my mouth a few times but nothing came out. Finally, I sat at the edge of his bed and looked down at my feet. 

"Draco…during the attack yesterday…" I dug for my Gryffindor bravery and looked up at him. I had never seen someone stand so stiffly. "There was an accident. I don't know exactly what happened…I don't think anyone meant…"

"Spit it out!"

I sucked in a heavy breath. "Lucius is dead."

All color left his face but he didn't move a muscle. "How?"

Guilt assailed me and tears poured down my face. "I'm so sorry, it's all my fault...I-I fell backward, there was an explosion, and then he had me, Lucius-he had me and he-he was asking for you and I couldn't-Tonks saw me, but I don't know who…"

"What do you mean, you don't _know?"_ he asked menacingly, his fists clenched so tight his knuckles were white, his muscles twitching from restraint.

"I couldn't see…" I didn't want to tell him why…it felt wrong, somehow.

"Why?" he thundered. "Tell me _exactly_ what happened!" 

I shook my head. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! If I had acted faster none of this would have happened, but I didn't know what to do, Harry was being tortured and I tried to get to him but Lucius-"

Suddenly it felt like the world was rushing at me and the battle was flashing across my mind from the moment I'd left Draco's room. He sped quickly through the mayhem, slowing when I made my way to the kitchen. I saw the fire, felt my fear, watched my friends fall and then the explosion which had knocked me back before I was being yanked up, Lucius' threats ringing in my memory. I watched through my own eyes as Harry thrashed on the ground, could hear myself crying for him before Lucius threw me to the floor yelling _"Crucio!"_

Everything went black, but I could hear the pain in my screams, feel the ghost of the torture I'd endured. When it was over, Harry was screaming for me, I was moaning, the room came into view, Lucius' dead body sprawled across my legs.

When he ended the connection, I was panting on all fours on the bedroom floor. I glanced up at Draco whose face was hard and he was shaking just as much as me.

"I'm sorry-"

He hit the floor and yanked me onto his lap, clutching me tight. "Stop. Stop," he snapped as I tried to apologize again. "It's what I would have done. The world is better off without him."

"You can't mean that," I whispered into his chest. "He's your father-"

"A man who could raise his wand against you is no father of mine."

Speechless, I held him tighter, impossibly touched. He was still shaking badly and the pressure on my back raged like fire but I couldn't find it in myself to tell him.

"Are you alright?" he murmured, pulling me back and looking into my eyes as if assessing whether the torture had any lasting effects. I nodded, unable to speak, and he seemed to relax a bit, enveloping me once more, his face digging into my hair, breathing deeply. My heart leapt as I snuggled in, comforting him as I tried to memorize every moment of being in his arms. Then, just as suddenly, he let me go and stood, backing up.

"You should be with the others," he grated out, turning away. "Go on."

He grabbed the desk too hard, his back was too straight. I knew he was in pain, a choked sound breaking through his lips as he tried to contain it.

"You don't have to hide anything," I said, standing and walking towards him. "I can grab you a-"

"Please-leave…"

My hand stopped halfway to his shoulder and dropped slowly. I did as he asked, making my way to my room, and tried to ignore the silent shrieks of pain.

…

"Hermione, Draco? Could you come down, please?" Mrs. Weasley's voice called from the bottom of the stairs. I put down my book and hurried from the room, reaching the living room before Draco had even opened his door. I was greeted by a rather large crowd: Harry, Ron, Ginny, Luna, and Mrs. Weasley, of course, but also Mr. Weasley, Bill, Charlie, Percy, Kingsley, Lupin, Tonks, Mad-Eye, and several other Order members I barely knew. The room was crowded, every seat taken by those most injured or pregnant, in Tonks' case. I settled myself next to Ron and Harry on the rug before the fire, questioning them silently. Neither would look at me.

When Draco descended, every eye was on him. He did not move but neither did he break gaze. I had to admire his courage.

"Draco, we are all here because we need your help in answering some questions for us," Lupin started, stepping forward, his voice ringing around the silent room. "We need to know if you are truly on our side or if we are just hiding you for your own selfish benefit. I ask this of you simply because our situation is dire and growing graver by the minute; we cannot afford to keep you and put so much of our side in danger unless we know it is for good reason."

I didn't dare to breathe, beside me Harry and Ron were oddly still and silent. Draco's expression never changed, but a muscle twitched in his jaw.

"There is reason," he said, his voice low, dark. "I do not wish for others to die for me, it is not what I intended. I know you risk much by keeping me and I understand you need an absolution for those lost. I alone know why I am here and I am sorry to say I cannot tell you, at least not now."

The room shifted uneasily, the strained tension in the room palpable.

"You cannot tell us why you've come to us for help?" Lupin asked, incredulously.

"I did not come for your help," Draco said, looking to each person. "That you give it just goes to show that I have chosen correctly. I do not think even you understand the good you are doing ridding the world of the Dark Lord and his scum. I cannot say I am above them, because I am not. I stood alongside them, assisted them, fought with them. All I ask is that you find it in yourselves to trust me as I can be of assistance to you." 

Moody let out a derisive bark. Kingsley put a hand on his shoulder and Mad-Eye clenched his jaw. Lupin continued. 

"We would appreciate any insight you can give us." 

The tension shifted, if not eased, as Draco spoke, explaining Voldemort's moves, what he knew Voldemort knew, what his intentions were to Draco's knowledge. He told us how the Death Eaters think, what they were capable of, what their future actions would be. The weak grey light of day faded into the inky blackness of night as he explained what drove a Death Eater-that fear of their master far superseded that of death; that in a duel we had the disadvantage as a Death Eater was rarely afraid to die, driven as they were by that terror. His words were chilling, bone-deep penetrating so that no one moved or spoke, our entire beings intent on soaking up the information provided by a Death Eater born and bred.

I couldn't breathe, my lungs seemed restricted as I watched the man I loved turn on those he had once stood alongside, his manner calm, almost nonchalant. For weeks I'd watched him struggle, I'd pushed and begged and pleaded for any information, for his trust, and now, with just once simple inquiry from Lupin, he was spilling it all. My eyes narrowed as I watched him. What had changed?

"Now, if you want to get Fred and George back I need to know which Death Eaters we are talking about," Draco told them seriously, the tone of the conversation darkening. "If we're talking about low ranking scum, they'll have just turned them in for a few galleons. Get some of our sicker bastards and they'll find themselves tortured and questioned," he met my eyes and I turned away. "Anyone higher up, they're already dead."

Mr. Weasley cleared his throat and Mrs. Weasley whimpered, Percy taking her hand and squeezing it.

"Where is Verity?" Bill asked to the room in general.

"She's with the Quinton's," Tonks said. "Hannah and Jack took her in; they have the Fidelius Charm in place already."

"Who is their secret keeper?"

"My mum."

A few people swore, others just groaned in submission. There had been no hide or hair of Tonks' parents.

"Let's get a team on it then," Moody grunted. "Tabor, you and Green head out-"

"No, Mad-Eye," Tonks snapped at her mentor. "I want to lead this."

"Tonks, honey," Lupin started but she held up a hand.

"They're my parents! Marcus, do you still have the invisibility cloak?" she asked, turning to a tall dark man standing by the wall.

"Yes, ma'am," he nodded.

"Great. Let's go."

She strode out the door without a backward glance, Lupin left gaping nervously after her. More plans were made and the house emptied one by one; Draco sneaking back to his room, Ginny to her room with the radio, tapping and muttering to it, and Mrs. Weasley bustling off to make dinner, Luna hot on her heels. Harry caught my eye and hooked his chin up the stairs. The three of us stood and made our way to the attic room the boys were sharing.

"So, what d'you reckon?" Ron asked as we settled in the violently orange room.

"I don't know," Harry said, sinking onto his makeshift bed across from me on Ron's. "How do we know any of what he said was true?"

"I still think he's a right git," Ron muttered, pacing. "He could be leading us into a trap."

"Into a _trap?"_ I screeched. "You do realize that he is trying to save your brothers?"

"So he says!"

"I don't know how you do it, Ronald!" I groaned. 

"Do what?" 

"Have a Mudblood best friend and yet still be one of the most prejudice people I know!"

"Don't call yourself that," Harry frowned. 

"I am _not_ prejudice!" Ron sputtered indignantly. 

"Yes, you are, Ron!" I cried. "You are blinded by a petty childish rivalry! You and Malfoy are from two completely different worlds and grew up with completely different ideals; it was only natural that you hated each other. But we are adults now, he is on our side, your differences are behind you. You are acting just like Snape and Sirius, throwing away an important partnership because of a hate you can't learn to let go!"

"Do not bring Sirius into this!" Harry snapped.

"Then why can't we learn by their mistakes?" I begged. "Please, why can't we just leave the past where it belongs and move forward? Isn't this all about getting rid of Voldemort? Shouldn't we grab at any help that comes our way, especially one as beneficial as this?"

"Look, just because he's shagged you onto his side doesn't mean-"

"That's enough," Harry growled menacingly, standing up to Ron when I let out an outraged cry. "You're out of line."

Ron looked surprised at his friends threatening posture, then apologetic as he turned to me. "Hermione, I'm sorry, that came out wrong-"

"How else could it come out?" I spat, insulted, though I knew I shouldn't be. Was that what I was doing? Was I really just sleeping with him hoping it would-? _No._ I knew the answer even before the question fully crossed my mind. What we had shared was special, intimate, and I wouldn't allow a scab like Ron to ruin it.

"Hermione, honestly, I'm sorry. I know you would never sink to that level," he said, and I couldn't meet his eye. He, however, took it that I was still mad at him and gazed at me imploringly. "Look, I'll try, alright? But if that scumbag turns out to be selling us out to daddy-"

"He can't," I muttered, my heart sick. I looked up to Harry, wondering why he hadn't told Ron yet. He shook his head and scrubbed his hair as if trying to rub the image from his mind.

"I didn't mean to, it just sort of slipped out!" he shouted, his voice shaky, launching to his feet to pace. "What was I supposed to do? He was torturing you to death, Hermione! I just snapped-"

"Harry, Harry, I don't blame you!" I said, hurrying to him, taking his hands and looking up into his eyes. "You saved me. You did what you had to do. It was an accident." I sucked in a deep breath. "Draco doesn't blame you either. He said he would have done the same."

"You _told_ -"

"Am I _missing_ something here?" Ron asked.

"I had to!"

"Hermione, I can't believe you would-"

"I didn't mean to! I wasn't going to tell him who it was but he…"

"But he _what?"_ Harry growled and I flinched.

 _"Would somebody mind telling me what the bloody hell is going on?"_

"He used Ligilimency," I admitted so quietly I was surprised he could hear me.

"He did _WHAT?"_

"Should I leave the room and let you two have your little conversation alone?" Ron fumed.

"Of course not, Ron," I said weakly. Harry's anger had shaken me as he strode off to pace furiously again, his hands back in his raven hair. "After-after you left to Apparate with Luna there was an accident."

"I figured that much," he replied impatiently. "Would you care to tell me what this accident _entailed?"_

"I killed Lucius Malfoy," Harry confessed harshly. Ron gaped between him and me.

"Are you serious? Is he kidding?"

"He was torturing Hermione, what else was I supposed to do?" he ranted. "I don't know what came over me-"

"Don't beat yourself up, mate," Ron said. "I would have done the same for either of you. And so would Hermione, wouldn't you?"

"Of course!"

But I could tell our words wouldn't be enough. Harry never killed unless necessary, preferring to Stun and Disarm instead. Ron and I didn't like to kill, but it didn't affect us the same way it seemed to affect our friend. He claimed the only person he wanted dead in this war was Voldemort himself.

"Look, Harry," I said soothingly. "He was an important Death Eater. This will probably throw Voldemort off guard." Ron shuddered at the name and I glared at him. "You did the right thing."

He nodded jerkily. "I know. I _know._ The only thing that matters is that you're safe, we're all safe."

I rushed forward and hugged him tight. We held each other for a long moment, drawing comfort.

"He was angry," Harry whispered, stepping back. "When he found out about Lucius. Voldemort was so angry. And he knows we have Malfoy, he saw you two Disapparating off the roof."

I cursed inwardly. I had been worried about that, but caring for the others had driven it out of my mind. "Is he going to try to find him?"

"Yes, he's got almost everyone searching the safe houses for any trace of him. Mrs. Weasley told me earlier that they were planning on relocating in the morning and Draco will go wherever they go."

"And what about us?" Ron asked. "Are we going with them?"

"Of course not!" I said. "We have to go back to Hogwarts, it's the safest place-" 

"What is the _point,_ Hermione?" Harry raged. "I don't care about N.E.W.T's anymore! I think killing Voldemort is a little more important!" 

"Can we not say his name, please?" Ron grated out. I ignored him. 

"Harry, we've got to keep up appearances, you know that! It's just as important as anything else! We'll be just as well informed there as here. It's not as if we know what we're doing yet, so the best thing is to keep everyone calm, keep morale high, let them that they won't get us down. We will do all the research we can while we're there, nothing has changed."

"Hermione, how can you say nothing has changed? Every place we thought was safe is now in jeopardy!" Harry said.

 _"Except for Hogwarts!"_ I hissed. "All the more reason to go back. Ron, side with me here!" I implored. "You know the safest place for Harry is there!"

Ron looked torn, glancing between us with his hands dug in his jeans pockets. "Well, Hermione has a point…"

"You can't be serious!" Harry thundered, making us flinch. "We need to be out there _doing_ something!"

"Like _what,_ Harry? Until we figure something out we'll just be sitting around at the next headquarters or bouncing around the country starving and cold. Please, _please_ , be reasonable!" I begged. The thought of having him out there, vulnerable, scared me more than anything. The entire summer we'd been out hunting the Horcruxes had been the most terrifying months of my life, worried we'd be caught at any moment, knowing Harry was out in the open where anyone could get him. I'd barely slept for two months; my stomach had been in knots. Hogwarts was the safest place in the world, one of the only places we still had control of anymore.

I knew he was torn; Harry was never one to sit around while others did the work. It was one of the reasons I admired him so. But he also knew that the most important thing right now was for him to stay safe. He was our only hope. If he died, we lost.

I knew I had won when he sighed and wouldn't look at me. "Alright, we'll go back. But if there is any hint of what the Horcrux might be-" 

"We'll leave right away," I said, stifling a victorious smile.

…

A/N: Apologies for the belated update, finals and all. To my reviewers, favorites, and followers- all my love!

XOXO

RynStar15


	14. The Breaking

"Hermione, wake up!"

I blearily opened an eye, the multi-colored lights striking straight through it like a needle. I reluctantly opened the other and looked around and saw Neville standing above me holding up a Shield Charm, pale and sweaty. Muted sounds of battle were slowly rising, flashes of curses reverberating around the hall. Neville had dragged me into the frame of the door leading down to the kitchens as war raged behind him. Hurriedly, I took his proffered hand and struggled to a sitting position, my head pounding.

"How long have I been out?" I asked, panicked, as everything came back to me.

"Only a moment, but you have to hurry, Draco Malfoy's taken Harry and I think he's going to kill him!"

"No," I croaked sickly, my stomach roiling as I stood and swayed. "Harry is going to kill Draco."

…

 _One month, six days earlier…_

Ron, Ginny, Harry, Luna, and I were escorted to Kings Cross before dawn broke the next day. A team of Aurors and Order members were stationed every few feet it seemed while Mrs. Weasley, Tonks and Mad-Eye hustled us onto the Hogwarts Express as fast as possible where several other Order members were waiting to see us to school. They had all deemed this the safest route as all other means of magical transportation were being watched and it was too risky to try to fly all of us that far.

I sat in my own seat as the train flew past snowcapped mountains and wondered where Draco was right at this moment, for he and Mr. and Mrs. Weasley were being relocated this morning. I had caught sight of him at the top of the stairs before we'd left but there had been no time for a proper goodbye and my heart squeezed as I had no idea when I'd see him again.

I had a feeling he regretted what we'd done. He had never seemed so far away as now; even when he had been throwing me out of his room. Then he had obviously been pleading for help, for attention, and someone to care. Now, however, he was cold as ice, uncaring, distant. I feared that we might not be able to continue lessons due to the lack of Floo connection. There was no way to get to him now.

We made it to Hogwarts hours earlier than it usually took and were shuffled through Hogsmead, surrounded on every side, bumping into each other. Most of our things had been destroyed with headquarters so new robes and books were waiting for us in our dormitories. The school was eerily quiet as very few had stayed behind for the holidays and for this I was thankful.

The days flew by as if the howling wind outside was snatching it away. When I wasn't patrolling freezing corridors or reading the next set of books Lupin had acquired for me, I was caught in endless conversations with the boys, trying to think of new and different ideas, but each was as empty as the next. The trouble was that we had no more clues, nothing left to go by. Harry was intent that the object was something of Gryffindor's so I reluctantly began researching Godric Gryffindor to see if there was anything he might have left behind besides the sword.

We visited Neville every afternoon; he was awake now and slowly improving, the spell cast upon him leaving him extremely tired and sore. Hagrid invited us for tea nearly every morning, Luna joined us in the Gryffindor common room several nights, sitting by the fire reading _The Quibbler_ out loud _._ Ron dragged us to the grounds for a snowball fight, Harry filched chestnuts for us to roast in the fireplace, but none of these distractions were enough to occupy my mind which was filled with every second I had spent in Draco's company, imagining more intimate moments, wondering what he was doing right at that second. Wondering if he ever thought of me.

Ginny had taken to watching me closely, as if she were afraid I was hiding Draco under my robes, ensuring that every thought I had about Draco there was an accompanying one of my disloyalty to my friends, none of which trusted him and all of which thought he was going to turn us in any day. Even the letters we had received from Mrs. Weasley telling us how useful and helpful Draco had become didn't deter them; hate drove any of his actions, past or present, to selfish means of trying to destroy us from within. Harry was the only one who reluctantly agreed that Draco was not a Death Eater by choice, but he still blamed him for not coming over to our side before now. Nothing I said in his defense changed their minds, only made them angry and cold towards me. So, I stopped bringing it up and acted deaf if one of them began to rant about him.

The nights dragged by as slow as the days were fast. I lay awake for hours on end, staring at the deep red curtains of my four-poster, imagining Draco's arms around me, hating that it was wrong, hating myself for my weakness. Images of what we had shared were forever creeping into my every thought, waking or sleeping, and I could swear I felt his presence more than once, but I was only fooling myself. No, he was hundreds, possibly thousands of miles away, safe and sound. We were not told where they had gone; just that they had made it there safely and we would join them when term ended.

I waited for McGonagall to pull me aside after each and every meal or for a note possibly, hoping she would tell me the lessons were continuing; but apparently they no longer required my assistance as no such missive ever came. I even stupidly waited for the mail each morning, wishing he would write to me; contact me in some way just so I knew that I hadn't dreamed everything. But the only owls I received were the ones bringing _The Daily Prophet_.

Before I knew it our week of quiet was over: students flooded the Great Hall on Sunday evening, painted white by the pounding snow. Neville joined us for dinner, finally released from the hospital wing. McGonagall welcomed everyone back and a delicious feast filled the four tables, so much emptier than usual. Faces were graver, voices were quieter. The normal happy din was subdued. I turned to Harry and I knew he sensed it too. The war was affecting everyone. With things going the way they were, who was to say the school would even open in the fall?

There wouldn't be any students left.

…

"Miss Granger?"

I snapped my head up from my notes which were mainly just a load of scribbles. Ashamed and embarrassed, I tried to remember what Professor McGonagall had asked me.

"Er, sorry Professor, I wasn't listening," I finally admitted. Her stern gaze bore into me, her lips thin. With a quirk of her brow she turned to Seamus and asked him instead as Harry kicked me under the table, his brows furrowed, questioning. I shook my head slightly and sat up straighter, trying to pay attention, but it kept drifting no matter how hard I tried to hang on to it. My attention this past week was like trying to hold water in a sieve. The problem was that I couldn't get myself to care about the elemental properties of transfiguring humans into inanimate objects while a war raged on without me and the search for a certain blonde was intensified after their failure. But as McGonagall, Ron, and Harry were all watching me, I took the necessary notes and promised myself that I would read up on it further tonight.

As the bell rang and the class grabbed their bags, McGonagall called me forward. I reluctantly waved to Ron and Harry who were staring at me incredulously. I had never been called to a teacher's desk before or asked to stay behind. I just hoped McGonagall wouldn't put me in detention as it would cut into my already slim time to get my homework done.

When the last straggler left, shutting the door behind them, McGonagall looked up at me.

"Miss Granger, I assume your poor performance in your classes is due to Mr. Malfoy?"

 _Classes?_ How did she know about my other classes? And then I remembered that not only was she Headmistress and Transfiguration teacher, she was still my Head of House. How in the world she did all this and still made time for the Order was beyond me, but it only added to my guilt.

"I'm sorry professor," I apologized sincerely. "I will try harder to pay attention. I'm just…worried about him."

"Hmm. Well from what I've heard he has been just fine. Surely Molly had been keeping you informed?"

"Yes, of course."

"Then I will have to conclude that there is indeed something more you are not telling me about Mr. Malfoy. Am I correct?" Her hawk-like gaze burned straight through me.

"Yes, professor," I admitted with a wince. "But professor I swear I wouldn't keep it from you if I didn't have a reason. He was finally starting to open up to me; I can't betray his trust, not when we're so close. Because he knows something, professor, but I don't think he fully understands what he _does_ know. Does-does that make any sense?"

"It makes a great deal of sense, Miss Granger, and I commend you for following your instincts and staying loyal to Mr. Malfoy. This is exactly why we chose you. I will not press you further on the issue, but I do wish to caution you not to let your emotions interfere with your duty." I shifted guiltily, hating that I wore my heart so easily on my sleeve. I didn't attempt to dissuade the older woman, she had always seen right through me.

"I'm sorry, professor. I didn't mean-"

"And what are we fighting this war for if not so two people from different backgrounds can find happiness together?" McGonagall snapped. "If you are to apologize for anything it is for keeping Mr. Potter and Mr. Weasley at an arm's length. Have you learned nothing from Mr. Potter's mistakes?" I looked at her, confused. "No one can make it in this world alone. You need your friends, Miss Granger. Perhaps you will pay attention better in class when your secrets are laid to rest."

I nodded. I couldn't think of a thing to say to this. How did she understand me so well?

"If played correctly I don't see that we can't all walk away from this satisfied," McGonagall said seriously. Then her tone softened. "I do not need to explain to you again how much we are relying on his answers. That does not mean that you must needlessly suffer. He will understand in the end, Miss Granger."

My heart clenched at the words, wishing I could believe them. "It's not that simple…"

"Nothing is simple anymore, though you do seem to have a certain knack for overcomplicating," McGonagall replied briskly. "Now, I'll have no more of this moping around. Get your grades back up, I expect an 'O' on your next essay. You are still Head Girl; you have an example to lead."

"Yes, professor," I promised. "Thank you...for understanding."

She smiled. "Believe it or not I was young once as well. Now, we have another matter at hand. It seems our young Mr. Malfoy has been quite adamant in seeing you. He claims to have a matter of some import to discuss and he insists on speaking only with you."

My heart stuttered in my chest. "O-of course, I'll go see him right away-"

"You understand that I cannot permit another Floo connection with the way things are?"

My fluttering hope vanished. "Yes, of course." I had known it, but it hadn't stopped me from secretly hoping…

"However," she continued, her eyes suddenly brighter than usual. "I believe we have found a way to work around this. Please meet me by the Room of Requirement at nine o'clock sharp tonight. I will be doing your rounds for the evening."

Touched, I opened my mouth several times to explain to her how much it meant to me for her not only to understand, but to empathize and make it possible to see him. I stood there for several moments mimicking the mystical Gulping Plimpies Luna was always going on about before McGonagall snapped the papers on her desk and looked back down at her work.

"Hurry along now. You'll be late for Arithmancy."

I nodded and hurried from the room stumbling, getting to class just before Professor Vector closed the door.

True to my word, I returned to my usual excellent work ethic and threw myself into my notes with a renewed vigor. The thought of seeing Draco tonight fed me throughout the day and I even joined the others in discussion about the upcoming Ravenclaw/Slytherin Quidditch match and how its outcome would affect the Gryffindor team during lunch. I promised myself that after tonight I would confess my feelings for Draco to Ron and Harry. They loved me, they would support me. I couldn't understand what had held me back all these weeks from telling them and it suddenly seemed the simplest thing in the world.

I left them in the common room at a quarter till with my Transfiguration notes, promising I would look over their essays when I returned from patrol. I shook my head as I watched Ron slip his Gobstones set from under his robes as I made my way out the portrait hole and I laughed as I hurried down the hallway, a bag of Cushioned vials slung over my shoulder.

Even the drafty corridors could not dim the warm glow in my chest. Professor McGonagall was waiting for me outside a pair of mahogany doors which had appeared along the usually blank stretch of wall.

"Try not to stay up too late, Miss Granger," she said briskly before taking out her wand to begin patrol. "You still have class in the morning."

"I won't. Professor?" I called her back as she turned away. "Thank you."

Her face softened and she nodded once before taking her leave. I took a deep breath to quell the nervous butterflies and pushed open the heavy double doors.

Draco stood waiting for me in what looked like a comfortable sitting room with a plentiful bookshelf, desk, deep couch, roaring fire, and a wardrobe in the corner for some reason. He grinned as he turned from the flames which were igniting his platinum hair.

"Granger."

His voice matched the molten mercury of his eyes, burning through my veins. I melted, not caring if I made a fool of myself, not caring if this could never be. I had spent too many sleepless nights waiting for this moment not to take advantage of every second.

I started forward on unsteady feet, his eyes following my every move. I stopped just before him, looking up into his gaunt face.

"How are you?" I asked seriously, his beauty marred by the pain behind his gaze. He was even paler than he had been not two weeks ago, thinner, the bags under his eyes more evident. But a smile spread across his face that erased it all.

"Better now."

"I can't imagine Mrs. Weasley hasn't been feeding you," I said, concerned, my hands itching to touch him. "Why are you so thin?"

His smile fell and I could see he was holding something back. It hurt that he still wouldn't confide in me, more than I cared to admit.

"I might ask the same," he replied, evading the question. I looked him straight in the eyes, determined to show him that I had nothing to hide, that he could trust me.

"I haven't had much of an appetite lately. Harry's been so stressed and we just don't know what to do anymore. I suppose it's taking its toll." I knew Draco caught my implied meaning but said nothing, so I continued on. "It didn't hurt either not knowing where you were, if you were alright. I've missed you."

He gave me a sad smile, one hand twitching in his pocket as if he, too, ached to touch me. "We're hidden away well. Wish I could tell you where, but I don't know myself. It's beautiful there, though. Right in this valley."

I nodded, swallowing hard, my face falling and noticing the bag I was twisting painfully in my hands. "I, er, brought you some Pain Potions, I know you haven't…well, it's a three-week supply-"

"Three weeks?" I looked up at his tone and saw the signature smirk that resided there. "Where in the world did you get enough supplies for that? Been filching from the school stores again, Miss Granger?"

"I, er…"

He chuckled, his hand finally coming up to brush away an errant strand which lay across my cheek, tucking it behind my ear, his fingertips leaving a trail of fire where they traced the shell before skimming down my neck.

"Been keeping up with my work," he murmured, nodding to the desk where rolls of parchment sat. "Couldn't get you to turn them in, could I?"

"O-of course I will," I said breathlessly, my eyelids suddenly heavy as his fingers had floated to the nape of my neck. "Is there…a-anything you need my help on?"

"Actually, there is," he growled, those four fingers creeping back around to trace my jaw, a wicked glint in his eye. "You see, you're not the only one who's been having difficulty sleeping. Trouble is, I just can't get you out of my head. You are a complete enigma, Miss Granger."

His other hand found my hip and my heart pounded, my body instantly leaning towards him, a magnet to his steel body. His eyes caught mine, a desperation in his depths that matched my own as he dragged me until we were chest-to-chest, his breath whispering against my lips making my knees go weak.

Then he kissed me and all the loneliness and hurt from the last weeks was washed away as if they had never been. I moaned and leaned into his kiss as he pulled me tighter, a good thing as my legs had turned to jelly. My hands slid up his hard chest, curling around his neck, my fingers burying themselves in his hair which had evidently escaped Mrs. Weasley's wand as it curled down past his collar, unbelievably silky and fine. His lips were so warm, so soft against mine, his tongue sending shivers down my spine as it caressed mine. His expert hands quickly had my body thrumming with heat, needing him.

He grabbed my thighs and hooked my legs around his waist as the room swirled around us, a deep bed appearing behind me where he lowered me, covering me, wrapping me in his heat and need.

This, right here, was what I'd been looking for. He needed me, just as I needed him. It was stupid, it was crazy, there was no reason we should do this, so much was at stake. But something had happened these last couple of months, something had changed between us and I couldn't ignore it. I loved him, no matter how I tried not to. If he didn't love me he at least craved me, he cared. It was enough for now. A man like him had all-too-much control over his emotions making them nearly impossible to unleash. To make him need me so bad that he snapped and lost that carefully constructed shield…it was enough.

"Hermione," he whispered, making me shudder at the sound. His lips travelled, indulging and driving me towards madness. I moaned as one long fingered hand massaged my breast over my sweater and I arched into him, begging him to take all he wanted. And he did, pushing my robes off, tugging at my sweater; never leaving my lips for longer than it took to get the material over my head. Hid deft fingers made quick work of my button up and he shoved that off my shoulders too, groaning down at my black lacy bra. With a desperate fervor, he pulled off my skirt and socks and shoes, cursing down at me where I lay in my carefully picked underwear, flushed and embarrassed. "Gods, you are incredible. All these years…"

Before I could ask him about this last comment he was covering my body in kisses and stroking every inch, my senses on high alert as he switched from light caresses to needy grasps and back again, never letting me catch my breath. I wanted to do what he was doing to me, drive him just as wild, but the look in his eyes as he pleasured me was more than could take from him.

He made his way south, sneaking his fingers beneath my soaking panties, finding my aching nub, making me jerk and gasp as he grinned at my reaction. I whimpered in longing as he sat back and snaked my panties down my legs, his eyes never leaving my smooth core, seeming to feast on the image, his big hands massaging my thighs while he just gazed. I wanted to squirm under his scrutiny, but allowed him his fill and was more than rewarded for my patience as he dove forward, his tongue stroking me to new heights as I cried out into the silent night.

How had I ever thought I could go through life without this? My breath shuddered out of me as he slid two fingers in, hooking them upward and hot lava flowed through my veins. "Oh!" I gasped, surprised at this new and wonderful feeling, my hips rising to his mouth unconsciously as I pleaded for more. He didn't disappoint, his tongue flicking against that bundle of nerves as he worked those fingers further inside me, probing deeper, faster, hooking up and making my hips snap up at the molten sensation it wrought, my body winding up tighter and tighter, shattering on a gasp, then a scream, my fingers digging in his hair, my hips against his mouth and hand which never stopped, working me slowly back down as the world righted, my extremities tingling and heavy in the aftermath.

And suddenly he was on me and I was shoving at his pants, pushing away the offending material, yanking at the buttons on his shirt, trying to get to every piece of him I could, crazy with need.

"Now, Draco," I begged as his hand gripped my hip, placing me just so as he entered me, and I lost myself in him. No one had ever felt as good as I did right at that moment. No woman had ever been so lucky as me to have a man like Draco want me as insanely as he did.

And nothing had ever felt so right for being so wrong.

I moaned and scored my fingers down his back inside his parted shirt, spurring him on and on as he pumped into me, pressing me harder into the mattress, taking me deeper inside his soul than words could ever attempt to do. His face was pressed against mine, every breath rattled in my ear and down to my heart as he twined his fingers in one of my hands, dragging it over my head, the other on my back, pulling me up to him, keeping me as close as physically possible. I met him thrust for thrust, wrapping my legs around him for more leverage as he pumped into me, that blissful peak dangling just above me again.

My head whipped back as he shoved me ever closer, dragging it out until my body was on fire and cries were wrenched from my throat. He tightened his grip on me then, flipping us and pulled me up until I was straddling his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck, his hands on my bottom, helping me pound onto him, our hot breath mingling, my forehead resting against his as I whipped my hips against him, pushing for that peak. He growled, leaning forward to snatch my bottom lip as I shoved us into a world of pleasure.

I came hard, my body convulsing, fingers clenching, as he held my hips and pumped up into me until I was keening, grabbing at him, trying to ground myself.

But he never gave me the chance, lifting me up and throwing me to the mattress onto my side, curling my knees up and plunging into me, rocking into me, my fingers digging into the mattress, holding myself still to increase the pressure as I gasped in surprise. He bent forward, holding me while he railed into me. I twisted and pulled his head down to mine, taking his lips, giving him back just a hint of what he made me feel. He twisted until he was behind me, wrapping me in his embrace, never ceasing. This new angle quickly thrust me toward the edge once more, his lips on my shoulder, his hands grabbing at me as he filled me, over and over, my head falling back just to be closer to him, whimpering as I neared the brink, my body unable to take any more sensations.

"Hold on, love," he ground out, sensing my imminent climax. "Come with me, come with me now."

His words and sudden fury of his hips ensured I did with a power that stole my breath from my lungs, every muscle taut. My name fell from his lips and it vibrated inside me as waves of pleasure broke over and over me, as Draco stiffened behind me, groaning desperately. He pumped several more times, dragging out the sensations, leaving me gasping and tingling in its wake until he collapsed against me, his breath puffing against my neck.

A delirious happiness flowed through me as I lay there with him. This was right. It had to be. How could something this perfect be wrong? I reached back as my breathing slowed, weaving my fingers through his sweaty hair, dragging him closer as his arms tightened, his lips pressed against my glistening shoulder. I sighed in contentment. The entire world could fall down around me, so long as I had this, so long as he never stopped holding me, never stopped kissing me like I was the most precious thing he'd ever seen.

But even as these giddy thoughts ran through my head I felt his body stiffen, felt him becoming distant once more. I panicked, my fingers tightening on his wrist which was wrapped around my stomach. I didn't know what to do to keep him here with me, I was losing him again.

Then he was pulling out of me, sitting up, his eyes never meeting mine as I turned toward him. He stood and pulled on his pants, throwing me my clothes absentmindedly and with shaky hands, I dragged them on, fumbling with clasps and buttons, cleaning myself with a towel that appeared next to me on the bed.

 _"Fuck!"_ he bellowed and I jumped harshly as he threw the chair sitting at the desk across the room where it shattered against the wall, an action reminiscent of his anger at headquarters. Shocked and scared I leapt off the bed as if it was on fire, not wanting to be near where we had just shared something so beautiful.

"Draco, what-"

"I didn't come here for this!" he roared, the shirt I had never quite gotten off him billowing around him as he paced, his fingers laced in his hair. "But you come in here looking at me with those eyes and you smell so fucking good and you make me think these things and- _argh!"_

He fell to the floor cursing, grabbing at his stomach, screaming harder than I had ever heard him as he convulsed. Terrified, I ran to his side and kneeled next to him, trying to help him but he pushed me away. Undeterred, I grabbed his shoulder.

"Draco, let me help you!" I begged, looking up for the bag of Pain Potions. Suddenly his hand shot out of nowhere, catching me in the stomach, knocking the wind out of me as I hit the floor with surprising force. It took me several moments to finally drag in a breath and I looked up to see his concerned eyes from where he was still gasping on the floor. Hurt and betrayal consumed me as he pushed himself up.

"Hermione, I'm so sorry, that wasn't me," he croaked, hurrying shakily to where I was still sprawled on the floor. I shied away from him and flinched when his hand shot toward me, but he was only trying to help me up. I couldn't look at him, couldn't meet his eyes as his face fell. He cursed quietly. "Hermione, please, I never meant to hurt you."

"Yes, well, you did a pretty good job at that," I muttered, getting gingerly to my feet alone. His hand dropped to his side in a fist and he looked so wretched it was all I could do not to go to him. I hugged myself and back away from him. My mind was having trouble wrapping around the fact that he had hit me, he had actually _hit_ me. After everything…

He dragged a trembling hand through his hair and I noticed for the first time the bruises that covered his chest. He caught my wide-eyed stare and swore, buttoning up the shirt and turning away. He leaned his hands on the desk and hung his head, his back hard and cold. I couldn't think of a thing to say, but neither could I get my feet to move.

"I didn't mean for it to happen like this," he said lowly. "What we did…what we've done…it's not fair to you and I'm sorry. I can't tell you how sorry I am."

"How _sorry_ you are?" I snapped, suddenly furious. "Which part are you _sorry_ for? Having sex with me? Having feelings for me? Making me fall in love with you?"

"You don't-"

"Don't you _dare_ presume to tell me how I feel, Draco Malfoy! If this is nothing to you, fine, so be it. I never asked _anything_ from you. But I will _not_ let you take what I feel for you away from me!"

He sighed. "Why are you making this so complicated? We fucked, we had a good time, but now it's over. We can't keep doing this, it isn't right-"

"Why? Why can't this be right?" I screamed, anger and hurt rising.

"Because I'm a Death Eater!" he howled, ripping up the sleeve of his left arm and brandishing his Mark. "And you're a part of the Order! You deserve far more than I can ever give you-"

"What, you actually think a Mudblood like me deserves something?" I spat hatefully.

His face hardened. "Don't talk like that."

"Like what?" I asked, throwing my hands up. "Since when has the word _Mudblood_ bothered you? I can remember a fair few times you've used it. I believe _I_ was the _Mudblood_ you hoped died when the Chamber was opened? And I certainly recall being the _Mudblood_ you watched your demented aunt torture back in August. Or how about-"

"Shut up!" he screamed, striding toward me and I backed into the wall and his hands smacked the stone on either side of me, blocking me in. "Don't you see? This is _exactly_ why this won't work! I didn't come here for you to take pity on me and make me feel all this! It's hard enough to do what I have to do and you're not making it any easier!"

My heart shattered as tears welled up in his eyes and his face twisted in anguish. "I didn't want to feel this! I never wanted any of this and you make it so _fucking_ hard to think! I can't think around you! I can't sleep, I hear your voice and I'm so fucking sick of it!"

"Draco-"

"I said _shut up!"_ he roared hysterically, seeming to come unhinged. On a yell, he pushed away from the wall, the tears gone, the hard mask of hate in place as he backed away from me. His icy gaze froze me to the core and I wrapped my arms around myself in a protective gesture from the pain I knew he was about to wreak. "This is over. Forget about me, forget I ever existed. Stop making fairy tales where there are only nightmares. I don't want to hear from you, I don't want letters, I don't want to see you. Just leave me the fuck alone, Granger. Go back to Weasley and Potter and focus on what you're supposed to be doing."

He was standing there staring at me with utter loathing, his back stiff, a million miles already between us. There was nothing I could say, nothing I could do. I couldn't go to him, the wall he had built between us insurmountable. My body shuddered as I took in everything that had just happened.

In a single move he whipped around and strode to the corner where he ripped open the handle of the wardrobe and climbed inside it. A bright light flashed through the cracks as soon as the door was slammed shut and I realized that it wasn't a wardrobe; it was the Vanishing Cabinet he had used last year to let the Death Eaters into the castle.

My knees hit the floor, the lights going out, the furniture disappearing, the moon filtering into the now empty room. I closed my eyes against the pain and disappointment and grieved for a love I had so briefly found, one which had been doomed from the beginning but had flamed to life nonetheless. My heart withered against the now freezing stone beneath me, my fingernails digging into the cold grey as if I could somehow summon it back into existence.

…

XOXO

RynStar15


	15. The Answer

Neville took my hand and led me back into the battle which was in an uproar; spells flashing through the hall, screaming, crashes, utter chaos. I had no idea where Harry and Draco were and my pounding head was making it hard to think.

Someone yelled my name and I turned to look but was shoved out of the way of a spell by Neville who took up a duel with Goyle Senior whose mask had fallen off. I looked back toward where the voice had come from and saw Ginny on the ground, fighting back two Death Eaters at once. I shot off Stunners at them while ducking more spells. I hit one who fell into the other and Ginny was able to slash him down and tie them up. I reached down to pull her to her feet as Neville finally made his way to us.

"Where did they go?" I asked as he fended off a way-ward curse.

"Up the stairs, come on!"

We turned into the sea of battle and fought.

…

 _One month earlier…_

I left the Room of Requirement when my legs could hold me, sneaking through the corridors, not because I wanted to escape detention, but because I couldn't bear the thought of running into anyone, especially McGonagall. She had gone to so much trouble for my benefit and it had all gone disastrously wrong.

By the time I reached the common room it was nearly empty; Ron and Harry had Pumpkin Pasties on long sticks and were toasting them in the fireplace, laughing about something Dean had said who waved goodnight to me on his way up to the dormitory. A couple of fifth year girls were working on O.W.L practice tests and a group of third year boys who were notorious for sneaking in Fred and George's creations scuttled away the second I walked in. I took a seat next to Ron on the couch who was still chuckling merrily. Harry glanced up at a clock and handed me his Pumpkin Pasty.

"You're rather early. I thought you had patrol until midnight?"

I looked at the clock as well and was surprised to see it was only eleven. It had taken less than two hours for me to lose everything, for no there was no chance of Draco ever telling me what he was up to anymore. The best we could do now was to figure it out on our own, the worst…I didn't even want to think about.

"What's up?" Harry asked, skewering another Pasty. When I continued to tear needlessly at my pastry and when I said nothing he and Ron caught eyes. "Do we need to talk in private?"

I nodded and to my horror Ron leaned over the couch and yelled, "Oi! You two! Scamper!"

"Ron!" I cried indignantly as the girls scrambled to grab their things and ran out looking harassed.

"What?" he shrugged. "You said we needed to talk in private."

Harry cast a quick Silencing Spell and Intruder Detection around the room so we wouldn't be interrupted. "Alright, that's as good as we're getting in this place. Now, are you finally going to tell us why you've been acting so strange lately?"

I nodded, putting the uneaten dessert on the coffee table and wiping my hands on my robes. What more did I have to lose? Draco hated me, the Order would never forgive me for messing up our best chance to find out why Voldemort was still standing, and Ginny had already shunned me. I didn't have much hope of them being understanding, but I couldn't stand to lie anymore.

"I'm in love with Malfoy."

I hadn't exactly meant to put it so audaciously-I had intended to explain everything and sort of lead into it-but once it spilled out I knew there was no other way around it.

Their reactions were as predicted; Ron flew completely off the handle, jumping up and rounding on me, screaming until his face turned magenta and Harry just looked at me as if I'd broken his broom.

"-you could even see in that scumbag traitor! It's disgusting! Are you fucking _mental?"_ Ron roared to the back of my head as I kept my gaze to my knees in shame. I didn't attempt to stop him; I knew I deserved every insult and more. "You've got to be kidding! You are, aren't you?" He turned to Harry. "She's messing with us, isn't she?"

I lifted my head and Harry caught my eye. I simply looked at him, I didn't even have the strength to plead with him to understand. There was nothing I could say: I had betrayed everyone, put everyone's lives in jeopardy, lied to my best friends. I had never been so disgusted with myself.

Slowly, Harry shook his head. "No, Ron. She's not."

And of course, this sent Ron on another tirade. I hung my head once more, hot tears welling up, hugging myself as if it might be enough to keep my emotions from boiling over.

"Ron, that's enough," Harry said, his voice low, a tone we both knew. Ron went quiet and slumped in an armchair as far from me as he could get as if worried he might catch a disease. His anger was nothing compared to the disappointment I could hear in Harry's voice.

"Why?" was all he asked.

"I don't have an answer to that," I whispered. "I never meant for this to happen."

"What did you expect was going to happen? You start fucking the guy and decide you're in love with him because-"

"Ron! Shut the hell up!" Harry yelled. I looked up finally, tears staining my cheeks.

"I'm so sorry that I hurt you," I breathed, looking between them: Ron, whose arms were crossed, his face twisted in disgust, and Harry who simply looked dejected. Here were the two people who meant more to me than my own life and I had let them down. I would never forgive myself for losing them. "You must know that I would never do anything to hurt you. It wasn't Draco's fault-"

Ron snorted and Harry glared at him until he silenced, then nodded at me to continue.

"H-he never tried to get me into bed, he didn't even try to-to _woo_ me or anything, it's me who...and he doesn't love me back, we're not together," I admitted, my broken heart twisting. "It just sort of…happened. Nothing will ever come of it, but I couldn't keep this from you anymore."

I took a shuddering breath, looking to the tall windows beyond them so I didn't have to see the hurt in their eyes. "I wanted you two to be the first to know that I failed. He hates me; he won't tell me what he knows. You'll have to find another way. I'm sorry."

I left without a backward glance, escaping into my room and throwing myself onto my bed where I lay until morning, trying to remember when I had lost myself so thoroughly.

…

Ron refused to look at me. Ginny glared at me. Harry would preoccupy himself with anything that was nearby, and poor Neville would glance between us all bewildered. Well, that was anytime I allowed myself to be in their presence. I spent most of my free time in the library or in my dormitory, keeping my promise to McGonagall and throwing myself back into my studies as hard as I threw myself into more research about Horcruxes and Tom Riddle. I had given up on Dark Curses, they no longer mattered. Draco had left the bag of potions in the Room of Requirement so he would have to suffer on his own from now on.

I had no idea what was going on with the Order as the letters Ron received from Mrs. Weasley no longer reached my ears, but I kept my eye on the _Prophet_ and the _Quibbler_ for any information I could string together about what was happening outside the walls of Hogwarts.

I had already explained to McGonagall about my failure and she had dismissed me tight lipped and hadn't said a word about it since. Lupin would frown at Ron, Harry, and me during classes and had twice tried to catch me on my way out but I simply feigned ignorance and hurried to my next class.

After a heart-wrenching week of being shunned, I spent the following weekend shut up in my dormitory, not able to stand one more look of loathing. After I missed dinner on Saturday, Dobby appeared with a tray and informed me that Mr. Harry Potter told him he wasn't allowed to tell me who sent it up. I thanked the elf kindly and looked at the packed tray which seemed to have a bit of everything from dinner that evening, and my heart warmed. Harry had sent this? Did that mean he forgave me? I swiped a tear from my cheek and nibbled on the food as I worked through the night on a timeline of Tom Riddle's life.

I woke Sunday morning to another tray, my face plastered to a sheaf of parchment, a weak January sun filtering through the window. Another tray arrived for lunch and another for dinner when I failed to go down to the Great Hall, my attention wholly set on my research, and by the time I arrived to my first class on Monday, my mind was set. If we were going to find anything about the possible last Horcrux, Malfoy was going to have to tell us. There was nothing else I could come up with that could be another Horcrux: there were no other artifacts from Gryffindor, no place Voldemort had gone to we didn't already know about, nor had any evidence to point to. At this point, the damn Horcrux could be his old-and-now useless hair comb without us being any the wiser.

Or it might not even exist at all.

Indeed, other than the fact that Voldemort hadn't died when Harry had hit him with the Killing Curse, there was no evidence at all that there _was_ another Horcrux. But whatever was going on, Malfoy knew. And mad at me or not, it was time for him to fess up.

I sat by myself for lunch on Monday, eating as quickly as possible and heading for the library where dirty looks were at a minimum. I was a foot into my Ancient Rune's essay when someone sat down beside me. Wearily, I looked up and was more than a little surprised to see Harry sitting next to me.

"Can we talk?" he asked, his voice low so as not to anger Madam Pince whose vulture-like nose was red and dripping from a cold she had picked up and blamed the students for.

"Oh!" I said taken aback. "Of course. Er-"

"Let's go for a walk," he suggested, and thoughtfully helped me pack my bag, slinging the heavy satchel onto his own shoulder. I followed him out onto the grounds, twisting my hands nervously, and we made our way around the lake silently. The grounds were quiet; any upper-years with an off period had evidently decided it was best spent indoors. The wind whipped at my hair and my teeth chattered, but I waited patiently for Harry to begin.

"Look, Hermione," he eventually muttered, stopping and gazing out over the lake. "I'm not mad at you for, well, feeling for Malfoy the way you do."

"You're-you're not?" I stuttered, my heart peeking out from the dark place it had taken residence, hoping…

"I understand as well as anyone that we don't exactly choose who to love," he smiled. "My best mate's younger sister probably wasn't the most intelligent choice. But it didn't matter in the end because…I loved her. I _do_ love her. I thought Ron would think it the ultimate betrayal, but I was lucky. The worst of it is, though…is that even if he _hadn't_ gone along with it, I still would have found a way. Because Ginny…there's no one else, you know? She's just…it. It would have torn me apart if Ron had hated me for it, but nothing could make me stop loving her."

Tears glistened in my eyes as I listened. I had never really thought about Ron not being okay with Harry and Ginny being together. I had always thought we'd all known it would happen eventually. But it made sense; Harry and Ron were best friends, Ron had every right to be mad at Harry for pursuing his sister.

Could Harry really understand what it was like to love someone you had no right to? I looked up at him and he gave me a weak sort of half-smile.

"I wouldn't have chosen him for you. I can't help it; you're the best person I know. You deserve way better than Malfoy. But…well, I don't figure I know him as well as I thought I did. Because I know you, Hermione, and I know that you could never love someone who was truly bad. Maybe-maybe we were all wrong about him," he sighed, stuffing his hands in his pockets, gazing out over the frozen lake. "I mean, it wouldn't be the first time you were right about something, would it?"

I laughed softly, that flickering hope that he would forgive me growing. "Harry-"

"Hermione, don't. Don't tell me you're sorry or ask me to forgive you. Because there's nothing to forgive. The only one here who should be seeking forgiveness is _me._ I hope one day you'll forgive me and maybe, eventually, Ron, for not supporting you like we should have from the first." He turned to me, his eyes imploring at my small gasp. He reached out and took my gloved hand.

"Hermione, you've always stood by me, no matter what. Every second of the way, even when I cast you aside or didn't listen to you, you were there. You've always known me better than I knew myself and always, _always_ , you did what was right. Everything you've done for me, every sacrifice…I remember them. I am truly the luckiest bloke in the world to have you by my side, and I hate myself for ever doubting you. I hate myself for not being there for you when you needed me the most."

I looked up into his brilliant green eyes, brimming with emotion and he gave me a small smile. "But I'm here now."

He held out his arms and I fell into them on a sob, hugging him with a relief I could scarcely describe. He held me tightly for several minutes before dragging me down to a fallen log which he pressed me onto. On his insistence, I spilled everything that had happened between Draco and me, sparing him the most intimate details of course, and we sat by the lake together for hours watching the sun sink lower in the sky while I talked and talked about my pain and anger and fear. Our conversation flowed from mine and Malfoy's admittedly stilted relationship and into what he could know.

"Harry, I really think he's our only chance," I admitted, looking up at him. "He knows something we don't."

Harry chewed this over until someone called to us and we looked up to see Hagrid plowing through the snow towards us.

"Yeh two outta yer minds?" he bellowed. "It's below freezin' out here! Now get on up to the school and get warm before yeh both catch yer death!"

Our conversation about Malfoy was halted as the half-giant told us about his classes and when he asked our opinion about ordering some more Blast-Ended-Skrewts we screamed "NO!" and he laughed uproariously.

"I'm on'y jokin'!" he chuckled. "But yeh shoulda seen yer faces!"

We went to dinner together and Harry took my hand and led me to where Ron and Ginny sat. Ginny gave me a small smile and pushed a bowl of mashed potatoes towards me but Ron kept silent, staring at his plate. Dinner was a very uncomfortable affair but my heart was lighter than it had been in days. With Harry by my side I knew the others would eventually come around and perhaps, in time, my broken heart would heal enough to live without Malfoy.

…

Harry spent the week with me in the Room of Requirement, pouring endlessly over tomes about Horcruxes between homework and his Quidditch practice and my patrol duties and by Friday night we could conclude nothing more; it was time to go to Malfoy.

So, on Saturday morning we headed up to see McGonagall together. Upon entering the office, we instantly knew something was wrong. Professor McGonagall's lips were almost non-existent and Lupin was there, looking more tired and over-worked than usual.

"Miss Granger, impeccable timing. Mr. Malfoy has left this for you and we are hoping it would explain a few things," McGonagall said briskly, striding to me and handing me a rolled piece of parchment, my name written in Draco's tidy scrawl.

"Left this?" I asked, looking between the adults.

"Draco and his wand have gone missing," Lupin sighed and my heart dropped to the pit of my stomach. I suddenly felt light-headed and Harry's hand grasped my arm as if to pull me to a chair but I stayed stubbornly where I was, rooted to the spot, my eyes glued on Lupin. "Molly said he was at dinner last night and went up to bed and he was gone by morning."

"How could he have? Wasn't anyone watching him?" I asked faintly.

"Well, that's the thing," Lupin admitted. "Once he started helping out with the Order no one thought to keep him prisoner any longer. He could have taken his leave quite easily. His wand was in Molly's bedside table, perfectly accessible if he was quiet enough."

"And you don't think someone could have taken him?"

"There was no sign of forced entry, nothing to suggest there was a struggle. Neither Arthur nor Molly heard anything at all and nothing was missing beside the wand. I think it's safe to say he left of his own accord."

The other three occupants in the room watched me closely as terror filled my soul. I looked down at the still-sealed scroll and McGonagall spoke up.

"He left it where his wand was supposed to be. He magicked it to only be opened by you. I understand this must be difficult for you, Miss Granger, but we need to know what it says."

I nodded and had to swallow several times before I was able to force my shaky hand to open the note. It was short and cut into me like a knife.

 _Hermione,_

 _I am so sorry for the pain I have caused you. The only thing I can offer you now is the comfort of knowing I will regret it until my last breath. You deserve every happiness and I leave knowing I give you the opportunity for it._

 _I know what the last Horcrux is and the only reason I have yet to destroy it is that I have found out it is much more difficult than I imagined, and not merely because there are limited resources with which to do so, but because you made me not want to. You made me want to live, to find another way, but I know there is none. This will be the last you will ever hear from me for when I destroy it, I destroy myself._

 _Because the last Horcrux is me._

…

A/N: Sorry so short! Who figured it out?! Let me know if you did and when, I'd be interested to know what gave it away! I dropped some subtle (and not-so-subtle) hints along the way, but I have a feeling some knew from the beginning. Hope you are enjoying, we're getting close to wrapping up, so stay tuned!

LissaDream: Thanks for sticking with me and for your uplifting reviews! Did you figure it out?

sillygenie: Was it what you thought?! Also, thank you so much for continuing to review, it means the world!

Guest: Thank you! And yes, my stories never seem to have many reviews, but as long as you are enjoying it, that's all that matters! :)

XOXO

RynStar15


	16. The Evil Within

The three of us battled our way through the crowd, fighting for the stairs. With every passing moment I feared the worst, knowing how persuasive Draco was, knowing that Harry would do what he thought was right.

Just as we reached the bottom step a screech like a wounded animal pierced the air and we turned towards the sound. A masked Death Eater was sprinting towards us and with a flick of their wand, Neville was flying backwards, crashing into the banister, and Ginny was crying out, thrown mercilessly to the floor.

Before I could even think of a spell or move to help my friends, a streak of blue light tore apart the night and I doubled over with a gasp of pain, grabbing at my right side which was suddenly in agony.

I heard Ginny cry for me and moved to help her only to look down and see the dark red blood coating my outstretched hand, seeping down the front of my robes, spilling like a death sentence onto the witch below me.

...

 _One week, six days earlier…_

I heard Harry call my name as I watched the note flutter from my numb fingers to the floor but I couldn't respond, my eyes fixed on the gold parchment sitting so serenely against the cold stone. I could see the words etched on the bottom, tearing at my soul, screaming at me what he'd been trying to tell me all this time and because I hadn't wanted to see it, hadn't wanted to know the truth, I'd killed him myself.

My fist came to my mouth to hold in my silent cries, my body shuddering. Harry scooped up the note and read it out monotonously to McGonagall and Lupin while I stared at the floor where the parchment had lain, unable to look into their shocked faces. The last sentence Harry read out felt like a gunshot to my chest and I must have jerked because Harry was pulling me into his arms, his low voice at my ear.

"We're going to find him. Hermione, listen to me. We're going to find him, we'll stop him-"

"But how can we?" I breathed. It felt like I couldn't drag in enough air. "We have to destroy the Horcrux before…and if Draco is-"

"How can we be sure Draco really _is_ a Horcrux?" Lupin muttered as he began to pace.

"Is it even possible?" McGonagall asked, her face wan.

"Yes," I whispered wretchedly. Everyone turned to me and I looked up, turning away from Harry's chest his supportive arm still around me. "It's ill-advised as they can still use their own mind, but it can also become a _very_ powerful weapon."

"What do you mean, 'weapon?'" Harry snapped, looking horrified.

I swallowed, recalling everything I had read. "Voldemort…can use him. Make him into a-a clone almost, like a puppet. But I'm guessing he had no idea Draco knew Occlumency…he _must_ , it's the only way he could have fought him off. And Snape…Snape must have known, he must have been trying to help him, that's why…"

That's why Voldemort had killed him. Draco had tried to tell me…but it didn't account for the pain, I had never read anything about it being _painful_ to be a Horcrux, just that most people started to forget who they were, started to turn into the person who had put a part of their soul into them…

I suddenly remembered his hands on my arms turning to steel, his eyes like slits…an arm coming to my stomach, knocking me to the floor, the horror in his eyes at what he'd done…the Legilimency, the wandless magic…he'd gained those powers from Voldemort. His bi-polar attitude, the questioning about Horcruxes…it all made sense. He must have found another way to destroy a Horcrux, for I'd only told him about the sword and Harry had the sword-

"Harry, where's the sword?" I snapped suddenly.

"What?"

"The sword, Gryffindor's sword!" I screamed, rounding on him, ripping at the front of his jumper, my heart in my throat. "Where is it?"

"In-in my trunk, why?" he asked taken aback at my sudden hysteria.

"Are you sure? Are you _absolutely_ sure?"

"I don't know, I mean, I haven't looked lately, we haven't needed it," he admitted.

"Did you take it to Grimmauld Place with you?"

"I-no," he said, looking at me curiously. "No, I left it here with most of my stuff. I only took some clothes and things for the break. You don't think he-"

"I don't know, I don't _know!"_ I cried turning to McGonagall. "He could get back in here, couldn't he? Through the Vanishing Cabinet?"

"Yes, I suppose so," she said, looking worried. "The sister cabinet is still at headquarters. He had access to it."

"Harry-"

"Let's just look, alright?" he said calmly, his hands on my shoulders, looking into my eyes. "Let's just look and see."

Without further ado, he dragged me out of the office and up to Gryffindor tower, neither of us talking, his only comfort to me that of his hand in mine, gently squeezing. We said nothing to the others who were in the common room but ran straight up the stairs to his dormitory and tore open his trunk, ripping things out until we got to the bottom where the sword glistened amongst broken quills and empty ink wells.

I sank to the floor in relief as Ron and Ginny burst into the room. Harry told them everything we had learned and Ginny gasped, but Ron brought up a good point.

"Who would pick that slimy git to put a piece of their soul into?" he said disgustedly and while I didn't quite agree with the "slimy git" part, I had to admit he was right. When I told him so, his eyes popped.

"He's barely of age, his father had lost a lot of rank after what happened at the Ministry," I pointed out. "And besides that, he didn't do his duty in killing Dumbledore, did he? Snape did. So why _would_ Voldemort use Draco?"

"Maybe it was punishment for not killing Dumbledore?" Harry suggested.

"Maybe…" But was it enough? He had to have had a really good reason for using Draco…could it simply be anger?

"Harry, have you ever had any dreams about Draco? Of Voldemort thinking about Draco?" I asked.

"No," he said, thinking back. "No, the only one with Malfoy was when Voldemort killed Snape. I told you Malfoy was standing there."

So, he had tortured Draco by making him watch the death of his mentor…but to use him as his _Horcrux?_

"It just doesn't make sense," Ginny agreed, sinking onto Neville's bed. "He used objects for all his other ones and his snake, yeah, but a person? Isn't that sort of…risky?"

"That's what all the books say," I told her. "It's always a risk to put control spells and such on a person in case they're strong enough to fight it off. A Horcrux is much stronger since a part of your soul is actually _in_ the person…but still, the person is independent. And in this case, it obviously went horribly wrong as Draco switched sides…"

"Probably should have picked someone with a bit more pluck, eh?" Ron grunted.

"Ronald Bilius Weasley, are you seriously going to complain that Malfoy is trying to _destroy a Horcrux?"_ Ginny rounded on him. "Are you completely mental? If he hadn't told us we might have never found out!"

As Ron opened his mouth to start again Harry cut him off. "So, do you think he knew what Voldemort had done?"

"I don't know, it's hard to say…" I chewed my lip. "I mean, he obviously knew about the Horcruxes, but maybe he just didn't realize…and from the way he made it sound, he didn't know the others had been destroyed. But he came to our side for a reason. He must have known something was going on."

"And how are we supposed to know if he does end up, well…" Ginny started but then looked nervously to me.

"I don't know how he _can_ without the sword," Harry said as I shivered. "I mean, what else is there that can destroy one?"

"It's not the sword that destroys it, it's the basilisk venom," I reminded him.

"Great, well, it's a good thing there's one of them on every corner," Ron snorted.

"It's not the only thing," I said impatiently, my heart unable to handle Ron's negativity. Right at the moment I had enough for all of us. "If he read any of the Horcrux books at headquarters he would know you can also use Fiendfyre, but it's extremely dangerous. Although I'm guessing at this point he doesn't really care, does he?"

My voice caught, tears welling up. It felt like a ball of heat was lodged in my throat and I tried to work it back but it was grabbing hold with both hands, threatening to strangle me. I couldn't get the thought out of my head of Draco out there, in pain, alone, scared, trying to find a way to kill himself to destroy a Horcrux. And then I saw the sword sticking out of him while he choked and bled or a wave of flame engulfing him while he screamed, terrified.

Before I knew what was happening, Ron was grabbing me, pulling me against his chest, scooping me until I was in his lap and my arms were wrapped around his neck. I choked on a sob and Ron spoke to me quietly.

"I'm sorry for being such a prat, Hermione," he whispered. "I didn't realize…"

"I understand," I sighed, digging my face into his familiar neck, remembering late nights we'd stayed up worrying over Harry, turning to each other when it became too much to bear alone. "I know how it looked-"

"I should have trusted you," Ron said. "I'm sorry I didn't. But trust me on this, Hermione. We'll find him, we'll figure it out."

"We can't give up yet, Hermione," Harry seconded and Ginny nodded.

"You're right, I'm sorry," I sniffed, embarrassed at my ridiculous behavior. If we were going to save Draco I had to pull myself together. "We should tell Lupin and McGonagall about the sword."

And so, preparations began. The sword was locked in McGonagall's office, the safest place deemed, and the Order was informed to keep an eye out for Draco or any sign that he had…done the deed.

All we could do for now was talk and wait, and fret on my part. I left for bed early, my head spinning. I sat on my window sill for hours, staring into the driving snow, pleading Draco not to be rash, to stay safe.

The silence was mocking.

...

The next day brought more bad news: Tonks' parents had been found dead in a cave not far from their home which meant that no one would be able to find the Quintons or Verity until one of them showed themselves. Dementors were flooding the country in droves as if they knew Draco was out there alone; the Muggle suicide rate jumping spectacularly to the entire Muggle community's bewilderment

The week dragged and my attention slackened once more but McGonagall said nothing. I took as many patrols as possible hoping Draco would show himself. I found it impossible to sleep and instead spent my time trying to reach Draco, begging him to read my mind as he had before, to stop him somehow. We kept our ears out for any news at all, forcing Mrs. Weasley to write at least twice a day with updates.

Finally, on Friday night when I was so exhausted I couldn't keep the train of the conversation, Harry forced me to drink a Sleeping Draught and I dropped into bed and fell asleep at last. Dreams invaded as the potion wore off and my own exhaustion took over. I could see Draco huddled in a cave, barely moving, his face wan, scratches running down his cheek to his neck, not deep enough to penetrate muscle, but still painful looking. The mountains surrounding him looked oddly familiar…

I woke suddenly and gasped when someone touched my shoulder.

"Sorry!" Ginny squealed and I rolled onto my back, clutching my pounding heart. "I didn't mean to scare you!"

"It's alright," I panted, sitting up.

"I just came to check on you, it's after noon," she explained.

 _"Noon?"_ I cried. "What in the world did Harry give me?"

"Just a regular Sleeping Draught, that's why they had me check on you," she said, taking a seat at the foot of my bed. "Hermione, you were mumbling something…"

"Was I?" I asked, surprised. I never talked in my sleep.

"You kept saying 'Hogwarts,'" she admitted sheepishly. "What were you dreaming about?"

I tried to think back. I saw snow and mountains…and-

"Draco!" I gasped as everything spun into place. "Draco, he's in the mountains, he's on his way here!"

 _"What?_ Wait, Hermione, are you sure this wasn't just a dream?" Ginny asked as I leapt out of bed and began pulling on my clothes.

"I'm sure!" I said hurriedly, tugging out my scarf and a pair of boots from my trunk, clothes and papers flying about in my haste. "Draco's been using Legilimency on me since he got to headquarters; I know he was using it just now."

"He can do _Legilimency?"_ Ginny gawked incredulously.

"No, but Voldemort can," I explained, shoving my foot into the wrong boot.

"But…Legilimency lets you see into _other_ people's minds," Ginny said slowly, as if trying to reason with a dim child. "How could you see what _he's_ doing if he's using Legilimency?"

"I think he wanted me to," I reasoned, barely aware of the conversation as I yanked my jumper over my head. "Or maybe he didn't really know what he was doing. The Horcrux gets more powerful the longer it's inside an object, Voldemort could be starting to take Draco over, especially since he probably knows Draco is trying to destroy it. Draco must have tried to speak to me while Voldemort was trying to see where Draco was and I intercepted."

"Maybe," Ginny conceded half-heartedly, but I could tell she was only trying to humor me. I grabbed my knit hat and tore out the door. "Hermione, where are you going? You can't be thinking of going out there to look for him!"

"What am I supposed to do, sit around here warm and cozy while he's freezing and alone and hurt?"

"He's hurt?" She looked as if she were torn between concern and trying to stall me as we pounded down the stairs.

"He's bleeding," I replied, reaching the common room and lowering my voice as it was crowded with students. "And I'm not going to wait around to see if he can make it here on his own."

Ron and Harry looked up as we neared and I nodded toward the portrait hole and they quickly followed us through. The corridor was deserted but I kept my voice down in case someone overheard and told the boys what I'd seen.

"Great, so I now have _two_ friends who see things!" Ron cried exasperatedly.

"Hermione, what if it _was_ just a dream?" Harry ventured nervously. I stopped walking so suddenly that they all took a few steps before they realized I wasn't with them and turned.

"Harry James Potter," I growled, my voice menacing. He had the decency to flinch at my tone. "After six years of Ron and me standing by every one of your dreams and visions, you're actually going to doubt me now?"

Ginny quirked an eyebrow, Ron gave Harry a "well, you deserved it," look, and Harry gaped a few times before speaking.

"No, no of course not," he finally sighed. "I-you're right. But what are we supposed to do? We can't all go marching out into the mountains looking for him-"

"No, we can't all go," I conceded, pulling on my mittens. "I need you three to tell McGonagall what I saw and get the Aurors out scouting the area; we'll need Order members on all of the entrances-"

"Hermione, you're not seriously thinking of going out there?" Ron grabbed my elbow and whipped me around, pointing out the nearest window to the driving snow.

 _"Draco_ is out there!" I reminded him. "He's hurt and alone and fighting off a piece of Voldemort's _soul!_ He needs help and I'm not going to just sit around while he freezes to death!"

"Hermione, wait," Ginny called as I strode past them down the marble steps into the entrance hall. "Let's all talk to McGonagall together, we'll make a plan, we can't just go running out there, we won't even know where to look!"

I strode to the front doors and ripped them open, pointing straight past Hogsmead. "There. There is exactly where we need to look. Now go find McGonagall, have the Aurors search all the caves, he looked to be facing these mountains to the east."

"Hermione, this is insane!" Harry thundered over the wind as I hurried down the frozen front steps. "How do you expect to find Malfoy in this?"

"Certainly not by sitting around!" I called back, plunging into the almost waist deep snow. He caught my arm and swung me around to face him.

"Listen to me, for Merlin's sake! I know how you feel," he said, speaking over my protests. "If that was Ginny out there I would be doing the same thing as you and you would be doing the same thing as me. Love makes you irrational, I know that first hand. Look what happened to Sirius because I just went running off without a plan. You yourself tried to stop me because you knew better than just striking out without backup, without a plan. You can't do this on your own; we've got to think this through. There is no point giving yourself hypothermia while trying to find someone who doesn't want to be found in this. He's smart, he'll be alright. But we can't help him if we're all buried under ten feet of snow."

I looked up at him beseechingly. "I can't just sit around and wait."

"You also can't go tearing out into a blizzard without a cloak."

I looked down at myself and laughed, despite the circumstance, realizing that my scarf was nestled atop my jumper and nothing else. Harry smiled at me and pulled me back toward the school. "Come on, let's go get ready."

We tracked down McGonagall in her office and told her the newest information and she agreed a search needed to be sent out. As Draco was our final step to defeating Voldemort he was now our top priority. Since Ginny was not of age and Harry, well, he was _Harry Potter,_ they were forbidden to leave the grounds, so Ron and I suited up (I remembered my cloak this time) and met a group of Aurors and Order members in front of The Three Broomsticks which was temporarily set up as a search base. Everyone was organized into pairs and we struck out having all practiced a Tracking Spell, the Four-Point Spell, and red sparks for danger, green for finding Malfoy.

Ron was surprisingly silent by my side as we Apparated to a large ledge and began hunting for caves, peering into any we came across, searching for tracks or any sign a human had been there. I kept glancing around my surroundings, trying to find the view I had seen through Draco's eyes. I didn't figure he'd still be there, but I thought it would be easier to find traces heading in the direction of Hogwarts if we started where he had been. Ron trudged along behind me, his hands buried in his pockets, his head bowed against the wind.

It wasn't long before my hands and feet were numb with cold and the snow had soaked through my pants and robes up past my thighs. We slipped and slid over rocks and boulders, Apparating to the next ledge and the next, calling into the howling wind.

"Maybe we should go back, warm up, you know?" Ron yelled hours later, his face pressed against my ear. I shook my head.

"Not yet, we still have another hour of daylight at least!"

"But we're freezing and we're hardly getting anywhere. What do you plan to find, anyway? If he sees any of us he's just going to think we're Death Eaters and hide!"

"We can't just give up," I said desperately, looking around at the snow shrouded scene. "It's around here, somewhere close, if we could keep going for another hour-"

"Another hour and my fingers are going to fall off!"

"Then you go!" I snapped, turning to him. "Go on, I'll meet you back at The Three Broomsticks."

"Hermione, come on, this is mad!" he argued. "We're not going to find him out here; we can hardly see a meter in front of us!"

I had to admit he had a point. Visibility this high up was almost nil; the only parts of us showing were our narrowed eyes, but still I was so cold all of my muscles were spasming and my movements had become jerky. Only the thought that Draco was out here kept me moving.

"One more hour, please." I begged. "What if it was Luna?"

His face fell and I could see the understanding in his eyes. "Alright. One more, but then we're turning back, I don't want to be responsible for you falling off a cliff or anything."

I smiled at him which of course he couldn't see. I took his gloved hand and we continued on to the edge of the mountain face and I peered through the veil of white. Ron stomped his feet next to me, rubbing his frozen hands to get feeling in them. This looked familiar; I had definitely seen that mountain but maybe from a different angle…

The cold turned penetrating, seeping into my bones, the last bit of light leaked from the twilight until I could see nothing but the black, feel nothing but cloying fear...

Dementors.

"Ron!" I cried. He had only been a meter to my right so I shuffled that way, swinging my arm out, trying to find him, the swirling despair grabbing hold. I panicked; I had never been good at the Patronus Charm, never able to find a memory happy enough to conjure one. I could hear Ron screaming, begging me...he was counting on me, but I couldn't do it, I was going to let him down, let everyone down, and Draco would be lost forever in this frozen wasteland-

Draco, tall, charming, that smile that could take my breath away, the way he held me, so close and tight, the adoration that shone in his eyes as he made love to me-

 _"Expecto Patronum!"_

I gasped as a dragon burst out of my wand and my knees hit the snow in shock. I sunk lower and lower, belatedly realizing I was falling. I cried out as the world fell out from under me. I could hear Ron yelling, and I reached out in the dark for him as I was pelted on every side, my stomach leaping to my throat as the white took over and I cascaded down, finally crashing to a stop where the black took hold.

…

I couldn't breathe; I was being pressed in from all sides. I opened my eyes and a searing cold stung them, all I could see was darkness. The cold was consuming, stabbing into my skin like knives.

I tried to move my arms but they met resistance. I opened my mouth to call out but snow tumbled in, muffling my cries.

I was buried.

Fighting back the panic, I clenched my right hand and found by some miracle that I still had my wand. _"Deprimo!"_ I thought and a hole began to dig out and I pushed toward it, tugging myself out from the snow, gasping in the small pocket of air the spell cast. When I broke the surface of my icy prison I looked around, the flurry having turned into a downright blizzard. The Dementors were gone and Ron nowhere in sight, nothing but mounds and mounds of white surrounding me.

"Ron!" I screamed, my voice drowned by the howling wind as terror gripped me. "RON!"

I dragged myself through the snow, sinking into the drifts, the sky darkening every second, making it hard to see. All was white and black, snow everywhere, my body so cold it refused to respond to the simplest of tasks.

 _"Hom-monem R-Revelio!"_ I chattered, my hand shaking in the wind. A ball of light flew out of my wand and hovered two meters to my right above a mound of snow. I scrambled my way towards it; panic seeping through me, adrenaline at the thought of Ron smothered beneath it the only thing keeping me moving. I sank into the drifts and had to pull myself out again and belly for the floating light. Scared to try digging him out with magic in case the spell hit him and hurt him, I began burrowing into the snow, pushing and pulling at it, tears freezing on my face in frustration while I screamed his name over and over, hoping he would hear me and know I was there.

Nearly a meter and a half down I saw a swatch of midnight blue, his knit cap! I pushed the snow away from him, melting it away with my wand, careful not to hit him. Once I got his face clear I slapped his pale cheek, hoping for some kind of reaction, but I got none.

"Ron? _Ron!_ Ron, wake up, please!" His lips were blue, his skin deathly white. I cried even harder, my tired arms barely able to move the snow I was so cold.

 _Please, please help! Someone, please!_ I begged silently, too tired to say anything out loud. Danger-red sparks! I shot them into the air with my right arm, sinking into a pile of snow at the action and having to struggle out again to dig for Ron. Panting, I dug and dug, freeing an arm and pulling, but he was too wedged. I sobbed as I kicked and shoved the snow away from him while he lay there, pale and unmoving.

"Ron, please!" I croaked. I melted more snow around him but was too scared to do it too close to him or too far down in case he fell even further. "Please wake up!"

My arms screamed at me, my whole body in so much pain I could scarcely stand it, but I didn't stop, couldn't stop, even when piles of snow began to fall back onto me.

 _Hermione, get out of there!_

My head snapped up as I looked around, hoping to see him, but I knew his voice was just in my head.

Draco, where are you?

 _Get out of there NOW! He's coming!_

But Ron-

 _ARE YOU A BLOODY WITCH OR NOT? APPARATE!_

I could remember Ron saying something quite similar when I had panicked about the Devil's Snare. Feeling stupid, I grabbed Ron's arm and Apparated.

We hit the cobblestone in front of The Three Broomsticks and I leaned over Ron, pushing his wet hair out of his face. A crash sounded behind me and I looked over my shoulder to see a drove of Death Eaters marching down the street towards me. I barely had time to shriek when someone yanked me up and dragged me and Ron back into The Three Broomsticks.

"What happened?" Bill demanded as Mad-Eye threw up protective spells over the establishment just as Zonko's exploded, wood and stone flying out into the road. We all ducked, but the protective barrier held.

"D-Dementors came and w-when I cast m-my Patron-nus it caused an-n avalanche," I stuttered as Madam Rosmerta bustled over with a steaming mug of Butterbeer which she shoved into my hands and a potion which she handed to Bill. I dropped my Butterbeer on the floor and took the potion from Bill, pulling Ron's head up myself, pouring it into his mouth, getting just as much down his front with my trembling hands. He coughed and spluttered as the potion hit his system, color pouring back into his features and he opened his bright blue eyes. I sobbed in relief.

"What happened?" he croaked, mimicking his brother, coughing harshly, but I was hugging him and shaking so hard Ron cursed.

"You're alr-right, you're alright! I'm s-sorry, I'm s-so sorry!" I cried through my chattering teeth as his arms came around me comfortingly.

"We need to get you two back up to the school," Mad-Eye muttered as screams rent the air from the street outside. "Can you stand, son?"

"Wha-yeah, I think so," Ron answered hoarsely and Bill and I pulled him up, his brother keeping hold when he swayed. I began brushing snow off him as I turned to the crowd.

"D-Did anyone find D-Draco?"

"Not yet, but I have a feeling there's a reason these guys showed up," Bill replied, nodding out the window to where Scrivinshaft's was ablaze as Death Eaters ripped an old man and his wife out of the door, throwing them to the ground and killing them instantly. My stomach curdled and Ron turned me away from the window.

Moody turned to us, yanking something from his satchel. "Now take this and when I say so, Apparate right outside the gates. Someone will be there to let you in."

I snatched the invisibility cloak from him and threw it over us, taking Ron's hand. He still looked very pale so I grabbed his arm with my other hand to steady him as we moved forward with the crowd.

Moody gazed out the window before opening the door and conjuring a Patronus which made a mad dash up to the school and every Death Eater's eyes were on us.

"Go," he growled, shouting out spells into the group now running towards the bar. Clutching Ron tightly, I turned on the spot and we appeared at the gates, the fight raging below. Ron swayed and I tried to steady him but he was much heavier than I had anticipated and we fell sideways, the cloak slipping off me as we hit the ground.

"UP HERE!" screeched a terrifying voice which sent a thrill of fear shooting down my spine. I was fully exposed now but the cloak still covered all of Ron minus his shoe and chances were that she would never have seen it from that distance. I cast a silent Full-Body Bind on him in memory of Dumbledore and twitched the cloak over Ron's rogue shoe with my foot in the process of standing.

Bellatrix Lestrange grinned maliciously as she stalked towards me, her dark hair snapping in the wind, her evil eyes glinting with glee.

"And look who we have here," she trilled, gazing at me up and down. "We meet again, my sweet. Did you miss me?"

"Only my lost opportunity to finish you off," I snarled, hatred flooding my veins more powerfully than I'd ever felt. My heart hammered against my ribs, every fiber of my being screaming at me to kill the woman before me. I took a threatening step forward, lifting my wand in a dueling pose.

 _Hermione, what are you doing? Get out of there!_

Not a chance.

"Oooh, still have a little bite left in you, don't you, pretty?" she smirked, her once lovely face twisting in mad delight. "Are you looking for a little taste of revenge?"

 _Hermione, no, run, get out!_

Before either of us realized I had even moved my wand was slashing in front of me, slicing her cheek as her head whipped to the side. Her hand came up to the gash and she looked down at her blood covered fingers. I could hear Draco screaming in my head to retreat but the blood-lust ringing in my ears overrode it. Bellatrix glared up at me, hatred in every line of her malevolent face.

"Bitch!"

We dueled, spells colliding in midair and exploding or else missing and bouncing off the school barrier so that we both had to duck. Two more Death Eaters had broken from the skirmish below and were headed up towards us but Bellatrix screamed "No, she's mine!" and they stood back.

I didn't have time to think as I whipped out spell after spell as they came to mind, trying to fight her off, knowing that even if I _did_ manage to fell Voldemort's greatest follower there were two more to take over at least. But determination thrummed through me, pulling at a strength I never knew I had, my every thought to cause her as much pain as she had caused me.

I dove to miss a spell and rolled, shooting another at her which caught her hair on fire that she was forced to drown and I hit her with a Stinging Hex so powerful it knocked her back. Enraged, she slashed me down as I tried to rise and hit me with the Cruciatus Curse.

Agony tore me apart, ripping through muscle and bone, melting flesh and searing soul. It ate at me, clawing my insides and twisting through every cell until I couldn't remember who I was.

But this torment was familiar, I knew it, I knew how to fight it off. Through the pain I concentrated, looking inward, finding my magical core and pushing the curse off me and onto her. Unfortunately, she saw it coming and she halted the curse and halted its progress, conjuring knives which flew at me. I transfigured them into my signature canaries which turned on her and attacked while I brought her to the ground screaming.

As I swung to attack again she threw a powerful curse at me that I was forced to block with a shield which shattered, knocking me onto my back with a cry. I immediately put up another shield with a groan and pushed it out towards her so that when she cast her next curse it rebounded and she hit the ground screaming where I was finally able to tie her up and Levitated her, yanking her towards me.

With a flick of my wand she was floating before me, malice gleaming in her eyes, a sick smile on her face as she licked a drop of blood from her lip.

"Well, well, well," she crooned almost admirably. "Mudblood _does_ know how to play."

"I learn from the best, Bella," I panted, my rage welling inside me as I remembered the week I spent in the dungeon of the Malfoy manor. "And watch as the student becomes the teacher. _Crucio!"_

Every ounce of fear, rage, humiliation, and pain she'd brought me poured into the spell as Bellatrix writhed in thin air, screaming, screaming, screaming...

The other two Death Eaters darted forward but I held them off with a shield I conjured with my left hand so powerful that they flew back ten meters. The rest of my focus drove every moment I had spent in Bella's care back into her and I watched as she twisted and shrieked, my hand burning upon my wand, a fury such as I had never felt before radiating through me so that my every instinct was screaming at me to make her suffer as I had, to watch her endure the same fate as the Longbottoms, to make her regret every choice she'd ever made, to make her wish she'd never been born…

"That's enough, Hermione!"

But it _wasn't_ enough. She needed to hurt, to realize the pain she had caused. I needed to force her to repent, to damage her beyond repair so that she could never hurt anyone again…

"Hermione, stop, _stop!"_

 _Hermione, you don't want to do this. You don't want to be a murderer. I know you. I know you're angry, I know you're hurt, but this isn't what you want. This isn't who you are._

I started at the voice, reality crashing around me.

What the hell was I doing?

With a cry of rage, I flung my arms out and sent Bella flying backward as all my strength drained out of me at once and I hit my knees, gasping. Cords flew up around the three Death Eaters, Bellatrix quite still, as I fell forward into the snow, my hands extending to catch me. On all fours I gagged, sickened at what I'd done.

I had become one of them.

"Hermione, we've got to move," Lupin spoke above me, but I couldn't get myself to budge. Why should I be protected, why should I live when I was nothing better than a Death Eater? Didn't I deserve the same as them?

"Hurry, before any more come," my professor bade, pulling me up, dragging me toward the gate as my legs wouldn't hold me.

"No, Ron-"

"Where-?"

 _"Accio cloak!"_ The invisibility cloak flew into my hands and Ron appeared on the frozen ground. I stumbled to his side. _"Ennervate!"_

 _"What the bloody hell do you-"  
_

"Ron, hurry!" Lupin urged, both of them grabbing me and dragging my unresponsive body to the gate which opened for us and we stumbled through, spells colliding into the barrier as I collapsed once more into the snow, drained.

 _"Are you out of your fucking mind?"_ Ron growled, grabbing my arm as if to get me to look at him but I couldn't. My brain didn't seem to want to work; I couldn't believe what I'd just done.

"Ron, we should get up to the castle," Lupin said softly. Ron seemed to understand and he reached down, pulling me to my feet. His arm stayed around me as I stumbled mechanically up to the steps where Harry and Ginny rushed down to meet us, hugging up both, questions spilling from them which Lupin halted until we were inside and warm. I had almost forgotten my frozen body.

"Hermione, you're limping," Ginny worried as we made our way into the entrance hall, the heat flooding over me almost painful. "What happened out there?"

Ron shook his head to quell their interrogations and we headed for the hospital wing, so far above us. I had to force myself to climb another stair, walk another hallway, my body close to collapse. Harry noticed and put a bracing arm around me but I shook it off.

"Hermione, you're exhausted, let me help you," he pled.

"If anyone needs help it's Ron," I told him, looking up at Ron's exhausted face. He shook his head and I knew he was holding his pain back, both of us clinging to the other to stay upright.

"I'm fine. Although I think I am still going to get in trouble for that whole letting you fall off a cliff thing," he smirked. I couldn't get myself to return the gesture and closed my eyes as Ginny and Harry rounded on us, Lupin once more having to tell them off, and we climbed the rest of the way in silence.

McGonagall was waiting for us in the hospital wing and rushed up to our group the second we walked in the door. "Bed, now," she demanded and Madam Pomfrey strode out with pajamas which she shoved into our arms and Ginny and I disappeared behind one screen while Harry and Ron took the other. My fingers were so numb and painful I couldn't do any of the buttons and Ginny had to undress me and pull on my clothes as if I were a life-sized doll.

"You're freezing, Hermione," she stated, rubbing my arms. "Get in to bed, I'll grab another blanket. Madam Pomfrey!"

Soon, Ron and I were covered in blankets, both of our ears steaming from Pepper-Up potion, and hot water bottles were shoved by our feet. I held back groans of discomfort as feeling came back into my body, burning and tingling from the rapid temperature change. Next to me, Ron was complaining noisily.

We were given full checkups and judged in fair condition. Although in the early stages of hypothermia and suffering from severe whiplash, Ron was pronounced healthy and given a steaming bowl of soup which he drained in one go. I had twisted my knee in the fall and my entire body throbbed in pain from my battle but other than cold and exhausted, I was told all I needed was food and rest. A bowl of soup was shoved under my face as well and I sipped at the laced broth obligingly even though all I really wanted to do was sleep.

Mr. and Mrs. Weasley ran in several minutes later with Bill, surrounding Ron's bedside with Ginny while Harry joined me to give the family time. Apparently, Percy was stuck at the Ministry with Kingsley and Charlie was still on the hunt for Fred and George otherwise they would have joined them. The broken family took the comfort they could from each other and Harry turned to me.

"Ready to talk?" he asked quietly. I shook my head and pushed my tray away. Harry picked it up and set it aside, watching me carefully.

"I'm tired," I replied quietly, not meeting his eyes. "I just want to sleep."

He looked as if he were barely holding back what he wanted to say, but I was thankful for his restraint when he stood and asked Madam Pomfrey for my Sleeping Draught. He handed it to me and I forced a smile. When I finished, he placed the goblet on my bedside table took my hand, settling himself on the bed next to me. I thought of how many times the positions had been reversed, how many hours I had spent worrying about him, scared out of my mind as he lay there, beaten and broken. I thought of all he still had to go through, how much he had already been through, and the small burden I had failed to take from his shoulder and had instead magnified it, hurting him and countless others.

I thought about the monster I had become.

 _I'm sorry,_ I whispered silently, but no comforting voice answered back.

A tear slid down my cheek as sleep overcame me.

…

ranDomXx: There is a lot of happy/sad emotions when it comes to this story! I like leaving my readers confused at their emotions :P

LissaDream: Aw, I love that you cried! In the best sense, of course, lol. I'm guessing you'll be doing more of that before we're done here…

chapou69: I'm so glad you love it! Our poor Draco, whatever will I do with him?

RLyn69: Nice job figuring it out! Doesn't make it any easier to swallow though, does it? I'm mean :/

feltsmandy: Thank you for taking the time to drop a line! I really appreciate it! I know what you mean about not wanting to believe it. It's just downright evil of me. ;)

A/N: Sorry for the belated update, I have been ill. But we are getting close to the end, so hang on my sweet Dramione friends!

XOXO

RynStar15


	17. The Visit

Ginny was screaming. Shock numbed my body as I brought a shaky hand back to my ribs where blood simply poured. The sight was surreal; as many times as I had watched Muggles in television shows bleed on the ground from gunshot wounds and sword fights, nothing prepared me for the full assault of emotion and pain and fear that would come with it being your own. I looked up to face my executioner and started to see Narcissa Malfoy removing her mask.

"You killed my husband," she snarled, murder in her eyes. "You nearly destroyed my sister! Stand aside, silly girl!" she shrieked at Ginny who had risen to stand in front of me. "This is between me and the Mudblood!"

Narcissa raised her wand and Ginny flew back into the wall. I looked around hurriedly and found my wand lying at my feet where I had dropped it to staunch the wound at my side. Narcissa caught my gaze and kicked it into the battle where it was swept up in a sea of people.

Defeated, I simply looked up at the beautiful face above me. I could taste the iron tang in my mouth and knew I was about to die.

...

 _Five days earlier…_

I woke to voices near me and I recognized Ron's deep timbre speaking quietly so as not to be overheard.

"-then I don't know she just sort of…snapped. One minute they were dueling like I'd never seen, I mean _seriously_ , most of that magic isn't even _taught_ here! And the next she was just-an animal. She had Bellatrix in a Full-Body-Bind, it was over but then she-she…" his voice lowered even more so that I had to strain to hear. "She tortured her."

"Wait, I thought you said Bellatrix was in a Full-Body-Bind?" Ginny whispered.

"She was."

"Then how could she-?"

"It wasn't Bellatrix. It was Hermione."

" _What?_

"No!"

"What are you saying?" Harry asked incredulously. "Hermione tortured _Bellatrix?"_

"That's exactly what I'm saying."

"I don't believe it!" Ginny whispered, appalled, and I cringed inwardly, thankful I was turned away from the accusing eyes I could feel boring into my back.

"Believe it. It was like she was possessed or something. You should have seen her eyes, it was scary. Bellatrix just said something about how the…well, she said the 'm' word-"

"Oh, Ron!" Ginny sighed exasperatedly.

"Alright, alright! Well, she said something like 'the Mudblood does know how to play' and then Hermione, I don't know where it came from, but she says 'I learn from the best Bella, and watch how the student becomes the teacher.' I mean, that doesn't even _sound_ like something she'd say!" Ron exclaimed in an undertone and shame gripped my heart.

"Well, Ron…I mean, can you really blame her?" Ginny asked quietly.

 _"What?"_ both the boys cried. Ginny shushed them hurriedly and I could feel their eyes again. I tried to keep my breathing even and it must have worked because she began again.

"Look, none of us really know what happened at the Manor. We all know what she looked like when she came back to us. But just…just think about it. There wasn't an inch of her that wasn't bruised or bleeding, she hadn't eaten, hadn't slept, and she was forced to save herself. Have you ever thought of what she went through?"

"Every fucking day," Harry grated out and my heart reached out to him. I hated how hard my capture had been on him. They were all quiet for a minute.

"I would have done the same thing," Ron finally said. "I just didn't think…for a moment I was just so shocked…I've never seen her like that. It was unnerving."

"Bellatrix deserved it," Harry snapped defensively. "She deserved worse."

"Do you-do you think she, Bellatrix…do you think she's, well, like Neville's parents?" Ginny asked almost nervously. I felt bile rise in my throat and squeezed my eyes shut against the idea that I might have done that to a person. Any person. Even her.

"I dunno," Ron admitted. "Hermione was really, _really_ , angry…"

They were quiet again until someone stood.

"I need to get to the library, I have a study group," Ginny said. "Meet me at lunch?"

"Of course," Harry said. I heard them kissing and Ron growled.

"Get a room."

"Why, when this one is so available?" Ginny giggled.

"You're going to wake up Hermione!" Ron snapped.

"Alright, alright, don't get your pretty little maroon knickers in a twist," Ginny giggled. I heard one last kiss and her footsteps out the door. The boys were quiet again and I could feel the tension.

"Did she kick ass?" Harry muttered.

"You should have seen her!" Ron whispered excitedly. "I don't know how she does it! She did this thing with a shield except she like-like projected it out and when Bellatrix threw these knives at her I thought she was done for, but she just turned them into those bloody birds she attacked me with last year!" I heard them laugh and smothered a smile. I really shouldn't have enjoyed their conversation, but the pride in their voices healed my wounds minutely. "And she caught her hair on fire!"

"Are you serious?" Harry exclaimed.

"Completely! It was bloody brilliant!"

"Alright, you two, that's enough," Madam Pomfrey called, bustling out of her office. "We have sleeping patients in here. You can come back later, Mr. Potter. And Mr. Weasley, you are supposed to be resting."

"Oh, go on, I feel fine," he complained, sounding like a petulant child.

"No, mate, she's right," Harry said. "I should be going; I'm supposed to meet up with Lupin."

"More Occlumency?"

"Always."

"Enjoy."

"And you."

"Shut up."

Harry chuckled and I heard his footsteps come near my bed. I felt his fingers graze my shoulder and focused on my breathing once more, keeping myself limp. He stood there a moment before turning and walking out and the only sounds left were Ron fighting Madam Pomfrey about taking a potion. I knew she had won when he was quiet for a moment and then-

 _"Blergh!"_

"Oh, don't be such a flobberworm, it's not that bad!" the nurse tsked.

"It's horrible!"

"You shout again and you'll be _wishing_ for that potion!"

"Alright, alright, keep your hair on," Ron whispered apologetically. Madam Pomfrey bustled around Ron a little longer until his soft snores filled the room.

"Your turn, Miss Granger," Madam Pomfrey said. "And don't go pretending you're asleep, I've been working at this school far too long to fall for something like that."

Embarrassed, I opened my eyes. "Thanks for not selling me out."

"What do I care of the woes of teenagers?" she said, not un-kindly. "Now sit on up there, dear, and drink this."

I did as she asked and when she'd finished my check-up she handed me breakfast and told me to take a Sleeping Draught as soon as I was finished.

The silence of the infirmary was welcoming. The last, well, _months_ , had been so hectic it was hard to find a time to slow down. I suddenly didn't feel so enthusiastic about getting out there to help. I glanced at my wand sitting on the nightstand and felt sick. How could I raise it again? I had used an Unforgivable Curse, I had _tortured_ another human being beyond tolerable standards. I had hurt others before, even killed, but only to save myself or my friends. Never had I purposely tortured someone for my own means. I never thought I could do something like that. Sick, I pushed away the tray.

I didn't want to sleep, I didn't want the horrendous images to haunt my dreams. Nor could I sit around thinking about what I'd done, so I looked to my left where new robes had been set out for me overnight on a chair next to my bed and I glanced at the nurse's office. Quietly, I dressed and reluctantly grabbed my wand, stuffing it deep in my robes pocket as if it were diseased. I made my way to the headmistress's office, the circular staircase making me dizzy. I was bid entrance and walked in on McGonagall pacing, a long letter in her hand.

"Miss Granger!" she exclaimed, surprised. "Shouldn't you be resting?"

"I feel much better, professor," I lied.

"Does Poppy know you've, what's the phrase, 'done a bunk?'" she asked and I could swear I saw a corner of her mouth twitch.

"Not exactly…" I admitted. "Is there any news on Draco?"

Rolling up her long parchment, McGonagall rounded her desk and stuffed it into a drawer. "Nothing yet. We have security at all entrances; he won't be getting in without our knowledge."

"But professor, what if he's hurt? He's still out there-"

"I understand, Miss Granger," she sighed heavily. "But I cannot, with a clear conscience, send out more innocent people to search for him with the Dementors and Death Eaters flying around out there. You and Mr. Weasley weren't the only ones with a close call."

"Is anyone hurt?" I worried, guilt a leaden weight on my chest.

"The owners of Scrivenshaft's were killed and a Zonko's worker suffered severe burns from the fire. The Order members were able to escape with minimal injuries. But please understand, Miss Granger, that it is highly unlikely we will locate Mr. Malfoy if he does not wish to be found. It would be safer for us, and Mr. Malfoy as well, if we simply waited for him to come to us."

"I understand," I murmured, then went on anxiously. "But what if he doesn't? What if he's found out another way to destroy the Horcrux?"

McGonagall looked up at me, sympathy in her gaze. "I am sorry, Miss Granger, about the way things have turned out. Truly, I am. But if he does end up destroying it, it won't be the worst thing for our side."

I felt as though I had received a sudden blow. "You can't mean that!"

"I do not wish Mr. Malfoy to come to any harm, Miss Granger-"

"But you apparently don't care if he commits suicide!"

"I did not say that, nor will you ever hear me say that!" McGonagall snapped, her tone threatening. "But you _must understand_ , Miss Granger, that there are much larger things out there than you or me or Mr. Malfoy. There are casualties in war, none more or less disheartening than the other, but that is unfortunately the way it is. If we are to win, we must do what we have to do. Dumbledore understood that, it would do for you to learn that as well."

I looked away from my mentor, shocked and hurt, and into the eyes of Professor Dumbledore whose expression was remorseful. Caught between them I closed my mouth I noticed was hanging open, nodded, and backed out of the room.

If I was honest with myself I knew McGonagall was making the wisest choice under the current circumstances; she was being unbiased and intellectual. The odds of us running into Draco were admittedly insurmountable; but I could not admit defeat. I would not give up on him.

Leaning against a blank stretch of wall in a deserted corridor I gazed out onto the grounds, snow drifting lazily toward the frozen lake. The thought of him out there freezing, terrified, hurt, hunted…I shuddered.

 _Draco, please, just listen to me. I can help you; we can find a different way. Please…_

Silence met my pleas. I resisted the urge to sink to the ground and wallow and instead headed for the grounds, searching for some peace and quiet so I could think.

I sank down next to the iced-over lake and curled my legs to my chest, trying to ignore the cold. I remembered the time when I had begged my mother for a pair of ice skates for Christmas; all the girls in my class skated, it wasn't fair that I didn't get to as well. But my mother fought me desperately; it was too dangerous, I could get hurt, I could catch a cold, they were too expensive. I had cried about it for days and on Christmas morning I opened a brand new pair of skates. It was the greatest gift I'd ever received.

My mother took me to a lake nearby the very next day. It had been crowded, a bunch of girls from my class were there. Proud of my shiny new skates, I couldn't wait to show them off; maybe then they would _finally_ like me. My mother waited disapprovingly on a bench while I waddled toward the ice. I was able to keep upright for a grand total of eight seconds before I was sprawled, flat on my face, laughter ringing in the cold air. Unperturbed, I struggled to my feet and skated around and around that lake, my arms whirling like a windmill, falling over and over to the amusement of my classmates.

I had noticed that all of them stayed to the edges, leaving the center of the lake undisturbed. Desperately wanting them to appreciate me for once, I slipped and slid straight to the middle while they all watched nervously, my mum calling at me to stick to the edges. Fearless, looking at the awed expressions of my classmates, I continued on and crashed straight through into the freezing water.

I remembered to this day the piercing cold, a pain so intense it struck straight into my soul. My heavy clothes and skates pulled me straight to the bottom, the dark and cold swallowing me up as terror ripped through me. And then, suddenly, I was lying on the snow bank at the edge of the lake, coughing and shivering and no one near me at all. According to everyone there I had seemingly flown out of the lake of my own volition. My mum was too scared to touch me while the kids ran home, screaming.

It had been the very first time I had shown true magic, the first time I'd realized there was something…different about me. Oh, small things had happened here and there: a sweet my dad had forbidden me to have suddenly in my hand, a broken vase fixed instantly. But I had never really thought about it. From that day on, however, I was determined to know why, understanding that I would never fit in until I figured it out. I stopped caring about impressing others, stopped worrying about making friends, and instead threw myself into my studies, trying to learn as much as I could, expanding my mind to everything out there, and finding a new love in knowledge. It became my crutch, my entire life, my peers had become a distant background. Harry and Ron were my first real friends.

And here I was letting them down, allowing my own selfish needs to hurt them. It was because of me that the Death Eaters had killed those Muggles two months ago, had hurt my friends on Christmas. It was my fault that Ron nearly lost his life, that I had done something to another human being I would never forgive myself for.

And for what? For a man who shunned me, who had made it quite clear on several occasions that he felt nothing for me, that there was nothing between us but my own pathetic hormones and sex.

Yet I had fallen for him anyways. I was irrevocably head-over-heels and it was no one's fault but my own.

There was nothing left for me to do. He didn't want to see me; he rejected my help and my love. He was out there somewhere, lost to me. Soon he would be dead. Then Harry would kill Voldemort and the world would right itself once more.

Who in their right minds would be upset about that? It was as it should be; it was the only way we could survive, the only way our world could continue.

Then why did it hurt so much? Why couldn't I accept what everyone else had, including Draco himself? Why was it so hard for me to imagine a world without Draco in it? Draco, a man of his own, a man who would never be one to settle down, to love someone else. I was foolish to think I might have changed that.

As always, no matter how much it hurt, I would do what I had to do. If a life of emptiness was the price I had to pay, I would give it gratefully. The survival of humanity came far before my own happiness.

Clutching myself, I stared out across the lake and tried to remember that I was doing the right thing.

…

Harry tracked me down hours later and dragged me back up to the school and straight to the hospital wing. I didn't fight when he yelled at me for taking off and took the potions shoved into my hands without complaint. I ate what was pushed in front of me when I woke that evening and thanked Madam Pomfrey for letting me go back to my dormitory for the night. On Monday I attended classes, took the notes, ate meals, answered when spoken to. To anyone on the outside I was perfectly content. Tired, maybe, but if I had acted too cheerful they would have seen right through me.

The next morning, we were greeted by a note from Mr. Weasley, who rarely wrote. He explained that every suspected Death Eater in the Ministry had mysteriously disappeared yesterday and to keep our eyes open. Looking at the others I ripped open the _Daily Prophet_ and didn't come across a single death, incident, or disappearance. It seemed the Death Eaters had gone to ground.

"But why?" Ron asked, his sausage halfway to his mouth.

"That's the question, isn't it?" Harry said, taking the _Prophet_ from me and flipping through the rather thin edition himself before tossing it back to me.

"Well isn't it obvious?" Ginny said lowly, leaning in towards us. "They're preparing themselves, aren't they? Regrouping?"

"Why dow'?" Ron questioned, his mouth now full of breakfast meat. "I 'ean, dunnit 'e jus haff oo 'it tha' 'ark-fingy an' dey all come runnin'?"

"Ron, shh!" Ginny hissed.

"Oh, don't worry, Ginny," I said disgustedly, snapping to the back page of the _Prophet_ , gazing at the advertisements there. "No one can understand him anyway through all that ground boar obstructing his airway."

Harry snorted and choked on his eggs. Grinning, Ginny thumped his back while Ron's ears turned red.

"It is rather odd, though," I conceded, folding the paper and smoothing it unnecessarily. I watched my hands and voiced my worst fear. "Do you think they found Draco?"

We all shared a scared look. "If they have, we haven't got no chance in hell of getting him back," Harry sighed, running his hands in his hair. "He'll be better guarded than even me."

"Not bloody likely," Ron chortled, his mouth thankfully clear. "You've got half the wizarding world watching out for you."

"And Malfoy will have the other half," Harry grunted, aggravated.

"Not the better half."

We all smiled weakly at this, but the smell of breakfast suddenly churned my stomach. If it was true, if Voldemort had found Draco, our situation was even worse than we could imagine. The bell rang, stalling my pessimistic thoughts, and we all grabbed our bags and headed to class.

The Death Eater's abrupt departure from society didn't seem to trouble any of the other students who were usually discussing the most recent disasters, but it sat like a dead weight in my chest which I carried around all day.

By dinner I was so exhausted I found it hard to concentrate on the conversation which was centered once more on the disappearance of the Death Eaters. Neville and Luna had joined our group, Neville looking worried, Luna merely bored as she smeared Dirigible Plum jam on a roll. Apparently, it helped with concentration.

"Are you alright, Hermione?" Ginny asked concernedly. I looked up at her from where I had been pushing my bread pudding around on my plate.

"Just tired," I replied. There was no point in lying; they all knew I was worried.

"Why don't you go to bed early?" Harry suggested.

"Patrol," I stated simply.

"I thought you had patrol tomorrow night?" Ron said, stuffing a spoonful of pudding in his mouth. At least he talked _before_ stuffing his face.

"I do. McGonagall has us all doing double shifts until, well, until we hear from Draco."

I walked the cold corridors that night, keeping to the shadows, the moonlight streaming in reminding me of Draco sitting on the roof at Grimmauld place, papers strewn around him, looking...peaceful. I hadn't realized it then, but he had. I leaned my head against the cool stone and closed my eyes. I had never felt so desperately hopeless. I had never thought there was an impossible situation. I had always helped Harry find another perspective, another way to make it out of dilemma. But how…how could I ever get out of this?

I was tired of feeling like this, tired of feeling like my world was falling down around my feet. There had never been a problem I couldn't solve, so what made this one any different? It wasn't over yet, we had no evidence to suggest that Voldemort had Draco.

I dragged myself down the hall to finish my patrol, climbing to the Astronomy Tower to make sure no students had snuck up there for a midnight rendezvous.

My heart flew to my throat at the sight that met me. I gasped despite myself and jumped when the heavy door slammed shut behind me and he turned at the sound, his grey eyes meeting mine. He was leaning against the balustrade, his blonde hair glinting in the moonlight looking more dreadfully lost than I felt. Once his look of surprise fell it clashed into one of disgust and he swore viciously.

"What are you doing here?"

"I should be asking you," I breathed.

"It's none of your business, Granger," he growled, his expression cold. "All this and still you haven't figured out when to keep your interfering nose out of things."

 _"Excuse me?_ I'm just doing patrol; you're the one skulking around where you shouldn't be!" When he said nothing to this I stepped up to him. "Draco, why did you come here?"

"Didn't I just say it's nothing to do with you?" he thundered. "Why can't you just keep out of something for once in your fucking life?"

"If it was nothing to do with me you never would have left me that note," I taunted. "But you did. And now you're here." He scowled, turning away. Taking a deep breath, I calmed my emotions. This may be my last chance to make him see reason and I needed to keep a clear head.

"Draco, it doesn't have to be like this."

"So you keep saying, but I notice you haven't come up with anything in that bushy head of yours to fix it," he scoffed, staring out across the lonely grounds. "Face it, Granger. You lost your virginity to a walking corpse, and in a way, Voldemort himself."

"Stop it," I snapped. "I know what you're doing. You're trying to push me away, to make what we had seem like nothing so it's easier for you to do this. But if you spent half the time you do trying to push me away instead of letting me help you we might have a solution!"

"What makes you think this is an act?" he sneered, turning back to me. "Is it really so impossible in that bookworm brain of yours to consider that you disgust me? That maybe you were just a convenient lay for a guy with limited options?"

"We both know that's not true," I said, convincing myself as much as him. "You don't have to be scared. I can fix this, I swear I can!"

"I realize you are used to always knowing the answers, being the top of the class, sticking your nose so far up every teacher's arse that you earn top grades. But have you even considered for a moment that _this isn't school?"_ he snarled condescendingly. "This isn't a test that you can re-do if you don't like the result. This is real life, this is _my life!"_

"It doesn't have to be!" I entreated. "Draco, it doesn't have to be!"

He roared and crossed the flagstone to me, grabbing my arms and shaking me. "Get it through your head, Granger! I have nothing left to give but this! This is my last chance for redemption! I didn't ask for this, but this is what I have; this is the way it has to be!"

I suddenly understood and my breath fell from me in realization. I threw my arms around him and he froze. He didn't hug me back, just stood stock-still, but I held him regardless, memorizing every line. "You don't have to redeem yourself; you don't have to sacrifice your life to show us you regret your past. We know, Draco. _I know,"_ I gazed up at him, begging him to see. "We all know what you went through, no one blames you! Why don't you believe me?"

His eyes were harder than I'd ever seen them, his cheeks gaunter, thinner. The suddenly apparent scratches on the side of his face looked painful, but not nearly as painful as the words he spewed so effortlessly.

"Who would believe a Mudblood?"

I didn't have time to react as he turned and launched himself onto the railing, spread his arms, and jumped. My scream rent the air as I threw myself at the banister, hanging half off, watching him fall gracefully, arms outstretched, ripping my heart down with him. I watched in utter terror as he reached the snowy ground, leveled out in a veil of smoke and _flew_ across the grounds, streaking towards the forest.

I collapsed in a trembling heap, my heart hammering, sobbing out my fear, relief, and misery. He could fly. Draco could _fly_. Just like Voldemort. It was true, it was all true.

I knew for certain now that there was nothing I could do. He hated me, he didn't want another solution, he wanted his absolution. I knew the chances of me finding a way to get out of this situation with Draco still breathing was slim to none. It was no use pretending otherwise anymore.

Draco had to die.

…

LissaDream: I am still undecided about The Silence. I love it as well but I don't know if I have the time to put into it :/ We'll see after I finish this!

XOXO

RynStar15


	18. The End

"Now you will see just how bad it feels to lose someone you love."

Narcissa turned to where Ginny was stirring and dread flooded me. I left behind my pain and weakness and I dove at the witch as she raised her wand to strike the redhead down and we tumbled to the floor. I scratched and ripped and kicked and hit. She threw me from her and turned her wand on me but I just attacked again, taking her back into the wall, watching her head snap back against the stone, punching her, ripping her to the floor, reaching for her wand, yanking it from her hand, turning it on her.

"Don't you fucking touch her," I snarled. Narcissa looked up at me, fear and anguish in her gaze, my blood smeared over her robes and face.

"I just want my son," she said, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"That makes two of us," I told her, then Stunned her and Banished her to Flitwick's office, hoping no one would stumble upon her there.

It was time to find Draco.

...

 _One day earlier…_

"He did _what?"_ Ron screeched earning a resounding "SHHH!" from each of his companions. Harry, Ron, and Ginny had waited up for me to get back from patrol, presumably to make sure I _did_ come back, so I told them all about what had happened. It was nearing one in the morning and the events from the day had sapped me of all energy and I slumped back against the couch cushions, rubbing my tired eyes.

"Hermione, this is insane!" Harry cried softly. "How can Malfoy _fly?"_

"Because Voldemort-" Ron whimpered. "-can. He now technically has all the same powers, remember?" I explained wearily. "But you are missing the big picture, here. Draco is on the grounds, and if he can get in without anyone knowing, Voldemort can."

"We have to go to McGonagall," Ginny stated.

"Yes, I quite agree," I sighed, gaining my feet and swaying.

 _"Not_ you," Ginny admonished, standing as well, grabbing my elbow. _"You_ are going to bed."

"Of course I'm not!" I argued. "I have to tell McGonagall about Draco!"

"We can do that, can't we gentlemen?"

Ron and Harry's heads snapped up and gaped at her.

"Er, yeah, of course," Harry said while Ron still looked as though he hadn't heard the conversation.

"Look, guys, you're sweet, but this is my problem, not yours. I appreciate your concern, Ginny," I smiled at her. "But I'm fine. I'm just going to tell her what happened, then I'll go straight to bed. I promise."

She glared at me. "I'll come with."

"No, really. I'd like to talk to McGonagall alone," I explained. "You go on to bed; you have class in the morning."

"So do you."

I said nothing. In fact, I had no intention of going to bed _or_ class until Draco had been located and sealed in a protective bubble until I could figure out how to save him and the grounds were secured once more. I was more nervous than I cared to admit to leave Harry's side, but he would be with Ron and Dean and Neville and the rest of Gryffindor tower. Besides, it was highly unlikely Voldemort would show up in the time I was gone.

"I'll see you in the morning," I said and bid them all goodnight, heading for the portrait hole even though my tired feet begged me to turn around and go to bed. This couldn't wait any longer. We needed to find out how Draco had gotten onto the grounds and until we did we were all at risk.

My heart clenched as I recalled the hatred in his gaze, his venomous words. _It's not true, not true, not true,_ I chanted, trying to dispel the image. He was just trying to push me away, trying to hurt me. Unfortunately, it was working.

I hurried through the freezing corridors, my breath puffing out in front of me. I had to skirt Peeves who had stolen one of the teachers' chalk and was drawing crude images on the wall. I wondered at how ordinary of a scene it was when my own life had tumbled so extraordinarily out of control.

 _"Lemon Drop!"_ I told the stone gargoyles who bid my entrance and I climbed the dizzying circular stairs and knocked on the door. There was no noise from within and I felt terrible for waking my headmistress when she needed sleep even more than I did. But she emerged with haste in her tartan night robe looking harried.

"Miss Granger, is something the matter?" she asked, stepping back to let me inside her office. All of the portraits were snoozing in their frames, a chorus of light snores filling the room.

"I'm afraid there is. Draco Malfoy is on the grounds."

"Excuse me?" she sputtered, looking harassed. "He's _here?_ Are you quite sure?"

"I am positive. I found him on the Astronomy Tower during my patrol," I explained.

"Is he still there?"

"No, he flew into the Forbidden Forest."

She gawked at me and waved for me to take a seat. I explained everything but the most intimate details about our fight. Her expression went from shocked to quizzical to worried within minutes. Portraits around the room began to stir, some feigning sleep, others listening in unabashedly.

"I'll speak with everyone who was on patrol tonight," she said, rising and going to the window. "Did he happen to say when he got onto the grounds exactly?"

"No, professor," I answered apologetically. Of course I should have asked him that. Not that he would have answered.

"I'll have scouts sent into the forest for him. Best have Hagrid take charge of that," she said and sent out a Patronus onto the grounds which split into a dozen more and streaked every direction.

"Is the sword still safe?" I asked.

"Of course. Right behind you."

I looked and there it sat in an encasement, glistening upon a blood-red pillow.

"None but a Gryffindor can retrieve it," McGonagall explained with a small smile. "I believe that will keep it out of unwanted hands."

I smiled at her brilliance, then turned to her. "Professor, I would like to go with Hagrid to look for Draco."

She measured me for a long while. "You have not slept," she observed. "You need your rest."

"I can't, not when he's so close." I gazed at her, imploring. "Please."

After a long while she sighed. "Yes, alright. Go on to Hagrid's hut. You are not to go in without him."

"Of course," I agreed, wishing I could, knowing Draco was much more likely to approach me if I was alone but that she would never allow it. I bid the headmistress goodnight and made my way across the snowy grounds, Summoning my hat and gloves halfway there.

Hagrid met me outside with his crossbow and Fang and the three of us set off, quiet as possible so as not to scare Draco off. It felt rather like trying to track down a skittish kitten. We kept our eyes peeled for anything unusual and I worried that my wand light would give us away and only prayed we would hear if he was moving. Then again, if he could fly now…

The night wore on, the dark of the forest pressing in. We walked until I could no longer feel my hands or feet and my robes were completely soaked through. Hagrid finally called the search off as he had a class to teach after breakfast. I begged him to allow me to continue the search on my own but he forbade it and when we finally reached the less dense part of the forest I was surprised to see weak grey light filtering between the bare branches above us. We emerged just as a group of fourth year Slytherins and Gryffindors were trudging through the snow toward Hagrid's cabin. I thanked Hagrid and reluctantly headed back up to the school, grabbing a piece of toast before the plates cleared themselves, thankful that Ron, Ginny, and Harry had already left for class. Alone, I made my way up to Gryffindor Tower, unsure of what my next step was. My second wind was waning fast so if I was to keep on my feet I needed to get into action. But how?

I stepped through the portrait hole and was shocked to find Ginny and the boys by the fire; Ginny at the edge of her chair, arms wrapped around her, Harry pacing, and Ron rubbing his eyes looking tired. Their heads snapped up as I walked in and they all ran to me.

"What the bloody hell were you thinking?"

"Are you completely mental?"

"We were so worried!"

I was shuffled to the couch and pressed into it. Ginny explained they had rounded on McGonagall at breakfast when she had found my bed empty and were told I was in the forest with Hagrid. I recounted our fruitless attempt to track down Draco as it was evident he didn't want to be found.

All I wanted to do was fall into bed and never wake up, but I knew there was too much to do. The three around me were buzzing with energy and I could sense they were holding something back.

"Any news?" I asked them and they all grinned. "What's happened?"

"Fred and George!" Ginny exclaimed. "After you left last night I tried tuning into their station and I found them! Said they'd been 'unavailable' until now but that everyone should be ready to come to arms any day and to keep their radios tuned for any new information. They know something is up. Mum sent an owl this morning saying they'd tracked down dad when he left the ministry last night and he took them home. They're pretty banged up, but she says they'll be alright!"

My heart lightened for the first time in weeks. "That's wonderful! Did they say how they were able to escape?"

"That's the thing, both of them swear they don't remember anything until they were outside with their wands. Neither remember leaving the Manor where they'd been," Harry explained and my stomach twisted painfully at this, my breath catching, memories threatening at creep to the surface, though I pressed them down, trying to stay in the present. "Isn't it odd, though, that all the Death Eaters are supposedly getting together and yet none of them could catch them escaping?"

"Fred and George are brilliant," Ron said. "They could take those idiots any time!"

"It's not that simple, Ron," I muttered lowly. They all looked at me nervously. "If they had been captured they were probably put in the dungeons where I was. There is no way out, not even with a wand which definitely would have been taken from them. There is only one entrance and when someone isn't coming or going it's just a stone wall. They torture you until you don't know who you are or where you are. They're manned by the cruelest of them all."

"Bellatrix," they all said quietly. I nodded. They were all silent for a moment while I tried to fight back the memories, but Ron finally spoke.

"How-how did _you_ escape?"

I had never spoken about my time in the Malfoy Manor and they had stopped trying to ask me about it months ago. There was no reason to hold back anymore. My heart had already been dealt irreparable damage. Draco had hurt me far worse than Bellatrix ever had. Finally, I looked up at them and answered honestly.

"I don't know," I whispered. "The last thing I remember was…" I closed my eyes, swallowing hard. "The knives. Bellatrix loved them. She had left me on the floor, bleeding everywhere. I heard a voice and I must have passed out, because then I sort of…woke up. I was outside, my wand was in my hand, and I was walking away from these gates. I looked around and there was no one near me, no one to stop me, so I Apparated to headquarters."

They all looked at me in awe.

"Do you think you might have blacked it all out? Like, like Fred and George?" Ginny asked.

"I suppose, I can't think of any other reason. I've tried to remember what happened, but nothing comes to mind, not even a shred."

I looked up from my knees and turned to them all. "I don't know what to do next," I admitted brokenly. "If he was able to get onto the grounds without being detected, what's to say he won't get into the school?"

"The sword is safe," Harry reminded me. "If he's going to destroy it he needs the sword. It's the only thing with basilisk venom."

A horrifying thought occurred to me. "Except the basilisk fangs, themselves."

Their shocked faces told me they hadn't thought about this either.

"But-but he can't get into the Chamber," Ron said. "He can't speak Parseltongue!"

 _"Voldemort can!"_ I reminded him exasperatedly. _"And_ he knows where the entrance is!"

"He would never tell Malfoy," Harry calmed me, putting a hand on my shoulder. "He would know that the Basilisk venom would destroy the Horcrux, he wouldn't do anything to endanger it."

"Besides, we don't even know that he's thought about this yet," Ginny pointed out. "For all we know he's just trying to get to the sword."

"And look how long it took Voldemort to find the Chamber alone," Harry agreed. "If it took _him_ five years I doubt that Malfoy, who is being hunted, is going to find it in a few days."

They made good points, but still my stomach churned. On the offhand that he had found out about the Chamber's entrance, who was to say he could get there undetected?

"I still say we take no chances," I stated. "One of us should be at Moaning Myrtle's bathroom at all times from now on."

"How are we supposed to with classes?" Ginny asked. "I mean, we can't be there all hours for the rest of term."

"It won't take the rest of term," I said, not really knowing where this came from but knowing it to be true. "It's soon. Why else would the Death Eaters have gone to ground? Something is going to happen. Today, tomorrow, the next day. We need to be ready. Find anyone from the D.A. you can and warn them. We'll need their help. I'll take the first shift on the second floor. Harry, Ron, since it would look odd for you to hang around a girl's toilet-"

"Because we've never done that before," Ron snorted.

"-why don't you just keep an eye on the Marauder's Map? Watch all the secret passages, especially."

We split up, Ginny for the library to track down old D.A. members, me for the second floor, and the boys for their dormitory. I started my watch in the actual bathroom to detract any attention from students wondering why their Head Girl was just standing around outside Moaning Myrtle's toilet, but soon the morose girl's cries were more than my high-strung nerves could handle and I stepped out into the cold hall and sank to the floor, trying to stay awake.

I wondered vaguely whether I should actually go down into the Chamber to look for Malfoy but then chided myself for being stupid; I needed Harry to get into the Chamber.

When I began to drift off I stood and paced. When the bell rang I stepped back against the wall and tried to look like I was simply monitoring the corridor between classes. I watched each student tensely, but no one made for the bathroom, all the girls preferring to use a different loo. Once the hall had cleared and classes began once more I re-started my pacing, wringing my hands nervously. Ginny appeared during lunch saying she'd found Michael Corner, Terry Boot, Dennis Creevey, Luna, and Dean. They had all seemed eager to help if we needed them and promised to keep their coins on them so we could contact them. Then she ordered me upstairs to get a shower because I looked a wreck, taking over my shift as she had an off period.

Grabbing a sandwich from the Great Hall, I retreated to the prefect's bathroom and instead of sinking into the enormous bathtub, took to the roomy shower and let the hot water beat down on my tired muscles. I felt reinvigorated when I stepped out and got into dry, clean clothes. Instead of my school uniform, however, I opted for jeans, a tank top, and trainers under my robes, the better to move in. I could feel that something was coming and I had always been one to be prepared.

As soon as I stepped out of the bathroom I gasped, grabbing the doorframe to steady myself as I jerked harshly at the words which reverberated through my head.

 _Meet me on the Astronomy Tower during dinner._

"Why?" I asked out loud, stupidly. He didn't answer me, of course, so I glanced up at a clock on the wall. It was less than an hour until dinner. I ran up to Gryffindor Tower and found the boys in their dormitory, cross-legged on Harry's bed, the map laid out between them.

"Where is Malfoy?" I panted.

"He's not on the map," Harry stated, shaking his head. "If he's still in the Forbidden Forest he won't be on here. We haven't seen anything."

"Yeah, and Harry should know, he's spent enough time looking for Malfoy on that thing," Ron joked. Harry glared at him.

"He told me to meet him on the Astronomy Tower during dinner," I said and they both looked at me incredulously.

"He can't have, we haven't seen him anywhere near you!" Ron said indignantly, as if I were insulting his map watching skills.

"Oh, Ron!" I groaned. "Would you please keep up? _He can use Legilimency!"_

"Oh, yeah!"

"So, are you going to go?" Harry asked warily.

"Of course, how else will I know what he wants?"

"Then we're going with you," Harry replied and Ron nodded, but I shook my head.

"No, go on down to dinner. I need to talk to him alone."

"We'll take the invisibility cloak," Harry insisted.

"No, Harry. Please, just go down to dinner and wait for me there. I'll tell you everything when I'm done. If I'm not back before dinner is over, one of you relieve Ginny."

"Hermione, I don't like this," Harry said nervously.

"Yeah, what if he hurts you?" Ron argued.

"Don't be silly! Why would he hurt me?" I asked incredulously.

"To get to the sword? Or maybe because he's part You-Know-Who?" Ron suggested exasperatedly, but I shook my head again.

"I'll be fine. Go down to the Great Hall, I'll see you in a bit."

They sputtered as I took off, not wanting to be late to meet Draco. I fought against the crowd rushing down to dinner and hurried up the spiral staircase to the tower.

It was empty, the cold night silent. I crossed to the balustrade and leaned over it, looking up into the clear sky, millions of stars winking in the inky blue-black canvas, indifferent to the woes of those below. The grounds were still, the bright moonlight spilling over the snow-covered hills. It was majestic. I had never felt like I belonged anywhere but here. That was until I'd felt Draco's arms around me. Despair clutched my heart once more and I sighed, my breath misting into the silent night.

He arrived in a whirl of black robes, his gaunt face unyielding. I longed to go to him, to cover the three steps it would take to be in his arms once more, but I kept my distance. I knew with a certainty I had nothing and yet everything to fear.

"How did you get onto the grounds?" I asked as if I were simply curious, not bothering the skirt the issue. He just continued to stare at me as if I had not spoken.

"Alright, fine. You don't have to answer that. But you do have to answer this; what do you want?"

He looked down at me, his hands in fists, his posture rigid. "I did not bring you here so you could question me."

"Then why did you summon me here, _my lord?"_ I snapped mockingly, exhausted with his hateful charade. His jaw tightened, but he made no other mention of my ridicule.

"I brought you here to listen."

I waved my arm before me as if telling him the floor was his before clutching my cloak tighter around myself against the chill of the winter wind and his icy gaze. He just continued to stand there, his eyes darker than I had ever seen them. For anyone else under his scrutiny he would be terrifying. For me, I simply ached for him.

"The Dark Lord will come tonight."

My heart skipped a beat and I suddenly felt light-headed. "For certain?"

"He knows I am here. He wishes to recover me. You may have noticed a sudden lack of movement from my side?"

 _My side…_ These words were not lost on me. "Yes. Fred and George were able to escape."

He inclined his head fractionally. "If we act quickly we may prevent numerous unnecessary deaths."

"Forgive me for asking, but if it is _your side_ who is on their way here, why would you care if _my side_ has casualties?" I snapped scathingly. His jaw clenched and I continued on, ire filling me at the thought of his betrayal. "Are you bringing them in through a secret passage again? Are you going to fight with them? And why are you telling me all this if you're just going to turn around and-"

"You always did ask too many questions, Granger."

"It's the only way to get answers, _Malfoy."_

He inclined his head once more, acknowledging my words. He stood stock-still watching me for a moment as if considering his answer. "I am not bringing them in. They have no way to get on the grounds besides force. And they will use it. They have numbers you can scarcely imagine."

"But how-?"

"Listen to me, Granger!" His façade cracked, he suddenly looked tense, scared. _"You must not stay._ When I leave here, you must go. Do not wait. Get out the others if you must, warn who you must. But you have to promise me you will leave."

"What do you care if I'm safe?" I snapped. "I thought I disgust you? Why would you care if your 'convenient lay' got in the way of a stray Death Eater? Perhaps Greyback? I hear he's particularly gruesome. He seemed to take a real liking to me back at the Manor. In fact, why don't you take me to him now? Be rewarded? Wouldn't that be a real bonus? You got to break me but you can still pass me off for points with your Lord!"

"Hermione, don't do this," he grunted harshly, his fists white at his side.

"Oh, _Hermione_ am I now?"

"Dammit, stop fighting me! Just promise me-"

"Why should I promise you anything?" I yelled taking a step towards him, shaking with rage. "I am sick of you lording over me, throwing me around! I refuse to roll over and take it anymore! If you want something, you have to give me something in return. Tell me why you are here."

He glared at me, his jaw twitching. "You know why I am here."

"For the sword?" When he didn't say anything, I took it as an affirmation. "Funny thing. You'll never get it."

He sneered. "Have you not noticed I contain every power the Dark Lord wields? You could not imagine the powers he has. I can take anything I want."

I scoffed derisively, knowing I was pushing him to the brink of control, unable to harness my emotions in his presence. "Slytherin filth like you? I wouldn't count on it."

His brow furrowed. "What are you implying?"

"I am implying, _my lord_ , that only a Gryffindor may take hold of it. Enjoy trying to find one to do it for you."

Fury twisted his features and I knew I shouldn't have told him, shouldn't be goading him in this way, but I couldn't seem to still my tongue, my hurt flowing out of me in waves at the sight of him standing there, the man I love lost beneath the evil that plagued him.

"You have to get it for me, Granger."

"I don't think I will, actually."

"GRANGER!"

 _"Malfoy!"_ I mimicked in a high-pitched voice, scowling at him derisively. "Oh, don't try to intimidate me. It won't work."

One second he was standing in the middle of the tower glowering angrily down at me and the next he was pressing me into the balustrade, his hand at my throat, moving like smoke, giving me no time to react.

"It won't, you say?" he growled, his fingers tightening, crushing my trachea. I kept limp, my heart rate normal, and shook my head the millimeters I could in his firm grasp. I knew my face was turning from red to blue, my lungs were screaming, my throat in so much pain I fought not to whimper. Instead, I forced myself to remain calm, proving to him that I saw through his charade. As black hovered at the edges of my vision he released me and I dropped to the stones like a rag doll, the world temporarily going black, my lungs automatically sucking in much needed air.

"Stupid," he spat shakily. "I could have killed you!"

"You already have."

I leaned back against a pillar and looked up into his confused face, his blonde bangs spilling over his forehead, gleaming in the moonlight.

"Draco, there is nothing you can do to me now that will hurt me any more than you giving up," I croaked, spilling the truth into the frigid night, my eyes closing for a moment against the weight of it. "The fact that I am not enough to keep you fighting leaves me without the will."

"Don't do this," he whispered harshly, his voice suddenly so pain-filled that I opened my eyes to look up at him, his face twisted with emotion. "I'm doing this so you can live, dammit! What is the point in my sacrifice if you give up as well?"

He reached down and grabbed my upper arms, yanking me up, shaking me. "Do not give up, Hermione! Don't, you can't! You-you have to live, I have to know you will go on, it is the only way I can do this!"

"You don't have to do this at all!" I cried, grasping at him. "We'll find another way-"

"What is your answer then?" he yelled hysterically. "What is your wonderful solution? Because if you have one I'll take it, I'll grab it with both hands, but we are out of time, what don't you understand? He is coming here _tonight_ and he will not leave without me! He can find me; you can't hide me anywhere he won't get to me! And then you will lose, don't you see? He will never leave me alone again, I will always be by his side, and soon I won't even know who I am anymore! I'm losing myself, Hermione. Every day."

He shuddered violently and I ached to comfort him as I once had, but we were beyond that now. "Every day he takes a little more. It won't be long before I am his to control. You can't imagine what the world will be like with me by his side. I _will_ be him! That's why he created me, that's why he killed Snape, to make his little puppet out of me!"

"Wait," I said breathlessly. "He killed Snape to make you into his Horcrux?"

"Yes! He said he had to make a personal sacrifice, we both did. So he killed his most trusted advisor and stuck his _soul_ into me," he said sickeningly. "If he gets to me, it's all over. Potter doesn't stand a chance of killing us both. That's why I have to do this. And you make it so fucking hard!"

His lips were on mine, crushing me against him. The kiss was not nice. It was not gentle or loving or kind. It was harsh and needy and cruel, tearing at our hearts and minds, dragging us even deeper into the hell we found ourselves in. My hands clenched his shoulders, his in my hair, pulling me up, plunging headfirst into the unrelenting fire we'd unwittingly created. His palms cupped my face, burying his fingers into the base of my neck. He pulled back just far enough to look into my eyes, his lips a breath above mine, brushing against them when he spoke.

"I can't afford to care, Hermione. I found the solution; I know how to end this. I have to do this."

My hands came to his wrists and I found I could barely speak above my fear. "You can't give up now."

"I'm not giving up," he whispered, a small, sad smile on his lips, the pads of his thumbs grazing over my cheeks where tears had escaped without my notice. "I'm giving in."

My heart was breaking. "Please. For me."

He shook his head, the corner of his mouth quirking. "Don't you see, Hermione? This _is_ for you."

I clutched him tightly, sensing him pulling away. "Don't, don't do this," I begged harshly. "Come with me Draco, I'll protect you, I swear, just come with me!"

Our eyes held for an infinite moment before it broke, his answer shattering the night, echoing the words which had brought us together, words which now tore us apart.

"I can't."

He tugged out of my hold and backed away even as I pled him with my gaze. His face had hardened into a mask once more and with one last glance, he turned and strode to the door. "Get to the vanishing cabinet, get to headquarters."

"Draco don't, I can fix this!" I cried, reaching for him though my feet were rooted to the ground in fear. "Please, I can save you!"

He stalled, his hand on the door, his back rigid. He didn't even turn to me, his voice hard, cold, crashing through me with its intensity. "The Order doesn't need another hero, Granger."

He ripped open the door and flew down the spiral staircase. I ran after him, calling his name, begging him. By the time I reached the bottom of the stairs he was rounding the corner, striding out of sight. I reached my hand back to steady myself on the wall as my legs struggled against the anguish of his words.

He was never mine.

I knew this. I told myself time after time. I had steeled myself for this very moment. But watching the back of his robes whip around the corner and out of sight ripped my soul from my body and I crashed to the floor, my heart shattering into pieces around me.

But I never made a sound. Because you can't lose something that was never yours to begin with.

…

A/N: This is the end of Hermione's story. The excerpts at the beginning of each chapter lead to the sequel which will be posted in a few days. Stay tuned for Draco's tale, "Always Mine."

I thank you all from the bottom of my hearts for your kind words and beautiful reviews. I look forward to finishing their story with you :)

XOXO

RynStar15


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